Ch. 121..130

Chapter 121

"There'd been an outbreak," he ground out. "That's what they told me. Nick took me aside the day before I'd planned to return and said he was so, so grateful they'd taken me out and been controlling my contact, because there'd been an outbreak here, and Chimera were dying. It was the same germ, probably spread by the young. But it was beginning to take some of the adults. And it wasn't safe for me to return until they had confirmed why I could resist it, to ensure there was no risk that I could contract it with extended contact."

He gritted his teeth and forced himself not to see the images flashing through his mind—the carnage they'd described. The fear of the people, and his own guilt and relief that he was safe and could do what was needed to protect all of them… It was sick. So sick.

"Nick convinced me that our purpose was even more important than ever. I had to stay. I had to continue to take any willing female, to attempt to build the resilience of our species. That if we lost too many and the research couldn't continue, that those who made the decisions would stop funding it and the Chimera would be executed so they couldn't fall into the hands of anyone else.

"He said this outbreak put us at just as much risk—because if too many were lost, it would have the same result. He pleaded with me, tears in his eyes, to stay, to sacrifice my freedom. He made it sound noble and as if I had been given a purpose by God.

"I questioned the mating bond. But he was certain: I couldn't form it, so the females wouldn't either. By mating them, by bringing offspring into the world who were resistant as I was... He had me convinced."

He shook his head and raked a hand through his hair. "It sounds so stupid now—so many things I could have asked or done to make sure this was real. But it hadn't occurred to me. I knew there were a lot of our young who were sick. I had seen through a window four females in a lab room there who were near death—and they were all coughing. I had no reason to believe… Nick had always seemed so focused on keeping the Chimera alive and thriving… I was na?ve and stupid, and I regret it every day," he said, his voice a low, hollow husk.

The other males began to murmur between themselves discussing what he'd said, and he let them because he had to tell Sasha something. He caught her eye and she squeezed his arm again, but he could smell the thick dread in her—fear of what he was going to say, and revulsion over what he'd already described.

When he spoke into her head, it startled her. He prayed no one else noticed.

They also dangled you in front of me like fresh meat, he said, his voice heavy with grief. The promise of seeing you again, of knowing I was so much closer that… that there was a chance… I was getting updates on you every few days instead of every few months, and I was like a… a drug addict. Wanting more and more… it pushed my priorities off balance and made me… I can't tell them this, Sasha, but it made me easier to convince. I wanted to reason to have to stay. Because I knew I couldn't choose it. But being forced to it… Nick knew how to make it attractive to me to stay.

"Why didn't you visit? Check in? Why not come back to see for yourself and inform us?" Lhars growled from the other side of the fire.

Zev sighed. "After the outbreak—or, when they told me there was one—I recorded messages for the hierarchy, describing how you were to manage without me, and why I was allowing the humans to come through more often. I believed they were taking medications and assistance to you—along with my messages. Nick was terrified of risking me before they were certain I was immune. But I did keep asking.

"As I understood it, you knew exactly what was going on. What changed it all was when… when he told me that they'd been forced to bring a hundred or more Chimera back to this world, to treat them more effectively. They said that they were trying to contain the outbreak, stop it spreading. And they told me… told me that the males were stronger against it. That they'd left most of the males back in Thana, along with the healthy females and young.

"I thought… I thought our people were split. I asked to see those that had been brought through. But Nick wouldn't let me risk getting this terrible disease. He said once they were healthy he'd start letting me meet with them one by one.

"But over months, the only ones I saw were females—younger females, never mated. And Nick told me… told me that the bond never took for them. That I wasn't creating any problems for them. That having my pups was going to change the genetics of the wolf pack and allow them to study, so they could figure out the gene switch—that's what he called it. He said genes were things they could turn on and off, and that they had to identify how to flip the one that stopped me from getting ill, so they could switch it in others. And I fell for it…"

He heard his own words and they made him ill. How he hadn't seen this sooner, how he hadn't realized for so long… he shook his head and bit back tears. He had not only failed Sasha, he'd failed his people. And he was back now to put it right. To correct what he could, and to ensure that his people were never put in that position again.

Zev dropped his head into his hands, unable to look at any of them. "I sent a message six months in that I felt a new Alpha should be chosen and followed. Someone who was on the ground here and could see what was needed. I urged you to caution about the process. Not to weaken yourselves. I thought… I'd been told you were being loyal and waiting. It was all lies," he spat. "All lies. And I fell for it. I will not again!" He lifted his head then to meet their eyes, to let them see that he understood what he'd done, that he knew he'd failed them. And he was determined to never see it happen again.

"I ask for your forgiveness," he asked. "Over time I was depressed and… hollowed out by all of this. I'd spent so much time stifling everything I felt and thought that I was turning into one of their machines. I was certain you were all better off without me. I… I gave up. I thought I hadn't been able to fix what was broken, so I left you. It was wrong, and I regret it. But you need to be certain," he snarled, "I did not understand what had happened here. Had I done so, I would have fought to the death to return, to stop the… the enslavement of our people. And now… I intend to do that now. I will make this up to you. I will correct the mistakes that I made.. And I will not leave you in human hands, ever again."

 

Chapter 122

The others began to question him then—exploring the decisions he'd made, the information he'd been given, and asking detailed questions about the females he'd had contact with, or Chimera he'd seen in the human world.

She still had her hand on his forearm and she could feel the tension in him, see the disgust with himself on his face—and she recognized the expression. It surprised her. But when one of the men around the fire asked him about a specific female he'd recognized and named, she was thrown back into a memory from their years together in high school…

In the months before they'd finally slept together, they'd discussed it many times. There had been any number of near-misses, nights when they'd found themselves alone unexpectedly, or times when the kiss turned heated and clothes became restrictive.

Sasha had never experienced the heat before—the drive in her gut that pushed her forward, yearning, seeking something. She knew what, she wasn't an idiot. But the whole idea, on its own, had always terrified her a little bit.

Being naked with a guy?

Letting him put himself inside your body?

Being so… open. So visible? Sharing a part of herself that literally no one else had ever seen or felt?

Before she'd met Zev, she hadn't really been that tempted to have sex. She'd felt desire, sure, but never strong enough to overcome her fear.

But then Zev walked into her life.

Her friends called it immediately, that he would be The One. In fact, they were so annoying the first few months, she refused to even think about going there, just because something stubborn within her refused to be such a cliché.

But as her friends got bored of teasing her—and probably gave up because at that point she'd held out for six months already—her mind turned more and more often to Zev and his body and his touch and the way it made her feel.

She'd catch herself sometimes when they were at school, or out on a date. Simple things—like the time he left her at the table while he went to the front counter of the restaurant to pay for the dinner they'd just enjoyed. He was half-turned away from her, his wide shoulders prominent. He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket in that easy way guys had when they weren't really thinking, and as he reached back his shoulder blade punched out of the tight top he wore, reminding her of the weekend before when they'd taken that trip to the beach and she'd watched the muscles on his back ripple and move under his skin as he walked and moved and…

Sitting there, in the little local diner, with nothing going on, she'd suddenly felt that ache between her legs… the hollow in the pit of her stomach that yearned to be filled. She'd imagined herself standing behind him when he had no shirt on, stroking down his back, following the hollow that hugged his spine, and the ridges between his muscles with her fingers.

And that heat, that little ache, had climbed. Become something powerful. Something that made her heart beat faster and her mouth go dry.

She'd had to turn away from him and turn her mind from what she was seeing, because otherwise when he came back to her, she was going to embarrass herself.

When he'd returned from paying, he looked tense, and she wasn't really sure why. But she was so busy dealing with her own discomfort—the urge to put her hand between her legs and press—that she'd tried to ignore it.

Maybe some guy had made a crack at him, or the woman had been rude. Zev was really sweet and good-natured, but if he thought people were mistreating others, he could get angry fast. She left him to his own tension as they got in his truck, and turned her face to the window, putting her forehead against the cold glass and pressing her hands between her thighs.

"Sash?" he'd said a few minutes down the road. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." But she hadn't turned away from the window that felt wonderful on her burning skin.

Was she having some kind of weird hormonal flare or something? Why was she suddenly… horny? She'd never experienced that before. Usually, the few relationships she'd had before had ended because she was so busy slapping the guy's hands away that they both got tired of it.

When they reached her house, the lights weren't on. Which meant her parents weren't home. Which meant… holy shit. Was she actually considering this?

"Sash?" Zev's voice was kind of strangled. "What's going on? You're really quiet."

She turned to him to find him sitting, hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white. And his eyes… his eyes fixed on her so intently, pupils so wide the rest of his eyes almost seemed to glow.

"Oh, gosh, Zev, I'm sorry. I'm just… I'm just distracted. Don't worry. You don't have to worry. I promise." She made herself lean across and kiss him gently, tried not to let herself linger too long, but he put a hand to her face when their lips met and neither of them pulled away quickly.

By the time they did, she was actually panting. "I'm feeling a little… um… flustered," she said with a nervous giggle.

Zev's eyes hadn't strayed from her face. His Adam's apple bobbed and he nodded. "I'm thinking… it looks like your parent's aren't home, right?"

"Yeah," she said, watching him. Would he ask? Would she say yes?

She wanted to.

Holy shit, she wanted to.

They'd gotten out of the truck and he'd taken her hand, leading her towards the door. But as they stepped onto the porch and she got her key out, he hung back. When she opened it, he took her hand and stopped her walking in.

Her stomach had plummeted. And then she'd turned around and it felt like the floor dropped out from under her feet.. Because everything on his face spoke of revulsion and dread.

 

Chapter 123

"What do you think about… about staying out here, on the porch while I'm here?" he asked her quietly. His dark hair fell over his eyes as he looked down on her, but his jaw was tight and his eyes shadowed.

Sasha had blinked. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Did he not want her?

Zev ran a hand through his hair and scratched the back of his neck, the other hand plunged into the pocket of his jeans. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just… I'm thinking there's some stuff I should talk to you about… before… I mean, your parents might come home and… why don't we just talk?"

She'd laughed suddenly, and clapped a hand over her mouth, cursing herself for the stupid, knee-jerk reaction she always had to stress. "You want to sit out here and… talk?" she asked when she got herself under control.

Zev nodded. "I need to tell you some stuff, I think," he said. And his voice wasn't that honeyed gravel she'd always loved. It wasn't even the warm smile he usually had.

He sounded tense, and stressed and…

"Okay," she said. "I guess I'll go make some cocoa and get a blanket."

He nodded. "I'll wait out here."

"Won't you be cold?"

He gave a self-deprecating smile. "I've never felt the cold like other people," he said without meeting her eyes. "It's fine. Take your time. Don't worry about me."

She'd gone inside feeling confused and afraid. Was he going to break up with her? There'd been no signs at all that he was unhappy—not at school, not at dinner. Not until they were leaving the diner…

She hurried through making the cocoa and grabbed a quilt from the couch as she passed through the living room, but her heart was pounding with nerves and she had some trouble juggling the mugs and blanket with the door. Zev had leaped up from the couch on the porch and opened the door for her, but when he smiled it was forced.

Sasha couldn't meet his eyes. She walked to the little table they had in front of the couch, put the mugs down a little harder than necessary, and slumped onto the couch with the quilt over her lap.

As soon as Zev sat down she didn't even give him a chance to speak. "What's going on, Zev? Are you breaking up with me?"

"What?! No!" he said, eyebrows high and his face alarmed. "No! Sasha… why would you even think that."

She gaped at him. "You were weird in the car, then when we got here and found out we were alone you looked like you'd swallowed something painful."

Zev clawed his hands through his hair and scooted along the couch until they were thigh-to-thigh. "I'm sorry, Sash, I didn't mean to scare you. You were just… looking at me different tonight and it got me thinking and I realized I hadn't really ever talked to you about why… why I don't… why we haven't—"

"Are you gay?" Sasha whispered. Then she swallowed hard. "You can tell me… if you are… I wouldn't judge."

Zev raised an eyebrow. "Well, thanks, but… Seriously, Sash?"

"Well, I don't know," she'd grumbled. "I mean, I don't have a lot of experience with this. But what little I do have has a lot to do with fending off stealth attacks from guys in movie theaters and on couches. But you… you don't do that and… it doesn't seem normal. I mean, it seems like maybe you don't want me…" she looked at her hands, cheeks heating that she'd just blurted it out.

Zev let his head drop back against the couch and put his hands to his face with a heavy sigh. Sasha had been alarmed—he was always so sunny and upbeat. Even when he got mad, he didn't stay that way. She didn't think she'd ever seen him sad or… heavy. Yet, here he was, suddenly looking like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

What the hell was going on?

"You can tell me anything, Zev. I'll still care about you," she whispered, but tears were threatening because it felt like whatever he was about to say—

"I've had sex lots of times before you, Sash—with females," he said dryly. "I don't judge either but that's… that's not my thing."

Sasha tried not to make her relief too obvious. "So, if you aren't scared to do it at all… why don't you want to do it with me?"

He dropped his hands to his thighs and without pulling his head up from the back of the couch he turned his head to look up at her. "You really think I don't want to?"

"I didn't. Until tonight," she said honestly. "I mean… what better opportunity. And you didn't even want to go into the house."

"Because it would be impossible to resist when we're alone and you're… looking at me like that!"

Sasha blinked. Oh. Okay. That was good, right? That he didn't think he could resist? But then… "Why do you want to resist so bad?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he said quietly, his voice a low rumble in the half-light of the porch. Then he reached across to take her hand and twine their fingers, resting the back of his palm on her thigh, her hand in his. "Where I come from it's a little different to here," he said quietly. "It's really normal for people to just… to wait until they know they've found the right one, and then they stay together after that. Like, permanently."

Sasha blinked. "They wait for marriage?"

He nodded, staring at their hands. "The fact that I've done this before… it's not normal where I come from."

"So, it's one of those old-fashioned places, I guess? Are they super-religious or something?"

Zev shrugged. "Sort of. But it's more about… It's more about finding the right person. My Dad… he wants me to sort of explore, you know? But I've done that some and… it didn't… I didn't find what the people I grew up with found and it felt kind of… kind of hollow. It made me want to wait and not just… just do whatever, with whoever…" he trailed off and made a face, like he was embarrassed.

Sasha squeezed his hand, her heart swelling at how seriously he took all of this. "That's kind of beautiful in a weird way," she said quietly.

"So, here's the thing, Sash. I want you. I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone else—that's for real. Like what we've got… that doesn't feel hollow to me. So I don't want to mess it up. I think… I think it would be better to wait and see. Because I'd rather wait with you, than do this and lose you. I know it's not the normal way of doing stuff here"

She almost cried. Turning in her seat, she leaned over him, took his broad jaw in her free hand and kissed him, loving the scratch of his shadowing jaw against her cheek.

He gripped her hair in his free hand and held her there, sucking in a deep breath.

When she finally pulled back, they just stared at each other for a long moment. Then she smiled. "I'd rather wait with you than do this and lose you, too," she whispered. All the fear left Zev's eyes and he beamed. She leaned in to kiss him again, but paused just before their lips touched. "And just for the record, you're definitely not normal.. It's a big part of the reason I love you."

 

Chapter 124

Even here and now, years later, Sasha's cheeks heated at that memory. She'd been immediately mortified with herself when she realized she was the first one to say those words.

But Zev, as he always did, made up for her gaffe. His eyes had gone wide and he'd straightened in his seat, staring at her.

"I'm sorry," she'd gasped, letting go of his hand and covering her mouth in horror. "I didn't mean to—"

"No, Sash, that's… that the best… I love you, too!" he whispered.

They'd stared at each other, smiles breaking on both their faces, then he'd pulled her into a kiss so intense, so full of emotion, it had stolen her breath.

In the ultimate irony, given how the conversation had begun, Sasha found herself circled in strong arms, peppered with kiss after kiss, breath heaving, and hands that started in her hair, but dragged down. At first she almost questioned him. Almost asked. But then he tilted his head and his tongue traced along hers and her stomach clenched. Sasha sucked in, grabbing at his neck and pulling him closer, and losing herself in his kiss.

The entire world tunneled to the tiny space where they existed. The quilt slid to the ground and she didn't even notice the cold, because he was holding her and her heart was pounding. When one of his hands slid under her sweater to the skin of her waist, her skin prickled with goosebumps and she dove deeper into his kiss.

It was the first night he touched her—really touched her—and the first time she touched him. It was nothing, really. Her friends laughed at her later when she marveled about it. But she'd dragged her hand across his lap to find that shocking bulge under his jeans. She'd felt him get hard before, felt the press of it against her leg or her stomach. But she'd never… never touched it.

Never realized the power of it.

Even that tiny drag of her touch across him made him shudder. He'd whispered her name and groaned, pressing her back into the couch and she'd gone willingly.

But before she could explore further, or get the courage to touch him more specifically, the rush of car tires on the road sounded, and twin cones of light started up the street.

Zev threw himself backwards off of her, pushing himself into the corner of the couch, his chest heaving up and down.

Sasha blinked at the sudden cold, but when she realized, she pushed up to sit in the opposite corner of the couch, and when Zev swallowed, then leaned forward with one of those long arms to snatch the quilt from the deck and throw it over their legs—over his lap, she realized—she'd started giggling.

He'd shushed her, but she couldn't stop—she was giddy. And when her parents finally got out of the car in the driveway and walked up onto the porch, she was still sniggering—while Zev rubbed his eyes with a thumb and forefinger.

Sasha blinked back to the present, to the firelight and the men around her, the low, hard voices and Zev's serious responses to their questions.

That memory… she'd always cherished it. But now… with what he was saying, what he was describing… it all looked different. Better, in some ways. Worse in others.

She wasn't sure how to feel about it.

He turned to glance at her, reaching for her hand as he listened to a question from Jhon. And even that simple touch set her blood aflame.

She was ridiculous.

He'd lied to her, abandoned her, stalked her for three years, then turned up and… and her heart sang.

She gripped his hand so hard he looked at her again, a question in his eyes.

What is it? What's wrong? He said in her mind, but she had no way to answer him, not with this audience. So they only met eyes, then she dropped her gaze to their entwined hands while he was forced to focus on the conversation with the other men.

"If you learned of the human's deception, if you knew that they'd lied, why didn't you fight to return? You clearly had some freedoms—why not just return to use when you realized?" Joyte asked gruffly.

Zev shook his head. "It took months… years to understand how bad it was," he said. "And I couldn't let the team realize what I'd learned. The day I learned the females weren't breeding successfully, that there weren't offspring, I wasn't even supposed to have been in the lab. They weren't supposed to be there either. But yet, we crossed paths…

"I asked later—I had to be so careful. If they knew I was questioning what they were saying I was at risk of being caged like those I saw in the lab. I couldn't help them if I was locked up. I had to wait for the conversation of offspring to come up naturally, to ask Nick what was happening—where were the children? Were they in Thana or here?

"Nick lied and told me that they were holding the females until the offspring were born, then sending them back to Thana after safe delivery."

Zev shook his head, lines appearing at the corners of his mouth. "It was a lie. All of it. Once I'd caught them in one, I started questioning everything… but it was only a couple of months ago that I was certain. And then I did start planning. I thought it would take longer to get back here, but when they tried to take Sasha… it was time."

He looked at her again and she squeezed his hand, though she was desperately aware of the gazes around the fire—some of them disapproving.

"You all need to know, claiming Sasha wasn't just convenience or pride. Sasha is different for me. We do have the bond—but it's different. Maybe it's the only kind of bond I'm capable of? I don't know. I just know that… that she's my One. My heart's song. I will never breed another female as long as I live." He said the words to her, and Sasha's heart squeezed. Then he turned back to the other men. "I will never betray our people in that way again. Ever. I am no longer deceived. I will not be tricked into this darkness again. It would be a betrayal not only to you, but to my mate, and our bond. Hear me: I need your forgiveness. I beg it. But I also offer you my vow."

Chapter 125

Zev sat quietly, staring around the circle, meeting eyes with each of the men. She could see the certainty in the way his shoulders were back and he met each set of eyes evenly, patiently. But she could also see his tension.

Would they believe him as much as he believed in himself?

Sasha turned her thoughts inward to her own heart and mind. Did she believe in him as much as he believed in himself?

And she found her answer was yes, but.

If she took away her embarrassment and fear of what others thought, if she put aside the doubts that rose in her own mind just because she saw them in the eyes of her mother and her friends… if she dismissed the fear of having to convince others that she wasn't crazy, the truth was, she did believe Zev. She believed that he hadn't wanted to leave her—or the Chimera—and that he had no intention of doing it again.

But the flipside of that truth was that he hadn't wanted, or planned to leave them the first time either.

Was it possible that this Nick, or the team of scientists the Chimera were familiar with, had some kind of control over him that he didn't even know about?

Was it possible that in this moment, under these circumstances, he had every intention of beating Xar as Alpha, claiming her, walking through this marriage rite, whatever it was, and saving the chimera from the humans? And that somehow these people would make him swerve from that?

That was what she feared, she realized.

She didn't doubt that Zev loved her. She never had. She doubted his ability to stay strong enough to protect their love.

And that thought made her want to weep.

Suddenly insecure, suddenly uncertain, she tried to lean subtly closer to him, to feel his warmth and strength and convince her body not to twist up in fear.

But she didn't want to draw the attentions of the other men. She didn't want to be some fawning woman who just hung all over her man like a leech.

She was a grown woman. She'd survived the past five years without Zev—whether she wanted to or not—and now that he was back, she didn't want to go back to the way she'd been before.

Back then, she'd just hung on his every word. She would have followed him anywhere. And he'd never taken advantage of that. He'd always kept her safe and never used his power against her.

But she didn't want to give that power back to him, she realized.

She didn't want to be in this strange world with these strange people and be no one but Zev's mate.

She wanted to… she wanted to have a life if he left again.

She swallowed hard, because admitting that meant admitting that he might leave again, and that thought opened a pit in her stomach. But one thing she'd tried so hard to do in the years since he'd left was to be honest with herself about herself.

She'd always known that Zev loved her, and she loved him. She'd also known no one else believed it after he left her.

And she knew why, as well. Because she questioned that part as well.

Love was all well and good… but how deep did it run if someone was able to just leave?

*****

~ ZEV ~

Everyone in the cave could scent Sasha's growing tension and unease. Under the circumstances, no one would judge it. But Zev was worried.

He tried to catch her eye multiple times, but she was looking down, staring into nothing, her mahogany hair falling between them like a curtain, the firelight sparking deep reds and golds in it. He took her hand again and she turned her chin slightly to look at where they were joined, their fingers entwined. She didn't resist touching him, which soothed his fear.

But she didn't look at him either. What was she thinking?

Not for the first time he cursed that she wasn't a wolf and couldn't share her thoughts with him. There were so many ways he could show himself to her, communicate. And she, already weaker, was restricted to so few.

"What's wrong?" he asked in her head again without taking his eyes off Lhars who was speaking to the others about how the humans worked, how all of them would need to handle communications until Zev had returned as Alpha and he and Sasha had completed the mating ritual.

She shook her head almost imperceptibly—to a human. The tiny movement would be a flashing light to the wolves, though they knew enough of humans to know she might make those movements simply in thinking to herself. He prayed the others would ignore it as a human strangeness and keep their focus on the discussion. But he could only keep half his mind on the words being spoken around that fire. And he couldn't afford that.

The next few days would literally determine the future of the Chimera. Their very existence if his suspicions were correct.

He almost shook his head, too.

Watching Xar submit to the humans, treat them as a human would royalty, or a powerful celebrity... it had put his teeth on edge.

The Chimera were strong, intelligent, capable, and physically so superior to humans one-on-one, it was almost laughable.

Yet, the humans evened the playing field with their technologies and weapons. And their plots.

The wolves were cunning. The Tigers were aggressive. The owls were wise. The goats were immoveable. The hares served others with a single-minded integrity that had always humbled and inspired Zev.

But the humans… the humans conquered. Their intelligence and dedication to their causes, their ability to look ahead, to plan, to create their own futures… it was staggering.

When the human intention and dedication was applied to a good cause, Zev saw them as examples in… well, almost everything. But when their motives were selfish…

He looked at Sasha again and a growl wanted to begin in his throat. She must have felt him tense because she turned, eyes widening when she caught sight of his face.

He spoke into her head.

Don't ever give up hope, Sash. I'm here. This is going to—

Footsteps, just outside the cave, sent adrenalin flooding through Zev and he leaped to his feet, putting himself between Sasha and the cave mouth.

How had anyone gotten so close without warning?

But then the shadows at the cave mouth shifted, and suddenly Skhal stood in the dim light of the fire, grinning at all of them like… well, like a wolf.

"Good evening, gentlemen. I hear it's been an interesting day?"

 

Chapter 126

Skhal smiled grimly as he accepted Zev's offer of position as his Chief Advisor. "Just so long as you don't expect me to lick your ass, we'll do fine."

Zev was relieved, even after their discussion he hadn't been completely convinced the wolf would accept him.

They had hurriedly caught Skhal up on what Zev had already covered, and that they were now discussing how to support him in his bid for Alpha of Clans.

Zev watched his brother carefully. It was like looking into a mirror that made the shadows deeper, the light harsher. Looking at his brother was like looking at himself with sharper angles. And from the first years they'd both been adults, Zev had always felt like that was Lhars' personality as well—that his brother had a darkness and cunning that bordered on evil. He'd wondered how they'd both come from the same genes, how they could look so alike yet think so differently.

Running into Lhars and the glee he'd taken in telling Xar that Zev was back… he'd assumed his brother hadn't changed. Yet, everything Lhars had said or done since…

Lhars was a contradiction in terms.

He sneered at Zev, then acknowledged him in front of the entire clan?

He yanked Zev in front of Xar with the kind of grinning delight reserved for villains in cartoons, then sat here tonight, planning to support Zev in orchestrating Xar's downfall?

He ran around after the humans alongside the Tiger King, yet made Zev swear he would free the Chimera from human rule before he'd submit the Alpha?

Zev had always sworn actions spoke louder than words. And if he was honest, his brother's actions since he'd arrived back in Thana—and before that, if Skhal and Hedin could be believed—added up to a wolf that could be trusted. Whose heart aimed for the same goals as Zev.

Yet…

Zev hadn't realized he was staring at Lhars until his brother met his eyes and spoke into his mind.

What?

The word was terse, impatient. Zev's pride flared and he wanted to shake his head and turn away, dismiss his brother as a lost cause. But something stopped him.

Why are you supporting me?

Lhars' eyes went flat. I might despise you, brother, but anyone can see the Chimera were better, healthier, stronger when you were Alpha of All. The decision is practical.

Why not defeat Xar yourself? You're as strong as me. If I can kill him, you can.

Lhars' jaw twitched. Strength isn't just in body. You know that.

You've had the entire wolf clan behind you.

No, Zev. I have had the desperate support of a helpless people still waiting for the return of the Alpha they truly desired.

Lhars voice was a spiteful hiss in his head.

Zev blinked. What are you talking about? They were all furious at me. None of them stood against my casting out.

Because they all knew you would fight back. They follow you, Zev. They don't see you as needing them—they think they need you. They're itching to see you kill Xar and defeat the humans.

Then Lhars smiled a smile that flashed like a blade. I hope you succeed, I really do. And if you do, I will remain submitted. But if you don't… I will be the first to take your throat.

Zev huffed. There's nothing more touching than the love of family, he said in Lhar's head, his tone as dry as kindling. Thank you for your support.

Lhars rolled his eyes and looked away as if the conversation was over. But Zev knew he had to bridge the gap, because no matter what he thought of how it had happened, the truth was, Lhars had kept the wolves as safe as he knew how while Zev was gone.

Thank you, he said in his brother's head, his voice soft and authentic. Thank you for keeping them all this time.

Lhars chest expanded and he dragged his gaze away from Skhal and back to Zev slowly.

I didn't have any choice, brother, he sent, his voice a whip-crack of accusation.

Yes, you did, Zev argued. And though I never thought I'd say it, I'm grateful that you made the choice you did. I'm grateful to you for your intervention on my behalf tonight, as well. You've made my bid for Sasha, and for the Alpha easier by acknowledging me. You didn't have to do that. I'm grateful. I owe you.

You owe me far more than you can ever repay.

There was silence between them, but even though Lhars' eyes returned to Skhal, Zev had the distinct impression that his brother's attention was still on him. Still waiting for his response.

You're right, Zev said finally. If he'd spoken it, it would have been through his teeth. But it was true, he knew. I do owe you more than I can ever repay. But I will do my best to make it up to you as much as I can.

Always so noble, Lhars drawled.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Not bad, just a lie.

A lie? The people want me as Alpha because I try to do what's best for others. But you see that as a vice?

No, Zev, I see it as a lie. You lie to yourself. And you lie to them. You are strong and you will do well, and they will love you for it. But all of you are blind to the truth.

Which is? Zev growled.

Which is that in the end, there's always a piece of you seeking what you want. You use others to get what you want, what you need, then say you do it for them. Don't worry, I use others for my gain too. It's why I can see it in you. I just don't pretend I'm helping them when I do it, he snapped.

Zev rolled his jaw. What good did you gain by helping me, then?

Zev was certain that the wave of emotion that flash through his brother wasn't supposed to have bled through to him, but Lhars had been taken off-guard, or opened himself to Zev more than he'd realized.

Zev jolted with the wash of pure feeling that was gone as quickly as it had appeared. He stared at his brother who'd gone suddenly very still.

Zev sucked in a deep breath. What is her name, Lhars? Is she here, or do the humans have her.

It's none of your business.

Brother, if I understand anything it's the lengths we will go to for our ma—

I do not have a mate and will not. I am not speaking about this further.

And he was gone, closing off his mind from Zev, presumably from everyone in the room.

For the second time that night, Zev's temptation was to say to hell with his brother and turn away. But that little, quiet voice in the back of his head wouldn't let him.

The revelation was staggering—and very, very inconvenient as, for the first time really in his adult life, Zev found himself feeling empathy for his brother. He hated to admit it, even to himself.

But it took only one look at his own mate, at Sasha's beautiful hair, fallen down between them again and her small hand in his, and he was convinced…

He and his brother had far more in common than he'd ever realized.

 

Chapter 127

It was a tradition of the Wolf Council that every decision must be voted. The vote itself was little more than an exercise it finding unity—they'd always discussed issues and problems until they could find an approach that all members could at least support, if not applaud.

So when Bleddyn was the one to suggest voting in support of Zev as Wolf Clan Alpha, and his bid for Alpha of All, Zev was touched—and more than a little surprised. But apparently the dark wolf really had submitted despite their rocky start, because he voted in unity with the others, and so it was decided.

The wolves would support Zev in a bid for the Alpha of All.

With that vote out of the way, the discussion eased a little, but turned to the future of the wolf clan, and the Chimera as a whole.

"So, your claim is made and we will support you in it. But what do you plan to do? Will you take Alpha before you enter the ritual?"

"I don't know," Zev said. "I need to heal before I face Xar, but I also don't want to fight any more of the if it isn't necessary. I don't want to give them a lot of time to change their minds. I say we move ahead with the ritual—the day after tomorrow. Once that's done and we've had our solitude, I can Xar when we're back and I'll be fully healed." His ribs screamed every time he moved, but he knew within two days that would be an ache, and two days after that he'd be good as new.

What he was less sure of was how the males would react with an unmated female running around loose, since their bond wouldn't be acknowledged by most. He needed that ritual, and fast.

"What does your mate say?" Skhal asked quietly.

The males all eyed Sasha and Zev sighed. They could all still scent Sasha's tension. Zev was desperate to get her alone after this Clan business was finished so they could finally talk without being under threat. But he knew he couldn't risk appearing to rush the council. The males needed a lot of reassurance—and he needed them behind him.

Sasha looked around, startled when she realized they were all staring at her. "I told you, I choose Zev," she said quickly, licking her lips, then eyeing Zev, who nodded. She was doing the right thing.

"Do you have concerns about the mating ritual happening so quickly?" Jhon asked, watching her carefully.

"No. Why would I? He's my mate, as you put it. I've been waiting for him."

The males all grunted or murmured, nodding their heads, and Zev hid a smile. She didn't know that, by Chimera tradition, she'd just told them she'd been keeping herself for Zev.

He wondered if she really had. She'd had a boyfriend in the past year. Her apparent happiness to be rid of the guy didn't mean that she hadn't touched him, or let him touch her. Zev rolled his shoulders and tried to loosen the sudden tension in his neck, reminding himself he had no right to be uncomfortable with any relationship she might have had, under the circumstances.

"You don't wish to wait until your bleeding has passed?" Joyte asked frankly.

Sasha choked like she'd swallowed something wrong. Zev stifled a grin and watched her, knowing he was taking too much pleasure in her discomfort. But it was kind of funny to see the shoe on the other foot.

Sasha had always been the one who spoke what she thought, with few filters, and fewer malicious intentions. But her blunt honesty—or verbal diarrhea under stress, as she put it—had always been a shock to people. He was glad she hadn't grown out of it. But he did wonder how she would cope with the Chimera's openness about the things of the body and nature.

"I, uh… I don't want to wait, no," she said.

"You may enjoy your solitude more—and you are more likely to be successful in reproduction if you wait until after—unless the human female body is different?" Skhal asked.

The male didn't smile, but Zev wondered if he knew more than he was letting on, and was just enjoying teasing Sasha.

He looked at her. Her cheeks were beet-red and it hit him then that to her, speaking to other males about this was akin to the violation of being seen naked. He hurried to intervene, cursing himself for not taking seriously how sensitive she could become about those things.

"Sasha and I have no reason to fear problems in seeking a family," Zev said quietly, putting his authority behind the statement. "To us, this is reunion after a long separation. We don't want to extend it a day longer than necessary."

Cheeks still red, Sasha nodded in agreement.

"I will speak with Kyelle about setting up the ritual for the day after tomorrow," Joyte said with a quiet nod.

Sasha blinked. "Why Kyelle?"

"You need a female alongside you during the ritual," Zev said nervously, cursing his luck in this as well. "There are very few still in Thana, and it really needs to be a female that matches you in rank. Once we're mated, you'll be the highest ranking female. Only Kyelle comes close right now." Zev's stomach felt sick at the thought, but Joyte was right, what other choice did he have?

Sasha looked at him strangely. "Will she want to do it?"

"Kyelle will do whatever is best for the people," Zev said, answering the question without actually answering it, because the truth was… he very much doubted it. He also had little doubt that she would. Kyelle had a heart of gold. But she was a strong female, and her feelings for Zev…

He'd never led her on. They'd been close as friends. But he'd known of her hope. He'd always been clear with her that he believed Sasha was his mate and she'd accepted the boundaries he set. But her hope had lived on, he knew. But now…

He was going to have to speak with her—as Alpha of the Clan, as well as mate to the female Kyelle would help.

He had to make sure she wasn't going to put any barriers in their way.

 

Chapter 128

"So once you're mated, and you've had your solitude, you will return to take Xar?"

Zev nodded, and a little flame of thrill lit in his chest.

"And you'll loosen the grip of the humans," Lhars pressed.

Zev nodded again. "There is much I need to learn, but I will begin that process the day I take power, you have my word on it," he said seriously.

Lhars held his gaze. "He will be expecting your attack," his brother warned. "You'll have to be either very stealthy, or completely transparent. Either walk the village calling your challenge and demanding he come to meet it, or take him alone at a time he least expects. He will be surrounded by guards though, I'm sure, from the moment he learns that you're Alpha of the Wolf Clan. It's an argument for you trying to take him right away, actually. He won't expect that. He wouldn't have believed you could climb the ranks so quickly."

The brothers met eyes again then and Zev nodded, acknowledging that Lhars had assisted him intentionally. The other wolves grunted their approval of the brothers unity in this.

Then Lhars, being Lhars, had to up the stakes. "I assume you don't plan to challenge the other Alphas?"

Zev frowned and shook his head. "Not for power. I'll beat them if I have to, to get Sasha safe. But once I get the mating out of the way, they'll get no trouble from me unless they bring it. I'm thinking about what you said about Xar not expecting me to climb so quickly. Is it better to try and take him before the ritual? Simply because he won't expect it? Skhal?"

Skhal shifted his weight, his face thoughtful. "Strategically, yes. But the solitude is a necessary part of the ritual and I can't see how you could take it if you'd just taken Alpha of All. It would be far better to establish one, then the other. Take your mate, Zev. Being mated will show your growth and provide greater assurance to the people, as well. It isn't a bad thing."

Zev breathed easier then. He really didn't feel good about taking any delays with Sasha. That little voice piped up again—that he needed to be certain of her, and her of him. Not to rely on a ritual to provide that for them. But he shook it off. He didn't think walking the ritual would make her love him more. He just… he just wanted her to see his commitment.

And he definitely wanted the other males under no deception about Sasha's status as a mate.

None.

Jhon raised an eyebrow at him. His scent must have changed with the fierceness of his thoughts. Zev cleared his throat and moved on.

"Okay, then we're agreed. Sasha and I will mate first, then I'll come for Xar. While we're in the solitude, I will rely on the rest of you to gather support and prepare the hearts of the people. I will need every heart on that field, not just the wolves."

"You want us to warn the other clans?" Lhars looked shocked.

Zev shrugged. "I trust your judgment. The wolves in this cave know how to read the people. Dunken already knows. Yhet will soon enough. I'm happy for others to know that you would measure as those who would stand with us."

"That's just about everyone," Lhars growled. "Honestly."

Zev frowned. "How can that be?"

"It wouldn't have been true a year ago," Skhal said. "But we've all watched Xar's descent. Now we're watching our people be destroyed at the hands of a madman."

Lhars nodded. "Thana is now full of lone wolves, it's not healthy for any of us. Something needs to happen with the humans. Something that gives us more freedom. More ability to build families and packs again."

They all looked at Sasha again and she looked at Zev, clearly trying not to look nervous, and not remembering they could all smell it on her.

"The only way that can happen is if we get the females back," Zev growled. "I still don't understand why everyone has just rolled over for this!"

"You don't understand because you weren't here," Lhars snapped. "Xar has never had your strength with the humans, and even less so since the females were taken."

"But why? Why wasn't Xar challenged? Why didn't YOU challenge him?"

Lhars growled, but it was Skhal that spoke over all of them. "Burying ourselves in the past will never help any of us. We have all made choices—choices that seemed wise at the time, whether they were or not. But now we face a new future. Let go of what has happened and look ahead. Zev, don't ask why no one else has done the job, ask how you can do it."

A low growl puttered in his throat, but he knew Skhal was right. And bringing up the past was only going to remind people of how he had let them down, as well.

Zev sighed. "Okay, tell me what happened today when the humans came and made everyone stay in the square. Did they take anything when they searched? Were there any obvious plots? Anything that wasn't related to Sasha and I that they did?"

Lhars shook his head. "They really were looking for you guys," he said sullenly. "Especially Sasha."

Zev's teeth wanted to snap. They prioritized her because she would be easier to take and they knew if they had her, they had power over him.

"Tell me what they did, step by step," Zev demanded.

Lhars rolled his eyes. "You want a list of the homes we examined? All of them! They were looking for two large prey—you two. We went from home to home, they searched possible hiding places around the village and woods… they truly believed you were here—and left believing that, I'm certain of it."

"Did they leave you to search without them?"

Lhars shook his head. "No, Xar and I were always with at least one human. And the only time we split up completely was when the humans took Xar to give him their medicine."

"What is this medicine everyone keeps mentioning. Xar looks strong, not sick."

"He's sick in his mind," Skhal said bluntly. "He's beginning to lose touch with reality—it's part of the reason he banished you. They give him a drug that helps him be more… present in reality."

"They give him a drug to make him stronger so that no one can challenge him, at least not easily," Lhars added quietly.

Everyone went still.

 

Chapter 129

"What do you mean they make him stronger?" Zev asked Lhars quietly.

"I mean exactly what I said. They're strengthening him, doing everything they can to make sure he doesn't lose control—because he's completely under their thumbs," Lhars growled. "I don't know what they've promised him, but whatever it is, he has no desire to resist them, and as long as he's in power, the Chimera will follow too. It's part of the reason I didn't challenge him—only part," Lhars admitted. "I knew they were going to help him stay in power. But they were nervous today. I think you're the one they've warned him about. They all seemed very twitchy."

"That's got to be why he cast me out," Zev said, his lip curling away from his teeth. "It was such a wrong reaction… I can't help but think it was specifically designed to slow me from reaching him, to challenge for Alpha."

Surprisingly, Lhars nodded along with that.

Zev stared at his brother. "You know this?"

Lhars didn't look away from the flames but shook his head. "I only suspect. He's been imbalanced about you from the beginning. And you've come back stronger. He's nervous."

"Is he?" Zev scoffed. "If anything, he seemed less concerned than he should be."

"He's a master at hiding his fear. But he lives in it. The male has nightmares every night—the humans give him medication to stop them. At least, that's what he says. Or what they say. I have my doubts."

"Nightmares are hardly—"

Lhars looked up, his face twisted. "The kind of nightmares that close his hands on the throat of anyone who tries to wake him or help. The kind where he locks his door from the inside at night so no one can come to him when he's asleep. The male is insane and losing control."

Zev blew out a breath. "Why hasn't anyone challenged him before now? Why haven't you? Pure strength won't win you Alpha of All—you know that."

Lhars nodded and his face went hard. "No, you're right. Had you not shown up soon, who knows what would have happened? I've been preparing the wolves to abandon the Village, just in case."

"Why not just beat him?"

"Because we couldn't risk yet another dissolution of the hierarchy that gave the humans even more reason to be here, to interfere!" Lhars snapped. "I didn't have support outside of the wolves, and even then… I told you, Zev. Everyone's been waiting for your return. And now here you are. Clearly it's the Creator's will."

Zev's lips went flat at that, but he didn't respond. "So it's best if I challenge Xar when it's been a few days since the humans medicated him?"

"Definitely. I think you would still win, but he'll be easier to beat when he isn't juiced up."

Zev eyed his brother, his senses crackling with suspicion. "You seem very eager for me to fight the Tiger that you weren't prepared to fight yourself. Why?"

Lhars frowned. "I told you, I want to see the Clans back to balance and… why are you looking at me like that?" he growled.

"Because I don't trust you," Zev said. "You're acting… strangely."

Lhars' mouth dropped open. "I'm submitting. To you!"

"Exactly. You've never done that before. Why now?"

"You're serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious."

Lhars shook his head, his upper lip curling. "I do the right thing… you show up and I do the right thing and that's what makes you suspicious of me!? You aren't the only one who grew up in the past three years, Zev. But I'm happy to take another shot at kicking your ass if that's what it takes for you to see sense."

Sasha put a hand to his arm just as Zev was about to bite back. They met eyes and she shook her head.

Zev sighed. She was right.

"Fine," he said after a moment. "I just… Is there anything you haven't told us? Anything you're still holding for the Tiger?"

Lhars' eyes narrowed and he shook his head. "No," he spat, "I have done everything in my power to help you today, and this is how you treat me. I can't win with you, Zev." No one spoke, then a moment later Lhars pushed to his feet. "You have my vote for the mating ritual, and to attack Xar afterwards. I need to get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Lhars," Zev started as his brother stormed for the front of the cave, but Skhal stood and shook his head.

"I'll go after him," the older male said. "He's just tender about losing his position. But he's right, Zev, he's done the right thing. It's up to you to acknowledge that."

"I already have!" Zev said, feeling like a sibling defending themselves against their father. "I spoke in his mind and thanked him for all he's done."

"Then get your head out of your ass and mean it," Skhal said bluntly. "Because you're going to need him in the coming months. And you can't be looking behind everything he does to help you otherwise you'll never see the real enemy because you'll be so busy looking at the ally that you don't like."

"Weren't you the one who always warned me about him?"

Skhal snarled. "I warned you to watch for yourself because he wasn't submitted. Now he is. Since when do we not respect a Chimera who has submitted publicly?"

He left Zev sitting there, blinking, a sinking feeling in his stomach as he went after Lhars.

Sasha's hand tightened on his arm, but he didn't speak.

Was he wrong to be suspicious of his brother?

He barely spoke as Jhon led the vote for both the mating ritual, and for challenging Xar, then they all said their farewells.

Zev's head was spinning so badly, so off balance, he was late getting to his feet to receive the submissions of the councilors—a tradition he couldn't afford to skip as their new Alpha. So, motioning for Sasha to stand back since she wasn't yet an Alpha, he walked to the front of the cave and embraced and shared scents with each male before they left.

He couldn't help wondering what it would have been like if Lhars were here.

Would he have felt better, safer, sharing scents with his brother as well as the others?

He still didn't know.

 

Chapter 130

Zev was so preoccupied he almost missed the moment when the last of the males finally left the cave and he was alone with Sasha.

He stood near the cave mouth, waiting until they all disappeared around the corner. Without realizing it, he was still staring at the space when they were all out of sight and suddenly Sasha's arms wrapped around his middle and she leaned into his chest, bringing her gorgeous scent with her.

Zev startled back to awareness and pulled her into a hug, resting his head on the crown of her hair.

They both sighed.

All thoughts of his brother and his confusion left as Zev realized that she was there. She was really there. And she was his—mostly. Almost. He could fight for her now, and she didn't have to ignore him, and…

"I can't believe you're finally here!" he whispered and pulled up her chin to kiss her, combing her hair back with his fingers as she lifted her eyes—wide and serious—to meet his.

Which is when he remembered the tension and fear he'd been smelling on her for the past hour or more and his heart sank again.

"What is it, baby?" he whispered. "What's made you afraid?"

She shook her head. "I'm not afraid, exactly."

"What was upsetting you? I could tell before Skhal arrived, but I had to do that. I'm sorry. I couldn't leave them waiting."

"I know, I know," she said patting his chest. "I wasn't expecting you to. Really. I just… I don't know. I guess I'm still trying to accept that this is all real. And everything you've been put through since you left. I know that's taken a toll on you, Zev. I do. I just… I'm struggling with it."

His body wanted to shiver. He wanted nothing more than to just pull her into the furs and curl himself around her, make love to her, and shut out the rest of the world. But he knew he couldn't. In the end, that wouldn't help either of them.

So instead, he led her back to the fire, settled down, then pulled her into his lap. She made noises like she wasn't pleased, but when he gripped her and looked into her eyes, she stopped struggling.

So, one arm around her back, her legs over his thigh, he stroked her hair again. "Tell me. Or ask me. Whatever it is. I want you here with me and happy about it, Sash. Whatever it takes."

Her forehead crinkled and she shook her head. "See, that's just the thing. You're so freaking sweet, and loving and… so open with me Zev. I don't get it. I don't get how you just walked out and I never saw you again. I mean—I get it. If I really believed being close to me was going to kill you, I would have gone too. I get that part. But that story you told tonight… It's been three years. And you're saying you had a clue after what, six months? Definitely a year? But I still didn't see a hair of you until this week. That's just… it's crazy!"

"My life is crazy," he said sadly. "I know how it sounds. But it's just the truth. My head was messed up back then—mostly over losing you—and I think Nick used that. Like I said, being able to see photos of you, follow you, know that you were safe… it was like a balm for a while. But then it started to grate—being close enough to see you, but not close enough to touch. And the more I learned about what they were doing… the harder it got."

*****

~ SASHA ~

She almost didn't ask. She almost chickened out. Because he looked so miserable, and she knew he was exhausted—and she would have bet money that if she squeezed the other side of his ribs that he had very carefully positioned away from her, that he would have flinched.

He was injured, and exhausted, and worn out. And she was putting him under further pressure. But she had to know.

So she just blurted it out.

"The Zev I know couldn't… force himself on someone," she said, her stomach flipping over at the words coming out of her mouth. "I don't understand how you could have… have been there… with those women and just…. Just done that. Not if you're the Zev I really know."

His eyes closed and he hung his head, his face screwed up with pain and shame.

She curled a hand around his neck and pulled his face towards her, forcing him to meet her eyes. "Tell me," she whispered. "I'll try really hard to believe you."

"I had to be in my wolf," he said. "He's more… triggered by scent and hormones and… You're right, Sash. I can't force myself on someone. I checked with everyone of them. They all wanted it. They all gave the right signals and told me the right things. But something was off and… and I wasn't right either. All of us were there because we'd been told to be there, not because we wanted it. It was… sick."

"All of you? They made you have more than one at a time?"

"No, no, that's not what I meant. I just… They had a place they took us where we could shift without worrying about space, and… they'd always give me something before I went in. Something that would make me more… easily aroused," he said, his eyes flicking to hers to check her response. "Then I'd talk to the female and she'd say she wanted to have offspring and we'd bboth shift and…"

"Could you feel it? Or like, being in your wolf, was it different than when… you're… I mean…"

"It's differently," he said, his voice flat. "But I remember everything. I'm there. But my body's different. The triggers are different. How it works is different. The whole thing is just… fuck, Sash, I wish none of it had happened! I wish I didn't have to tell you this! I wish I could hide it, but… I can't. This is real. And it was fucking horrible for all of us!"

He was beginning to shake from head to toe. Alarmed, Sasha wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in tight.