Ch. 156..160: The Luna and her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 156-160
The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 156
Jane
Two months later
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Paisley, Parker, Riley and Ryder, happy birthday to you!” A jumble of singing voices, both young and old, struggle to fit all four of the pups’ names into the traditional song, and the group soon devolves into giggles. This is always how birthdays have gone with my babies, and this year the list of names is even longer now that Paisley is with us – not that they seem to mind. They’re surrounded by friends, decorations and presents, about to dig into a scrumptious cake shaped like their favorite cartoon character.
The quadruplets are beaming, kneeling up on their chairs to lean over the swiftly melting candles and counting, “One, two, three!” At once they blow out the flames, waving their precious heads back and forth to make sure they get all five. Looking at them now, it’s hard to believe how much has changed in so short a time. A couple of months ago I wasn’t sure if l would ever see them again, and now they’re safe home in the Dark Moon territory in the house where I raised Parker, Ryder and Riley.
Life is finally back to normal, and I’m back to struggling with my work-life balance and lamenting how fast time flies as my pups grow up right before my eyes. My business was in good hands with my CFO while I was away, and La Louve had a record breaking quarter with all the press resulting from our adventures in the Cité de la Wuit. If you’d asked me to describe my ideal future a year ago it would have been exactly this – my pups finally together, my business thriving, and freedom from the shackles of all the secrets and lies I wove to escape Ethan so many years ago.
I even have a new baby on the way to soothe the sting of seeing my first four children grow up and need me less and less. True, they’ve needed a lot of love and support to heal from the trauma of their ordeal in the Southern Isles, but I know these days are fleeting. The more time that passes, the more they’re going to set out and forge their own paths in the world. l can already”updated by jobnib.com” see it happening, as they move further away from toddlerhood and into true childhood – they even start school this year. I’m proud of course – what mother wouldn’t be? But l’d be lying if I said part of me didn’t wish they’d stay this tiny and adorable forever.
Still -I finally have everything I’ve dreamed about for so long. So I should be happy, shouldn’t 1? It shouldn’t be a struggle just to get out of bed in the morning when I know that the day awaiting me will be nothing but bright. It shouldn’t feel so bitter and empty to mark these incredible milestones with my family. It shouldn’t be so unfulfilling to do the work I’m so passionate about.
Yet it is.
I suppose at the end of the day it’s impossible to feel any kind of joy or happiness when your heart has been completely decimated. Sometimes I wonder if there’s anything still beating in my chest, or if there’s just a black hole swirling behind my ribs where my heart used to be. I feel like a hollow shell, a shadow of my former self.
Of course, feeling so despondent just makes me feel guilty. Shouldn’t my pups be enough for me? Why does Ethan still have so much power over me after all this time? Why in the Goddess’s name did I let down my guard with him, knowing what he was capable of? Why did I trust him, buy into his lies?
He truly did get the perfect revenge on me for my crimes – slowly plying and massaging my walls down until I finally felt safe enough to be vulnerable with him, then smashing me to pieces when I was most exposed.
It was a master class in breaking a person down to nothing, and even though I was on the lookout for such tricks, I still fell for it.
I’ll never forgive myself.
A few hours later l’m on the phone with Linda, filling her in on the party and the pup’s progress, when the conversation inevitably turns back to my estranged ex. “I can’t believe him.” I murmur, carefully listening to the pups’ breathing to ensure they aren’t faking sleep as I stand in the doorway of their bedroom, watching over them. “He didn’t even call. l mean I know he doesn’t want anything to do with me, but I don’t understand how he could do this to them – especially Paisley.”
This entire situation still seems off to me, Jane” Linda muses. ” I mean it doesn’t make sense – it didn’t at the time and it doesn’t now. Ethan loved Paisley more than anything in the world, and when you and the pups returned… ‘ve never seen any man so excited to have a family.”
“You forget that Ethan is an incredible actor I remind her. “He’s a true chameleon, it’s what makes him such a skilled abuser. He puts on such a good show for the outside world that no one would ever suspect him of wrongdoing. It’s classic grooming.”
“You say that – but you weren’t there when he thought you died, Jane. And you weren’t there when Anita took you. I was.” She insists. “That was not a man distraught over some evil plot falling apart. That was a man willing to do anything to get his family back.”
“Oh I think he cares about the pups’ wellbeing, not to mention how bad it would have been for his reputation to fail, I just think he hates me more than he loves them” I reason. “I mean you’ve seen him more recently than I have, did he tell you anything more different than what he told me?”
I haven’t spoken to Ethan since that horrible day in the hospital, only communicating with his Beta and assistants during the moving process. However Eric’s new role as King of the Southern Isles now means that my best friend lives thousands of miles away, and she was there through Ethan’s recovery.
“No,” She sighs. “He was absolutely adamant that none of it had been real and it was all just some test.
But he also asked after you and the pups so much that it’s pretty hard to believe his story.”
“He probably just wanted to ensure l was suffering enough.” l bite. “And you’re sure he doesn’t know about the baby?”
“How would he?”” Linda wonders aloud. “Not being legally married really saved your as*s on that.front. Your doctor wasn’t allowed to tell him anything.”
“I know, l’m just making sure.” I sigh.
“How is the new baby?” Linda asks then, a smile in her voice.
“Good-I’ve got a check up in a few days and PU have my first ultrasound. The end of the first trimester is in sight!” I share, feeling no small relief. I’m ready to be done with morning sickness and miscarriage worries. “Though it does feel remarkably like l’m repeating history here. It’s less scary this time around because I know if l can handle quads on my own l can do anything, I just don’t know how I got here.”
“Well when a man and a woman love each other very much -” Linda begins, joking.
“Ha Ha.”‘ I scoff, feeling a sharp sting at the mention of love. That might be how we explain making babies to pups, but l’m painfully aware that no love was involved in the creation of this child.
“Let’s just hope it’s not four this time” Linda adds, and I can practically see her expression – complete with waggling eyebrows.
“Oh Goddess, don’t even joke about that” I scold, ” five kids l can handle, maybe even six – but eight would kill me.”
“Hey, you’re the one who just said you could do anything.” Linda teases, and l’m thankful for her humor.
I desperately need something to lighten my mood today.
“Anything within reason.” l amend, laughing.
However it doesn’t take long for the laugh to become lodged in my throat, choked out by darker emotions.
That’s one of the worst parts of this entire situation. I seem to have lost the ability to laugh… as if Ethan hasn’t taken enough already.
“It’s gonna be okay.” Linda says, turning suddenly somber as she hears the shift in my emotion. “And l’m so excited to come visit when your due date nears. It will be just like before.”
“Thank you.” I reply honestly. Linda had been an incredible help to me when the quadruplets were born, and I love her for offering to do the same now – when her own life is suddenly so chaotic. She’s a Queen for crying-out-loud!
“Have you told the pups yet?” She asks softly.
“Not yet.” I explain, “I want to be out of the danger zone first. It will be hard enough explaining this to them, I don’t want to risk having to explain if something ends up going wrong. With my luck they’ll hold against me too.”
“They still haven’t forgiven you, huh?” Linda murmurs gently.
“No.” I confirm, my mind already spinning away into my memories of those first days after Ethan’s rejection, “they haven’t.”
The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 157
Jane
As I walk through the sterile halls of the hospital, my mind whirls with thought. Grief and despair are closing in fast, but l’m trying to hold onto my anger instead. Fury will keep me going enough to get through the difficult days ahead. If I let myself feel this – if l succumb to this agony, I might never recover.
How am l going to tell the pups? l know they don’t have any idea how much things have changed between Ethan and I, but this still isn’t going to be a fun conversation. After all, I did tell them that Daddy and I would be taking them home, it’s not going to be easy to walk that back. They were upset about the idea of being separated from Ethan even before the kidnapping, and now they need as much love and stability as possible.
I don’t want to break their hearts, and telling them the truth about why we’re going home alone would do exactly that. I can’t beat for them to know that Ethan doesn’t want them, especially not after everything they’ve been through. That leaves me only two options.
Either I can say that Ethan and I discussed it and agreed this would be best,or l can take the blame, and tell then that I decided to take them away despite their father’s protests.
However the more I think about it, the more l realize the first option isn’t truly viable. If this was some amicable custody agreement, the pups would expect to be able to say goodbye to their father, to still visit him on occasion. It would imply shared custody… and that’s impossible. In truth, the only path forward to protect them from Ethan’s rejection, is to make myself the bad guy. They know our history now, they understand I might have reason to take them away and cut off contact – or at least as much as any child can comprehend such things.
The metaphorical knife that Ethan drove into my heart when he rejected me slides even deeper as I realize what I must do. I want to feel sorry for myself – as if it wasn’t bad enough that my mate tossed me out like yesterday’s trash, now l’m going to have to lie to my babies, to tell them a story that will probably make them hate me.
My stomach roils, and I detour into the nearest restroom to vomit, wondering how I’ll ever survive this.
How can it be that living without Ethan feels so impossible now, after I got along without him for so long? Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. I think stubbornly.
If I start crying now I won’t stop, and then the pups will know something is wrong. My wolf is howling non-stop in my head, and despite that fact that l’ve been wishing for nothing but the ability to be a parent to my babies again for nearly a month, right now I wish I had the freedom to curl up into a little ball and weep.
Instead I flush the toilet, rinse my mouth and wash my hands, then stalk from the restroom with my head held high. I find the pups in the hospital’s waiting area, gathered around Linda as she reads one of the picture books scattered over the coffee tables. They look up when l enter, and before I can say a word they’ve leapt from their chairs and are charging my legs. “
Mommy!!”
I kneel down to meet them, pulling their beloved little bodies into my arms and squeezing them so tightly that they’re soon complaining. “Mommy l can’ breathe!” Riley exclaims in exasperation.
Having them in my arms – willingly or not- fills me with pure warmth, and I feel my broken heart flicker with life. “I’m sorry angels.” l apologize after a moment, releasing them, “I’m just happy to see you.
“Don’ listen to hers.” Paisley instructs me, cuddling closer. “I likes tight hugs.”
“Me too.” I share in a whisper, giving her a k**s on the cheek. “Can you squeeze me back just as tight, until l can’t even feel my limbs anymore?”
Paisley giggles and tightens her hold, soon followed by the others, who are only too eager to get in on the game. “Is that tight enough, Mommy?” Parker asks with a giggle off his own.
I shake my head. Tighter, I can still feel my feet.”
All four begin applying so much pressure that I actually do begin to struggle for breath- but that might have just been Ryder’s arms around my neck. “Perfect.”
l announce hoarsely, kissing them again. “Are you ready to go home?”
“Yeah!” They exclaim in unison.
“Then let’s go.” I smile, rubbing their backs as I pull this place.”
“We’re going to get on the very next plane out of away.
“Yay!!!” They cheer, dancing around and pumping their tiny fists in the air.
“So soon? Linda asks, standing from her chair.
“Yes.” I confirm, trying to keep the emotion from my voice. “Ethan arranged it.”
“But surely he’s not ready to be released?” She inquires, shocked.
Sighing and trying not to feel annoyed by a perfectly reasonable question, I answer. “He isn’t. He isn’t coming with us.”
The pups, who naturally have been listening to every word, freeze. “Daddy’s not coming?” Parker asks, C*g his head to the side.
“No, he bought tickets for the five of us so we can get home as soon as possible. I’m not sure how much longer he’ll be here” l confess.
Linda’s brow is furrowed in confusion. “You’re not going to stay to see him through the recovery?”
I hate feeling so frustrated with my friend when she’s doing nothing wrong. Linda has no idea what’s just happened, and unlike the pups, she knows exactly how attached Ethan and I became on this journey. It makes sense that she’s confused. At the same time, I wish l could tell her to put a sock in it.
“No I replay simply, shooting her a pointed look to try and communicate that I’ll explain later.
“Then, he’s coming later?” Riley asks, c******g her head to the side, trying to wrap her clever little mind around these developments.
For a moment I pause, grappling with the right thing to do here. If I tell them home means the Dark Moon pack and that Ethan isn’t coming at all, I’Il have a quadruple tantrum on my hands the likes of which I’ve never seen. It will be impossible to get the pups onto the plane. lf, on the other hand, I wait until we reach our destination to break the news, I”ll still have a tantrum, but the hard part will be over. Technically Ethan will be returning to the Nightfang territory at a later date, so it wouldn’t even be a true lie.
Can I do such a thing? Can I blatantly trick my pups to avoid the hassle of traveling with a pack of severely distraught four-year-olds? Is that the most selfish plan in the world? Then a new possibility occurs to me. If I tell them that we’re going to the Dark Moon pack and that Ethan won’t ever be joining us, they’ll undoubtedly try to go see him, they’ll want to convince him to come with us, to overrule me. And what then? Will he break their hearts as badly as he broke mine? Will he tell them he doesn’t want them?
I can’t take that risk.
“Yes” I confirm, before l can think better of it, “now hurry and get ready, the car will be here any minute.
“But we wanna say bye to Daddy.” Paisley objects.
“I’m sorry, there isn’t time.”‘ l answer, hating myself more and more with every word I say.
Linda’s looking at me with blatant suspicion now, gather your things kids, I wanna say goodbye to your Mommy since l’m staying with Uncle Eric.” She pulls me off to the side, lowering her voice to a whisper.”Jane, what are you doing? You’re not pulling a runner are ýou?”
“No l snap back, more fiercely than I intended.I can’t bring myself to look her in the eye, and I can feel the tears threatening. “It’s the opposite.”
She frowns, “what?”
“I’m not leaving him” l clarify, “he’s kicking me to the curb.”
Linda’s mouth falls open in shock, “No-not possible, you must have misunderstood:”
“1 didn’t misunderstand” I hiss, despising her in that moment. “Trust me, he was very clear:”
“But the pups-” Linda objects.
“Trust me, Linda, if you’ve thought it, I’ve said it.” I counter, swiping angrily at my eyes. “Now I love you, and l’ll call you when we’re home, but we have to go now.”
Linda gives me a hug, and I sweep the kids into a taxi and jet off to the airport. The trip is long and boring.
And i find myself counting down the moments when can lock myself in my room tonight after the kids have gone to bed and cry. It’s so grating to be surrounded by so many people, and I feel like I’ll unravel at any moment. Of course this isn’t the worst. The worst comes later, when we’re finally back in the Dark Moon pack and I have to break the news to the pups.
They don’t realize anything is off until the taxi pulls up outside my apartment building. I suppose all airports look alike to children, and they’re really just along for the ride, following my directions and not overthinking the pilot’s announcements or anything else which comes to pass.
Paisley doesn’t recognize her surroundings, but Riley, Ryder, and Parker certainly do. “Mommy, what are we doing here?” Ryder asks, his sweet face crumpled in confusion.
Taking a deep breath, I reply. “l have to tell you something.”
The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 158
Jane
“Tell us what?” Paisley asked, “Mommy where are we?”
“This is my home, in the Dark Moon territory” I explain. “Come on, let’s get upstairs to the apartment, then we can talk.” I encourage.
“Our we here to gets our stuff so we can moves?”
Riley chirps excitedly as we enter the building lobby.
“I’ll explain everything when we’re upstairs.” I promise, praying l can put this off until we’re in the privacy of our own home. After everything we’ve been through over the last few months, the last thing I need is for my children to have a full-on public meltdown in the middle of the street.
The pups continue to excitedly question me as the elevator carries us higher and higher, and l’m frankly amazed they haven’t picked up on my somber energy.
Either l’m doing a better job of hiding it than I thought, or their senses are so frayed from all their recent adventures that they don’t realize how upset l am.
We don’t have any luggage. The pups were taken with nothing but the clothes on their back, and I left almost everything at Ethan’s penthouse. In the coming days I’ll have to find a way to have it sent here, but for the time being our homecoming is as underwhelming as a homecoming can be.
When I unlock the front door of the apartment, Ryder, Parkey and Riley go racing towards their room.
We’re home!!!!” They cry happily, “Come on Paisley, we’ll show you our room!” Parker adds.
“We have so much to pack!” Riley declares, “I have to bring all my stuffles, and the toys!” She exclaims,
We can’t forget the toys.”
“Slow down, little ones” I caution. “You don’t have to pack anything.”
All four pups stop in their tracks. “Why not?” Ryder asks, “Aren’ we moving to live with Daddy?”
“No,” I state gently. “We aren’t.”
“Then Daddy’s moving here?” Paisley guesses, what abouts all my stuff at home… and the pack- Daddy’s Alpha.”
“Daddy isn’t moving here either:” I confess, wishing I could somehow fast forward through all this, but knowing it’s impossible.
“1 don’ understand.” Riley remarks blithely, placing her hands on her h**s. “If we aren’ going there and Daddy’s not coming here, then..”
“You all are going to live with me here” l explain gently. “And your Daddy is going to stay in the NightFang territory where he belongs. We’ll have all of our things from the penthouse shipped here, but I’m afraid we won’t all be living together.”
Four adorable, confused and disbelieving faces stare up at me. The boys look so much like their father that it’s all l can do not to cry, remember our horrible last conversation. “But… we’re s’posed to be together”
Parker objects. “We’re s’posed to be a family.”
“I know that’s what you wanted; I begin carefully, “but what we want and what’s possible don’t always match up. You know that Daddy and I had troubles in the past, and I know you’re sick of hearing that things will make more sense when you’re older, but one day I hope you will understand why I made this choice!”
Paisley’s lower l*p is quivering. “You mean we’re not gonna live with Daddy?”
“That’s right.” I confirm, barely holding it together,
“you’re all going to live with me.”
“Does he know?” Ryder suddenly inquires.
“Of course, darling” I share, “He wasn’t happy about it- you know he wanted to be with you more than anything in the world, but l just couldn’t get past our history. I’m so sorry.”
“So, when are we gonna see him again?” Riley questions.
I don’t know.” I reply honestly. Ethan hadn’t given any indication of ever wanting to see the pups again – the bastard.
“But we didn’ even get to say bye!” Paisley bursts.
Tha’s not right, Daddy would never do that! He’d never go way without telling me.”
“Sweetheart this was my decision.” I lie, “I thought it would be best if we left without a lot of drama” The pups are looking up at me in utter disbelief, and I can see the gears working in their minds as they try to wrap their minds around this. “This was always the plan.”I remind them. “We always said I was going to bring you home with me so we could all be together.”
“But we’re not together without Daddy!” Ryder argues, his eyes welling with tears.
“Daddy and I don’t do well together:”‘ I say again.
This is for the best, I know it hurts now, but I hope you can’under-“
“We don’t!” Parker explodes, his face turning tomato red. “This isn’t right! You said you and Daddy were gonna take us home!”
“I know.” I murmur, scrambling for any excuse for this deception. “But that was just an expression, I meant Daddy would rescue us and I would take you home.”
“But Daddy needs us!” Paisley adds. “He needs me -‘m his cuddle bug.”
“I know sweetheart, this is just the way things worked out.” I hate how feeble my excuses are. “Daddy will be okay.”
“This is your fault!” Riley is looking at me in a way she never has before, as if l’ve committed a crime against her. “You didn’ want Daddy, but we do!”
“I know,” I gulp, feeling the knives skewering me dig even deeper. “I’m so sorry.”
“You’re not!” Parker accuses, “If you were you wouldn’ have done this!”
The pups are quickly devolving into a full-on, four-way tantrum. They’re all crying, their red little faces scrunched up with expressions of anger and betrayal. I know we’re a heartbeat away from them throwing themselves on the floor, screaming and beating their fists against the ground. I also know there’s no way of stopping it at this point.
“I hate you!” They scream. Not one or two of them, but’all four.
Suddenly I realize how silly I was for thinking I didn’t have a heart left to be broken, because those terrible words rip the remaining shreds of the battered organ to pieces. It’s not the first time l’ve heard them from my children – what parent with little ones hasn’t at some point or another? But it is the first time l’ve ever heard them from Paisley, and certainly the first time I’ve ever heard them from all four of my pups at once.
Backing away, I leave them to their tantrum, knowing that if I don’t extract myself from the situation this very moment Il collapse. They need time to cool down, and I need time to fall to pieces in the privacy of my room. It’s so silly, I know they don’t mean it, but it never ceases to amaze me how much hearing those words from my children hurts me. They don’t even understand the full context of what they’re saying, but to be it feels as if l’ve been punched in the stomach four times over.
I have to lean my weight against the wall to support myself as I stumble away towards my bedroom, feeling so weak and broken that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to put myself back together again. My hand strays to my belly, where there’s still one pup that needs me for every last function and want, one pup that can’t decide it hates me, or deny my affection in my lowest moment. And as I wrap my arms protectively around my middle, I realize I really am reliving history.
I’m doing to this new baby the exact same thing I did to the quadruplets – bringing it into a world without a father, one who doesn’t even know it exists.
How did we get here? I wonder inconsolably. How did I let this happen again? My wolf whimpers in my head. I don’t have any answers. My life is crumbling around me, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. This decision was out of my hands and now my babies hate me for something their father did. Part of me recognizes that in time they’ll come to recognize that the parent who is present is the one who cares – but that’s years away, and even then I don’t want them to feel abandoned or unwanted for a single moment – and that’s the only way they’ll be able to understand the truth of our situation.
Right now I wish I hadn’t walked away from Ethan so meekly. I was too concerned with my dignity and pride, and for what? My dignity didn’t do a damn thing to protect my pups. I wish I’d attacked him, I wish l’d fought. I wish I could make him feel a fraction of the pain that we are. However deep down I know that’s impossible, to suffer this way you have to have a heart to begin with – even a fractured and collapsing one.
Instead I simply close myself in my bedroom and lock the door. I move into the bathroom and begin running a bath, hoping the water will cover the sounds of my sobs. As soon as the faucet begins running, I let myself break, finally giving in to the tidal wave of emotions that’s been threatening to drown me since Ethan first rejected me. I sink to the ground as tears pour down my cheeks, praying for some way, any way out of this darkness – but knowing those prayers will never be answered. My only way out of the darkness is through Ethan… and he doesn’t want me.
From here on out I’m on my own, I just hope can survive it.
The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 159
3rd Person
Linda stalked into Ethan’s brightly lit hospital room, confusion and anger warring inside her. She wasn’t sure what to think after her conversation with Jane, but she knew she had to get to the bottom of things before it was too late. She pushed through the door without knocking, finding the Alpha seated grimly in his bed, staring out the window and looking as if the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders.
“What the hell, Ethan?” Linda demanded.
“Hello Linda.” He said blandly. “How’s Eric?”
“He’s going to be fine” She remarked curtly.” Jane on the other hand -“
“1 don’t want to talk about Jane.” Ethan snapped coldly.
Linda blinked. She hadn’t quite believed her friend until now. She thought Jane had surely misunderstood, or that some terrible miscommunication had occurred with the Alpha, she never imagined that Ethan had truly ended things with his mate. “It’s true then?” She gaped. “You dumped her?”
“You make it sound like we’re teenagers.” Ethan snipes. “Jane betrayed me. I gave her the opportunity to redeem herself, and she failed.”
“Bullsh!t!” Linda countered. “You might be able to sell that bollocks to Jane because she’s wounded enough to expect abuse – your fault, I might add.” She hissed. “lf you want to talk about betrayal, that would be the place to start!”
“It’s not bullsh!t.” Ethan’argued. “Jane and I tried to make it work but when push came to shove she let me down.”
“She let you down?” Linda repeated, completely incredulous. “Of all the ridiculous, insane things to come up with. What, did Aimon conk you on the head?
Have you had an aneurysm?”
“This really isn’t any of your business.” Ethan ground out, showing more emotion as his frustration grew. “What happened between Jane and l is private. I understand you care for your friend, but she isn’t innocent in all this. She lied, she went behind my back and she broke her promises.”
“Ethan, you are more in love with Jane, and more dedicated to your children than any man I’ve ever seen.
You’ve been fighting for Jane since day one.” Linda reminded him sternly.
“Things change.” He insisted stubbornly.
Linda shook her head. “Not this suddenly they don’t. And even if things changed with Jane, I know you would never give up the pups, especially Paisley. You forget that I was there when you believed Jane was dead –I saw how devastated you were, I saw how devoted you were to your daughter-she didn’t.”
“I love the pups.” Ethan growled. “But I can’t be with Jane after what she did and they need her more than they need me.”
“You know the worst part about this entire situation?” Linda demanded, “It’s that whatever the real reason is for this ridiculous farce, you’re blaming Jane rather than taking responsibility yourself. It’s f****d up beyond belief. Do you have any idea what that’s going to do to her? How it will torture her to think that she cost her babies their father?”
“Sometimes guilt is healthy.” Ethan argued.
You are so full of it!” Linda exclaimed, throwing her arms out in exasperation.
“When it’s warranted,” Ethan continued, raising his voice over hers, “t can be a tool for growth, for taking responsibility like you said.”
“Except it isn’t warranted” Linda barked. Jane’s pups were in danger, any mother in her shoes would have done exactly the same thing and if she didn’t run when you told her to, it was out of loyalty to you. She did everything right, and now you’re punishing her for it. And worse, you’re punishing the pups.”
“That isn’t what I want.” Ethan rumbles, a haunted expression taking over his handsome features.
“Well it’s what you’re doing!” Linda reiterated. “
They need their father, and you can be in their lives even if you aren’t in a relationship with Jane – which you very well know.”
“Linda-” Ethan sighed, exhausted by this debate.
“No!” She cut him off, “No, I don’t believe this for a single moment. What’s really going on?”
“Nothing” Ethan hissed, his eyes flashing dangerously.
Linda narrowed her eyes, noticing how still the big Alpha had been ever since she entered. Despite the heated conversation, he’d hardly moved. It was a strange thing for such a powerful, physical being. She stepped forward and plucked the chart from the end of his bed, her suspicions increasing when Ethan impotently reached out to stop her but did not seem able to do more.
Her eyes flitted over the page, growing wider and wider as she took in the information. The words bounced off the page, shocking her to the core.
Spinal Cord Trauma. Paraplegic Paralysis. Permanent.
Oh my Goddess.” She murmured, raising her fingers to her l!ps, as she looked back up at Ethan with wide eyes.
“You’re paralyzed?”
“Don’t look at me that way.” He sniped. “l can’t stand the pity.”
“This is why you ended things with Jane?” Linda guessed, “So she wouldn’t find out? Ethan l’m so sorry but your pride can’t be worth losing your family!”
“Don’t be stupid” Ethan snarled. “1 didn’t do it because of pride. I can’t be a true mate to her, or a true father to the pups. You know what happens to shifters with trapped wolves! I don’t want to saddle Jane with caring for me like some invalid for the rest of her life.
She deserves better than that! She deserves someone who is worthy of her, who can care for her and keep her safe, and so do the pups.”
Linda’s eyes burned with tears, “Ethan, that’s crazy. She loves you, they all love you. Don’t you think they’d rather have you in their lives in whatever way they can, rather than go on without you? You broke her heart and when the pups find out, they’ll be devastated too: They won’t care whether you can walk or not.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t understand, it’s more than that. As long as they’re associated with me, they’ll be a target for people like Anita and Aimon. That was fine when I could protect them, but I can’t anymore! I can’t shift, I can’t even piss by myself!
Chaining themselves to me would make them vulnerable, it would put them all in danger. They’ll get over the break up, but they might not survive if they end up stuck with me.”
Anita frowned deeply. “Ethan, I’m begging you, don’t do this. Tell Jane the truth before it’s too late.
“No.” He grumbled, digging in his heels. “And you can’t tell her either:”
“What?” She gasped, “I can’t promise you that, not 1 knowing the truth. You have no idea how badly thís is going to hurt Jane.”
“Of course I do!” Ethan thundered. “Do you think it was easy for me to be so cruel to her? Do you think I wanted to say those horrible things to her – after everything we went through to reach this place? I did what I had to, for her sake and the pups! I put their well-being above my own happiness because it was the right thing to do! I know exactly how badly this is going to hurt them all, but at the end of the day, that’s what has to happen. They need to hate me Linda, so that they’ll stay away. As long as they stay away they’ll be safe.”
Linda looked as though she wanted to protest, opening her mouth to respond. However Ethan cut her off before she could get another word in. “Don’t forget, you owe me, Linda. You knew that Jane was alive for all those years, you knew about the other pups and you kept them from me. You watched me suffer in silence.”
“Ethan, you barely even remembered I existed.”
She countered, “it’s not like we were friends then.”
“Fine” Ethan accepted, a cunning glint in his dark irises. “But if it weren’t for me, your mate would still be locked in a dungeon being tortured. You owe me his life, you owe me your crown.”
Linda paled, realizing he was right. She did owe him Eric’s life, and that was worth everything to her.
Ethan, please don’t ask this of me. Don’t ask me to lie to Jane this way.”
“It should be easy for you.” He assessed, “you’ve lied for her for years, and at the end of the day, this lie is for her own good.”
Linda shook her head, getting ready to refuse again, however Ethan raised his voice again, putting all his Alpha authority into his next words. “Promise me, Linda. Promise you’ll keep this secret, even from Eric:”
If he’d been anyone else, it might not have worked.
After all, Linda was a Luna in her own right now, a queen who would soon ascend to her thrown. However Ethan was still more dominant than Eric, and he’d been her alpha for years. She couldn’t withstand his power, regardless of his immobility.
She bit down on her tongue to try to stop the words from escaping, but it was no use, they were r!pped from her vocal cords by the force of his order, and she was helpless to stop them.”l promise.”
The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 160
Ethan
My family is gone.
I watched the clock through the night, waiting for confirmation from my spies that Jane and the kids landed safely in the Dark Moon pack. I sent a contingent of agents to the territory as soon as I purchased the plane tickets, ensuring my people would be on the ground before my family arrived.
I’ve never had permanent spies in the Dark Moon territory before, but I certainly will now. I may not be able to be near Jane and the pups, but I need to know they’re safe, I need to know how they’re doing. My spies will allow me to watch them from afar, to live vicariously through their reports.
Living without them seems like an impossibility, but then again living without my mobility is never something I imagined happening either. I always àssumed I might die in battle, and part of me wishes I had instead of having my wolf permanently trapped inside me. It’s not that I think losing my legs is the end of the world, but for a wolf, the ability to transform is everything. A trapped wolf is bound to go mad eventually, especially without a mate. I know my future is terribly bleak, and I don’t know how much tỉme I truly have before the balance tips and I become incapable of logical thought.
If I’m lucky I might be able to hold myself together for a few years, and I have to make the most of the time I have left. The pack can’t find out about my condition. If it were suddenly to lose its Alpha with no plans or successors in place, the power vacuum could destroy the entire territory. 1’ve got to figure out some way to hide this from my people so that I can put up a good front and make preparations for the eventual transition. I’Il tell my Beta, Matthew, the truth. I’ll make sure he knows to look out for the signs so that he can put me down if I start to truly lose it and begin harming the pack. I’ll find a protégé to train to eventually take my place as Alpha, and trust Matthew to take my boys under his wing when they grow up.
Making these plans, even as vague as they are, helps me avoid thinking about all I’ve lost. I don’t regret any of it, because my sacrifice means that my family is safe and sound, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t break my own heart to lose them, or to see myself brought so low. This is not the ending I envisioned for myself, and it’s going to take a long time to come to terms with it – if I ever can. I’m afraid that being away from my family will make me lose my mind faster, but I can’t bear the idea of them seeing me that way, of saddling Jane with caring for me in that condition.
Maybe I am more prideful than I admitted to Linda, and that may be something I confront in the months to come, but right now I simply have to figure out how I’m going to pull this off. I put in a call to a medical think tank and research scientist in the capital, requesting an immediate consultation.
They arrive at the hospital in record time, no doubt out of deference to the man who finally rid the Kingdom of Aimon. I brief them of my situation, letting my surgeon explain the details and listening on with feigned disinterest as I try to ignore their sympathetic gazes. I don’t think I would mind the pitý, if it wasn’t a reminder of all the things I’m desperately trying to put out of my mind.
“I need some way to stand, to appear mobile.”I explain to the gathered specialists. “It’s imperative to the security of my pack that I appear strong, at least until a suitable successor can be trained and take over. Right now there is no one to take my place, and if I go back like this…” I trail off, shaking my head.
“We understand, Alpha.” The research scientist èxpresses gently, “I’m so sorry to learn about your condition.”
There’s no need for that.”I tell her, trying not to sound too gruff. “I don’t need consolation, just solutions.”
“We could get you some braces that would allow you to stand.” My surgeon suggests, “but I must warn you that they do damage the legs.”
My legs are useless.? I remind him, “So it doesn’t really matter if they’re damaged.”
“They also wouldn’t allow you to move – it would be very difficult to use them in any meaningful way.
He adds.
We may be able to help there. The doctor from the think tank jumps in, looking excited. “If you can fit him with the proper braces, I think my robotics lab might be able to engineer an automated control system which would move the braces for the Alpha, essentially allowing him to walk and remain upright.”
“Really?” I exclaim, not quite believing there’s truly a solution.
“Yes, and that would keep your limbs moving to prevent muscle atrophy – which will be very important for hiding the condition and potentially keeping you healthy in the event of a cure.” The doctor continued eagerly.
“And what are the chances of that?” I question, looking back to my surgeon. “I mean you said it was a possibility down the road, but talk to me about likelihood – what percentage are we talking about?”
My heart sinks when the surgeon averts his gaze.
Alpha, it’s true that long term improvements can be made in cases like yours, but these things normally don’t happen on a timeline that a shifter of your stature can withstand.
“What does that mean?” I inquire, not quite understanding.
Well it’s one thing with children, she -wolves and omegas, beings whose wolves are less dominant – less active.” He shares. I’ve seen recoveries in some cases like yours after years of physical therapy and -good luck, but the shifters who have experienced those Successes have been able to retain a sound state of mind despite their wolves being trapped for so long, because they aren’t as strong.”
‘Basically you’re saying the stronger the wolf, the faster you go nad.” I summarize gravely.
Yes, your wolf needs to be let out more often because it’s the only way for you to burn off all your excess power and energy. The surgeon continues.
So the chances of you staying sane long enough for a recovery are very low.”
“How long do I have?” I ask, fearing that I may have overestimated the amount of time I have left.
All three experts are staring at the ground now, and my insides tie themselves into knots. “I’ve never seen a case of an Alpha of your strength in this situation.” The surgeon murmurs, guess, I’d say you have a year. I understand the necessity of your plan, and I think it’s important to find a solution for the short term, but you need to “but if I had to prepare yourself, Ethan. You need to get your affairs in order. If we’re lucky, you may have morę time than that, but you know your wolf better than we do – have you ever gone more than a few days without shifting?”
‘No.” I confirm, wishing I could shift this very moment. When I get stressed or overwhelmed, the only thing that ever helps is releasing my wolf, going for a run in the light of the moon and burning off the tension. Suddenly it hits me full force what the rest of my life will be- my wolf constantly clawing to be free, my body trying to give into the instincts, but ultimately falling flat. It’s no wonder it drives people mad – my wolf is hard enough to contain in the best of times.
The doctors can clearly see my emotions boiling up and preparing to consume me. “We can give you a sedative , to try and help keep your wolf docile.’ The researcher offers, but it will become less effective over tine as you build up a tolerance.”
Ỉ nod, pain slicing through my chest. I would rather die now than experience the torture of slowly going mad this way, but I don’t have that luxury. I can’t leave my pack without a transition plan, and I hate to think of leaving Jane and the pups unprotected –I need to make sure they’re okay before I go anywhere. I just wish I could be with them again. I don’t want to think about my children growing up without a father, or Jane living out the rest of her life too scarred to ever trust anyone again – to ever find someone to love and care for her. That isn’t what I want.
“Leave me:” I order suddenly, feeling myself on the verge of a breakdown. Now that the drugs from surgery have finally worn off and the true implications of my future are being made clear, I feel reality slamming into me like a steam roller – flattening me beneath its wheel. I want to cry – I want to scream and rant and rave.
I’m never going to see my children grow up. I’m never going to hold Jane in my arms again. I’m never going to. shift, or feel the freedom of running through the fořest. I’m going to have to rely on others to do everything for me, lose all autonomy, and eventually go out of my mind from the agony of my wolf being trapped inside me.
It’s truly too much to bear. Without thinking, I slam my fist into the tray table hovering beside my bed. I wanted to beat it, to take my fury out on it, but it smashes into a hundred pieces at the first blow.
Instead I punch the railing of my gurney, denting the metal but relishing the sting of pain in my knuckles. I do it again and again, wailing my hands into the steel until they’re bruised and bleeding. The next thing I know a pack of nurses and orderlies is there, trying to subdue me, but I’m roaring out my fury and fighting them off. It’s not until a needle pierces my skin and a powerful sleeping drug is injected into my veins that they can finally stop my attempts to destroy the room.
Darkness closes in and for once I welcome it – I don’t want to feel these things.I don’t want to feel anything at all. I just want to go to sleep, and never wake up.