Ch. 186..190: Love Slave to the Mafia Boss's Passion Chapter 186-190

Chapter 186: Caught in a Loop

I get it. No one wants to deal with me. They must view me as someone very difficult to deal with.

"What are you trying to say?" I asked, wanting him to just get to the point.

"It’s not safe for you to be wandering around cluelessly outside right now. That is what I’ve been trying to say," Luka stated emotionlessly.

"You’re telling me that Hayden is keeping me locked up here for my own safety? That’s crazy! No one is going to hurt me; I’ve never hurt anyone. This is crazy. Please let me out, please…" I cried out desperately as I hammered at the door with my hands.

"I can’t let you out. As I already told you, I’m not allowed to open the door…" Luka said regretfully.

Why is it unsafe for me outside? That can’t be true, right? My life was normal…

Is this because of Ethan? They think Ethan will harm me?

"I honestly don’t think that Ethan would harm me. He’s…not that kind of person," I said loudly.

"That’s what you think but Hayden isn’t so trusting. I don’t blame him. Even I don’t know who to trust which is why I never trusted anyone outside of Torex. Your father included…" Luka said as his tone darkened.

My father? Oh right, my father was from the Silva gang although he was friends with the boss. I guess Luka wasn’t a big fan of my father back then. However, I was convinced that my father wanted peace and was working hard towards it. In the end, he also chose a peaceful life so that he could raise me up normally.

Ethan said that he wanted to follow in my father’s footsteps, and he also wanted peace. Should I tell this to Luka, I wonder. If I tell Luka, will the boss hear about it? Would it be good or bad if the boss hears about Ethan’s desire to partner with Torex?

I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to think about it. I was scared of saying the wrong things. Right now, I need to figure out a way out of here. My head hurts and the biggest problem was I didn’t know what was true anymore.

I didn’t know who to trust anymore…

"When do you think I’ll be let out of here?" I asked bluntly.

"Honestly, I don’t know. You’ll be a big burden to Hayden if you wander around randomly outside, that’s for sure. Why don’t you just relax and stay in here for now? If you want anything, I’m sure Hayden is more than willing to provide it to you…" Luka advised.

True, except for the fact that the thing that I wanted most was freedom.

"I want to get out of here…" I whined.

There was a pause and perhaps Luka was thinking of something because when he spoke again, he had a suggestion.

"Why don’t you try to make peace with Hayden? You know, just be nice to him and don’t irritate him. Hayden’s actually a nice guy, too nice to be a successful mafia if you ask me which is probably why half the gang was scared shitless about the gang’s future when Harvey died," Luka suggested.

"You want me to be nice to him?" I asked, seriously unconvinced.

"Nothing to lose in trying, right? If it doesn’t go well, you’re back to square one. If it does, maybe you can roam about the huge mansion and its gardens for a change. I doubt he’ll let you out beyond the mansion’s gates but anywhere inside the mansion should be safe enough for you. This place is like a fortress," Luka explained convincingly.

"Thank you…I guess…" I murmured through the door.

"Sure thing, missy. I’ll be back again soon just to make sure that you don’t go crazy…" Luka said and then I think he walked away.

He didn’t say anymore, and silence became my only companion once again.

…

Despite Luka’s convincing suggestion, I couldn’t find it in me to suck up to Hayden. For the next three days, we played our awkward game of cat and mouse. Nothing improved in our relationship and in my life. The only thing that I learnt was that Hayden had implemented a fixed schedule for our interaction that repeated itself until I had gotten accustomed to it.

During the day, Hayden would be gone. I don’t know where he went, and I never asked, but I do know that he wasn’t in the mansion. Instead of coming back late, Hayden came back early in the evening in time for dinner. Dinner would be set up at the dining table in my room and we would have dinner together, usually in silence.

I got the feeling from the way he had his eyes on me while I ate that this was probably his way of making sure that I ate at least one proper meal a day.

Although I knew that there were many things that I should try to talk to him peacefully about, my mouth refused to open when he sat right opposite me at the dining table. Day after day, I didn’t say anything but respond to his same set of questions.

"What did you do today?" Hayden asked.

"Nothing," I replied truthfully. It was the same answer that I gave to the same question that he had been asking every day.

I also knew what question he would ask next.

"Do you want or need anything?" Hayden asked, his blue eyes still on me.

"No, I don’t want or need anything," I replied.

Same question; same answer.

"Did you sleep well last night?" he asked.

"Yes, I slept decently well last night," I replied without a thought.

"Is there something that you want to do?" Hayden asked.

Once again, I gave him the same answer that I gave him every day.

"I want to go back outside…" I replied as I looked deeply into his cold blue eyes.

The conversation was always the same and probably because of that, it always ended the same way. Because Hayden couldn’t grant my wish, he would get up from his seat and leave the room silently while I sat and stared at the leftover food on the table in front of me. The door would close firmly behind him and then it would be locked from the outside.

 

Chapter 187: To Start a Conversation

Since that day, Hayden never laid hands on me again. We haven’t had sex since and he hasn’t shown any interest in coming within close contact with me. I looked up at the blank ceiling of the room and wondered if we would live our lives in a loop like this until we died. Obviously, that wasn’t going to happen. I knew that I had to talk to him, but I just couldn’t do it.

Taking the first step forward was always the hardest and I was being such a coward for avoiding it.

On the fifth day, I woke up with renewed motivation to turn things around. It was time that I acted like I realized that moping around isn’t going to change anything. I’m going to make the most of today and when Hayden joins me for dinner tonight, I’ll talk to him.

For the first time since I’ve been locked up in this suite, I made my way to the art studio with the intent to start working on some art. The door to the art studio made a clicking sound when I turned the doorknob. I couldn’t help smiling to myself at the sight that confirmed my initial hypothesis. This studio really does let in a lot of natural light.

Without prejudice, I had to say that it was a perfect art studio. I never dreamt that I’ll get to work in a studio quite like this one.

Auntie and the other maids did a splendid job of arranging the art supplies that was hauled in from the other day. I expected that there would be a lot of supplies but not quite this many and of such a wide range of variety and high quality. It wasn’t like I had anything complex in mind that I wanted to create.

Since the art exhibition ended, I honestly didn’t have a path forward for my career in art. Being a teacher for kids was fun and all, but I still wanted to build a career and a name for myself in the field of art. Call that a dream for now.

What Hayden told me before truly gave me pause. Deep down, I knew that he was right. If people knew that I was associated with the mafia then who in their right mind would let their kids get near me. I sat down on the chair in the room and looked up at the sun that was shining in through the window from outside. It’s so bright…

I brought up a hand to shield my eye from the sun but the warmth from the light made me feel slightly better about myself. Memories of when Hayden showed up that day to dinner with my friends popped up in my mind. Back then, I truly didn’t want him to get close to my friends or my private life.

The reason was simple, he was from the mafia and being associated with him could lead to trouble for me, my friends, and the people that I know. I didn’t want him to be part of my life or theirs. Do the same thoughts apply to me now? Is that what other people will think of me once they find out that I’m dating a guy from the mafia?

I swore under my breath before I slammed my palms flat onto the table in front of me. Enough thinking and time to get painting!

Thinking about it isn’t going to solve all my problems. There were just too many problems and the only way to deal with that was to solve them one at a time. Right now, I’m painting something so that I can start a proper conversation with Hayden. Step number one!

When I had the canvas and tools and everything else set up, I had already made up my mind on what I was going to sketch and paint. Hayden would usually come back early in the evening so if I work all throughout the day without break, I should be able to finish a decent painting. Not exhibition quality but it can be presentable.

After trying my hand at sketching what I had in mind, things did not work out as I had hoped at all. It just didn’t look right. Sketching from an image that I had in my mind just made the whole thing seem unrealistic. It looks so fake and so stiff. I sighed. A few days ago, I probably wouldn’t imagine myself doing this…

"Hello! I know someone is out there. Can you call Auntie for me please?!" I shouted in front of the door that separated me from the hallway outside.

The men in black must be outside.

"Understood," a deep man’s voice replied from just outside the door.

Wow, they do talk back. That’s new…

A few minutes later, I heard the door being unlocked from the outside and knew that Auntie had arrived. Once the door opened, she greeted me with a kind smile.

"Hi…" I said softly.

"Hello, Miss. What can I help you with today?" Auntie inquired.

"I know this is kind of rushed but…is there a way that you can get me some white tulips and a vase?" I asked.

Auntie’s eyes widened at me. It was clear that she did not expect a request like that from me.

"Y-yes. I will try my best…" Auntie replied.

"I’m sorry for the rush but can you please get it as soon as possible? Any vase is fine. Any vase in this mansion is fine but I need you to get the white tulips…" I pleaded desperately.

Auntie nodded and I was half relieved that she seemed to understand the urgency of my request. I don’t have that much time on my hands right now…

I paced impatiently back and forth across the room as I waited for Auntie’s return.

…

After around almost an hour, Auntie arrived back with what I had requested for. I quickly thanked her before heading back into the studio. That took more time than I had anticipated. Placing the vase with the white tulips onto the table, I began finding the right position where the natural light from outside would cast the right amount of shadow.

Once everything was set up, sketching, and painting the still life was easy to achieve. Years of practice is finally going to pay off.

 

Chapter 188: All Too Late

To my surprise, I enjoyed the creation process immensely. I was adding the final touches right before sunset. The paint may not completely dry in time but as long as Hayden doesn’t touch it, it should be completely fine. I took a few steps back to admire the painting from various angles. It’s passable. Nothing fancy but definitely passable given the time constraint.

With a nod of my head, I told myself that I would be satisfied with this for now and promised to do better next time.

Fortunately, I had some time to spare before Hayden got back and the maids came in to set up the dinner table. That meant that I could wash up all the sweat and paint on me. After a relaxing shower, I got dressed and sat at the dining table while I waited for Hayden to arrive. He should be here anytime now…

After Auntie and the maids left the room after setting up the dining table for us, I was all alone in the room again and it was drearily quiet. I couldn’t stop glancing over at the door because I knew that Hayden could walk in any moment now. The clock ticked by as I waited and then waited some more. Half an hour went by, and the food had gotten cold.

I didn’t mind though because I wasn’t hungry, and it wasn’t eating the food that I was looking forward to.

Where is Hayden? He’s running a little later today.

It was funny, he was late when I was eagerly looking forward to seeing him. While on days when I didn’t want to see him which was every day except for today, he always turned up to dinner on time. I wondered if the paint has dried up by now.

An hour passed by and then another…and then another…

I let out a depressing sigh. By that time, I was very convinced that Hayden wouldn’t come to see me tonight. Maybe he had to work. Maybe he had dinner somewhere else with someone else already.

Maybe…

I glanced up at the sound of someone knocking on the door. My heart sunk because Hayden never knocked on my door like that.

"Who is it?" I called out loudly as I got out of my seat and headed for the door.

At this time of night, I wasn’t sure who I was expecting. Usually no one would pay me a visit at night except for Hayden.

"It’s me, Luka," Luka replied through the door.

I walked closer to the door until I was standing right in front of it so that I could hear him better. It was unusual for Luka to come see me and he came quite late. Suddenly, I felt extremely fearful of what he was going to say.

"Is there…something you need to talk to me about?" I asked.

"I just came to tell you that Hayden isn’t coming to see you tonight, so you don’t need to wait up for him," Luka replied.

I felt slightly relieved that it wasn’t some bad news. Of course, I was disappointed that Hayden couldn’t come see me tonight, but it was no big deal. I had already figured that he probably wouldn’t turn up tonight.

"Oh…I see. Thank you for coming to tell me that," I thanked him politely.

Hayden came to have dinner with me every day and before I knew it, I guess I had gotten used to seeing him at the end of the day. The slight feeling of disappointment made me realize that I had unknowingly been looking forward to seeing him. It was especially unfortunate that he couldn’t make it today. I even painted something to show him, and I’ve spent hours preparing what I wanted to say to him.

It wasn’t like this couldn’t wait for another day or anything but…

"Make sure you eat your dinner properly and just rest for tonight," Luka said, and I knew that he was about to leave.

"Wait! Will Hayden be here tomorrow?" I quickly asked before Luka could leave.

"I’m not sure about that…" Luka replied solemnly.

That was when I started to catch some worry and concern in his tone of voice. Did something…happen?

"Luka…did something…happen?" I asked hesitantly.

It was hard to explain but suddenly, I started feeling very scared.

Luka was silent for a while, and I knew that something must have happened. Something bad. The old man heaved a loud sigh that could be heard on my side of the door.

"I’m not supposed to tell you this but…Hayden got into a car accident on his way back here…" Luka said hesitantly.

"What?! Is he, ok? Where is he right now?!" I screamed loudly in my shock.

Why didn’t he tell me this sooner? Was he trying to keep it from me?

"Let me out! Luka!" I cried out as my hands desperately beat on the door.

"Calm down, Malissa. Hayden is fine. It was nothing major…" Luka said firmly.

Oh…

I closed my eyes and breathed out a sigh of relief. That was so bad for my heart.

"Where is he, right now?" I asked softly.

Although I knew that he was fine, I didn’t know what ’fine’ meant. However, from personal experience, I knew that the mafia’s definition of ’fine’ was very different from mine. Tears fell from my eyes before I knew it. I was crying like a baby from a mix of shock and relief.

"He’s in the hospital. The boss forced him to get some checkups…just to be safe…" Luka replied.

"Can I go see him?" I asked.

"Sorry. You’ll have to stay here under his orders," Luka replied sympathetically.

"I won’t run! I promise! I’ll just see him and come straight back here. Please!" I pleaded desperately.

I tired turning the doorknob frantically, but it wouldn’t open.

"I know that you won’t run, missy, and even if you did, you wouldn’t succeed in escaping. That being said, I cannot let you out of this room. I am very sorry, Malissa," Luka said regretfully.

 

Chapter 189: Regret

From the tone of his voice, I knew that he felt sorry for me. I appreciated that but that didn’t help open this door!

"Luka! Open the door! Please! Please open the door…" I wailed while crying.

My whole body shook with the strength of my own sobs. My voice cracked and I found it hard to breathe; however, that didn’t keep me from beating my hands against the door. Luka didn’t respond but I knew that he was still standing there in front of the door.

"Luka…please…" I begged.

Luka just said that he’s not sure if Hayden can make it to see me tomorrow. Doesn’t that mean that he’s hurt badly? He’s going to be stuck in the hospital, right?

"I’ll let Hayden know that you wish to see him," Luka said flatly.

"Wait! Luka! Luka!" I yelled loudly.

Luka didn’t reply again, and I knew that he was no longer on the other side of the door.

Although I knew that Luka had left, I continued to bang on the door as more tears streamed down my cheek. Why is this happening now of all times?!

After screaming my head off for the men in black to let met out of the door without any result, I resigned to my fate and headed for the sofa to gather myself.

I went through a lot of tissue to wipe my tears and blow my nose. It was getting challenging to breathe because I couldn’t stop crying. I sighed loudly and covered my eyes with my hands as I thought about how worried I was about Hayden. Luka said that the accident wasn’t serious, but I couldn’t be sure until I could see him with my own eyes. I’m was worried sick about him…

Laying down on the long sofa, I felt terrible for what I’ve done and hadn’t done. This is such a mess, if I knew that thing would turn out this way, I should have talked to Hayden properly yesterday. Why didn’t I do that? What was I thinking? This feeling that felt like a void inside my stomach is probably called regret.

It was one of the saddest things ever that I needed an accident to remind me and make me realize how I felt. I should have figured out my own feelings sooner. I bit my lower lip as I forced myself to stand up from the sofa. Knowing well now that I couldn’t go back to change the past, all I could do was act on securing a better future and that must start now.

It was late at night and the art studio was pitch black in the darkness. Reaching out my hand along the wall, I found the light switch and turned on the lights. Flights flooded the studio, and my attention was immediately on the painting that I had painted earlier in the day. I took the few steps that was required to bring myself in front of the painting.

My legs still shook with every step that I took.

I felt tears forming in my eyes and quickly blinked to clear them away. It never occurred to me when I was painting this painting that I was painting it for me rather than for Hayden. White tulips symbolize forgiveness. At first, I thought I painted this painted because I wanted to tell Hayden that I had decided to forgive him for locking me up in here.

Just so that we could talk things out and come to an understanding. However, the void I felt inside of me right now told a very different story…

Who has to forgive who now, I wonder? If I simply apologize for my selfishness and foolishness, will he forgive me?

I wasn’t sure if the paint had completely dried or not, but I didn’t care anymore. Without hesitation, I reached out for a black piece of fabric and quickly tossed it over the canvas to completely cover it. Hopefully, along with it, I can cover up my past mistakes and the associated regret and shame.

Although I knew that I probably couldn’t fall asleep, I got into the bed anyways. When tomorrow morning arrives, Auntie will come to see me. Maybe I can beg her to help me then or at least, she should have some news for me about Hayden’s condition. I prayed that Luka wasn’t lying when he told me that Hayden was fine…whatever fine meant.

I glanced over at the only light in my bedroom that came from my phone’s screen. The name on the screen read Hayden but the call refused to connect no matter how many times I tried. If he was in an accident, he should have called me to let me know that he was fine. Just how difficult is that? I just needed to hear his voice and hear it from him that he was fine.

Having completely lost count of the times I called him without any success, I closed my eyes to rest them. The adrenaline rush of rushing through completing the painting from earlier today was getting to me on top of everything else. My body and mind felt tired, and my spirit felt bruised and battered.

…

I don’t know when and how it happened, but I must have fallen asleep at some point while waiting for my line to connect with Hayden’s. My mind felt hazy from exhaustion, emotional stress, and sleep deprivation so I wasn’t sure if I had imagined the whole thing when I felt a presence close to me.

Even when I felt the mattress of the bed shift beneath me, I still wasn’t sure if someone else had just placed their weight on my bed or if it was just my stupid imagination.

"Hmm…Hay…den…" I whispered drowsily as I shifted on the bed.

By that time, I was wholly convinced that sleep was just playing tricks on me. Hayden’s in the hospital somewhere so there was no way that he could be here…right?

But what if…

"Hayden!" I woke up with a loud scream as I bolted upright into a sitting position on the bed.

 

Chapter 190: Same but Different

The room was completely dark because I had closed the curtains completely. My eyes couldn’t make out anything in the darkness. The sound of my harsh breathing filled the room as I panted and struggled to recover from my shock.

"You’re as loud as always…" a low voice whispered from the foot of my bed.

"…Hayden?" I called out his name in disbelief.

It better be Hayden and not some ghost…

"Don’t scream my name when I’m already sitting so close," Hayden replied calmly.

I felt the mattress shift underneath me slightly as Hayden moved closer to me on the bed. It was dark and I couldn’t make out anything but his silhouette.

"Are you really here?" I asked just to make sure that I wasn’t seeing and hearing things.

"I’m here," he replied firmly.

He’s really here…wow.

Before I could say anything, Hayden began talking first and the first thing he asked me was…

"Did you eat dinner properly?" he asked.

Seriously, is that what he’s worried about at a time like this?

"…No…" I admitted truthfully. I didn’t eat anything at all.

"What did you do today?" Hayden asked.

"I painted a painting. It’s been a while. The studio is perfect…thank you…" I replied and my voice shook with emotion. I’m going to start crying.

Thankfully it was dark, and he probably couldn’t see my face right now; however, I was sure that he could tell by my voice that I was on the verge of crying. Regardless, Hayden continued to go through his same list of questions.

"Do you want or need anything?" Hayden asked.

"I want to talk to you…properly. Maybe we should do that when you’re feeling better," I replied softly.

"Did you sleep well last night?" he asked.

"Yes, but I can’t sleep at all tonight…" I replied truthfully.

"Is there something that you want to do?" Hayden asked.

For the future, I had no idea but for now.

"No but I want you to tell me about the car accident. Are you ok?" I asked.

The questions were the exact same ones as the days before, but I answered them differently now. I felt so different now…

"It’s not a big deal. Luka should have told you that already. I was driving a little recklessly, that’s all," Hayden replied casually.

"You should have told me that yourself. I was so worried, and I called you so many times, but you never picked up…" I complained.

"My phone got damaged a bit and doesn’t work well anymore. I’ll get it replaced," Hayden explained flawlessly.

"Why are we talking in the dark? Let me turn on the lights…" I said with sudden realization.

I probably look like a mess since I’ve been crying so much but I wanted to see Hayden. No matter what, I needed to check and see with my own eyes that he’s alright.

"No need. Just stay where you are," Hayden said, and I felt his hand on my arm to stop me from getting up from the bed.

"But it’s so dark…and I want to see you so…" I mumbled.

"There’s nothing interesting for you to see," Hayden said coldly.

I bet he just doesn’t want me to worry and that is making me worry even more. The lights are still off because he doesn’t want me to see, does he?

Although and I knew and appreciated the fact that he didn’t want me to worry, I also got the feeling that he was hiding something away from me. I yanked my arm away from his grip as my other arm reached to the bedside table where I knew the lamp was. If I can just reach the switch, then I can get some light and I’ll finally get to see him.

My fingertips reached the switch and after the lamp made a soft clicking sound, orange warm light illuminated the area around the bed. I gasped loudly after my eyes had adjusted to the sudden flood of light in the room. The sight of Hayden’s upper body covered in bandages wasn’t a sight that I was mentally prepared to see.

Hayden sighed and rolled his eyes slightly at my shocked and speechless reaction as if to say: ’I told you to keep the lights off…see?’

"Don’t worry. I think they wrapped me up a little too much. Since Harvey is gone my old man got a little freaked out this time around and pestered the doctors a lot. That’s all," Hayden said followed by a soft laugh.

"Really…?" I asked softly, not convinced with his reply.

"Really. I’m a doctor too so I know it isn’t that bad," Hayden reaffirmed.

"It’s not that bad so it is bad…right?" I asked skeptically.

"For your information, nothing is broken," Hayden replied stubbornly.

"Aha…" I mumbled in reply. Just because nothing is broken doesn’t mean that it’s all great and good, right?

I didn’t want to argue with him anymore about this. Regardless of how insignificant Hayden was making his injuries sound, the state he was in looked extremely disturbing. His right upper arm and shoulder was wrapped up. All parts of his torso from his chest down to his waist was bandaged. He had visible bruises here and there and everywhere.

"Does it hurt?" I asked although I knew that it probably did, and he wasn’t willing to admit to it.

"I’m fine," Hayden said with slight annoyance.

"You should have stayed at the hospital…" I murmured.

Sure, I was super happy to see him but now that I think about it, Hayden should be in the hospital right now.

"It’s boring there. I rather rest up at home…" Hayden said like it was no big deal.

"Luka said that you might be in the hospital for a few days. You didn’t sneak out, did you?" I asked suspiciously.

Wasn’t he supposed to be getting checkups and all that based on what Luka was telling me just a few hours ago? I started to get a very skeptical feeling about this.

I stared at Hayden as I waited for my answer. His silence was the best answer that I would ever get.