Ch. 141..145: Fall For My Ex’s Mafia Dad Chapter 141-145

Chapter 141

I wait a long time before going down to Kent's room tonight, not really knowing how to play this. Because what I do know is that I want to know more about what he was saying with Alessi, and what the hell is going on, and who might be planning whatever attack is But what I don't know... is how the hell I'm going to get him to tell me all that.

coming, and why he's not taking it seriously.

As I walk through the cold basement passage, I consider that, well...there's always s*x?

But I scowl, knowing that Kent has a tendency to wipe my own brain clean of any useful thoughts or suspicion way more often than I do his, so if I go that route, I'll probably forget I even had a question...

And I guess there's always...asking him bluntly?

But as I climb the stone steps, I just shake my head, knowing that Kent has already told me to stay out of it. So by the time I give a little knock on the door and press it open, peeking my head through, I've still got no plan.

I guess I'm just...winging this.

Kent smiles at me from his bed where he's reading a book, already in his "pajamas," which just means he's in his underwear.

"Fay," he says, starting to stand up. "I was beginning to think you weren't coming down."

I smile at him, waving for him to sit back down, which he does. "I like to keep an air of mystery about myself," I say breezily, moving to his side of the bed and perching primly on the edge as I brush my hair airily off my shoulder. "Don't want to become predictable, after all."

"I wouldn't mind it," Kent murmurs, his eyes moving slowly over me as he reaches out a hand to brush softly over my hair, "if I was able to predictably count on you being in my bed every night."

"Aren't you though?" I ask, leaning forward and wrinkling my nose at him. "I mean, I've come down every night for weeks, haven't I?"

"Yes," he murmurs, taking my hand and pulling me forward a little bit so that my face is closer to his, so that he can place his palm on my cheek and run his thumb over my lower lip. "But eventually I'll run out of enticements for you, Fay. And you'll get bored, and stay upstairs with Daniel, keeping your secrets." He hisses the last word, his mouth twitching up into a little smile.

I laugh into his face, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to his mouth. "You really hate that we have a secret that you don't know, don't you?"

"Secrets are my business, Fay," Kent sighs, tossing his book aside before reaching out to wrap his arms around me, gathering me closer so that I'm sitting warm in his lap. "You two make a fraud of me if there are secrets in my own house." "Trying to make me feel guilty," I say, shaking my head at him and tapping him on the nose. "Not going to work. If you want to know who Daniel's boyfriend is, you can ask him."

"Why would I do that," Kent murmurs, starting to drop kisses down my neck that he knows I can't resist. I bite my lip, doing my best to deny the warmth that's starting to build in my belly and my core. "When I can just seduce it out of you?" I gasp at this, at the gall of him, smacking lightly at him and laughing until he pulls away, laughing himself.

"Hypocrite!" I gasp, shaking my head at him with a big smile on my face. "It's not like you don't have secrets from us."

"What?" he says, still laughing though his smile faulters a bit. "What secrets do I have from you?"

"Well, for instance," I say, raising my eyebrows at him. "Whatever it is that you were talking about with Alessi today, in your office."

Kent's face drops then, going suddenly cold. "What?"

"In your office," I push, though a new anxiety wipes my own smile from my face. "Something about...a shipment, and a delivery. And the police not knowing?"

Kent draws away from me then, his arms going slack as he stares at me. "Were you...were you listening in on me? On my private conversation, Fay?"

I hesitate, blushing and looking down at the sheets. "The door was...open...a little bit..."

My heart starts to pound as Kent folds his arms over his chest, letting me fall out of his lap to land awkwardly against the sheets. "Seriously, Fay?" he asks. "The door wasn't completely closed, and you took that as an...invitation?" "We were walking by," I murmur, still looking down at the blankets. "We couldn't help but hear..."

"Who?" he asks, his voice sharp now, making me look up at him. "Who was walking by?"

"Me and Daniel," I answer, my own voice mostly a whisper now.

"Is that all?" he snaps, staring hard at me.

"Yes," I say, sitting up straight and starting to get mad at the accusation behind his words. "Kent, I'm not lying to you. I just wanted to know -"

"I already told you, Fay," Kent sighs, starting to stand up from the bed. "You don't need to know - I'll tell you what you need to know -"

"Kent!" I exclaim, getting up on my knees as he stands up from the bed and turns away from me. "Seriously, Kent! You're being unfair!"

He turns to me, anger flashing in his expression, the private Kent I've come to know in this room erased in favor again for the Mafia King. "I never promised to be fair, Fay. To protect you? Yes. To provide a home for you? Yes. To let you into my inner dealings? My work?" He just shakes his head and heads towards his closet, clearly pissed off.

"Kent!" I yell, angry and worried now. I climb off the bed and follow after him.

"Go back to bed, Fay," Kent growls, flicking on the light and heading into the closet, pulling some clothes off of a shelf.

"Kent," I say again, my voice plaintive now, which makes him look at me. I lean against the doorframe, my arms wrapped around my waist, letting him see the fear and worry all over me. "Kent, I lied to you this morning."

He is angry again instantly, opening his mouth to yell at me again, but I interrupt.

"I didn't lose sleep because of Natalia's cooking," I snap. "I lost sleep because I had horrible nightmares about you getting shot - and Daniel laying dead in a pool of his own blood."

Kent clenches his jaw at this and I can see him resisting the urge to come comfort me, to wrap his arms around me. He wants to stay mad - because if he can do that, he doesn't have to tell me anything.

"I can't let you die like this," I whisper, shaking my head, my fear bleeding through my determination. "Please, Kent, I want to help - if you just tell me -"

But it's the wrong thing to say. Kent's face locks down again and he turns away from me to pull on a pair of pants before grabbing for a sweater. "I told you, Fay," he says, his words clipped. "I've got this under control. You don't need to do anything." He glares at me after pulling the sweater over his head, tugging it down over his chest and stomach.

"Seriously?" I ask, as he stalks towards me, deliberately not moving from my place blocking the door. "I'm just supposed to sit around, looking pretty? Waiting for you to call me down to your room so we can f**k?"

"Precisely," Kent hisses down into my face. I blink at him for a moment, not comprehending, and then my jaw drops open as I realize what he just said.

And then I can't do anything but stare at him.

Kent takes a deep breath and looks beyond me into the room. "Move, Fay," he orders.

I don't budge, still staring at him in shock, in humiliation, in...well, in shame, I realize quite suddenly.

Because Kent has just made it very, very clear that I am only his little pet, his mafia mistress. I shake my head at him, knowing that it's deeper than that, but absolutely wounded by what he said.

And, cowed by him, mortified at the insult, I do as he says. I move aside.

Kent strides into the room, grabbing his phone and his wallet off his bedside table. He doesn't look at me again as he strides back to me, and then past me, headed for the door to his office. I watch him go, completely shocked. And then tears start in my eyes as I hear the door to his office slam.

I stand there, alone, for a long time, not wanting to touch my emotions. Not wanting to...to think, at all, about how my relationship maybe just fell apart.

But after a while, I start to get cold.

And I realize how exhausted I am.

And that I can't stand here all night.

I glance towards the door to the passage but realize immediately that that's not a choice, because Daniel's up in my room, asleep in my bed, and I don't...I don't want him to ask me what's wrong.

So I look towards Kent's bed, and consider that...I can't go there either. Because I can't think of anything more humiliating than laying in his bed, waiting for him to come back.

But there's...there's no where else to go.

So, I sigh and cross the room to the big chairs nestled close to the fire, picking my book up from my nightstand as I go. And I curl up in the chair that has its back turned more towards the bed, hoping that Kent won't notice me in it. And then I start to read, trying to block out the world, my feelings, my life.

When I fall asleep a few hours later, Kent still hasn't come back.

 

Chapter 142

I jump awake at the sound of the alarm clock, gritting my teeth and hating that thing. But it's silenced almost immediately and I raise my hand to rub at my eyes, feeling cramped and horrible and terribly sad after my night alone in this stupid chair. But as I start to come awake I notice that there's a blanket laid across me - my favorite thick, velvety red throw blanket that I definitely hadn't spread over myself before I fell asleep.

Realizing what must have happened, I turn to peek around the corner of the chair and see Kent on the

I watch him for a minute, taking in the hunch of his shoulders, the way his head hangs.

And part of me wants to feel victorious about it, but the only thing I actually feel is a great deal of sad

To face him? To let him win? To be the first one to reach out and apologize?

of his bed, one foot on the ground and the other leg bent in front of him as he stares down at the clock in his hands, unmoving.

see him looking so terribly unhappy. But as he starts to move, I pull my face back, not wanting...I don't know.

Because what he said to me last night was incredibly shitty. And I haven't forgiven him for it. And I don't want to be comforting him if he can't even muster up the energy to apologize.

I can be just as stubborn as he can, after all.

So I curl back up in the chair, pressing my eyes shut and pretending I slept through the alarm. Even though that's an impossibility.

I hear Kent place the alarm clock back on his side table, and then I hear his soft footsteps come over my chair, but I do my best to stay perfectly still, pretending to be asleep. If he wants to talk to me, he can damn well wake me up. Kent pauses next to me, and I can hear him inhale a deep breath and then sigh it out.

And then, to my shock, I hear him walk away.

My eyes flash open and I peek around the chair again, watching him disappear into his closet, getting ready for the day. And he doesn't even look my way again as he changes into his suit and then heads through the door to his office. And, as I watch him leave me alone again without a word, my heart sinks. And I really start to worry.

Have I...have I lost him?

Is this seriously the end of this?

I uncurl myself from my horrible little bed, not bothering to neatly fold the blanket the way I know Kent would prefer and instead leaving it in a heap on the chair. Then I head through the secret door and mope through the passage, my eyes on my feet, feeling terrible and lonely and worried.

Worried that I've lost him. Worried that we're all going to die.

I sigh as I come through the wardrobe into my room, glancing at my bed to see that Daniel is still, predictably, asleep. But there could be one bright light on my horizon...

I head directly for my desk, pulling open the top drawer and grabbing my phone, flicking the screen on with my thumb.

And my jaw drops again when I see that....

That Ivan hasn't responded. Not a single word.

And then I sink down into my desk chair, completely overwhelmed, burying my face in my palm and working hard to take deep breaths.

Seriously?

Nothing?

Nothing from Kent? Nothing from Ivan? Nothing from either of them?

Have I seriously lost both of my boyfriends in a forty-eight-hour period?

And, as tears start to stream down my face, I make myself stand up and go into my bathroom where I turn on the water for a very hot shower. Then, after I strip off my clothes, I sit down in the middle of the tiled floor, right above the drain, right where the water can pound against my back as I cry my eyes out.

I'm the first one to crack.

I thought I could be stubborn. I thought I could be cold.

But two whole days pass with Kent ignoring me completely, and as night falls at the end of that second day I'm an absolute mess.

And I guess...well, ignoring me completely isn't quite right. Kent has given me every opportunity to give in, or to apologize, or to tell him that he's right, or to agree to his terms in our relationship. He has created opportunities for me to agree to the idea that he has all the power and I'm not allowed to ask any questions.

At breakfast yesterday and today, Kent came and placed my plate in front of me, as he always does. And then he leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest, and stared at me.

Which pissed me off. A lot. So both mornings, I just pushed the plate of food away and picked up my coffee, ignoring him and having a liquid breakfast before driving myself to the stables and spending all day there alone with Healthcliff. Both days I stayed until it was dark, until Jerome came and got me, shaking his head at me and not asking any questions.

Both evenings, as I climbed the stairs, I saw that the door to Kent's office was open, which it never is at this time, and that the lights were on, which they never are. And I could hear him moving around in there.

It might not be obvious to anyone else in the house, but to me the invitation is clear: I'm here, if you're ready to give in.

But until now, until I've been sitting on my bed staring angrily at the wall for forty-five minutes, I've been able to resist.

"Okay," Daniel says, clapping his hands and making me jump and look at him. "What is wrong with you, Fay?" he asks, shaking his head at me in wonder.

"Your dad's a dick." I answer sharply, turning away from him to stare at the wall again.

"Yeah," he says, frustrated. "No shit, Fay. What did he do?"

"Nothing." I snap, not wanting to bring him into this.

"Seriously?" Daniel asks, coming to sit next to me. "He did nothing?"

"I already told you," I say, turning to look at him, my face expressionless. "He was a dick."

Daniel shakes his head at me slowly. "I believe you, Fay," he says after a minute. "But if you two are playing some kind of game of chicken here? Each waiting for the other one to apologize first?" Slowly, he shakes his head. "You are not going to win."

I glare at Daniel, newly renewed in my determination to literally never speak to Kent ever again if that's what this takes.

Daniel correctly interprets the expression on my face and just laughs at me a little, patting my leg before standing up and heading for the bathroom, probably to take a shower. "I'm serious, Fay," he says as he goes. "If you think you're stubborn? Kent's got 10 times what you've got. You are not going to win."

I turn to look at him, hoping to hell he's not right. Because I...I can't take this much longer.

Especially if we're all going to die this week, according to Ivan. Is this seriously how we're going to spend our final days, when we could be doing something to prevent this? I sigh, exhausted, worried, overwhelmed.

"Apologize, Fay," Daniel says, pausing by the door and shaking his head at me. "Even if you don't mean it. Kent just wants you to crack first. He'll give in."

"How do you know that?" I ask, shaking my head at Daniel. "Has ever done that for you?"

"No," Daniel says with a shrug before passing into the bathroom. "But he's not obsessed with me."

My mouth falls open to ask what the hell he means by that, but the door closes before I can ask anything.

And then, acting more on my desire to stop feeling so incredibly horrible than anything else, I stand up and move immediately to my wardrobe. There, I pull together an outfit that doesn't really make sense. There's a lingerie body suit in here, all sheer except for black satin panels over the breasts which barely come up to cover my nipples.

Because if I'm going to eat crow in front of Kent? I'm damn well going to look good while I do it.

And then I pull a pair of jeans on over the body suit, because I have to walk through the house - and I can't...well, I can't walk through the house in my underwear.

I pull on a pair of black heels without letting myself think too much about the whole look. Then, stopping only for a little bit of eyeliner and to run a brush through my hair, I slip out of my door and hurriedly walk down the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible.

Chapter 143

My eyes go immediately to the door of Kent's office at the bottom of the stairs, which is - as I hoped - still standing wide open, light spilling out of it. When I get to the landing I cross to the door as quietly as I can, peeking inside.

He's there, as I knew he'd be, though he's never in there this late. Kent is giving me every opportunity to do precisely what I'm doing: swallowing my pride. I watch him as he leans over his desk, looking at something on his computer, his face turned a little away from And, still a little angry that he's making me do this, I lean myself against his door frame, my arms crossed over my chest, and I wait.

me.

Kent glances towards the door as he turns his face away from his computer and he freezes a little when he sees me standing there in silence. And then, slowly, he gets to his feet, slipping his hands into his pockets, leveling his gaze at me. And I stare right back, setting my jaw, staring at him.

Because I'm the one who made the first move - I came down here, after all. I swallowed my pride. He can damn well meet me halfway and say the first word.

But he doesn't. Kent just stares at me.

And as he does, I just start to...collapse, inside.

Seriously? I think, my heart breaking a little. Seriously? Me groveling - that's so much more important than everything? Than - than all of this? Than us? Whatever we are?

And I feel my face fall as my eyes go wide and fill with tears. As I stare at him, and my lip starts to tremble, and my knees start to go weak at the realization that... That I might mean absolutely nothing to this man. Absolutely nothing at all...

And then he cracks too.

"Fay," Kent says, his voice breaking as he takes one step towards me, reaching out a hand-

And it's all I need.

I'm moving in an instant, slamming the door shut behind me, crossing the room in a flash and hurling myself in his arms, which wrap tight around me - desperate -

"Fay," he groans, holding me to him like he can't ever let me go, tucking his head down against mine, his fingers gripping tightly against the skin of my back.

"I hate this, Kent," I sob, burying my face against his chest, letting my pride fly away, wrapping my fingers in the cloth of his shirt as if I could tear it to pieces. "I - I don't want this - I can't stand it - you can't hate me, you can't -"

"Fay," Kent says harshly, pulling back from me a little so that he can look down into my face - but I don't let him, not wanting him to see me all red and blotchy. But he says my name again, taking his hand from my back and sliding it under my chin, forcing me to look up at him so that he can see all of me, so that he can see the tears streaming down my face.

So that I can see all of him. So that I can see his heart breaking as he watches me cry.

"Fuck, Fay," he says, his voice catching, "I don't hate you - I couldn't -"

And I gasp a little in relief, pressing my eyes shut as he gathers me to him again. "I'm sorry," I hear him whisper, his arms tightening around me, holding me closer - if that's even possible - "I was just so mad - and so stubborn - and so were you, Fay, and I couldn't... I'm sorry, Fay," he says, rueful, apparently not able to come up with new words.

But I understand. I get it, I really do.

"I'm sorry too," I murmur, sniffing, my voice thick with my crying. "I should I should trust you -"

"No, what I said was unforgivable," he murmurs against my hair.

"Well, yeah," I say, whipping my head up to glare at him a little while I wipe at my face, an act that makes him smile in relief. I think he's more comfortable with me mad than he is with me sobbing. "Seriously, Kent?" I ask, taking his lapels in my hand, "is that what you think of me, what you want from me? To just sit around and look pretty and wait for you to -"

"No, Fay," he says, taking my face in his hands and shaking his head. "That was...horrible. I didn't mean it. That's not what I think and not what I want. I should trust you more too. I'm sorry."

And then I'm nodding, accepting it, understanding that we both regret everything about the past two days, and then I'm on my toes, reaching for him, and he understands, because a moment later his mouth is on mine - hard, and fast, and desperate.

It only takes a second for Kent to lean down before he has an arm under my ass, lifting me up so that I wrap my legs around his waist, and then he takes a step forward to seat me on his desk -

Things move fast from there, everything a blur as Kent kisses me deeper, hungrier than I've felt him in weeks, his mouth never leaving mine but somehow - and I have no idea how managing to pull my pants down from my hips, to unbuckle his belt and push his own pants down -

And I want it - want every moment of it, because this - this is always where Kent and I have come together. No matter what our fight, or our tension, our physical connection has always allowed us to find steady ground.

So it isn't even a question for me when I reach down between us to take Kent's heavy, hard c**k in my hands, to guide it towards my core, to press him closer to me by tightening the leg that's still looped around his hip- Because I want him -

Now.

Hard, and fast, and thick -

Kent groans and shudders as he sinks into me, as he begins to pulse -

But both of us freeze in an instant as we hear the knock at the door.

And then our eyes flash immediately to the knob which, to our horror, begins to turn.

"Fuck," Kent hisses, immediately pulling out of me and yanking me off the desk as my panic sets in, as the door begins to swing open -

Because I didn't fucking lock it, did I? -

And then, to my shock, Kent presses his hands down on my shoulders, hard - forcing me to my knees -

And then he throws himself into his chair, rolling it forward to where I'm sitting -

And then he kicks me - actually kicks me -

But suddenly, as I hear the door creak fully open - I understand.

And I crawl backwards, as fast and as silently as I can, tucking myself into the hollow under Kent's desk as he rolls the chair forward, his knee pressed uncomfortably up against my face.

But I don't protest because I know that tucked under like this - as long as whoever is coming in doesn't coming around to his side of the desk - they can't see me, or the fact that he's sitting in his chair half naked. I've barely tucked myself under the desk when I hear the door stop its creaking.

My heart pounds as I hear footsteps cross the room halfway.

"Ah, Kent," Alessi says, making my breath catch in my throat. "Up late tonight, are we?"

 

Chapter 144

I cover my mouth with my hand, my fingers brushing against Kent's bare knee pressed against my face, desperate to hush the sound of my panting breath.

A string of obscenities flies through my head as I press my eyes shut, praying frantically that Alessi didn't see me - that he doesn't peek around the side of Kent's desk and see him sitting in his desk chair with no pants on. Next to me, Kent's leg begins to shake and tremble. And I know he has precisely the same fear.

"Not so late, Alessi," Kent sighs, and I'm shocked to hear how composed he sounds, especially as I'm almost gasping with fear down here.

"Eh, perhaps I just remember you from our youth in Italy," Alessi says fondly, "always early to bed for Kent. But yes." A pause here, and I imagine him giving a casual shrug, "perhaps things have changed."

"What can I help you with, Alessi?" Kent says, snapping a little. I go even more still now, hoping that he doesn't piss Alessi off. He needs to get him out of here - as fast as he can not to start a fight.

"Just coming to speak with my brother-in-law," Alessi murmurs, his voice a bit more sly than I'm used to. "Natalia is very...eager. To have things settled with you. Have you considered her offer?"

I hear movement and open my eyes, shifting my gaze to the line of light that comes in between the floor and barrier of the desk against which I am currently pressed. I see a shadow darken the line and then the creaking of a chair. I again curse inwardly. Alessi has sat down.

Which means he's staying awhile.

Shit.

Well, at least he didn't move around the desk...yet.

My eyes dart towards Kent when he speaks again, but I close my eyelids them rather than staring at the long length of his leg that presses against me. "No, Alessi," Kent sighs. "I've already told her - marriage is not something I'm thinking about anytime in the near future. It's just not on the table for me."

"But Natalia -"

"Is a wonderful woman," Kent interrupts smoothly before pausing and, I assume, giving Alessi a dark glare. "But even if she was the most wonderful woman, it's simply...not in the cards."

He sighs. "It would make my father very happy," he says slowly, "to renew the ties between our families."

"Is Daniel not enough of a tie?" Kent asks, his voice sharp.

"Daniel is a wonderful boy, we love him very much," Alessi says smoothly. "But he is...not as involved in the business as we would like. And if he continues to be unattached to the Lippert business, then it would be better for us to...renew the ties in another way." There's a long pause. "I'm not going to marry her," Kent says, his voice quiet and blunt. "So, if we need to make a tie, then we have to do it another way."

"Well," Alessi says on a deep intake of breath. "I understand. But perhaps...we need to make some changes, then."

"Is it not enough?" Kent asks, and I can tell that he's starting to lose his temper now. "Everything else that we've done? The money flows into Italy - I know how much we've brought in for you -"

"It is not about the money," Alessi snaps. "It is about the trust."

"I have never done anything to defy your trust," Kent growls.

"You kept the Alden girl," Alessi points out. "When we told you to let her go."

Kent just sighs now and I feel him shift in his seat, leaning back in exasperation. "It's the right call," he says, his voice clipped. "You should trust me on that."

"Well, time will tell," Alessi says conversationally, and my eyes widen when I see the shadows at the edge of the desk shift and hear the creak of his chair. He's getting up. I hear the sound of his footsteps moving away and start to exhale a deep breath. "Ah, Kent," Alessi says, apparently turning back. "The shipment that you arranged. Of the goods. It will be delivered? Shortly?"

"Yes," Kent says, his whole body going tense suddenly. "The shipment is arranged. I got word tonight that it should arrive in Sicily in two days' time."

"Ah!" Alessi says, laughing a little, apparently pleased. "This is wonderful, Kent. We will be...very pleased, to be able to bring this new business to Italy. It will be quite lucrative, for us to be able to get a foot in this different game."

"Yes," Kent snaps, clearly eager for him to go.

"Although, messy, yes?" Alessi continues, and I curse again mentally when I hear his footsteps turn back towards us. "We will have to have some discussions about the fallout, and how you Americans handle this trade. In fact, it might be better if you were to send some men home with us so that they can teach us some methods for distribution and...well, clean up. From the inevitable cost to human life."

My eyes go wide as I listen to his words. What? What the hell were they getting into?

"You'll have them," Kent says quickly, apparently willing to promise anything to get Alessi out of here. "I'll arrange it tonight and dedicate the men this morning. All right?"

"Of course, of course!" Alessi says, and I hear his footsteps move leisurely towards the door. "You will let me know, eh?"

Kent doesn't say anything, but I presume he nods, because Alessi says his goodnights and then, apparently, passes through the door. When I hear the door creak closed and then click shut, I let out a huge sigh of relief, echoed by Kent's own.

He pushes back in his chair, making a little more space for me, but to my surprise he doesn't get up.

"You can come out now, Fay," Kent murmurs, and I crawl out from beneath the desk, looking up at him from the floor on my hands and knees.

"Are you all right?" I ask, a little breathless. "Did he did he know?"

"I don't know," Kent replies, sighing. "I don't think he did - but - then why did he speak in English the whole time...?"

I awkwardly stand up, not knowing what to say, my mind whirring over everything that I heard. "Kent..." I say quietly as I lean down and grab my pants off the floor, leaning back against the desk as I start to pull them back on. The mood's dead, anyway - I might as well be warm. "What was Alessi saying? About a deal?"

Kent sighs again, harder this time, and pushes himself to his feet, pulling up his own pants and hastily buckling his belt. "Don't worry about it, Fay."

"What?" I ask, a little shocked. Honestly - after everything we just said to each other about trusting each other - and how he doesn't want me to just sit back and look pretty -

"Seriously, Kent?" I ask, standing up straight and fastening the button at the top of my jeans. "You're just...not going to tell me?"

"You don't need to know, Fay," he growls, turning to glare at me.

"It sounded serious!"

"It is serious!" he counters, taking a step closer, trying to intimidate me into shutting up.

I clench my jaw, glaring up at him, slowly shaking my head back and forth. "What's going on, Kent?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest. "Methods of distribution? The inevitable cost to human life? What the hell are you getting into?" Kent stands close to me now, glowering fiercely down into my eyes. But I don't budge.

"Is it heroin, Kent?" I ask quietly. "Are you trying to get in on Ivan's game? Take it from him?"

"Seriously?" Kent hisses. "This is about Ivan now? You're worried I'm going to take his livelihood from him?"

"No, Kent!" I almost shout, and he grabs my arm, glancing towards the door and hissing at me to lower my voice. I do lower it, but I keep going. "No, this is about you being involved in a business that kills people!"

Kent snaps his gaze back to me then and drops my arm, laughing a little as he takes a step back, giving me a nasty little smirk. "Fay...how, precisely, do you think I afforded all of this? The clothes you wear, the horse you ride? Your sister's beach house? What do you think I do?"

 

Chapter 145

My mouth drops a little at the blunt way that Kent basically admits that...that he kills people. Maybe every day. For money.

I think back, suddenly, to the day after I met Kent - when I sat on my couch with my little laptop perched on my knees, googling him, seeing all of the legitimate businesses he had started and invested in... And as I stare at him I realize that...

I mean, I know that Kent is the Mafia King, I know that that's his reputation. But honestly...I've never really seen any of it except that one time I saw him punch a man in the basement. But I have no idea what that was about - and I have no idea what he really does all day.

And I think...well, I think I didn't ask a lot of questions because I don't want to know. But also, when I imagined the work Kent was doing, it was more...legitimate work than the shooting and stabbing and murder that you see in Mafia movies. And maybe...maybe that's all he wanted me to see.

I stare at him, starting to piece it together - that Kent, even though he told me his days of back-alley brawls are done, is still very much in that world. That even if he is himself not getting his hands dirty...that doesn't mean he's not paying others to do it for him. Kent watches me as I go a little pale. As I step away from him.

"Seriously?" I whisper. "Is that is that really what you do?"

"I never hid it, Fay," Kent says evenly, his entire face stern and cold. "I never asked you to think I was a good man."

And I stare back at him, wondering if...wondering if that's something I can handle. Something I'm okay with.

But I definitely need more details before I can make that decision.

"Tell me, Kent," I say, my voice starting to waver a little as I raise my chin and make my demand. "I need to know. I need to know everything."

"You don't need to know anything -" he scoffs, crossing his arms in frustration.

"I do!" I snap, looking at him hard. "I need to know, Kent, whether I can do this. I need to know who I'm -" I hesitate now, because - well, because I'm not in a relationship with him, am I? "Who I'm sleeping with," I finish, working hard to hold his eye.

"Fay," Kent says, taking a few steps closer to me. "You don't need to know the details - nothing has changed. You'll be safer if you don't -"

"Why don't you trust me?" I break in, shaking my head at him, suddenly realizing that we're back where we started - that everything that passed between us before Alessi came into the room - it was all bullshit.

Just Kent telling me what I wanted to hear so he could...so he could get into my pants. And he did, immediately.

I look down, suddenly ashamed. There is no trust - not really - between us. And I fall for it every time.

"It's not about trust, Fay," Kent sighs, closing the distance between us so that he stands very close, so that I can hear his words even though they're barely a whisper. "It's about...what you need to know. These details - they are better kept between a very small group of people -"

"And I can't be part of that group?" I ask bitterly, anger starting to burn in my chest.

"You don't need to be part of that group," Kent insists.

But I just look up and shake my head at him, unable to accept it. "This is it, Kent," I say quietly, determined. "Either you tell me or..." I breathe out sharply, realizing that I need the ultimatum as it falls from my mouth. "Or I...I have to make changes."

Kent just glares at me, not liking being backed into a corner, but also I don't think really understanding what I mean.

"I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me," I say as simply as I can, keeping my expression as cold as his. "Either you tell me what you're getting up to with Alessi, or...I have to go."

Kent stares at me quietly for a second and then starts to slowly shake his head. "You know, Fay," he growls, anger clearly coiling in him as well. "That's precisely what a spy would say. A really sloppy, naive spy."

It takes a moment for his words to hit me, for me to understand what the hell he just said. And then my eyes narrow in rage, and disappointment, and the desire to honestly rip him to shreds. "If I was a spy Kent," I hiss, letting that rage burn coldly within me, "Trust me. You'd never see it coming."

And then I spin away from him, striding towards the door. When my fingers brush the handle Kent barks out my name and I turn to glare at him.

"You can't go out that way," he snaps, his arms still crossed over his chest. "You'll be seen."

And a really, really big part of me wants to tell him to fuck off and to throw open the door, striding out into the hallway for everyone to see - for Alessi to see that Kent was keeping me in there, hidden, the whole time.

But the other part of me the part that's still in this, that wants Kent to trust me...

I drop the knob and, still glaring at him with what pride I have left, stride for the door to his bedroom. But I don't look at him as I pull the book and pass through, walking quickly through the bedroom and towards the passage.

And then I go through that too, my rage and anger and sadness building in me with every step because...

F**k.

I think...I think Kent and I just broke up.

Even though we were never really together - not officially, not in any real way outside of his own bedroom -

But I gave Kent the ultimatum. I told him to tell me the truth, to trust me, or I was gone.

And he made his choice.

And I realize the finality of that as I walk through the cold underground passage at the bottom of the house, grief sweeping through me, replacing my rage. By the time I pull myself up the winding staircase to my room, and push through the door in the back of my wardrobe, tears are streaking down my face.

"Fay!" Daniel gasps and I jump a little as I step into my room and see him sitting on my bed. I hadn't realized that he was here - that he was going to see me like this. "Are you - what's wrong? What happened?"

"Nothing," I murmur, hiccoughing a little. But I immediately prove this a lie as I start to cry harder. Daniel sighs and comes to wrap his arms around me.

"What did he do?" Daniel asks quietly, angry now. "What did he say to you?"

"Nothing," I insist, pushing away from him a little, not wanting to talk about it.

"Seriously, Fay what - "

"Daniel," I sigh, looking up at him with an honest plea on my face. "I just - I don't know. I haven't even processed - I think he broke up with me? But I need..." Daniel gasps and glares at the door, but I sigh, realizing that...that is not the energy I need. Slowly, I raise a hand to Daniel's cheek and turn his face back to me. "Can I Daniel, do you think I can be alone tonight?" I ask softly. "I just want to cry in my bed. Alone. Okay?"

"Are you sure?" he asks softly, his voice all sympathy and concern. "I can come back - bring snacks, wine, we can trash Kent all night -"

I laugh a little despite myself but shake my head. "Honestly, Daniel," I sigh. "I just...want to be alone. I want to go to sleep."

"Okay," Daniel says softly, and as I turn into the bathroom to take a long hot shower, I hear him move to the door.

"I love you, Fay," he calls to me gently. I turn to smile a little at my best friend.

"I know," I reply. "I love you too."

And he quirks one side of his mouth at me before passing through my bedroom door and leaving me alone.

As soon as he goes, the grief hits me like a wall. And I turn the water in the shower to scalding hot, and strip down, and climb in, and sit on the wet tiled floor with my head in my hands. Wondering what the hell I'm going to do next.