Ch. 131..140

Sasha had had a conversation with a friend once, when they were relaying a part they'd been to. Where they'd been sexually assaulted. How it had changed their life and… her friend had trembled in exactly the same way. Her entire body vibrating. Not the way it happened from cold, where skin and muscle were reacting to something outside. But… it was like the body couldn't contain everything it was feeling and began to shudder.

Zev stared at her, his eyes pleading and she held his face.

"Tell me," she whispered, though she didn't want to hear it. "Tell me what it was like, and how it made you feel, and what comes into your head when you think about it. I'll never ask you again unless you want to talk about it. But tell me once. Let's get it out there and… deal with it," she whispered. "Because I love you, Zev. And once I understand, that's going to be it. We're going to be together and we're going to be happy. So… tell me."

He stared at her sadly for a long minute, then he did. They sat there together, him shaking, her trying not to weep, as he relayed the sick dread he woke with every time he knew he had to go to the place he called the Breeding Arena.

Zev talked about the conversations he had with Nick about how crucial this "work" was. How every time he wanted to pull out or stop, Nick would convince him that the future of the Chimera depended on him.

He told her that at first he thought he was the only one who really didn't want to do this thing—that the females were so eager for offspring that they were open to him.

He was told that they wouldn't bond with him, because he couldn't form the bond, remember?

He was told that he was saving the Chimera from extinction, and singlehandedly stopping the "powers that be" as Nick always referred to them, from pulling the funding.

He'd even asked once, what would happen if they did. Didn't that just mean the humans would stop coming through the Gate and they could just live happily in Thana?

But Nick had gotten very serious and hard.

"No, Zev. You have to understand. These people, they have so much money and so much power… they're bored. So if they decide they don't want to play with a toy anymore, they don't want anyone else playing with it, either. The day they decide our projects are over, I'll get the kill sign and… and then it's over. Thana is over."

Zev's face paled when he remembered that moment and Sasha tightened her grip on his shoulders.

"He painted a picture of… annihilation, Sash. Their weapons brought to Thana—the real ones. Not tasers and guns. But bombs and germs, and…"

"Germs?"

His face got very hard then, but he nodded. "That's the thing I found out," he said through his teeth. "I couldn't tell the pack, they'd… they'd never understand. They haven't been to the human world, they don't understand what it's like over there."

"What? What are you talking about?"

Zev took a deep breath. "They call it biological warfare."

Sasha blinked. "You're serious?"

Zev nodded. "That whole thing with the germs? It was real. I mean, not the things they told me, but the fact that chimera were getting sick. That part was real. But it was intentional. They didn't just make us sick to test us, Sash. They were making sure that I wouldn't get it. They were making sure that my blood… that I could resist it. I don't know what it is, but it kills Chimera and not humans.

"When the pack said that the humans had been helping with food and medicine? I wanted to scream. Because anything they're bringing here is either designed to make Chimera sick, or make them… instructible."

Sasha felt sick. But she just listened, stroking the back of his neck as he held her and spoke.

"All that mating, all that time with the females, it was all to make sure that I was immune. And, I think, sometimes, they did hope that it would make offspring, that the offspring could be experimented on. I don't know. All I know is… those females are all dead. They're all gone, Sasha."

"All of them?" she gasped. "All the ones from here?"

"I don't know! I just know that that all the females I talked to, or mated… I saw a list… fuck." He let go of Sasha, sliding her to the fur on the cave floor, then scrambling to his feet to pace. "I know it's sick, what you're thinking, what you're seeing. I get why it makes you nervous about me, Sasha. I do. After what we had. It was nothing. You have to believe me. What happened with those females… it didn't involve my heart at all. And by the end… by the end they were calling me in less and less. I think they could tell I was ready to snap."

"Snap?"

"I was losing control of myself. I was starting to struggle to do it even when I was a wolf. The whole thing gives me nightmares. Almost every night. I don't sleep half the time because… because I keep seeing them. They were so pale, so pale. They never saw sun! And they were scared… fuck!"

Sasha pushed to her feet and intercepted him when he turned in his pacing, pulling him against her and stroking his back. Shushing him.

"You don't have to talk about it anymore, I get it."

"No, you don't. It's… it's sick, Sash. And they're still there. I came here to save you—to save us! Lhars was right."

Sasha blinked. "Right about what?"

Zev raked a hand through his hair and grimaced. "We were talking in our heads for a while tonight. And one of the things he said… he said that sometimes I do things for other people, but it's really because it's going to help me get what I want. And… he was right. In the end… I do what suits me.. Because I came for you, Sash, and I left them there. I left them!"

 

Chapter 132

Zev's entire body trembled and his face had gone pale. He stared down at her, tormented, his eyes wells of pain and self-loathing. She tried to pull him back down, but he was steeling himself against the emotion. As she watched, his jaw went tight and he screwed his eyes closed, blowing out his breaths and clearly trying to get himself back under control.

Sasha didn't know what to say. Here she'd been angry with him, insecure that he was off having sex with all these women when in reality, he'd been traumatized. Violated as surely as if she'd been forced to sleep with men she didn't want—and on top of it all, he took responsibility.

"Zev," she started, wholly uncertain how to soothe him.

But he shook his head and opened his eyes. "Don't, Sash," he said hoarsely. "The truth is… mated or not, they were my people, and I left them there. And I can't… I can't regret it because it brought me back to you. And I refuse to change that. I hate myself for it, but I'm selfish enough to—"

"You are not selfish!" she hissed, gripping his waist tightly. "If Lhars said that he's an asshole. Everything you've done has been against what you wanted, and intended to help other people—that's the truth. You've been damaged as much if not more than those—"

"No, Sash, seriously, don't say that. Don't think it. They are all prisoners, and some of them are actually caged. They have to live like animals. I only just learned the truth of that—it was the final straw. But I couldn't find a way to get them out. And I knew… I knew if it was a choice between you and them I was always going to choose you, and that's wrong! I'm their Alpha. I should do anything I can to save them!"

"You are," she said fiercely. "I don't know what they said to you, Zev, or what Lhars said, but you have to stop and see this. You can't help them if you're a prisoner too. You have to be free to free them. And once this is all done and Xar is out of the way, that's what we'll do. We'll do it together. We'll figure it out. We will save the ones we can and bring them back here and… I'll help you, Zev. No matter what it takes. You did the right thing getting out of there."

She stroked his hair and stared into his eyes as he continued to tremble. His eyes were distant as if he were remembering, but he looked less pale. No longer turning green.

Then he blinked and locked eyes with her, shaking his head.

"I don't deserve you," he breathed, putting one hand to her face, cupping her jaw.

"Zev, don't—"

"Listen to me, Sash. I'm serious. If there was one thing that being with all those other females showed me, it was the… the sheer beauty of what we had. One time, Sash. We did it one time and you're branded on my soul. It's like… it's like I came alive that day—and I died the day I left. But that afternoon… do you remember?"

Sasha's heart trilled because she felt exactly the same way. Fighting tears, she nodded. "Of course I remember."

"But do you know?" he whispered. "Because I know, Sash. What happened between us… that wasn't normal. That wasn't what it's like all the time. We have… there's something between us that goes deeper. Sash, I didn't just love you with my body that day, I loved you with my soul."

He held her face in both hands, his eyes piercing and suddenly bright—not with joy, but intensity. He was fierce, determined to make her see.

She put her hands over his and gripped him. "I know, Zev. I know. I felt it. I loved you that way too."

"See?! We're bonded. There was something that happened between us that day and…" He didn't speak, but his words appeared in her head.

It's still there, Sash. I can feel it. Can you feel it?

She nodded and bit her lip, reminding herself that he'd already claimed her. That this wasn't the time for self-protection. "I've always felt it," she said honestly. "Even before that day. You're a part of me, Zev. It's why… it's why it was so hard for me when you left. I knew you wouldn't just leave. I knew it!"

Fingers curling into her cheeks, he dropped his chin until they were almost nose-to-nose.

"You're mine," he whispered fiercely. "And I will take down any male that so much as wags his tail at you."

She snorted, a release of tension, but he didn't even crack a smile.

"Two more days, Sash. Two. More. Days." He leaned his body in so their stomachs brushed and Sasha's skin prickled, tingled with the closeness of him.

"Do you feel that?"

"Yes," he breathed. "It's always that way when you're close. That's what I'm saying, Sash. You're… you're the other half of me. The idea of one of them touching you…" he winced and shook his head.

Sasha reached up to take his face in her hands. "Stop torturing yourself," she said flatly. "I'm here, with you, and you're here with me. This is happening, Zev. Finally. Neither of us is walking away."

He opened his eyes again and took a deep breath. "No, of course not. You're right. We're not walking away. We're walking together from now on. I'm holding you tonight, Sash. I'm holding you for tonight and tomorrow, and then the next day… the next day we walk the ritual and prove to them, all of them, who we are to each other. And when that's done I'm taking you away from all of them. We're taking the solitude."

"What's the solitude? You guys kept talking about that and I don't have a clue."

"You'd call it a honeymoon except… more intense," he said, flashing a wicked smile that made Sasha's heart throb with desire and relief. "We'll be utterly alone for a few days—it's a wolf tradition, taken from our animal brothers. When a pair mate they… they disappear together to cement the bond. And try to make pups," he grinned.

Sasha sucked in. But Zev's face was alight with so much joy, she didn't have the heart to tell him she wasn't sure she was ready for kids yet.. But all thoughts of children flew out of her head when he started speaking into her mind.

 

Chapter 133

Every part of Zev's body fizzed with conflicting emotions—his grief and self-loathing over what he'd done warring with his joy at touching Sasha and the hope of what was to come for them. He had to focus there. She was right. He had to be free himself if he was going to free others. And she was incredible to make that commitment to him—to help these females and the chimera in the grip of the humans!

She was a true Alpha and that only made his joy in her more complete.

He whispered her name, held her face, the physical connection allowing him to share not just his thoughts, the images that filled his head, but the sensations.

So he showed her everything he waited for. Everything he hoped.

He showed her how she looked to his eyes—the way his heart fluttered when she smiled, the way his body jolted when he let his eyes linger on her body.

The awe he felt when she offered even the simplest touch.

The heat that boiled in his veins when she kissed him.

He showed her what he saw for them—what it would be like to have her alone, naked, and swallowed by the furs, her skin flushed and rosy, her eyes sparkling.

She gasped as he took the memory of that glorious afternoon they'd shared and lived it—but here, now, in the dim light of a cave instead of her sunny childhood bedroom.

The contrast of his olive skin against her pale cream. The way he'd soften his touch to make sure he never hurt her—the roughness of his palms on her soft, soft stomach, her breast.

He showed her the crackle of electricity that jolted him when he imagined kissing his way up her body until he had her nipple in his mouth and—

Sasha whimpered and clung to him, her breath coming faster as he assaulted her with ideas, thoughts, images—all the ways he would worship her body, all the ways he would prove himself to her. Her heart beat faster and faster and she licked her lips, her eyes glazing as her eyes stopped seeing him in front of her, and only saw the images he offered to her mind.

"You'll be mine," he whispered, fisting her hair and tugging her head gently back so he could lay his mouth at her throat.

To his delight she arched back easily, offering herself, trusting him even when he let his teeth drag on the column of her throat.

Her eyes closed, her lashes fluttering as she clasped her hands behind his neck and gave herself over to him.

Zev's stomach ached with unquenched desire for her, but he pushed it away.

"Two days," he whispered. "Two days, and you'll be mine forever."

"Oh, Zev," she whispered back, a single tear sliding from the corner of her eye, back to her temple because she was still arched back, "I'm already yours. I always have been. That's the entire problem. My life doesn't work without you."

With a groan, he pulled her back up, into his chest, cutting off the scenes playing in his mind and wrapping her in his arms, holding her tightly to his chest, wondering if she could hear his heart pounding, too.

"There is no life without you, Sash," he murmured into her hair as she clung to him. "I was dead inside without you. Being close to you… it's lighting everything on fire again. Just… just don't give up, okay?"

"Never." She squeezed his waist and pressed her face into his chest. "Never."

Her conviction was plain. Whatever had scared her, or angered her was gone. She'd given over to him and wanted nothing more than to be close to him. She stank of desire and love and… And for the first time in five years, Zev's heart found peace.

"Two more days," he whispered.

*****

They stood together, doing nothing but hold each other, for a long time. But as the fire began to die and the cave cooled, Zev knew they would have a huge day and it was already late. They needed to sleep.

With a soft sigh he straightened, combing her hair with his fingers as he met her reddened eyes and smiled. "Will you sleep here with me tonight? Just sleep?"

"I've waited to sleep in your arms, Zev. You'd have to fight me off."

With a smile of delight, he took her hand and led her deeper into the cave, stooping to grab a couple of the furs they'd spread around the fire as they walked.

When they reached the back he spread the thickest of the furs on the ground, knowing she was going to struggle with the firmness of sleeping on rock, despite the cushioning of the furs.

With a second thought, and a hushed bid to her to stay there, he returned for the other furs they'd spread around the fire as well, placing four thick furs on the ground, then turning the two widest over them to act as blankets. He threw the small cushions he'd brought out here to use as pillows, then turned to face her.

Her throat bobbed, but her eyes sparkled when she looked up at him. Holding up one finger, he darted over to his duffel bag and pulled out one of his long t-shirts, shaking it out and smiling as he remembered how she'd loved to wear his shirts and sweatshirts in high school, claiming they smelled like him and made him feel closer when they were apart.

Tension fizzed between them when he handed her the shirt and murmured to her to change, that he wouldn't look until she told him it was safe.

The sultry smile she gave him made his breath catch, but he put his hand over hers on the shirt she'd just taken and shook his head. "We have to wait, Sash. I can't give them any reason to doubt my loyalty, or that I'd break the traditions, even for you. Two days," he said quietly, the promise in his eyes and flashing a quick image of what it would be like for them when those two days were done.

Sasha sucked in, but nodded. "Fine," she pouted, and he loved her for it.

Then, a few minutes later, he turned back to face her, to find her curled under the furs, staring up at him, hope in her eyes. And he sank into them with her, pulling her into his side and kissing her temple, in a fulfillment of a daydream he'd had every day since he left her.

Just being close, holding her, being together in the quiet of a firelit cave.

Somewhere in the back of his head that little voice reminded him that he didn't deserve this. That the Creator was likely only giving him what he wanted to set him up to lose it all. But that just made the experience of her warmth next to him even more precious.

As long as she was there, it was worth it. It was all worth it. He prayed that she felt the same way.

And as they turned to lay on their sides and she used his arm as a pillow, as they stared at each other without speaking, her hands soft and trailing up and down his chest, Zev sighed with the sincerest pleasure and peace of mind he'd ever experienced.

Sasha was here. She was back. And she was his.

In two days they would mate, and begin their lives together. They would make a home, have babies, and…

Zev tensed and so close, Sasha felt it immediately and froze.

"Zev?" she whispered. "What is it?"

 

Chapter 134

"Zev?" Sasha pushed up on her elbow, leaning over him, alarmed. He'd placed himself closest to the mouth of the cave to make sure he lay between her and any danger that might appear during the night. So she looked from him to the fire, to the cave mouth, searching for a threat.

She didn't realize the threat lay right next to her.

"Zev! What is—"

"I'm not—there's nothing happening, Sash, I'm just… I just thought of something."

"What? What is it?" She stopped scanning the cave and stared down at him, her hair falling in a burnished wave around her shoulders.

He stroked it back, away from her face and sighed. "We will mate," he said. "And we'll make a home. And we'll… eventually we might have children."

Her cheeks pinked, but she nodded. "Yes. So?"

Zev swallowed. "I don't know what I'm passing on, Sash. I don't even know what I am. Our child… they could be damned. They could be malformed. They could… any number of things could go wrong. If I'm right, I've never successfully had offspring. There's no way to know—"

"Never?" she asked, shocked. "I thought that was the whole point of all this mating?"

He nodded sadly. "It was. But there's been no success if the records I saw are real. They don't know if it's because I haven't tried enough with the right females, or what. But it seems that whatever switch they flipped in me that allows me to mate with multiple females also reduces my ability to have offspring. At least… that's the conclusion they're drawing because after three years, it still hasn't happened."

Sasha sat back on her elbow, chewing her lip, her brow furrowed. He combed her hair back again, watching her, waiting.

"I don't know whether to be sad, or ecstatic," she said after a minute. "I mean… selfishly, I want that for us, you know? Only for us. Selfishly I want to fistpump right now," she admitted sheepishly.

"I'll admit, there was a part of me that was relieved when I heard," he said dryly. "But it also puts all of my people at risk. If we can't become more successful in breeding, we might all be killed out of expediency. It's why the team is so nervous. It's why they didn't want me to connect with you—because they knew this would happen. They knew I'd stop the program. I… I don't know how much time we have until they start… putting Chimera down." He swallowed.

Sasha looked horrified. "You really think they'd do that?"

"Nick can't fake emotion. He can stay calm and lie to me. He can twist words and manipulated me. But he can't fake feelings. He can't make himself stink of fear when he doesn't. And yes, I believe him. When he told me that they'd pull the plug on the program, he meant it. He doesn't want to lose me, or us, or maybe just his lifestyle, I don't know. All I know is, when he thought it might happen, he was terrified."

Sasha's face went very serious. "We could… I mean if we mate… they could…"

"Execute us, yes."

She blinked and he stroked her hair. "I'll do everything I can—short of taking other females to make sure that doesn't happen," he whispered. "But the threat is real. And now… now I think about what happens if we are successful, Sash. Our child could be anything from a normal human, to a soulless creature. Can you… can you stomach that?"

"Literally?" she asked, spluttering with nervous laughter. "Like, am I going to grow a spider or something?"

"No! No, I just meant…" Zev swallowed. "I meant that if I'm damned, our kid might be too. Can you forgive me—could they forgive me if—"

"Zev, you have to stop with this existential crisis shit," she said fiercely. Shocked by her aggression, he stopped playing with her hair and stared. She shook her head, still leaning over him. "Soulless people don't lose sleep wondering if they're causing other people pain. They don't get traumatized by having sex with multiple women. They don't shake when they think about losing someone they love. You are not damned!"

He tried to force a smile. "You're beautiful when you're angry."

"Zev!"

"I'm serious," he said quietly, but raised his free hand to stop her when she opened her mouth to argue. "I hear what you're saying, but I'm not sure it's that simple," he said. "You understand that… that I was made by human hands, Sash? I have no idea what that means. I mean, am I more animal that human? I don't know. Do I have a soul? I don't think so—how could I? I didn't grow in the womb of a mother. I grew in a chamber in a lab. I don't have a birthday, I had a scheduled transition—that's what Nick called it. Can you imagine that? They just decide one day and unwrap you. Like a package from Amazon."

"Or a Christmas present," Sasha said softly, and he loved her for it. He pulled her down into his chest and kissed her hair and fought the tremors that wanted to shake his body again.

"This is real, Sasha. It's a real question. If we're going to do this… are you sure? Are you absolutely certain?"

Sasha sighed heavily, then pushed back up to lean on his chest this time, her arms resting on him. The pressure made his ribs twinge, but he loved having her so close, her eyes fixed on his… he held her there.

"It's scary, Zev. The not knowing. I'm going to have to think about that part—with kids, I mean. But am I sure about you? Yes. Absolutely. I've been sure since I was seventeen years old. My fear isn't about being with you. It's about coping if you leave me. It's stupid, I know. But that's what it is. I'm afraid you'll decide I'm not worth the hassle anymore or… something. I don't know."

Zev shook his head and took her face, pulling her down to kiss him deeply, his fingers fisted in her hair. Then he spoke against her lips. "I will never leave you again. Never."

Sasha blew out a breath, then kissed him again before whispering, "Then whatever we face in this… we'll face it together."

Then she settled down into the crook of his arm and played her fingers across his chest. "You aren't soulless, Zev," she whispered. "There's too much beauty in you."

He had to breathe deeply for a while to stop the ache of tears.

 

Chapter 135

Sasha wasn't sure how long they lay there, but she could tell Zev wasn't sleeping any more than she was. As the warm flickering light from the fire became a deep orange glow, and it was quiet enough to hear the wind whistling in the trees on the mountain, Sasha just lay there, staring at the cave ceiling, feeling warm and safe in Zev's arm, despite the circumstances.

When he sighed some time later and shifted, she waited until he'd settled, then asked, "If we aren't sleeping, you might as well me about this mating ritual. It sounds weird and wonderful, just like the Chimera," she said dryly.

Zev huffed, then winced, grabbing at his ribs. She'd forgotten he was injured.

With a murmured comfort, she leaned up and over him, taking her weight on the other arm, braced on the furs on his other side, and kissed his ribs.

Zev whined in his throat and pulled her hair back to watch her face. "You have no idea what you do to me, Sash," he rasped. "Putting your mouth on me… it just…"

She didn't raise her head, but looked at him from the corner of her eye as she opened her mouth over the spot on his ribs and softly, softly laved it with her tongue.

"Dear Lord in heaven," Zev groaned. "You need to stop that, right now." But he didn't wrestle her away.

Sasha, making a mental note about how to get Zev's engine running if she ever needed to, kissed his ribs again, then rolled back to lay in the crook of his arm.

"Distract me from that mental image please," Zev growled. "You flirt."

Sasha smirked and traced the lines on his chest with a fingertip, careful to avoid the other side where his ribs were tender.

"The ritual?" she said. "How does it work?"

Zev sighed and raked a hand through his hair, his large bicep curling in front of her face so her mouth went dry. "Well, it's a feast, and a gathering," he said, then cleared his throat, adjusting himself sheepishly. "We have to arrive separately. I'll be presented by a male, and you'll be presented by a female. And the tradition is that once we're united, neither of us can leave the other—if we do, it's an open door for others to try to entice us. So once you have my hand, don't let go. I don't want to have to kill Lhars after all. The connection—keeping it close—is supposed to be a symbol of our devotion to each other and our unwillingness to hide. Anything. Staying under each other's eyes for the duration is supposed to signify that we'll never hide anything from each other, or lie."

"That sounds… really special."

Zev nodded. "So, at first when we're presented to each other, I have to make a speech that is my declaration of our intention to become a breeding pair. I have to tell them all why I deserve you, and why I believe you chose me, and then I have to… to offer the males a chance to tempt you away before we hold to each other.

"They'll all display for you while we stand there. They'll tell you my weaknesses and my flaws, and try to say that their strengths are better. And if you choose one of them over me, you walk away, to them."

Sasha snorted. "Like, a naked male tells me you snore and he doesn't, than flaps his peen at me, or something, so I'm just going to leave you?" she giggled.

But Zev didn't find it funny. "No, Sash. These are males that know me well. They'll… they'll tell you the worst of me. And they'll offer proof of how much better they are than me."

"No one's better than you, Zev," she said softly. "Not for me."

With a groan, he rolled to face her and kissed her, slow and lingering. When they parted, both breathing faster, he swallowed and continued.

"If you don't accept one of their offers, I'll come for you. I'll fight to get to you—they'll fight me, one at a time—it's really just symbolic, nothing more than bruises. But once I reach you and we take hold of each other, we can't let go for the rest."

"The rest of what?"

"We give vows, then we dance, then we share a meal with them all, and then we leave to take our solitude." He smiled at that. "That's when things get good."

Sasha couldn't help smiling back. "What vows do you use? Like the human ones?"

"Sort of," he said. "The vows we choose are a little different, depending what commitment we're making to each other."

Sasha frowned. "There's different commitments?"

"Yes. We can either declare ourselves steadfast pair, or an ardent pair," he said. Sasha noticed he was looking down now, not holding her eyes. "I think… I think this part must come from our human roots. Because the truth is, all Chimera are faithful. No one chooses to mate with another once they've taken their mate. But the vows… the vows make emotional commitments."

"Like what?"

Zev swallowed. "So… a steadfast pair makes the commitment that even in anger, they won't turn away from each other. They'll always give their hearts as well as their bodies, while they live. And an ardent pair promises… promises…"

"What?"

His eyes came up to meet hers, then. "An ardent pair promises to seek each other even in the next life," he said, hushed. "Whatever that might be."

Sasha smiled. "That's beautiful!"

"The idea is beautiful," Zev said cautiously. "But we don't know what we'll meet in the next life, Sash. What if… what if one mate goes to heaven and one to hell—what happens then? What if… what if one doesn't have a soul and the other does. Does that mean that the one with the soul has to spend eternity seeking, with no chance to ever find love? I mean, it's a beautiful idea, but risky, if you ask me."

Sasha sighed. He really had thought about this, she realized. And in the context of her—it had to be. What other reason would he have to worry about one of them having a soul and the other not? If he really believed he was broken that way, he had to believe all the Chimera were. So mating another Chimera wouldn't be a problem, right?

"I told you, Zev, I know you have a soul. I know it to my bones. So… please… be my—what did you call it? Ardent pair?"

Zev blinked. "You can't just say that," he said.. And he sounded angry.

 

Chapter 136

Sasha blinked, alarmed. "Why not? What did I do?"

"You're completely underselling yourself!" Zev growled. "You'd just give away your soul like that, Sash? Just, without even a thought?"

"I didn't say I gave away my soul. I said I was certain you had one. That I wouldn't spend eternity searching for you like some sad ghost."

"But you can't know that!"

"Neither can you!"

"No, he growled. "But at least I considered it. I weighed the decision. I didn't just throw caution to the wind and…. and… laugh it off!"

"I'm not laughing, Zev. I'm just… wait… considered what? Weighed what decision?"

"Whether I would offer myself as Ardent," he said, his eyes dragging away from her face again, but he could still see her.

Sasha's eyes widened and she pulled her hand slowly back from his chest. "You… don't want to?" she asked quietly.

"What? No! That's not what I meant!"

Sasha slumped. "Then what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about—I know what I'm getting into. I know what decision I'm making. You're just throwing yourself into this and not even counting the cost. What if we do find out I'm soulless? What then? Will you wish you hadn't vowed? I don't think I could handle that, Sasha. Seeing that in your eyes."

"You wouldn't!"

"You can't know that!"

"Yes, I can, Zev!" She pushed up on her elbow and met his eyes, her own flashing in anger. "I know I can! I've sat on my ass alone and depressed for five years because I lost you. I know how that feels. I never want to feel that again—now, or in eternity. I'll do whatever it takes—but I'll never decide that you're not worth it!" she snapped the words like a reprimand, then caught herself and put her face in her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not mad, I'm just—"

But Zev was already pulling her in, taking her mouth, burying his fingers in her hair. His heart singing. She was right. She was right. She did know her own heart and he was telling her she didn't? Sasha had fought for him. She'd fought to keep him when he was far away. Fought to be near him when she didn't even know how far he was. Fought for the chance just to find him again. And here he was questioning her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against her lips, then took her mouth again. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry! Just stop questioning yourself. Stop questioning whether I want this. I want this, Zev. I want all of it. Everything. With you. Only with you!"

Something in his chest broke open at those words and a river of emotion tumbled out of his heart and into his bloodstream. Sucking in a breath, he pressed her into his chest, ribs be damned.

Groaning his heart's song, pulse thundering in his ears, he drew her into the circle of his arms and rolled her onto her back, looming over her, his kiss deep and frantic.

Sasha whimpered into his mouth, but gave the kiss back just as desperately, arching her back and pulling him close, their tongues tangling, breaths roaring, her fingers clawed into his hair and she whispered his name like a prayer.

Alarms flashed in Zev's head—they couldn't do this. He couldn't take her. The others would smell it on them and it would be a violation, but… dear Lord, he wanted her. He needed her. Needed something to show her what she meant to him. Some way to make it clear to her…

He pulled away suddenly, his eyes finding hers, his breath heaving.

"What? What is it?"

"Don't move," he whispered, stealing one last kiss, then throwing the furs back and rolling out of the warm cocoon they'd made.

"Zev! What are you doing?"

"Earning you," he said with a growl.

"What? You don't have to earn anything—"

Then he stood and Sasha's breath sucked in and her eyes went wide, frozen.

Right on his nakedness.

*****

~ SASHA ~

Zev was naked. Zev was bare as a baby, standing in front of her, no shame at all.

And he was fucking beautiful.

His rippled torsos and the flat plains of his chest tapered down to a trim waist and thick thighs, the muscles in his legs leaving lines that only made him look stronger.

She knew she shouldn't stare, but he'd taken her so by surprise. She'd known his legs were bare, but she'd assumed.. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish and her cheeks reddened. "I knew you were… but I thought… underwear…"

Zev chuckled and winked. "Oh, right. I sleep naked by the way." Then he turned and, feeling her eyes raking down his back, hurried to the other side of the cave, throwing back the zipper on his big duffel and digging through it.

"I'm sorry I didn't think of this sooner, Sash. And I'm sorry that it's going to happen without all the ceremony. But having you here… I can't risk anything else being stolen from us."

"I… I don't want to either," she said faintly, watching the firm rounds of his buttocks flex as he squatted next to the bag, wishing she put her hands on the hollows of it—

Then he pulled his hand out of the bag and smiled, standing straight and walking back to the furs—but to her side this time.

For a moment she just lay there, staring up at him—a very unfortunate angle, really. But his beauty made up for it as he reached down for her hand. "Let me help you up," he said with a wicked grin—yet, she would have sworn he was nervous too. An edge to his tone, a slight tremor in his cheeks.

Taking his hand, she drew the furs back and let him help her to her feet. At least up there she could stare at his eyes.

Definitely his eyes.

Focus Sasha.

Then he went still and so did she. Could he hear her thoughts the way he could put his thoughts in her head? She was about to ask when his Adam's apple bobbed.

"Are you ready?" he whispered.

 

Chapter 137

Sasha nodded even though she had no clue what he was doing. She wasn't going to have to get naked too, was she?

Did she care?

With Zev, no, she realized.

She was suddenly very aware of the huge t-shirt she was swimming in—it fell off one of her shoulders, the t-shirt sleeves falling below her elbows, and the hem near her knees. Zev, over a foot taller than her, loomed over her, holding the hand he'd used to help her up, but otherwise not touching her. But his eyes were bright, shining, almost glowing again. He watched her so intently she felt like he could absolutely read her thoughts if he tried.

"Sash," he said, his voice how and hushed, a gravel that made her want to put her arm to his chest to feel it under her palm.

"Yes?"

"I have loved you since I was eighteen years old," he said, then cleared his throat and looked down, before bringing his eyes back up to hers. "For the last five years, I've thought about you ever day. Ached for you. Yearned to be close to you, and… and done anything I could to bring us closer. And now you're here. And you're mine," he said, with a low growl.

Sasha's heart trilled and she nodded. "Yes, I am."

He swallowed again. "I know none of this is happening the way we hoped. I was too young before, and now… now there are too many things trying to pull us apart. But I want you to know… I want you to be certain that I am here for you. Forever."

Tears pinched her throat, but she didn't give in to them. She wanted to see every line of his face, every blink of his eyes. He stared at her like she was water in the desert, and she couldn't bear the idea of looking away.

"I love you too, Zev," she croaked. "Forever."

He nodded. "Our lives might never be simple. And things might… might get weird, or scary, or plain dangerous. But all of that is on the outside. Inside, I'm yours and you're mine. And no one and nothing can take that from us."

She nodded, swallowing more tears and finally put her hand to his chest. His heart was hammering just as hard as hers, which calmed her somehow.

"I'm sorry I didn't think about this sooner. And I'm sorry it's not what… not what you would have dreamed," he breathed.

Sasha frowned. "Zev, having you is what I've dreamed. Don't you get that?"

A dazzling smile broke on his face and he looked like he was going to kiss her again, but he shook his head, then suddenly dropped.

Sasha put both hands to her mouth. She stopped breathing as Zev got down on one knee in front of her, holding his fists together.

"When I came to Thana after I had to leave you, I was heartbroken," he said and his eyes dropped from hers to his hands for a moment. He cleared his throat. "My friends knew I was broken up. But I threw myself into fighting up the hierarchy and… I think deep down I thought if I could take control, I could gain enough power to get you back." He swallowed again. "But then I did it and… nothing changed. You still weren't here. And I still ached for you. I was rudderless.

"When the winter festival came that year Dunken got me a gift. Trust me, Dunken is the least sentimental Chimera you'll ever have the pleasure to know. So when he gives something… he means it," Zev said, his lips curling up at the memory. "He gave me this ring and he said… he said it was to remind me that I knew where I was going. And to never give up. No matter what."

Zev lifted his eyes back to hers and opened his hand. On the flat of his palm sat a thick, leather ring, it's surface sheened with long use. He lifted it up, to hold it close enough for her to see the engraved symbols in it.

Two feathered arrows circled either side, both pointing at a thick cross in the center.

"X marks the spot," Sasha blurted stupidly, then clapped a hand over her mouth.

Zev chuckled. "Yes. The spot that I was always hoping to come to. This spot," he said, and lifted sparkling eyes to lock with hers.

"This is a symbol, because it's all I have to give," he said hoarsely. "I used it to remind me where I was going, but that was to you. And now you're here. So… so I found my mark.

"Sasha, I'm asking you for everything. And I can't promise more than this cave and these strange people, but... Be my mate. Be my wife. Be the mother of my children. Be my forever—even in the next life. Be my Ardent. Are you… would you… will you give yourself to me that way?"

"Are you fucking crazy, Zev?!" she sobbed. "Of course I will!" Wailing happy tears she threw herself at him—even kneeling he was almost as tall as she was and she was able to circle his neck with her arms, burying her face in his jaw and letting her tears wet his neck. "I love you, Zev. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Sash," he said gruffly, his voice deep. Stumbling to his feet, he embraced her and pulled her in, off her feet, hugging her so tightly she was afraid he might hurt his ribs. But she couldn't let go, and instead, held him tighter, kissing his neck, and sobbing his name.

Minutes later, when they could both speak without crying, he set her back down on her feet and took her shaking hand.

With a frown, he looked at her hands and traced his finger over hers. Then with a small smile, he slid the thick ring onto her thumb.

"It's not the same finger as your traditions, but maybe that's a good thing. Maybe… maybe we make our own traditions now?" he asked quietly.

Holding her hand high and looking at that simple, but beautiful ring—that little piece of him, piece of those years they'd been forced to spend apart, and she swore her heart doubled in size.

"Yes, Zev," she gasped, then threw herself back into his chest. "Yes!"

 

Chapter 138

Sasha wasn't sure what woke her from the dreamless bliss of sleeping in Zev's arms, but she didn't open her eyes right away. It was a special kind of delicious to lay there alongside him, cocooned in his warmth as she slowly came awake and aware of her surroundings.

The cave was quiet and smelled like clean, wet stone. It was cozy under the furs and when she moved her arms it fluffed warm air out that smelled like Zev and her heart sang.

A shadow passed over her face. Was Zev leaning over her? She she smiled and opened her eyes to—

HOLY SHIT WHAT THE—

Sasha shrieked and sat bolt-upright, pulling the furs tight to her chest as she gaped at Yhet. He squatted at the end of the furs, his hairy cheeks pushed into a wide smile and his thick hair flying in every direction like some kind of mad scientist.

"Well done resisting the urge to mate!" Yhet rumbled, patting Sasha's hand with a thick paw. "I'll admit, I gambled with Skhal and lost. I will have to give him one of my furs now."

"Give him… what?!" Sasha's heart was pounding her chest heaving with the fright. Adrenalin pulsed in her veins, but Zev didn't even open his eyes, he just put an arm around her butt and scooted her into his side.

"Good morning, Yhet," he sighed.

"Good morning, Zev-dan. And congratulations. You have shown great restraint."

"C'mon, Yhet, I told you, humans don't talk about that stuff."

Sasha spluttered with laughter as Yhet pointed at the tent Zev was pitching in the furs. "Surely it isn't rude to talk about the obvious?"

Zev rubbed a hand over his hair and sighed, then opened his eyes. He looked at Sasha first, and mouthed, "Hi."

Her heart squeezed and she put one hand to his shoulder and mouthed it back. But then he sat up too, the furs falling to his waist—still hiding the, er, obvious as he put a hand behind Sasha on the bed and fixed Yhet with a stern gaze.

"Yhet, I told you: privacy. It's very important to humans. You don't enter the bedchamber without a warning. And you don't talk about… things like that."

Yhet's face went stony. "Well then, if it's rude, perhaps you shouldn't flaunt your arousal—that's like pointing to the honeycomb and expecting me not to taste it!"

Sasha gaped, but Zev just rolled his eyes.

"What's going on, Yhet? Why are you here so early?"

Yhet's lower jaw jutted out like he wanted to pout, but then he looked at Sasha and seemed to pull himself together.

"Kyelle says you need to come talk to her about the owls before she can organize the ceremony, and you need to do that early because you haven't given her much time. And Dunken said to tell you that he's working on Gheet."

Sasha looked at Zev.

"The goat Alpha," he explained softly.

Oh, right.

"Are either of them challenging, do you know?" Zev asked Yhet.

The massive man shrugged. "They didn't say. Kyelle seemed quite disturbed, though."

Sasha and Zev looked at each other.

"Okay, then," Zev said a second later, taking her hand under the furs and squeezing it. "Why don't you go bathe and change, and get ready for the day, Sash? I'll talk to Kyelle, then come to your house and we can make a plan."

"Bathe?" she said faintly.

Zev snorted and tipped a finger on her chin. "I meant at home. Give yourself a sponge bath if you have to. Just whatever will make you feel like you can face a busy day. It's going to be a long one, but it's the last one before we can be together for real," he said, and his eyes heated as his voice went husky.

Sasha's stomach plunged to her toes and she wanted to shiver with the look in his eyes, but she was desperately aware of the large sasquatch standing at the foot of the furs, staring at them, fascinated.

Then Zev leaned over and kissed her briefly, before pushing out of the furs and walking easily—still naked!—across the cave to his bag to dress.

Sash was eager to do the same, but Yhet remained there, talking to Zev easily and smiling.

She waited a long minute, but neither of them seemed to notice, then she sighed.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," she said through her teeth, "but could I get some… privacy?"

Yhet frowned, but Zev jumped—with an apology—to usher Yhet out to the mouth of the cave. "Just wait outside there for a second until she's dressed.

"But why? I would never desire her! I would never desire you, Sasha. I assure you! You can be certain of that—"

Zev growled and yanked Yhet out of the cave.

Sasha snorted with laughter, giggling to herself as she got out of the furs and picked up her clothes from the night before, trying to imagine describing this entire situation to a friend back home.

How was it possible that her life had become centered around resisting sex with the hottest man she knew, while a Sasquatch told her how unattractive she was?

Still giggling, she was dressed and hurried out of the cave to meet both men, who stood in the cold—Zev still shirtless—discussing the village.

"…Xar heard you've taken Alpha of the wolves already. The Tigers are in a fury," Yhet said. "Lhars is nowhere to be seen, I think he's avoiding Xar because he knows Xar will remove him from office."

"If you find him, tell him that's a smart plan and to stick with it at least until the ritual tomorrow."

Yhet nodded. "How did it go with the council?"

"Mostly good," Zev said, pulling Sasha into his side as she approached. "They gave me the vote—both to lead, and with Sasha. So it's only time now."

But then he winced as Sasha squeezed him too hard on his sore side.

"I'm sorry!" she gasped, but he shook his head.

"Don't worry about it. I heal quickly. By the time we're back from solitude I'll be good as new."

The two men talked a while longer, but Zev seemed mainly concerned with keeping Sasha out of the path of the owls and goats.

"I thought you said we could be together now?" Sasha asked, disappointed if she was going to be asked to hide all day.

"We can, but until you're Alpha, I can't bring you to a meeting with the Alphas. So Yhet will take you home and you can bathe and change, like I said. Then when I'm done, I'll come get you. I don't want you out in the village without me. It will make then bolder.

Sasha sighed, but agreed.

Zev kissed her softly and leaned into her ear. "Once I've dealt with the Alphas I'll come to you and we can have some time… alone."

Then as he straightened, his raised his eyebrows suggestively.

But Sasha tipped her head, unimpressed. "Don't show me the honey unless you're going to let me taste it," she said primly, stalking past him down the path towards the village.

Yhet bellowed a laugh.

 

Chapter 139

Banishing thoughts of Sasha's pink skin and flashing smile, Zev entered the village and prowled through, acknowledging no one, but letting them all see and scent him. As Alpha he did not have to speak or invite anyone's attention.

Strange how quickly the tables had turned—wolves that had ignored him the day before now gave submission. Males from other clans giving him a wide berth not because they were pretending not to see him, but because they acknowledged his power.

As he passed through the square and the homes of many males he knew, he kept his chin low and his eyes focused forward. Let them all scent his confidence. Let them feel his strength. Even with his wounds, he was not a wolf to be toyed with, and they'd all known it.

Now, instead of sneering, they were wary. Instead of dismissive, they measured him as he passed. And that was as it should be.

He had to take responsibility for his role in the people coming to this place that left them so endangered. But he was doing that—stepping forward to fix what was broken, to take back his power. The rest of them had yet to take their responsibility for supporting Xar and allowing all of this.

He was not alone in shouldering blame.

And so he stalked the village, feeling his strength and letting them scent his certainty.

In a few days, after the ritual, after the solitude, after he beat Xar, they would answer to him, and only him. He could wait. But there was no harm in letting them feel the warning.

As he passed out of the main village and to the north, towards Kyelle's home, the forest was thicker until he reached the actual settlement of the owls were many trees had been removed to allow free flight between them.

Kyelle's home was familiar to him. She'd been a great friend, a needed support during his years as Alpha. Just a few years older than him, she had led her clan for three years before Zev returned and took Alpha. Her advice and insight had saved his ass more than once. And her friendship had kept him sane, especially in those first months.

He'd slowly become aware of her growing feelings. At first he'd tried to ignore it, to give her her pride. But eventually she'd gained courage, subtly inviting him to display. He'd ignored all her signals and their friendship, which had always been easy and comfortable, became tense. He'd grieved it, too. She was a true sister to him—wise, helpful, trustworthy.

Among Alphas it could go either way. If Clans aligned, their leaders often became friends. But there was always the question of whose power would win if a conflict were needed. A frisson between Alphas that was difficult to ignore.

With Kyelle, he'd never felt threatened. And he'd never been judged. She'd even seemed eager to let him speak of Sasha and how he missed her. Especially in the first year.

All this history ran through his head on his way to Kyelle's home and his stomach fizzed, not with excitement, but with dread.

Why was Kyelle disturbed? And what was she planning? Or what were the owls discussing? Was she going to warn him, or challenge him?

And what would he do? Would he use what he knew of Kyelle and her secrets against her? In order to win? To more easily make Sasha his own? Or would he give her the respect she deserved as someone he'd always seen as a sister?

Could he? Could he risk it?

Would Kyelle deal with him as a brother? Or would this uneasy darkness always increase between them until he cut ties?

He hoped it wouldn't come to that, but he was also resolved. He would do whatever was needed to smooth the path to Alpha, and to taking Sasha as his mate.

He would not relish wounding Kyelle in that process, but if it was what was required, he would do it.

He couldn't allow anything to get in his way.

As he entered the clearing where Kyelle kept her home and saw the light on behind the large window, and her silhouette on the perch in front of hit, Zev took a deep breath to clear his head. As Kyelle caught sight of him and moved towards the door, he shifted to his wolf and leaped to the small platform in front of the door and waited for her to open it, his stomach coiling with distaste.

The door opened inwardly and Kyelle appeared. Zev was a little surprised at how happy she was to see him, her bright eyes sparkling and her smile broad. "Thank you for coming so quickly!" she said quietly. "It's so good to see you, Zev."

He nodded and stepped inside without a word.

She closed the door behind him then there was an awkward moment where she looked like she was going to lean into him wrap him in a hug as they would have done years ago. But Zev didn't allow himself to smile.

When she stopped in front of him, her eyes widening with uncertainty, he leaned in to share scents, but didn't touch her with his hands. With the formal greeting done, he stepped back and folded his arms.

Kyelle's pretty forehead furrowed. "Are you angry? What's wrong, Zev? It's so good to see you and be able to talk to you alone after so long… why are you acting like… like you're angry?"

Zev gave her a pointed look. "Yhet said you were very disturbed this morning. That you were demanding my attention right away before you could prepare the ritual."

She blinked. "Yes, I was. Disturbed for you. Unhappy that we didn't have the time to discuss—"

"Cut the crap, Kyelle. You're better than that. I really appreciate you helping Sasha. I do. I know how hard that must have been, and I'm grateful that you were willing to put your own feelings aside to help her. She needed it. She'll be even more grateful the longer she's here, the more she realizes exactly what you gave to do that. But even with that… I'm not stupid.

"You don't have a reason to delay preparing the ritual unless you believe something could stop Sasha and I from claiming each other. But you need to know, I have no intention of claiming anyone else, ever. So… what's going on? Are the owls sending a male to challenge me?"

The question hung in the air as Kyelle's face went wary.

 

Chapter 140

"Seriously, Kyelle?" he spat a moment later. "After everything we've been through, you'd send one of the males after me?"

Kyelle's face was guarded, blank. She wasn't smiling anymore, and she folded her arms defensively. "I didn't say that. But the Clan… females are extremely valuable these days, and as a human, she can breed with any of the males—"

"They will not touch her!" Zev snarled, stepping into her, his teeth bared.

Kyelle didn't flinch. Her gaze went cool and calm, a mask she'd built over the years navigating Alpha challenges with the males for so long.

No one could do "unconcerned" like Kyelle when she wanted to.

"I did not say they would touch her," she said, her voice even and cold. "I simply acknowledged the draw of having an unmated female—"

"Claimed, Kyelle. Claimed by me and you know it. She is my mate and I will not—"

"Is she, though?" Kyelle asked quietly, a hint of her vulnerability bleeding into the words in the form of a slight quaver in her voice.

Zev blew out a breath. "Yes," he said, his voice low and rough. "She is. I told you that years ago."

"You told me that you were uncertain. That you thought… that there had been something different with her. But you can't make the matebond, right, Zev? Isn't that what you've said all these years? That you don't have the capacity. That they made you different. So there was no… no point trying to form it—"

"I was wrong. I've learned a lot in the past three years—as I'm sure you have as well. I'm sorry you were hurt by all this Kyelle, if there'd been a way to warn you, I would have. But it came as a surprise to all of us. So please… speak plainly. Are you sending a male challenger for her? Because if you are, I will not go lightly on him just because he's yours. You know I'll take down any male you could bring against me."

"I do know that," she said, nodding.

Zev frowned. "Then what—"

"I'm not sending a male against you, Zev. This is… different."

"Different? What's different? How?" For a moment, his relief that she wasn't going to send a challenger that he would have to hurt, broke through his anger. Genuinely confused, Zev didn't hold the edge in his tone. He spoke as a friend and a brother who wanted real answers.

And Kyelle's eyes softened too. Instead of the cold detachment she'd shown seconds earlier, he saw the pinch, the vulnerability, the fear in her… and the desire.

Zev took a subconscious step back. "Kyelle—"

"I know your fears, Zev," she said in a breathy voice, her hands clutching the hem of her blouse. "Better yet, as a Chimera and an Alpha I understand them. I can… I understand you."

Then she gripped the shirt tails and pulled it up, over her head, baring herself and pulling the shirt through her hair until it fluttered to the wooden floor behind her, and her hair settled in waves around her shoulders.

Zev's stomach sank as she started on the buttons of her leather pants. "Females don't display for males," he growled, frustrated with her for putting him in this position, and aching for her that she had convinced herself she should.

"You are the most powerful Chimera for generations," she said, her voice low and shaky as she removed her pants and threw them aside as well, placing her hands on her hips and displaying her body, turning to watch him over her shoulder, then all the way around to face him again. "You are the most desirable male in the clans. I know your fears, Zev. I know you fear offspring, fear what they might be. I cannot give you young, there is no risk. You will never have to face fathering a soulless creature of the dark.

"I am Alpha—tried, and proven. Having me at your side would only strengthen your position, not only with the owls, but with all of the Clans."

"Kyelle—"

"I am your friend, but I am also more," she whispered and stepped up to stroke his chest.

Zev shook his head and stepped back, but she followed him and continued to display. Zev set his teeth and glared. He didn't want to turn his back on her, to lower her that way. But she was pushing hard. He might have no choice.

"No, Kyelle. Don't do this. This isn't the way it works. Males display for females—"

"Your strength and position among us means you deserve more than any normal Chimera, Zev. I am not too proud to put myself out as an Alpha and a female. I can offer you wisdom and status. I can offer you the comfort and knowledge of an old friend. I can offer you greater sway among the secondary Clans. What can she offer you? She is weak and needs protection. She does not understand our traditions—"

"You break our traditions yourself, right now!" Zev growled.

Kyelle tipped one shoulder. "As a female Alpha the precedent is unclear," she said, dismissing him, but he saw her waver again, her confidence waning.

"Kyelle, please. Please don't do this to yourself. Don't force me to… I don't want to hurt you."

She stopped displaying her body for him, dropping both arms to her sides, her hands in fists. Her eyes were pinched and her jaw tight. She looked older, suddenly and Zev held her gaze, silently pleading with her to stop. To step back.

But then she raised her chin in a demonstration of trust, locked eyes with him and stepped up to him, pressing herself into his chest. "Zev, please—"

With a snarl, Zev turned his back, his breath heaving. He hated hurting her. Hated lowering her this way! Why was she forcing him to do it! "I do not see you, Kyelle," he muttered through his teeth. "I do not receive you."

A tiny sob broke behind him and his shoulder's slumped. Fuck, he hated hurting her.

The warmth of her body, the soft press of her leaned into his back, and she put her forehead between his shoulder blades. Zev tensed to step away, but she wrapped her hands around his stomach, her fingers splayed, and held him there.

"I'm sorry," she breathed. "I couldn't… I had to know for certain. I won't push again, Zev. I promise."

Zev raked a hand through his hair, then shook his head, peeled her hands from his stomach, and stepped out of her arms. "Get dressed," he said without looking at her, his voice dead. "We need to discuss the ritual."