Ch. 301..310

Chapter 301

Apparently unaware of Sasha's thumping heart and shaking hands, the technician shook her head slowly and tapped something on the paper, as if the question were merely academic.

"No, no," she said quickly. "The markers all interact with and determine the functioning of the adrenal system. It's as if she's developed an increased… sensitivity to the Chimera. I don't know how better to put it. In the Chimera, these genes, in conjunction with others, are part of their heightened senses and awareness of the world. But Sasha's senses remain human. It's as if her body has changed to… accommodate something to do with the Chimera. We haven't had enough time to observe or test to know more than that. But no, this doesn't change who or what she is. Sasha remains human. But there's a very narrow scope within which her body has changed."

"To what purpose?"

The technician grimaced. "If we assume it's to do with the matebond, I would hypothesize that she's gained a… a sixth sense for her mate. That some kind of physical connection has occurred within them, something that they both carry. But without testing Zev to see if his marker changes reflect hers, I can't be sure."

"Let's make that happen as soon as possible," Nathan said, his voice low and firm as he made a note on a pad in front of him.

"You will do no such thing," Sasha seethed, leaning forward over the conference table, towards Nathan. "You will not touch him. You will not bring him out of Thana. He's dealt with enough of your shit to last more than a lifetime! You leave him alone!"

Nathan stared at her for a moment, then leaned forward to mirror her. "You have no power here, Sasha. Shut your mouth and listen. You might learn something."

"All I'm learning is how fucked in the head you all are!" Sasha spat. "I saw your precious 'sanctuary' this morning. You're killing your own experiments and you don't even know it. If it wouldn't destroy them, I'd wish for it to happen so you could all learn your lesson."

Nathan didn't look up from his notepad where he was making notes again, but his jaw was tight and Horace watched him warily.

"What if, rather than the matebond, your presupposition was pregnancy? Could that cause the kind of shift you're describing?"

"It seems unlikely—or at least, extremely odd. But since we haven't successfully mated a human woman with a Chimera before, we can't really know."

"What are you saying?" Sasha breathed, but they all ignored her.

"Explain," Nathan said to the technician. "Why would you dismiss pregnancy as the cause?"

"Because if the changes were occurring because her body was connected to a different DNA source, it would show up in other places first—and likely, not this significantly at this stage. She'd be far too early in the process to have a shift this dramatic—at least, we assume so. Plus, as I say, we know which systems are affected and how, there's others we'd expect to see changing before this, if it was a blood-sharing issue, or even hormonal."

"What are you saying?" Sasha said, louder this time. "Are you saying I am pregnant, or I'm not?"

The technician looked at her oddly, as if she were something under a microscope, to be examined. "We don't know," she said after a minute.

"I… how can you not know?" Sasha's voice was too high, too frail.

"The changes that we can mark in your bloodstream, hormones, and DNA don't appear to be those attached to pregnancy. But because we haven't had this kind of pregnancy before, we can't be sure."

Nathan's lips twisted. "Unacceptable."

The technician seemed to shrink in her chair. "She isn't showing the correct markers by Chimeran blood tests. And the natural human hormones and physical shifts aren't present in her system. But Chimeran pregnancies are different and we can't know how they'll affect the human body. We'll do full work ups every day until either her period begins, or we can find something more concrete."

"I… you'll… no, you won't. I'm going back to Thana!" Sasha snapped.

Nathan flipped a page on his notes, frowning. "I told you that you could return if and when we were certain you weren't pregnant, Sasha. Until we know one way or another, you won't be released. Because until we know, we don't know what our short term goals are."

"Your goals? I'm not a fucking soccer game, Nathan."

"No, you're potentially carrying—or going to carry—the most exciting development in human technology and medicine since the dawn of time. So you'll forgive me if we're rather committed to ensuring both your safety, and the appropriate treatment plan before we make any rash decisions."

"I can't stay here. If I stay here Zev will—" She snapped her mouth shut and cursed under her breath.

"Zev will what, Sasha?" Nathan asked with exaggerated patience.

"I don't know. But it won't be good. If he thinks you're hurting me—"

"He'll either show up—and he's welcome here—or he'll send others after you, correct?" Nathan said, his brows up as if he was genuinely surprised they were having the conversation. "The only person in this room that's not interested in getting more of the Chimerans from Thana into the Sanctuary is you, Sasha. So I'm afraid your protests are really only feeding my fire."

Then he smiled.

Sasha wanted to claw his face. She wanted to spit on him. To shoot him in the head—dear Lord, she'd never been a violent person. Was this because she'd been spending time with the Chimera who were so physical about everything? Or was this just… her?

Was she changing?

Was it possible she was pregnant?

Sasha swallowed. What if they'd been telling the truth? What if they'd somehow messed with her hormones before she went to Thana so that she would be fertile? But how would they have even known the timing to use? And wouldn't she have noticed?

Then for the first time, it occurred to her…

What if they hadn't messed with her hormones before to get her pregnant, but they had been doing something now? What if they were somehow stopping her cycle from starting so they'd have an excuse to keep her here—and draw Zev out?

How could she have been so stupid?

 

Chapter 302

The more Sasha thought about it, the more sense it made.

How could she have been so completely and utterly ignorant? So na?ve? So blind?

She wanted to drop her head into her hands and weep. But instead, she sat there, stiffly, waiting, while the technician walked Nathan, Horace, and Nick through a variety of stats and number that she was using to validate everything she'd just told them.

The words just circled in Sasha's head, because her heart was sinking…

It was why Nathan had been so quick to dangle the chance to return to Thana in front of her. It was why Nick was shuttling her around and showing her so much—because they didn't think she'd ever leave.

All these conversations, all these promises, they were just ploys to keep her distracted and focused on something that wasn't actually going to happen, but would keep her compliant until she couldn't deny it anymore.

They weren't going to let her go. They were trying to tempt Zev back, and using her as bait.

Holy shit. How was she going to warn him?

But more importantly, how was she going to get back to him?

As the meeting dragged on and Sasha continued to be discussed the way a piece of equipment, or curious substance would be dissected, speculated about, and analyzed, her heart pounded harder and harder in fear and anger.

They couldn't do this to her. She couldn't let them do this to her.

But what choice did she have?

*****

Sasha didn't know how long they were there before the technician was finally excused and Horace and Nathan turned to face her and Nick.

"Your stay will be lengthened—unless your period begins," Nathan said, his voice completely untouched by emotion. "If that occurs, tell us immediately. We can have the necessary confirmations, and then begin the process for establishing your medical care and returning you to Thana."

Sasha snorted.

Nathan looked up from his notebook where he'd been adding to his notes. His hand stopped moving. "You find that amusing?"

"I don't believe you," she said. "I don't believe that you mean what you say. I believe you're trying to manipulate me so that I won't cause problems for you, but the truth is, unless you hear me and we work this out, you're going to have problems, whether you want them or not. Zev's not coming for me. And if you keep me away from him, you'll lose both of us."

Nick shifted in his seat, but didn't move to stop her. Not that she would have stopped anyway.

"Is that right?" Nathan said dryly.

"Yes, it is. And you can wipe that smug impatience off your face. I told you, I'm not your experiment, and no matter how long you've been studying these people, it's clear that you haven't come to truly understand them. I saw your "sanctuary" today. You really think that's going to keep the females healthy and fertile? And you call me ignorant?!"

"Yes, I did, Sasha, but it's clear that you're going to try to disabuse me of that idea, so please, you have our full attention. Tell me, why should I ignore every indication that we know what we're doing, and listen to you instead?"

Sasha let her disgust for this man show on her face, though it clearly had no effect on him. He just stared at her, waiting.

Sasha threw up a silent prayer for help and some kind of insight, then started talking, ignoring Nick to her left, but letting her eyes fall both on Nathan and Horace.

"You're in a position where everything you've been building towards could come to fruition, or it could all fall over, right? And I get it, those females out there are just pawns in the game. As long as they're functioning, they can suit your purpose. But you've been trying to breed from them and you can't, and I think you know why, but you don't want to admit it because it means giving up some control.

"But seriously, what good is control if it's not getting you what you want? You're doing that with me and Zev too, and you can't even see it. You're so busy trying to make us do what you want that we won't be able to achieve what you're going for. It's ridiculous—you're literally shooting your own goals down, but you're too stubborn to see it."

"But you can, I suppose?" Nathan drawled.

"Yes, I can," she snapped, flattening her hand on the table. "You're trying to force things that require more than physical intimacy. Don't you get it? The Chimera bond—that's happening at a level that you can't control, whether you try to or not. And those bonds make physical things happen. So you have a choice: Put me and the other females back in Thana, or continue to stumble along here until you're suddenly another decade down the line, still having to use only the Chimera you make, because you're too damn stubborn to do what's needed for the ones that could give you what you want."

"And those are?"

"Me and Zev… but what we need is safety. We need peace. We need… we need to be allowed to live our loves, and love and… and be a part of something bigger. That's what they all need—all those females. They were breeding before, correct? But nothing since you brought them here? That's not an accident."

"We've been very selective—"

"Then clearly your process for selection is top notch," she said sarcastically. "But that's not even really my point. You tried your thing, you learned from it. I get that. But now we're on the other side of that learning and you still aren't looking for the real answers. You're still just looking for control."

Sasha glanced at Nick, who didn't respond, but she saw fire in his eyes. The question was, was he excited to see her succeed? Or was he enjoying what he expected to be her inevitable failure? Only one way to find out.

 

Chapter 303

Sasha took a moment to meet eyes with every man in the room, then she threw her hail mary.

"You need me," she said to Nathan quietly. "You need me, and you need Zev. You need us healthy and productive. You need us not only physically close, but emotionally—you need that bond to do its work. You've already seen in the past three years that no amount of interference or planning is going to have the same affect as the Chimeran bond.

"I'm not pregnant," she said firmly. "But I'm under extreme stress, shock, and fear. I'm angry, and my whole body is running on adrenaline. As long as that's the case, it's going to mess up my cycle—and even if you gave me medications to force all that, you can't force me to get pregnant. I can't force my body to do that, either. That's only one part of this that you have no control over.

"But there's so much you can control. You can control what kind of environment we're in, and who's in it with us. You can control whether we feel afraid or safe. You can control who we get to be around, and where.

"I'm not na?ve, Nathan. I know you can imprison me—you already essentially have, let's not pretend otherwise. But if you think keeping me here and baiting Zev back here is going to end in little Chimeran babies for you, you are the na?ve one.

"Chimeran offspring are born out of the bond. Out of love and desire. And you're killing that. All of it. For all of us. But the worst part is, you held me and Zev apart for so long, it's been hard for us to find our balance. And then, when we finally did, you yanked me back out again before we'd barely stepped foot back into any kind of life.

"Your goal is longer, healthier life, right? You don't get that from unhealthy, fearful people. If you want Chimeran offspring, you need Chimeran joy—you need time and space to form bonds, and time and space to explore them. And when it comes to Zev and me… you need both of us in that place of safety. Because your technicians can look at every little number and blood level they want, they're never going to identify the true source of what they're finding, because you're all so blinded by your own fucking knowledge, you haven't seen the truth."

"And what truth is that?" Nathan seethed.

"The truth that Zev and I have something that goes so much deeper than you can even effect… it's changed my body, apparently. Because I have a soul, and so does he!" she insisted, far to vehemently, but she was so desperate for Zev to realize this… they'd stolen this from him too! Rage burned in her chest so she had to put her head down for a second and fight for control.

"You've done it," she said finally. "You've made me as desperate as those poor women out there. So here's the truth Nathan. You can accept it and we can move forward. Or you can deny it, and we can stay stuck in this stupid place until Zev and I die, and you're left starting from scratch: The truth that you can't see is that Zev and I are your last shot. He's here for reasons you can't explain, and we bonded for reasons you can't control. That bond has… linked us. That's what your technicians are seeing. They're literally measuring the fact that my body and Zev's are now linked because our souls have linked. So if you remove one of us, the other goes too. Not in a few months, or years. But right away. Get your books out, ask your sources. It's called a soulbond for a reason, and it's real. We've got it, and that's what you're tests are showing you. I'm not talking out of my ass. But we are walking on unchartered ground, because once again, you all had to get involved in something beautiful and turn it into a shitshow.

"When you brought me over here without Zev, you tore something from us. Something I pray hasn't been stolen forever. But regardless, what I know is, I'll never give you a child here. I'll never give you a child if you put me and Zev in a breeding arena. And it's unlikely either of us are ever going to be able to deliver while everyone around us is miserable and afraid.

"Wake up, both of you. All of you! Everyone in this place needs a fucking wake up call: If you remove people's dignity and relationships, you remove their purpose. The moment you take away everything that makes life worthwhile, you remove the reason they have to keep living.

"So your choices are this: Take me and the females back to Thana. Let all of us return to life there—in a place where you can guard the gateway and make sure no one's getting away. Let us go back to having families and homes and a real, full society, and let us build that. Or keep doing what you're doing and you'll lose all of us. Every one. And once Zev's gone, you're starting over. Not just looking for him, but with everyone. They'll follow him into the grave."

She leaned forward intently, willing the men to hear the truth in what she was saying. "Zev's their last hope, do you get that? They know he's special, and they know he understands things they don't. They've been waiting for him. Looking for him. Wanting him to come back and lead so they can feel safe again.

"If you try to turn me into Xar, you'll lose all of them. They'll fight you, or if you pen them up, they'll die. Then all of this has been for nothing. Absolutely nothing. Is that what you want?"

She sat back and took a deep breath. It was cruel, but she turned to meet Horace's uneasy gaze. "How much time do you have, Horace? How much age can they reverse? How much does it cost to do it? Because if you kill me, you kill Zev. If you kill Zev, you kill me. And if you kill both of us, you're burning down the Chimera around your ears. If you don't want that, if you want all of this to actually achieve something then you have to let me go back.. And you have to let me take the females with me."

 

Chapter 304

Sasha sat there, staring at them, waiting. It was an act of will not to squirm in her seat. She prayed Nick had been telling the truth about their abilities to measure truth in a person, that whatever gave them that insight was telling them that her words rang true. And that it would be enough to get them to rethink how they were doing this.

"I want to make sure I understand," Nathan said carefully. "You're saying that you and Zev have developed a bond that links you physically—so that if one of you dies, the other does also?"

Sasha nodded.

Nathan's lips thinned. "Nick, is this possible?"

"I don't know," Nick said, "but she's saying what she believes is true. We came right here, but I can get some checks made with the ancients."

Sasha cut Nick a look. He'd said Yhet was the only ancient left, hadn't he?

"Do that," Nathan said to him, then turned back to Sasah. "And you want us to believe that we should just… free everybody. So Thana can be some kind of Chimeran utopia? As if, the moment they begin to bring offspring into the world they'll just… release them to us?"

"I'm not saying anything of that sort. I'm saying if you want any chance of any kind of success, you have to find a way to work with the Chimera, not against them. Not against their natural needs and desires. And not by keeping them isolated from each other!"

"And you believe that somehow this is going to benefit us?" Nathan said, his lips twitching as if he might laugh.

Sasha wanted to growl at him. "The last thing I want to do is benefit you," she snarled. "But yes. If you want any chance of seeing the population grow, of seeing healthy matebonds that will result in offspring, your only choice is to change how you're doing this.

"I'm offering you a deal that turns my stomach, but it's better than what I see you pushing towards. Right now you're going to kill the Chimera. All of them. And I have a hunch that your little health experiments are already taking a hint—the females in the sanctuary tell me that they're dying. They can feel it. They're losing hope. They think they won't make it through another winter. Do you want to risk keeping them here, this way, to find out?

"The males are fighting among themselves and turning on each other because they're all so desperate for mates and families that when I walked in, even Xar threw tradition out the window.

"I get that the Chimera aren't human, but they have humanity. And when you remove their hearts, they will die.

"I'm in a position to help you. I'm a position to convince them that they need you. That it's worth working with you, finding a balance, so that we can all get what we need. I mean, if you send those females back in and only a third of them make bonds, how many babies is that? How many families you can study? How many potential recruits for your… program? How many more than you have now? Can't you see? You're failing right now—not just failing the Chimera, you're failing in what you want. I'm telling you how you can get it!"

"So, you're going to give your baby to us if we do this?" Nathan said bluntly.

"No fucking way."

They stared at each other and Nathan shook his head. "Why wouldn't you just lie?"

"Because, you need to know what's actually true, and what's not. If I become a mother—and I hope and pray that I do—I will fight you tooth and nail to stop you from taking my baby from me. I have no doubt that every Chimeran Pair will. But from your perspective, you won't even get the chance to fight for those offspring if something doesn't change. Because they won't exist. Those women are dying—they can feel it at this point. I can feel it just looking at them. And I can feel how that will happen to me, and it scares the shit out of me."

Nathan's eyes narrowed. "What is it you want me to believe you're getting out of this?"

"I'm getting my life with the other half of me. Zev owns me, don't you get that? And I own him. This burden of leadership, it becomes part of you. You don't get it, there's something spiritual about these people. Their needs, what they ask of you, it gets inside you. It's why I could never shake my need for Zev, even when he abandoned me. And why you could always use me against him.

"So if you really think you're the stronger people here, the smarter team, if you really do bank on yourself, what does it matter if we'll fight when the time comes? Between now and then we can give you what you want."

"And when we have need for the Chimera as our test subjects again?"

"We cross that bridge when we get to it," Sasha said. "All I know is, I can't be one with my mate here, and we can't be one if we're being forced to be together by you and your shifty eyes. If I can't find some kind of sense of safety. If I can't have people around me who can help and love and… Shit. This is like trying to explain emotion to a robot," she muttered.

"You might be surprised," Horace said quietly. Nathan shot the older man a look, but didn't say anything.

Sasha watched them both, but neither of them spoke again.

Nathan was rubbing his chin, while Horace looked at him. Sasha sensed the older man was being persuaded. But Nathan…

Nathan tipped his head and closed his notebook. Then he pushed his chair back and got up.

Everyone waited for him to speak, but he didn't, just walked around the conference table towards the door. It was Sasha who turned her chair and called before he got through the door. "You're just ignoring all of that? You won't even address it?"

"I'm not making this decision here and now," Nathan said. "We'll speak later."

Then he walked out and the door clicked closed behind him.

Sasha deflated like a pricked balloon.

 

Chapter 305

The next morning Zev woke feeling stronger. Much stronger. When he opened his eyes, his first thought was that his body was without pain. He moved his arms and rolled his shoulders, and the ache was there. But it was fading. There were no sharp jabs in his side, no lines of pain up his spine, no tension headache.

Zev took a deep breath, grunting against the increasing ache, but pleased when it didn't turn sharp.

He was getting better.

He threw the furs back and rolled out of bed almost normally.

"Don't get too cocky," Skhal said from his position against the wall. His voice was rough with lack of sleep, and his eyes looked bruised underneath.

Zev shook his head. "Go rest, brother. And leave me tonight. I won't hurt myself. I will sleep—but I will sleep healthy. I'll wake if there's a threat. There's no need for you—"

"You get in a fight with a bear and you go right back to the healer's center," Skhal said gruffly. "I'll be here tonight. Just in case."

Zev held the older wolf's gaze for a long moment, but Skhal just met it evenly, waiting for Zev to submit. Which Zev did, in the end. He was touched by his brother's attendance—and annoyed by his stubbornness. But he supposed as the Alpha in Sasha's absence, it was right that his support keep watch.

He would have done the same if the roles were reversed.

"Thank you," he murmured, then dressed quickly and headed out of the cave, back to the healer's center as he'd promised he would.

The moment he was out of Skhal's sight, thoughts of Sasha descended and his heart squeezed with dread.

Was she okay? Was she afraid? Was she hurt? Would she—

He turned away from the thoughts and the torment they'd create for the rest of the day if he allowed them. He'd promised her he wouldn't come until he got better, so he would get better. He would do exactly as the healer's instructed, and he would eat well, and sleep well.

He was going for her. Soon.

He'd promised the healers he wouldn't shift, so the twenty-minute walk back to the village grated. But he pushed himself as fast as he thought was healthy, still fleeing the thoughts of Sasha.

He'd slept a little later, so he didn't go straight to the trough, but trotted across the clearing to the medical building. Inside, two healers sat in chairs next to the fire, chatting. They both turned when he entered.

The older of the two, a wolf, smiled when he saw Zev so upright and obviously feeling better.

"Very good morning to you, Zev-dan," he said, the bristles on his cheeks and jaw peppered with gray. "You're healing."

"Definitely," he Zev said and walked to the fire.

The younger male, an owl, but a large one, vacated his seat so that Zev could take it, but Zev waved him off. "It actually feels good to be on my feet. You sit. Please."

They chatted for a few minutes, Zev almost bouncing on his toes. He didn't feel tired after the walk from the cave. This was good progress.

"I'll head to breakfast," he said a few minutes later. "But I'm hoping that you might clear me to shift today? Sleeping in the cave is definitely better, but I'd like to be able to make it there in better time. And at some point I'm going to need to go to the City—"

"Calm down, Zev," the older man chuckled. "I'm glad you're feeling better. And we'll assess you this afternoon. But for now, please stay on rest. If you push yourself too hard, you'll send your body backwards. That infection was serious and lowered your body's natural strength. You'll need to allow it to rebuild."

Zev nodded, but his jaw was clenched.

"Go get your breakfast, see your people. Come back here and rest—if you have any meetings, they can happen here."

Zev's skin itched at the idea of just sitting for another day, but he nodded and muttered that he'd be back after the meal, then stalked out of the building, forcing himself not to slam the door on his way out.

He did need to heal, he reminded himself as he walked briskly towards the trough, his breath making wisps of haze in the cold morning air. It wasn't their fault that they were giving him good advice. He just needed to take it so he could go get his mate back.

Just a few more days…

His chest ached with missing Sasha, and for a moment he allowed himself to go back in his mind to those days in Yhet's cave. To her pink cheeks and flushed skin. To her sparkling smile, and the sound of his name on her lips.

But when a vision crowded in of her laying on a narrow bed like he'd seen in the apartments at headquarters, her body broken and bruised, skin pale where it wasn't marred, a tiny whine broke in his throat and he pushed the thoughts away.

I'm coming, Sasha, he sent into the void where she had once been, his chest aching with the pain of losing her, rather than his ribs. I'm coming as fast as I can.

*****

That afternoon he was back in the medical building, seated on the side of the bed where they'd cared for him, staring at the two healers, waiting for the verdict.

The younger, the Owl, frowned. "I think he can shift safely, but I'm worried if you let him, he'll do more than he should."

The older, the wolf nodded, staring at Zev, but his mind obviously elsewhere. "It's a hazard of Alphas," he said dryly.

"I want to get better," Zev assured them. "I promised Sasha. Tell me. I'll do it."

The wolf rubbed his bristled cheeks, grimacing. "I'm going to say you can shift. And being on your feet is okay, as well. If you want to walk around tomorrow, go ahead. But for the Creator's sake, Zev, take it easy. No fighting. No running. Take rests. Nap. Give your body time to renew itself. Don't push. If you feel even the slightest pain, sit down for an hour. If you do this, you'll find yourself returning to full strength much faster."

Zev nodded excitedly. "I will," he said, breathless, waiting for the caution that would stay his hand, but it didn't come.. "I will."

 

Chapter 306

At dinner that night, Skhal was there, waiting for him, watching.

Zev grinned. "I've been cleared. You don't need to guard me."

Skhal's brows popped up. "Cleared for fighting?"

"Well, no, but you know it's not going to—"

"I told you, Zev, I'm there to protect you, just in case. A couple more days, that's all. I can handle it, so can you."

Zev rolled his eyes, but didn't let his frustration show until he turned his head away to look into the trees. While his friends chatted and plotted, discussing who would be called to make the trip to the human world, and who would stay behind to guard, Zev's chest tightened.

They were protective of Sasha, and ready to retrieve her, but their excitement for the mission—born of their desire to take something back from the humans who'd stolen so much—was tempered by their ignorance of the world. He'd been warning them that it wasn't a place they could hide as easily as here. Too many open spaces. Too many technologies. But they couldn't imagine it because they'd never seen it.

When they caught sight and smell of a highway they were going to shit themselves. And there was no way he could truly prepare them.

By the time they left the meal, his body was tired, but after a quick trip back to the medical center to ask for some herbs that would help him sleep, he was finally able to shift and trot to the cave in half the time.

Skhal was already there, waiting for him, a fire made, and in his seat that he would keep for the night.

"You're a good male, Skhal," Zev said quietly as he entered, a twinge of conscience prickling at him as he prepared drinks for them. "I'm grateful for you."

"Liar," Skhal snorted. "I've been an injured male before. Even without a female fussing, I know how frustrating it is. Just how badly does the urge to go to her chafe?"

Zev looked down at the drinks in the pottery mugs and sighed. He walked to Skhal and handed him one as he thought about the answer. The male took it and began to sip while he waited.

"It's… harder than I could say. But also, I'm so certain of her… that she'll do everything she can… I just need to know she's okay," he said quietly, not meeting Skhal's eyes.

"Be patient. I know it's hard, but you'll do her no good going over early and getting yourself captured because you aren't at your best."

Zev nodded sadly. "I know. I just wish… I wish I could be sure she's okay."

"We all do. We want that for you, and for us."

"Do you, really?" Zev asked, just a hint of his anger welling up at Skhal for creating a question around Sasha's motives in front of the other wolves.

But Skhal met his eyes and nodded, raising his cup so Zev could tap it with his own. "Here's to the return of our Alpha—to her mate, and to her people," Skhal said. "Creator bless Sasha-don."

Zev blew out a breath. "Ill drink to that," he said, draining his cup.

Skhal did the same, then placed the cup at his feet on the stone floor while Zev undressed and folded his clothes carefully, then crawled into bed. He rolled over immediately and closed his eyes so Skhal wouldn't keep talking.

*****

He hadn't intended to actually sleep, but he woke hours later with a start, cursing himself. He must have been more tired than he realized.

He didn't move at first, listening carefully, heart pounding—then relief rushing into every limb as he heard a soft snore.

The herbs in the drink had worked. Skhal was asleep.

Zev pushed out of the furs and got dressed hurriedly, praying that he hadn't left it too late. He needed to be back before Skhal woke, and before dawn when the hunters would spread out around Thana and he might accidentally run into any of them.

When he got out of the cave he was relieved to see the moon still high in the night sky. He had at least five hours before the sky began to lighten.

The sleep had done him good. His body felt good and even raising his arms and twisting back and forth didn't do more than make them ache.

With a grim smile, Zev shifted into his wolf and began the trek to the gateway cave.

He kept reminding himself that he wasn't going for her. That he would only cross to make sure they hadn't lost the bond. To connect with her. To find out where she was and what they'd done to her.

He couldn't go after her yet, he knew that. But he felt the draw to her like a pull on his scruff. He needed to hear her voice. Needed to touch her—or failing that, to see her in his mind.

He need to know that they hadn't lost their soulbond.

Even the thought set his teeth on edge. He'd been avoiding the thoughts for the past two days because he'd felt so helpless and unable to do anything. But now, as he trotted determinedly, as each step brought him back to her, his mind was full of nothing but her—and his fear for where she might be.

He shook his head so hard his ears snapped, then pressed into an easy lope. His body didn't hurt, and the shift had come easily. He was fine. He was doing well. He just needed his mate, that was all. He needed to stop that hollow ache right at the center of his heart. The place that she should inhabit throbbed and pressed him forward, always forward, until finally the gateway cave came into sight.

He couldn't resist, he lengthened his stride up the path to the cave mouth, ignoring his favorite view of the valley as he neared the top. And he would have run straight into it, disregarded everything, not even checked his back, but as he turned into the cave itself, a shadow moved to his right and he dodged, growling as a huge shape rose to fill the cave almost to it's ceiling.

"I knew you'd come," Yhet rumbled as Zev slid to a halt, trembling with the shock. "I knew it. I'm ready.. I'm coming with you."

 

Chapter 307

Lhars hadn't seen Kyelle all day. He'd caught her scent once—she must have left the trough just before he arrived, which made him wonder if she'd smelled him coming and left on purpose.

He'd spent the day running back and forth between the City and the village, making sure the resources they needed were reaching the Chimera at the City, making sure the village still looked inhabited in case the humans arrived. He'd kept himself as busy as he could, and still his thoughts had been tormented.

He kept seeing Kyelle in the water, eyes wide, recoiling from him. Running from him. Fleeing. So desperate not to get close to him that she almost fell over her own feet.

He kept hearing her hushed, "It's too soon, I can't!"

Kept hearing the snap of her wings as she tore through the air to get away from him.

A low groan rolled in his throat and he shook his head. It was late. Well after midnight. He should be in his furs. Sleeping. Definitely not dreaming of her.

Yet, here he was, wide awake and walking the path to the City again. If he couldn't rest, he could at least be of some use to someone.

Except, he turned a corner in the trail to find Kyelle walking towards him, her hair glimmering in the moonlight, and her skin almost glowing.

She stopped dead when she saw him.

They stared at each other a moment and he inhaled deeply, his distracted brain finally registering her scent.

"Kyelle," he said quietly. "I… what are you doing out here?"

"I was just… checking. The Owls… but I couldn't sleep, and…" she waved a hand vaguely back towards the City.

"Do you need anything? Any help?"

She shook her head, her eyes still too wide, staring at him. "No."

The tiny seed of hope he'd held out that she was just taking some time to adjust. That a part of her was glad for his advance, shriveled up and died at the look of pure terror on her face.

"Oh, okay," he said and broke the gaze, tearing his eyes from hers because he was afraid of everything that might be revealed within them—things she obviously didn't want to see. "Let me know… if you do. I'll help."

"I… okay."

They both stood there dumbly for a moment and Lhars wanted to snarl. One thing he and Kyelle had never been was awkward. There had always been an easy peace between them, even when he conflicted with Zev. But now… his skin crawled.

With nothing else to say, he bid her farewell and started walking again, their shoulders brushing as he passed her on the trail.

But she caught his forearm and pulled him to a stop.

Heart pounding, Lhars turned back to face her.

"Lhars… thank you," she said. "No matter what else… thank you."

He let himself stare at her then, but she was the one to break the gaze and turn away, walking quickly down the trail back towards the village.

He stood there and watched until she disappeared between the trees, cursing himself for ruining everything.

*****

~ ZEV ~

"Yhet," Zev said on a rush of breath. "You startled me."

"It's okay, Zev. I'm not going to tell. I'll come with you. I knew you'd try to go, and I don't want you to do it alone. If something happens, I can fight for you. I can carry you. I'll bring you back. I won't let them have you."

Yhet stared at him, brows high, earnest like a child. He'd obviously been playing these words over in his head, how he would convince Zev to take him.

Zev shook his head. "I can't let you do that, Yhet. You know you can't be over there. It's too dangerous for you."

"But—"

"I'm not going to her, Yhet. I just… I just need to be closer. To feel the bond. That's all. To be certain she's alive. That's all. I can't… I'm not strong enough yet."

Yhet grunted. "You won't be able to stay away. You'll go for her and you'll be alone, and that's dangerous."

Zev patting his friend's arm. "You're a good male, Yhet. Thank you for caring for me. But I give you my word, I'm not going for her. I'm just going to feel her. That's all. The bond… it's aching." Yhet nodded knowingly and Zev winced. "I'm sorry friend, I didn't mean to—"

"It's okay," Yhet said sadly. "I have learned to… make room for it."

They stood together, males bonded in pain, both of their minds turned to the females they loved, and Zev felt like a massive tool. Here he'd been frantic and feeling sorry for himself for being kept from Sasha for a time, while Yhet had lost his beautiful mate, and would never see her again.

"How do you do it, Yhet?" he asked quietly. "How do you keep smiling? How do you care about anything else?"

"I have no choice. I can't give in," the male said promptly, as if he'd just been waiting for someone to ask. "She would want me to fight. She would want me to win. She would want me to use my strength to help others. And she… she wouldn't want me dead."

Zev took a deep breath. "Thank you, brother. You have honored me tonight."

Yhet's eyes locked on his. "Let me go with you, Zev."

But Zev shook his head. He was already taking a terrible risk, he knew. He couldn't have Yhet on his conscience as well if anything went wrong. "I need you here," he said, squeezing Yhet's massive arm, that he couldn't circle even with his large hands. "I need you to guard the gate. Can you do that for me? Make sure I come back—and warn Lhars and Dunken if I don't. Can you… can you help me in that way?"

Yhet's brows pinched together, but he nodded. "Yes. I can help with that."

"Thank you, brother. I'll be back before dawn. If the sun rises and I'm not here, warn them. Quickly. And tell them that I'm sorry. They'll need you to take them through and show them how to get to headquarters. You'll have to be so careful, Yhet."

Yhet smiled, his teeth flashing in the dark. "It will be my pleasure, Zev. The humans have taken so much from us, I can barely sit still for waiting to see something important stolen from them."

Zev nodded. "Me too, friend. Me too." Then he turned and, with Yhet at his heels, walked to the back of the cave, and into the gateway, where the path to the human world blazed with light so bright it almost blinded him.

 

Chapter 308

The gateway on the human end was an old mining tunnel. The opening was rimmed in bricks that were likely a hundred years old, or more. An old, stone staircase crawled up to his right to curl over the top of the cave and lead to the hilltop above. But the trail out of the cave led straight down. If he followed it, he'd hit a locked fence first, then eventually the parking lot near the highway.

But all of that passed through Zev's mind only vaguely, because the moment he stepped out of the gateway, that spot at the center of his chest, the place where Sasha lived inside him, bloomed to life. He almost wept with relief when he felt here there, warm and tightly held within him.

Thank you, he prayed, then immediately reached for Sasha's mind. Scratching at her consciousness like a dog at the door.

Sasha?

She didn't answer immediately, which wasn't a surprise. He could feel her. Knew she was alive, which was the most important thing. But she would likely be asleep. He needed to wake her. He wasn't sure how much time he could take. The time in the gateway always shifted differently, and anyone passing through it could do so in a blink, or it could feel like a short journey, but could turn out to have taken hours when they finally reached the other end. He needed to get back before dawn.

Sasha? Please wake up beautiful. Talk to me.

ZEV?!

Her voice shrieked in his head and Zev had to stifle a laugh of relief and love.

Sasha, beautiful, are you safe? Are you okay?

Zev! What are you doing here?! You can't be here! You're going to get—

I'm just checking on you. I had to know… about the bond. I was so scared…

He felt her sigh. Me too, she sent.

There was a moment when their bodies reached for each other. Zev's hands closed to fists, the urge to touch her was so strong.

Dear Lord, Sasha, I'm just…

Me too, Zev. Her voice sounded as if she was on the verge of tears. You shouldn't be here, but I'm so glad. I've been so scared.

Me too. Have they hurt you? Are you okay?

I'm fine. I'm scared, and tired, and… everything about this place gives me hives. But they haven't hurt me, Zev. They're being very careful with me. They don't want to hurt me.

Shivering with relief. Zev let himself lean back against the wall of the cave and slide down to sit at its foot.

What are they doing? he asked, his voice faint with worry. Why did they take you?

They want to know if I'm pregnant. To you.

Zev blinked. But… you said it was too—

It is. I'm not pregnant, Zev, but they're… they've convinced themselves I might be and they're waiting to make sure. But I'm using this time, Zev. I'm going to get the females out of here.

Her voice rang with determination and resolve. Zev's heart squeezed.

I'm already negotiating with them about it, Sasha continued. And I think… I mean, they haven't said no.

Zev grimaced and dropped his face into his hands.

You can't trust them at all, Sasha. They'll keep stringing you along while they just do whatever they want to do, anyway.

Yes, I'm seeing that, she sighed. Then a moment later, she added in barely more than a whisper, I can't believe you're here. You can't be here, Zev. You can't risk it. If they catch you—

I'm not coming to you, Sasha. But I had to know. I had to face…whatever we might have faced without leading the others. If I'd lost you. If this broke the bond… it would have killed me, I think.

I know, I know. I'm so glad you're here. Zev, I miss you so much.

Her voice sounded pinched, growing higher, as if she was beginning to cry. He was so desperate to touch her, to comfort her, he clawed his hands into his scalp.

Show me where you are, he whispered. Show me where they've put you.

Almost immediately, an image flickered, then solidified in his mind as Sasha worked to show him and the room was revealed.

At first she showed him what she could see—a blank wall, a small nightstand, her own knees curled under quilts, and a door into the living room—open so she could see the space beyond it.

Zev recognized that it was one of the apartments immediately. He'd been there himself. Relief and tension twisted him between their hands. Having her in an apartment meant they were treating her as a guest. Which was a good sign. But… he didn't trust anything they did to mean what it seemed.

Then Sasha adjusted the images, and showed him herself, laying in bed, curled on her side, her hair splayed out on the pillow behind her.

He could feel the ache of her, yearning for him.

Zev… She breathed in his head and his body responded.

I'm here, Sash.

He took the image she was showing him—half memory, half vision—and inserted himself into it. Let her feel him lift the blankets and slid between the sheets, into the bed behind her. He found her hip with his hand and followed the line of her waist with it, pulling her back into his chest, his lips on her neck as he clung to her, curling his body around hers, his knees fitting perfectly behind hers and pressing her legs up, so she curled too, and he embraced her, surrounding her entire body, holding her close.

Oh, Zev.

I've missed you so much, Sasha. I can't even tell you. I have to… to not think about it, because when I do, it consumes everything. We're coming for you, beautiful. We aren't leaving you here.

You have to, Zev, she whispered as if they really were laying in that bed together. You have to. You have to leave me long enough that I can convince them, Zev. We'll never get them out of here without some agreement. If you show up, they'll take you and then neither of us will ever get out of here—and none of the females, either.

But—

They're dying, Zev. This place is killing them. They know it. They expressed that to me. They're… they're being destroyed, and the humans can't even see it.

 

Chapter 309

Zev was obviously horrified, his eyes wide and body still. What do you mean?

Zev's words bounced in her skull as if he'd shouted them.

She realized he thought she meant—

No, no, Zev, I mean… they feel like they're dying. They're losing their hope. Losing their desire to be alive. The Alpha of the main group, the one they let live in the forest, she says they won't make it through next winter.

Zev growled, but it trailed off into a whine that reflected Sasha's aching pain for the females. In his mind, she found his hand on her stomach, slid her fingers between his and held him there, fingers laced together.

He needed hope as much as she did.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to get him to see.

I'm talking to Nathan and Horace about letting the females go back to Thana, she said quietly. They don't like the idea, but I'm trying to get them to see that it will benefit them. I know we don't want the humans in Thana, but if I can get the females over there, I can get rid of the humans afterwards. But you're part of the leverage, Zev. You can't be here. They can't know that you're here. If they do, they'll never give in.

It was the strangest thing in their minds—she could hear and see him, and she could feel him. Feel that the idea of letting her go… of returning through the gateway and losing that connection again… it was a knife in his gut. Feel that even the thought of letting her go threatened to make his knees sag.

She understood. She felt it too.

I'm not… I'm not coming to the compound, he said, his voice dark and heavy with his resistance to the idea. Not yet. But we're planning. We're not leaving you there, Sasha.

That's good, that's good, she said, stroking his arm. I hope you won't have to. Trust me, Zev, I'm going to get them out. I can feel it.

She could feel his skepticism, but it was washed in his pride, and even a drop of hope. He wanted her to be right. He wanted to be wrong about them and what they were doing. But he didn't believe it.

He thought she was fooling herself.

Was she?

*****

~ ZEV ~

Zev grimaced. He didn't see how it was possible that she'd convince the humans to just relinquish the females. But he didn't want to discourage her. He knew how important it was to have a goal when you were in their hands. To have something to focus on.

You keep working on it, he said reluctantly. But just remember, they tell you things… things that sound like they agree with you. But they often don't. You have to analyze their words really carefully.

I am. I am. Don't talk about them, Zev. Just… be here. Be with me. Please.

The edge of fear and desperation in her voice was a blade between his ribs.

He pulled her into him, imagining that he inhaled her scent as he held her so tightly he was afraid he might stop her breathing. But she only clung to him just as tightly.

I miss you so much, Zev.

I'm hollow without you, Sash.

He could feel the ache inside her. The vision they built together soothed some of the need to be close, but it wasn't the same as actually touching. His body swung back and forth between feeling as if she were right there, and as if his arms were empty.

Desperate and needy, he gave himself over to the vision completely, until it wasn't an image of his hand on her stomach, or the inserted sensation of his lips on her neck, but the warmth of her skin under his calloused palms. And when she rolled over to face him, took his mouth with a little whimper, he tasted her.

His every sense was full of her. He could feel the strands of her hair between his fingers and he grasped them, pulling her head back, tugging her until she sighed his name and tipped her head back so he could taste her throat.

He could feel the weight of her knee thrown over his thigh.

He could feel the warmth of her, smell her desire for him.

Sasha… he rasped.

She only clung to him harder, pulled him closer.

He raked his hands down her back harder than he should have. He should have left red welts on her skin, but instead she rippled and gave a small cry of pleasure, that only drove him froward.

I need you, Sasha.

Her kiss only deepened as he gripped her thigh, pulling her leg around his waist until they were together, skin to skin and he could feel her heat.

Please, Zev. Please.

It was as if she whispered the word in his ear, her breath fluttering there so goosebumps prickled down his neck on that side.

But she shivered in his arms, and he could feel her tension.

Sasha?

I just wish we weren't here, she said in a tiny voice, high and faint. I wish we were…

Zev took the unfinished thought and yearned for it with his whole heart. He brought his hands up to her face, cupped it and pulled back far enough to meet her eyes.

I know, he breathed, and changed the vision.

It took all his concentration to move things in her mind at the same time as he painted it in his own, but he was so happy when they were suddenly in the massive fur platform of Yhet's cave, the high, arching, white-blue ice ceiling soaring over their heads. The fire crackling merrily in the fireplace.

Sasha's eyes went wide and she turned her head to look around quickly, while Zev only watched her.

If only this was real, she breathed.

It is, he said, taking her mouth and pulling her back in. It's real to us. I'm here, Sasha. I need you. Please.

Yes, she whispered, and her eyes closed slowly.

She was smiling.

Yes, she breathed again. Yes, Zev. It's always yes with you.

 

Chapter 310

Touching Sasha in his mind, finding her there, ready and aching for him. It was the strangest experience—his mind and body torn in two. He fell into the vision that they built together, exchanging sensations, exchanging images. Adding to each other's experience, receiving each other's offerings.

And yet, as if his world were split in two, he also heard himself groan, and heard it echo in the cave. Was aware of his empty arms, aching to be filled. Was driven by a body still alone, but yearning, burning for her.

Sasha… he groaned, his hips rolling.

Her head fell back and bared her throat to him again, rocking against him, the promise of her too sweet to bear.

Then in his mind, she put her hand between them, to find him, grip him, and stroke, he gasped her name and hurriedly opened his furs to take himself in hand.

The joy of being close to her, of hearing her voice, of sensing her touch, he shuddered with it, her name breaking on his tongue with every breath.

She'd stopped sending words, but instead gave him sensations, feelings, the emotions welling in her chest.

He could feel her burning for him with a fire just as hot as his, and it only peaked his own desire. Then she showed herself, taking his face in her hands, kissing him, and arching against him, her body begging.

In her mind, he rolled her onto her back, still gripping her thigh, high on his hip, his other hand cupped over her head as he kissed his way along her jaw, then tilted his hips to take her.

He cried out, a guttural moan that shuddered into the night as she arched to meet him in their minds, and he entered her, claiming her again, and again. But all the while, the gorgeous things he saw, the things she made him feel, resonated against the chill of the air around him, the hollow grip of his own hand.

Sasha…

He didn't have words for this, kept his eyes screwed tightly shut against the invading images of the real world around him, sought her, desperate and grasping, throwing himself into the vision with abandon, aware that it was dangerous to be so distracted. But he couldn't… he had to have her. Had to remind himself that she was real, and his, and that no matter what Nick and the team did, they couldn't steal this from them.

His body peaked at the thought of losing her, and his thrusts became desperate.

Sasha, please, he gasped in her mind.

I'm here, Zev. Oh god, I'm…

She opened herself completely, let him feel the moment the wave of her climax broke—triggering his own against his will. He'd intended to love her longer, to bring her to climax again and again—to tell with his timeframes. He was lost in her.

But she was too much—feeling her desire for him, feeling her body respond, it tipped him over the edge, and he was carried over the crest, sobbing her name, his body rigid and shuddering.

He didn't open his eyes. He stayed with her in his mind, letting her feel the way his chest rose and fell so quickly because she stole his breath with her beauty.

Then, in his mind, she put her hand to his chest. To that spot, right at the center. She laid her palm flat against it and felt his heart pounding.

Still panting, he placed his hand flat between her breasts, let the flat of his hand rest on the same spot on her chest, and marveled with her as their heartbeats first slowed, then aligned.

My heart literally beats for you, she said, her voice ringed in awe.

Mine too, he whispered back. You're like air to me, Sasha. I can't stand this—

Don't! she rushed in, breaking over him, her voice urgent and quavering. Not right now. Don't focus on anything except this…

She opened her eyes to meet his, then let them slide up to look at the blue-white walls of the cave that loomed up, far over their heads.

This is my happy place, she sent. This is where I would always be if I could. Just with you, Zev. Just you and me and the furs and the fire…

And the tub, he added, his voice dark and husky.

Sasha grinned and her cheeks pinked. Definitely the tub.

Then she sighed and her face pinched as if she was pain.

What is it? he asked her, alarmed.

She shook her head. I just had a flash of a thought about getting pregnant, she said sadly. And for a minute I wished it wasn't happening so they couldn't interfere. But… the truth is, Zev, I want this with you. I want you. I want to be close. I want a family. It scares me how much I want to see you as a dad. Because it drives me. And it's like they know. Like they're using that against me.

Combing his free hand through her hair and down her back, he watched her face.

Do you believe them? That they're considering what you're proposing?

I'm not sure, she admitted. Sometimes it seems like they are. Other times I think they're just stringing me along. I really don't know. But they aren't saying a flat no when I tell them all the reasons the females need to go back to Thana.

Keep trying, he said, still stroking her hair. But you only have a few days. We can't leave you there, Sasha. I won't let them get into your head like they did mine.

Zev, you should prepare, just in case. But give me time to be successful. Use it to get ready. These females are traumatized. They're going to need space to be together without having all the males around, I think.

If you can find a way to get them out, we can go back for them later, Zev said, insistent. But without you, the rest don't matter, Sash.

She tipped her head forward, resting her forehead under his jaw. I know that you mean that with love, but if you could see them, Zev…

I have seen them. Not up close. But I've seen enough. I've heard enough. It makes me sick.

Me too.

So keep trying, he said again, reluctantly. But also get ready, because I am coming for you.