Ch. 21..30

Chapter 21

He exited off the highway only a mile or two after they got on. Sasha tensed when he slowed, but he reassured her. "They know this car now because the Avatar saw it. I need to ditch it and get something else. I have another one in here."

It was a lot closer for a switch than he'd normally use, but he didn't want to drive the thirty minutes to the next town where he had kept a private storage unit. And he thought Sasha needed a minute to breathe. The park would be just the thing. He was willing to bet Nick hadn't put anyone on it. He wouldn't have expected Zev to choose it when it was so close.

A few minutes later they pulled into the national park. He slid his wallet out of the breast pocket of his shirt inside the overalls and slid the Annual Membership card into the little slot. The barrier arm raised slowly, and for a second he was reminded of the guy in the first parking garage.

How had Nick known he needed someone there this week? Why not last week?

Or had they had someone on post there this whole time? He didn't think so… but Nick could be brilliant like that. He grimaced. At this point it hardly mattered. The point was, they'd gotten away. Only barely, but they'd done it.

He had Sasha back.

Zev shook his head in disbelief.

The car lights swung across trees and grass, underbrush, and a big brown sign announcing the Park's twenty-four hour parking for campers.

Zev pulled the car into a free slot between two trailers—one that still had the lights on—then turned off the engine.

He could hear her breathing. Heavy and quick.

He was afraid to look at her, afraid to see that fear in her eyes again. Could he blame her? No. She'd probably never seen a person die before. And even though she hadn't tonight either, it probably felt like she had.

He sighed.

"Where are we?" she said in a tiny voice.

"My trailer," he said quietly. "I'm going to grab a couple things and we're going to take a different vehicle. So they don't know where we are." Thank whatever god was listening that he'd switched up the Plan B car just last week. He had a different schedule every time so he wasn't predictable. "I need you to… to promise me you won't scream or run or… raise the alarm," he said quietly. "I know it's been a helluva night, Sash. I do. And I'm going to tell you the whole story. But right now we're still in danger. If anyone gets a clue who I am, or that you're with me… will you trust me just a few minutes longer?"

She looked at him warily. "What are you going to do—exactly. Are there… more people to fight?"

"No! No, I'm going to open the door on that trailer right there and grab my go bag. Then we're going to walk into the park like we're going to camping. But I've got a jeep in there and we're going to take a maintenance road out and meet the highway again. Then… then we're going on a road trip."

She blinked, then blinked again.

He gave her an apologetic smile. "Not the one I promised you, I know. But… but… Fuck, Sasha, I'm just so glad to see you. I'm sorry it had to be like this."

She stared at him like she wasn't even sure what he'd said, but then she swallowed and nodded, sitting up straight in the seat finally. "Okay," she murmured. "Let's go."

He watched her carefully. Something wasn't right. But then, he could hardly expect her to be bubbly and dry when she'd just almost lost her life twice.

A minute later he'd grabbed her bag from the car, and his own from the trailer, then he turned away from the door and offered his hand to hold hers. "Walk with me?" he asked carefully, uncertain whether she'd let him touch her.

She stared at his hand for a second, hesitating. Then his heart flooded with heat as she nodded and twined her fingers in his, then followed him down the walking path into the park proper.

He had a flashlight on his keyring that would penetrate even the midnight dark of the forest, but he didn't need it. Sasha, however, was a lot less certain.

"Can you see where we're going?" she whispered a minute later as they stepped into the trees.

"Yep," he said quietly.

"How?"

"I have really good night vision."

She didn't respond to that, but kept herself close to his side, gripping his arm as he led her through the dark. He indulged himself and leaned slightly closer to inhale the smell of her, shaking his head in disbelief.

He squeezed her hand and even though she didn't squeeze back, she turned her head to look at him. To her eyes he couldn't have been more than a smudge of blacker black against the forest. But he smiled a little anyway.

"It's so good to see you, Sash," he breathed, pulling her close to his side. "I've dreamed about this day for years."

She made a little noise and dropped her face into her free hand, shaking her head. At first he thought she was crying and he opened his mouth to reassure her. But then she made a little snort. Then a strange kind of cackle.

Then she was laughing, spluttering, throwing her head back and wiping her eyes.

Zev was utterly confused. "What's so funny?" he asked her.

She couldn't seem to get a handle on her giggles. She kept snorting and tripping into more laughter.

"I've dreamed… about this… for years, too…" she gasped, bending over to hold her stomach. "But I gotta say, Zev… I never would… have imagined… this!"

 

Chapter 22

She was hysterical. Hysterical, and terrified, and simultaneously overjoyed.

Zev was here. He was holding her hand and leading her through the dark, and if she hadn't just seen two men die, or almost die, she would have said it was the best moment of her life.

Instead she was cackling aggressively, and snorting so hard she wondered if she'd torn a sinus.

"Please," she gasped a minute later, when Zev tugged her into a little thicket and began pulling a dead tree apart. A tree that turned out not to be a tree at all, but a pile of branches taller than her head, hiding a jeep.

Of course it was. Who didn't leave whole cars just lying around for later use in an emergency?

Another shrill giggle broke in her throat. "P-please tell me you're going to shake a bush and reveal dinner for two?" she snorted.

Zev didn't share her jollies. "It's shock, Sash," he said quietly. "Just breathe. It'll pass."

"I would, but I have a sudden urge to tug on the moss on that rock and see if a cellphone will fall out."

Zev raked a hand through his hair and turned to face her. He loomed over her, seeming as tall and immoveable as the trees that surrounded them. But he put his hands on her upper arms and leaned into her face, close enough that even in this dark she could see the whites of his eyes.

"You're going to be fine because I'm here," he said quietly, "and I'm taking you to a safe place. And once things have calmed down, we'll figure out where to go from there."

The laughter died in her throat. "What place is safe from men who can bug my apartment and send f-fake people robot things after you?"

Her teeth were beginning to chatter.

Zev tsked. "It wasn't a robot. It was an Avatar, and… get in, and I'll tell you the story." He opened the jeep door, ushering her into the passenger seat. Then he threw the bags in the back and grabbed a blanket that was thrown over the backseat that he tucked in around her and her seatbelt. "Keep yourself warm and hydrated. I'll give you a bottle of water in a minute. Drink all of it."

She nodded. Her whole body was shivering now, and she felt cold. She wanted to lay down. Suddenly desperate to lay flat, she felt around on the sides of the seat until she found a lever that let her seat sink back.

By the time Zev appeared in the driver's seat—even pulling himself into the seat was an act of strength and grace—she had curled up on her side, brought her knees to her stomach, and she was talking herself through finding a place of strength again. Because Zev had already proven he could protect her from strange men with guns, or who fought like crocodiles. But who was going to protect her from Zev?

As the car roared to life, Zev winced. He didn't turn the lights on, which seemed reckless to Sasha, but at this point she was beyond caring.

The car swayed and rumbled, finding its way over tree roots and rocks, weaving between large trees and pushing through gaps in the undergrowth.

Neither of them spoke until Zev maneuvered the car through the forest to a dirt road that cut a line through the trees and undergrowth. The car began to run quieter and stopped rocking, only bouncing on puddle ruts.

"We'll follow this for a few miles and it'll take us out nearer Wilderville. There's no one out here except campers and animals. Do you want to talk now, or do you need to rest first?"

"Oh, I want to t-talk," Sasha said.

Zev nodded and leaned over, his arm brushing her knees as he popped the glovebox of the jeep to reveal a line of water bottles and a first aid kit. He dragged out two of the bottles and passed one to her, placing the other in the cupholder next to her. "Stay hydrated. It will help."

She nodded and took it obediently, turning onto her back so she could take a drink.

As soon as the water hit the back of her throat, she guzzled it, suddenly aware that she was dry as a bone.

"Are you sure this is the time?" Zev started, but she swallowed the mouthful and nodded emphatically.

"I'll drink, you talk."

He sighed and ran that clawed hand through his unruly hair again and her stomach tingled. But she closed her eyes. She couldn't let her overheating brain get distracted.

The water was helping. She didn't want to meet this conversation in the fetal position. So she sat up and pulled the handle on the side of the seat to make the seat back raise almost vertical, then kept drinking, her head spinning only slightly.

"Okay," he said quietly, grimly. "But you need to let me tell you this from the beginning. Because it's all linked. And none of what's happened tonight will make sense without knowing the other stuff, so… just be patient, okay?"

Another snort broke out of her throat and she almost sprayed a mouthful of water all over him. "I've waited five years, Zev. My patience is done."

He grimaced. "Fair enough," he muttered. Then he took a deep breath and his hands white-knuckled on the steering wheel. "So, the first thing you need to know is that I don't have a birthday."

Sasha blinked. It was such an odd, irrelevant thing to say, she stopped drinking. "What do you mean? July 6th isn't your birthday? Or.. wait, were you adopted? So you don't know your real—?"

"No, Sash," he said, his voice dark and hesitant. "I mean, I don't have a birthday because I was never born.. I was made."

 

Chapter 23

He could feel Sasha staring at the side of his face. He kept his eyes on the dirt road ahead, not because he needed to, but because he couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze and possibly see her rejecting him. She'd already been through so much and now he was throwing this at her?

But she wasn't going to understand the rest without knowing this. He had no choice. The moment he'd decided to get her out from under Nick's nose, he knew he'd have to tell her. All of it.

Five years ago, he'd had a plan to do exactly that.

After the first time they'd slept together—the first time she'd slept with anyone—he'd been so in love, so determined to figure out how to make it all work out with her, he'd decided to reveal it all. It was the one thing he was never to do, under any circumstances. But he was going to do it for her. And somehow Nick had figured it out. He'd made sure this moment never came.

Well, Nick could get fucked. If she was going to reject him, she was going to do it knowing the full story of who—and what—he was, what he was capable of, and what he'd done.

But here he was, shoulders hunched and unwilling to meet her eyes because he was a coward. His heart raced.

He'd imagined telling her this countless times. In countless ways. Never like this, though. He'd even dreamed about this moment—and had nightmares about it too.

In the good dreams he'd seen her eyes soften and her voice become gentle. She'd asked, intelligent, probing questions, then gathered him into her arms and kissed away his fear.

In the nightmares, she'd shrunk away from him, screaming.

Now, here they were, for real… and she'd gotten very quiet.

He risked a glance at her from the corner of his eye, but she wasn't looking at him anymore. She was looking at the road ahead, too. Her lips pressed tight.

"Explain what you mean?" she asked calmly.

He flexed his fingers on the steering wheel, then gave her the biggest, deepest secret of his life: His existence.

"For a long time, the government has been experimenting with combining the DNA and genetic material of humans with animals. The original goal was to create soldiers that could fight better and longer than a normal human.

"They had a variety of results, some good, some… really not. About fifty years ago they had some real success—human beings that look like human beings but aren't. They have the senses and some… capabilities of their animal counterparts."

He braced and turned to look at her, found her staring at him, her face unreadable. "They call us Chimera. And we're real."

She just stared. He waited, but she didn't say anything.

"Sasha," he started with a sigh, but she blinked and shook her head.

"Keep going. Tell me."

He took a deep breath and turned back to the road. "Okay… so, those early experiments were encouraging, but the resulting Chimera couldn't reproduce. Making us is very expensive and a little… unorthodox. So they wanted to find a way to increase our numbers that wasn't so difficult. Over the next twenty-five years they tried a lot of different things. Then… then they made me."

"They made you."

"Yes."

"Who?"

"Scientists, mostly. Some animal researchers, and genetic engineers… there was a whole team, I guess. I don't know. I haven't met them all."

"And what did they make you? I mean… what were they trying to do? This super-soldier, or whatever?"

His hands tightened on the steering wheel so that it flexed under his grip. He had to force himself to be careful or he was going to break it. "Sort of. Their goals had kind of shifted by the time they got to me." No pun intended, he thought. But it was too soon for that part.

"Shifted to what?"

"By that time they didn't just want mindless fighters anymore. They wanted people who were… better."

"Better at what?"

It was hard not to smile. "Everything," he said sheepishly. But she didn't return his smile.

"Can you be specific, please?"

He sighed. He'd tried over the years to think of ways to tell her this that wouldn't sound like something out of a science fiction movie. But he'd come up blank.

The only thing he could think to do was show her. "Can I have your hand for a second?" he held out his palm. It was an unintended echo of the moment earlier in the night… the moment when she'd turned away and cut out his heart.

She stared at his open palm, then met his eyes confusion and fear mingled in the shadows of her gaze.

He sighed. "I won't hurt you. I want to… smell your hand."

"Smell it?" Her shock—and juvenile gross-out expression would have been funny if he weren't serious.

He just nodded and waited. A moment later she slid her fingers into his hand and he almost kissed it. But instead he lifted her palm and held it to his nose. She was tense and resisted when he might have brought it close enough to touch his face, but it didn't matter. He had what he needed.

"I guess French toast is still your favorite?" he said quietly, surprised by the wave of nostalgia, the dozens of images he had of her grinning at him over a syrupy plate from their high school days.

She blinked. "Yes, but you knew that. Good guess."

"Do you think I guessed you had it for breakfast this morning—with breakfast sausage and… bananas.. Interesting choice."

 

Chapter 24

Her lower jaw went a little slack. "You've been following me all day?"

"No!" Not the way she thought, anyway. His mouth flattened, and he sniffed again. Sasha watched him, a dozen different emotions chasing each other across her face. "Okay, how about this: You held hands with a guy yesterday and…" he sniffed up her arm to her shoulder. "He had his right arm around you, but only for a short time. And you were wet when he touched you."

She blinked. "How… how do you know that?"

"Because your shoulder smells like rain and his scent is mingled with it, but I know it's not on the other side because when I grabbed you earlier it was too faint."

"You can smell him on me? And my food—but I showered!"

Zev shrugged. "Life leaves traces, Sasha. And I'm good at finding them." He tried to crack a grin. But she was staring at him like she'd never seen him before.

The car hit a rut in the road and he had to turn his attention back to the Jeep for a moment, but his heart was pounding harder and his ears buzzing. She wasn't saying anything. And her scent was so tangled he couldn't tell what she was feeling. It seemed like she was feeling everything at once, and that wasn't possible.

Was it?

"Sash?" he asked quietly a few seconds later, chickening out on looking at her again. "I'm not lying to you."

"You can… smell me?" she asked, her voice faint.

He nodded grimly. "And hear you, and see better than you, and I'm stronger, and faster and harder to kill—" he broke off when her throat closed convulsively. It was instinct to look at her, and his heart dove to his feet when he found her, pushed away from him into the door, her hair rippling around her wide eyes and open mouth in time with the weaving and bumping of the car.

"Zev… what are you?"

He felt himself slump. "I told you, I'm a—"

"Stop with the government bullshit."

"It's not bullshit, Sash, they really—"

"I don't care what they did. I know you. I knew you," she corrected herself, which hit him like an arrow in the chest. "You weren't some robot. You weren't an animal."

"No, I'm not."

"You're real, and alive, and you used to love me." He snapped his head to look at her, but she rushed on before he said anything. "And you were gentle and… and you didn't try to kill people—"

"I would have if they'd tried to take you, even back then," he growled. "I wasn't as experienced. And I was still learning my senses, but—"

"Stop it, just stop!" She had her hands up like she was going to push him away, her eyes down and shaking her head. "This is crazy. You can't… you shouldn't…"

"Sash, no offence, but we've barely gotten started. If you can't handle this—"

"It's not about handling anything, Zev!" she spat, her eyes sparking. "It's about knowing what to believe. You were always different. I knew that. It's more than half of what I loved about you—"

The past-tense she used wanted to slice him open from navel to throat, but he shoved it away. She didn't know. She couldn't know. When she did… when she did, that would be the real test.

"—so, I always figured you had some story, but this? This sounds like you're trying to give me a reason not to freak out about you following me like a stalker and almost killing someone! Two someones!" she shouted.

He sighed. "Sash—"

"Stop calling me that! I only let people close to me call me that and you left!" she shrieked.

Zev hit the brakes on the Jeep so they were both thrown forward in their seats. Then he pulled up the parking brake and unclicked his seatbelt.

"What are you doing?" she breathed, her eyes truly frightened now.

"Proving myself to you," he growled. "Get out."

It was a loggers road, not designed for comfortable travel. But enough of the trees had been cleared in this area that there was a thick grass verge on the sides, and some clear space around the road. The moonlight shone through the few trees that remained, turning everything silver. Even she would be able to see clearly here.

He shoved out of his door and started around the car to open hers.

She stared at him when he yanked the door open, but he didn't touch her, just stepped back, pulling the door and opening a hand towards the grass. She was shaky and uncertain, but she rubbed her hands on the thighs of her jeans, then scrambled out, keeping as much space between them as she could.

Once she was out and facing the grass, he closed the door and backed away so she'd relax a little. He hated seeing her look at him with so much fear. It mirrored his nightmares and made him afraid she'd always look that way when she saw him.

As he backed off and she stopped pressing herself into the side of the car, he breathed a prayer to whoever was listening that this would work. That he wasn't going to break her mind.

"Are you ready?" he asked, suddenly realizing his hands were shaking. He was more scared than he'd ever been in his life. If she rejected him after this…

"For what?"

"I won't hurt you."

"You keep saying that."

"Because I want you to know it's true."

Her expression was skeptical, but she shrugged. "Okay."

Zev held her gaze and took a deep breath. "Just… don't run."

She frowned. "From what?"

"You'll see."

Then he started taking off his clothes.

Chapter 25

It was official, she was cracking up. Literally losing her mind.

When he said he wouldn't hurt her, she wanted to believe him, but a little voice in the back of her head whispered something about men foaming at the mouth, and other men having their necks snapped.

When he said don't run, she thought he was going to show her something horrific.

When he started unzipping the overalls he'd thrown on in the van, she just assumed he was going to run or… do something and he didn't want the clothing hindering him.

That left him in the jeans and skin-tight black shirt that hugged every curve and ripple of his torso that she tried desperately not to notice. He'd always had a great body, but the last few years had been good to him. He'd shifted from athletic to… ripped.

Then, after tossing the overalls onto the hood of the Jeep, he tugged the shirt out of his pants and reached back behind his neck and pulled that tight, long-sleeve shirt that hugged every muscle and join in his incredible body slowly forward so that it drew along his abs and the ladder of muscle at his sides in just the same way her fingers would have if she were tracing them…

Her mouth had gone dry and she'd closed it, trying to swallow, but her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth.

Zev was clearly planning on getting sweaty. Which, without the gunshots and dead dudes was a move she would definitely have gotten behind. But now? As they fled apparently homicidal government scientists, or maybe just his crazy mind?

The shirt followed the overalls up onto the hood of the car, then he turned and looked at her… and started unbuttoning his jeans.

"Zev, what—" The words were thick on her dry tongue.

He toed off his shoes and shucked off his jeans. By the time they had joined the other things on the hood, Sasha had covered her face with her hands, though the gaps between her fingers called to her squeezed-shut eyes.

"You have to watch, Sasha. Otherwise you won't believe me." His voice was low and breathy.

Sasha swallowed and braced herself before dropping her hands to find him standing there in a snug pair of short-leg underwear.

Was this some kind of strange ritual? Was he going to seduce her, then kill her when she wasn't paying attention? Would he wait for her to start licking her way down his abs, then snap her neck before she got to his—

She turned her head away again and squeezed her eyes closed.

"Sasha, look at me."

"I can't. I won't let you trick me into licking you."

"You… what?"

"You heard me."

There was a long, pregnant moment when she didn't look and he didn't speak. Then he sighed.

"I still love you, Sasha," he said in a low, simmering voice that walked the edge between promise and pain.

Her jaw dropped. "What did you—?" She turned in shock, opening her eyes to look at his face, to see if he'd really said that. And just as their eyes met those muscles at the back of his jaw twitched.

"You heard me," he said.

Then he disappeared.

That was the only word she could use later to describe what happened to him, right in front of her eyes.

The Zev she'd known since she was sixteen, the Zev who had been her first and only lover—and who had reappeared tonight out of nowhere, only to get her almost killed, and definitely classified as an accessory to attempted murder—disappeared.

His beautiful face, his hair, his huge, rippled body… exploded. Except the only sound was tearing fabric.

The moment was so unexpected, so shocking, she could only stare as the man she'd loved since she was a teenager disappeared. And in his place was… a wolf.

A huge wolf.

A wolf that at its shoulder, stood higher than her waist, and broader across than she was. A wolf that stared with eyes that fixed on her and seemed to glow near-white.

In the moonlight his fur looked black, but she would later remember the moonlight playing on the highs and lows in his coat, the lighter patches around his eyes and the line around his shoulders that framed his face.

Later. Later she would remember that.

When he first appeared all she could think of was that there was a psychotic murderer loose in the city who fed his victims to wild dogs.

Or was it wolves?

She screamed and the wolf startled, then… then disappeared and suddenly Zev was there again, except completely naked, rushing forward to clap a hand over her mouth and pull her into his chest.

She fought, screaming behind his hand, but he shushed her over and over.

Please, Sasha, please. Don't be scared. I would never hurt you. I promise. Please, you can't scream in case they're following us. Please…

She struggled against his grip, but only able to breathe through her nose, she sucked in the scent of him over and over again. He was the most comforting smell in her memory, so her traitorous brain flooded her body with endorphins.

In his arms was the safe place.

Against his chest was where she could rest.

Under his hands was where she came alive.

And he was so damned strong.

She stopped screaming, frozen and shaking, her brain buzzing with too many thoughts, and none of them good.

She was going to die. She was going to die at the hands of a beautiful angel, just one more statistic of a woman sucked in by a hot guy who turned out to be a psychopath.

But if she was going to die anyway…

She slumped against him. Zev immediately relaxed the arm that had circled her to keep her pinned between him and the car.

"Sasha," he whispered and slowly lifted his hand from her mouth, "Please don't cry."

"I don't want to die," she sobbed, then inhaled through her nose. "And you smell amazing."

He gave a low chuckle and it danced along her senses. She groaned, burying her face in her hands, and leaning into that hollow under his chin.

"I'm so confused!" she wailed. "What is happening?"

He took a deep breath and put his hands to her shoulders, then held her back and away, at arms length. "What is happening is that you now know my secret, and I'm going to protect you with my life. Please, Sasha, don't cry. I love you. I've always loved you and I'm sick of fighting it. The day they came after you is the day I tell them to go fuck themselves. I'm getting you out of here.. I'm never going to let them have you."

 

Chapter 26

He'd gotten dressed and they were back in the car, rolling and rocking their way through the sanctuary.

Sasha had been silent ever since he'd started the engine again, but she kept staring at him, then turning away when he tried to catch her eye. His tension rose a stair-step every time it happened because he was convinced his nightmares were coming true. She was going to run from him and then what would he do? He needed to protect her. But he'd always sworn he'd never force her.

Then they took a turn in the road around a massive tree and on its other side the forest opened, the trees becoming fewer and further between. More grass, wider sky… and in the distance, the line of lights and rumbling that was the highway.

They'd be there in twenty minutes and she still hadn't spoken.

Then she shook her head and dropped her chin with a little laugh.

"What is it?" he asked quietly.

"You're a werewolf," she said, her voice tight with disbelief. "You just… you're telling me you're a fucking werewolf?" She turned to stare at him frankly then, her beautiful eyes wide and pleading—and angry.

She was angry that he was a wolf?

Zev held her gaze for several seconds, then turned back to the road. "Not that it matters, but… no. If you're going to throw me into a mythical category, it would be a Lycan. I can shift whenever I want, and the moon has no effect on me. But even that's not right. I'm Chimera, Sasha. Half human. Half wolf. And…"

"And what?" she snapped.

"Why are you angry?" he asked, his voice deep and firmer than it should have been.

"Because… because I've been pining after you for five years, Zev. And I didn't even know you."

"Yes, you did," he snarled.

"No, Zev. I didn't. Unless this wolf thing is new, I didn't know you at all."

"You know me, Sasha," he said, surprised by how hot his anger flared. "You know my heart. Who I am. That hasn't changed."

"Are you kidding me right now?" Her voice got high and frantic. "You've been following me around, stalking me, shape-shifting? I'm still half-certain this is a dream and I'm going to wake up and laugh at how pathetic I am for conjuring this ridiculous story to give you an excuse for disappearing."

"I didn't disappear. I just… I couldn't have contact with you."

"And that's another thing," she said, turning in her seat, her eyes flashing. "Why did you wait two years to tell me you weren't dead? I grieved you, Zev! I thought you'd been hurt. I was so certain there was nothing that would have taken you away from me by choice that you must be dead!"

He watched the grief and fear of the past cloud her gaze. Her lips tightened and she snapped her head away from him to hide the tears springing into her eyes.

"There wasn't anything that would have taken me by choice, Sasha," he said quietly. "That's the thing. There was no choice."

She scoffed. "I don't see a leash on your neck."

"You might not see it," he growled, "but trust me, it's there."

They were both quiet for another minute, then Sasha shook her head again. "I just don't know what to think."

"You should think that I never would have left unless I was certain that staying was going to hurt you more than me leaving," he said, his voice low and dark. "You should know that everything that happened between us was real. And you should be certain that you're in danger right now, but I'm going to get you out of it. I'm taking you somewhere they can't get to you. And once you're safe… we can figure the rest out later."

"If they can bug my apartment and follow us, what's going to stop them coming to your hometown, Zev?" She turned when she spoke, then froze and her jaw went tight. "Unless that whole story was a lie, too? Where are you taking me?"

"I wasn't lying about where I grew up or what it was like," he said. "I just… didn't ever tell you where it was."

She folded her arms and her jaw muscles flexed. "So?"

"So, what?"

"So, where is it?"

"I can't tell you, you haven't been there before. I have to show you."

Her face went flat and she shook her head. "I'm not buying this, Zev, or whatever your name is. Stop the car."

"What? No!"

"Stop the car, I'm getting out. You can go run to your place that I can't know about. You can go flee your strange men in suits with guns. I'm done."

"Sasha, please—"

"STOP THE FUCKING CAR!"

Zev hit the brakes hard again, and the Jeep rocked back and forth. Sasha had grabbed the dashboard and the center console to keep herself upright, but when the car had stopped rolling and bobbing, she hurriedly unclipped her seatbelt and threw the door open.

"Sasha, please," Zev said wearily.

She didn't even respond, just shoved herself out of the car and hit the ground outside running.

"Fuck," he muttered to himself and started taking off his clothes again. "Fuck!"

He couldn't let her run loose out here. Even if he'd dodged the crew for now, they were definitely going to find them eventually and then she'd face men who wouldn't look at her, didn't care how she felt. Their only interest would be in getting information from her—by whatever means necessary.

Growling his frustration, he pushed out of the driver's side and shoved off his jeans for the second time that night—at least he didn't have underwear to ruin this time—and then he shifted and darted around the car after her.

 

Chapter 27

When she pushed out the car she hadn't really thought about anything except getting away from Zev and the shuddering fear coursing through her—not because he was a wolf, but because everyone in her life had been right. She'd been blinded. He wasn't who she thought he was. He hadn't loved her the way she'd loved him.

It was breaking her heart all over again and she was going to embarrass herself if she stayed in front of him. So she screamed at him to stop the car and she scrambled out of it.

But as soon as her feet hit the wet grass outside she saw the distant line of moving lights and heard the rush of cars and she pushed into a sprint.

The highway. People. Civilization.

No one turning into wolves.

She pushed so hard—so much harder than any time she'd been exercising—because she was driven by fear and anger and they were powerful motivators. Her breath was tearing in and out of her throat within seconds. Her vision began to blur, but she dashed the tears away and kept running, ignoring the pounding in her head and the sparkling at the edge of her vision.

Zev wasn't good. He wasn't her lover. He was a psychopath and a… a thing. A creature. And—

A dark shadow whipped past her on the grass, turning around in front of her to face her, his ears perked and tail lashing.

Sasha gasped and stumbled on a divot in the grass, pitching forward.

She threw her arms out with a shriek, bracing for the pain of falling headlong into the hard ground, when suddenly her arms were full of warm, naked male, pushing up and keeping her on her feet. As they staggered together her head, still pounding with her pulse, echoed with his voice.

Please, Sasha. Please don't be scared. I would never hurt you. Please.

The knot of fear and anger in her chest that had been quivering under ever-increasing tension, snapped when she smelled him again and her hands found his back.

"Shhhhh, baby, don't cry," he whispered, exactly the way he had before, and her heart and memories spun back through the years, to the days when she'd been in love and too young to know that life could never work out perfect. To the time in her life when his voice had been branded on her heart, and his touch lit up her soul.

No matter how long it had been, no matter how he looked now or what he could do, something inside her recognized him and the simultaneous joy and fear of that broke out of her throat in a sob.

She wanted to fight the way he embraced her, the tenderness with which he held her at the waist, and the soft brush of his jaw at her ear. She wanted to push away the dark strength of him that, even now, as she pressed into his chest and one of his hands fisted in her hair, felt like the only solid thing in this world, the only thing that soothed her fear.

"This… you're impossible," she cried. "This can't be!"

"I'm sorry, Sasha, I know it's a shock. But it's real. I'm real. And I'm here. And I'm so, so sorry I left you alone. I was watching, I promise. I kept you safe."

"You didn't! You left! You were gone! You—"

"Sasha, look at me," he murmured, pulling back to cup her face and force her to raise her chin and meet his glowing gaze. Then he searched her eyes, back and forth. "I never left. I was just… out of sight," he breathed. "I promise you. You're the only precious thing to me in this world. I know it was hard, and I'm so sorry. If I'd known it would come to this I wouldn't have gone. But… I never left you. Never."

He took one of her hands then and flattened it against his chest, right over his heart. "Feel me, Sasha. This is real. I know it's scary and overwhelming. But it's real."

Her hands were cold. When he put his palm over hers, pressing hers against his chest, the heat from his skin combined with the smell of him conspired to break her heart open.

She swallowed hard and stared at his chest, at that point where they touched and shook her heart. "I've waited… so long," she breathed.

His thumb at her cheek pressed up on her jaw so she'd meet his eyes again.

"Listen to me, Sasha: I'm real. I'm me. And I'm going to take care of you. You don't need to be afraid, okay? Never. I'm here now. And I'm not leaving again."

She dissolved into tears again, but buried her face in his chest, her heart singing because he was really there. And she wasn't strong enough to keep pushing him away.

He was all she'd ever wanted.

"We are s-so royally f-fucked," she said against his skin, her teeth chattering.

Zev's chuckle rumbled in his chest under her ear and lit her heart on fire.

 

Chapter 28

He wasn't sure how many minutes they lost to her flight, but he could only be grateful for it. She'd been fighting and now she'd given up.

He hated that he'd made her cry. Hated the fear he could still smell on her. But he knew he was going to prove to her that she was safe with him. And that he'd do anything to keep her that way.

There was an awkward moment when he'd bundled her into the Jeep, then opened the drivers side to get his clothes and dress again and she turned from the passenger seat to look at him.

Her eyes went wide and her pupils dilated as she dragged her gaze down from his face, to his chest and down lower… In any other circumstances he would have lifted an eyebrow and taken his time dressing, to give her a show. But they had already lost precious minutes. He didn't know how long it would be before Nick figured out that he'd stayed close and had agents on their trail. So he raced through getting himself dressed and into the driver's seat.

He'd left the Jeep running, so he threw it into gear and they chugged along the road again.

They had to get out of here and to the Chimera. It was the only way.

His stomach trilled at that thought, pushing away the whole other world of danger that would descend—on him, not to Sasha—by returning home. But he'd known it just like he'd known he had to get her out from under Nick's nose.

There was no more time. No more excuses. He had to go back and face his people.

Plus, they were the only ones who could keep Sasha safe.

There was no choice.

Sasha sighed and he reached across the gap between them to take her hand, his own throat tightening when she laced her fingers through his and put her other hand over his.

"This is surreal," she whispered, staring at their clasped hands.

"I know," he said, shaking his head. "But I'm not leaving again, Sasha. I mean it."

"I believe you," she said simply. "I don't really have a choice. I can't… I wanted to run away and not have to face that you might..." she trailed off, biting her lip.

Sasha, I would never—

"You can't say never, Zev. You've already done it. It's not a never."

He clenched his jaw, rage at Nick and the way his surrogate father had manipulated him all those years ago rising to choke him.

"I'll prove it," he said tightly, through his teeth. "Just… just be patient, Sash. I'll prove it to you."

She nodded, stroking the back of his hand, tracing the tendons there with a finger. "It's okay, Zev, there's no other choice for me. Whether you mean what you say or not… I'm done. I've been waiting for you for five years. And now you're here. I'm not going anywhere."

He squeezed her hand, humbled. "Thank you."

She shrugged. "I guess you better tell me the rest now, huh? So I know?"

Zev blew out a breath. "I'm not sure, Sasha. I mean, you've been through so much tonight already—"

"Please, Zev. I… I need to understand. This is all so crazy, give me something to focus on. Tell me what happened to you. You said they made you like this? And you can turn into that wolf whenever you want? And it makes you stronger and… what? What are they doing to you? Tell me?"

He sighed and nodded. "Okay," he said reluctantly. "But if you start feeling scared again, you tell me. Give me a chance to reassure you, okay?"

"I promise," she whispered. He turned his head to look at her and she gave a watery smile.

"You're going to be okay, Sasha. I promise you that. There's a lot of shit going down, but I'm going to get you through it, okay?"

She nodded. So he started talking.

He told her about growing up in the Chimera—a near-primitive society that didn't use technology, yet were highly intelligent. Stronger, faster, and with better senses than any human.

He told her about being a teenage Chimera—and how his handlers decided he needed to understand how better to relate to pure humans.

"So… the humans who made you are there?" she asked quietly.

"They visit," Zev said through his teeth. "It's kind of like… a wildlife sanctuary. Let the natives live their natural life, you know? But then… then they come in sometimes and… interfere."

"With you? Or with everyone?"

"I was always different—even from the other Chimera," he said, half with pride, half with disgust. "I'm more human, if that makes sense? They always knew they wanted to use me here. So, when I was fourteen they decided to set me up in the city with fake parents—a handler, and a psychologist—so I could learn what the human life was like, and learn how to function normally. It was rough at first," he said, his mind trailing off into memories of the ways he'd frightened people—growling when he was angry, always moving to physically dominate a person in conflict. There'd been a bully at his middle school that he'd almost blinded…

"They had to cover for me a lot at first. But by the time I got to high school I was getting the hang of it," he said. "They talked about pulling me out for Senior year, but… by then I'd met you," he said. "And I knew I couldn't go. Not yet. No matter what they needed me to do."

He turned and looked at her.. "Sasha, you're the only reason I'm still alive today."

 

Chapter 29

His hand tightened on hers and adrenalin shot from her heart through her whole body, her skin prickling at the point where they touched.

"What are you talking about?"

It was near-black in the Jeep because Zev still hadn't turned the headlights on. His skin looked gray and his eyes dark. But she could see the tension in him, the flex in his jaw and the glint of anger and fear in his eyes.

"I was supposed to move to operations the year before. But I pushed back. Remember the summer between Junior and Senior year, how I was gone for almost a month?"

She nodded. He'd left on vacation with his family and she'd been miserable. She'd almost slept with him the night before he left, but they'd only been together three months at that point and she was still scared. She'd chickened out. He'd been so good about it…

"I convinced Nick that living a normal life for one more year would make me even more useful to them. It took weeks, but he finally gave in. That's why I got to come back. I was supposed to go away on that "trip" and let you know while we were gone that we were moving there… that was supposed to be the end for me. But I pushed, Sasha. Really hard. I couldn't give you up."

"Give me up for what, though?" she asked.

"To be what I am now," he said slowly.

"Which is what?"

He sighed and it rolled in his chest like a growl. "A tool," he said quietly. "A weapon. A… something unexpected that can be used to marginalize threats."

She turned to look at him sharply. "What are you saying?"

He rolled his shoulders. "I'm a spook, Sasha. A ghost. I don't exist in the system. At least, not where anyone normal can find the records. Because no one is supposed to know that I exist. So… I don't."

She frowned. His words echoed like they meant more than he was saying. She rubbed the back of his hand. "Explain. I don't understand," she said.

"If I died today, no one who knew would report it, and no one who didn't know would ever find out," he said carefully. "That's the way my life has to be. The only way I can do what I do is if no one knows I exist. I wasn't supposed to tell you, Sasha. Wasn't supposed to show you. But I promised you before I left, remember? I told you that I had to tell you something important?"

She nodded, her stomach tingling, and not in the nice way, at the memory which had haunted her for years. "I thought…" she dropped her face into one hand and shook her head in embarrassment. "I thought you were going to propose," she admitted finally. "I was so in love I was just so blind."

He squeezed her hand again, rubbing the back of her fingers with his thumb. "No, you weren't. Not the way you think, Sasha. Everyone else was blind. You were the one who saw me clearly."

She almost nodded, but something held her back. That was the way it had always felt for her. But she'd been told so many times that she was crazy… and sitting here thinking Zev was capable of shape-shifting into a wolf didn't help her shake that off.

"Okay, so if I accept that I got to know the real you," she said carefully, "If I accept that the lies were… necessary… what then? What have you been doing, Zev? And why are you stopping now?"

He took his hand off the wheel to rub his jaw. His face got really serious. Like the kind of serious Sasha got when she thought someone was hurt. The face that said once this was done, there was no going back.

Sasha took a deep breath, bracing herself. No matter what, she was going to follow Zev to the end of this. Wherever that was. So did it really matter?

She decided that it didn't.

"Just tell me," she whispered.

Zev blew out a breath. "When I left you, I was taken back to the Chimera for two years," he said quietly, his thumb rubbing on her hand again, but without his awareness, she thought. "They wanted me to lead for a while. Get the others in line."

"But you were so young!" Sasha said. "Why?"

Zev huffed. "Because I'm a good dog," he said bitterly. "And they needed the others to toe the line better. Like me." He shook his head at himself. "But then Nick pulled the same shit there that he did when I left you—convincing me that things were different than they were. Making me think it was my responsibility to fix it. So I left them too. And it wasn't until I got back to the city and saw that news story and realized you were still out there, convinced that I'd been murdered or whatever… that was when I started seeing things more clearly. But I still… I didn't really get it. Not until recently.

"Sasha, they had me convinced that I was necessary to them. That what I did saved lives. They had me certain that unless I followed orders, people would die—including you!" he said with a quick look at her. "They were lying. Mostly."

She was going to ask, but they were finally approaching the end of this track, where the dirt tire trails passed under a gate. Behind that was gravel, and not far beyond that, a road that linked to the highway.

With a muttered curse, Zev stopped the car and got out to open the gate, then came back to pull the car through. The tires crunched on gravel and she thought he would speed up, but instead he pulled the Jeep over to the side where there was a grass verge. Then he turned it off and turned to look at her.

"This is your last chance," he said quietly. "Everything I'm about to tell you makes you a target. Being with me makes you a target. A target for people who kill without thinking, Sasha. It's like… another day at the office for them. You need to know that. If Nick gets his hands on you, you will not survive—unless he's damaged you so completely that you could never betray their secrets. And that's no life…" His lips twisted in fear and disgust. He put his free hand to her jaw and stroked her chin with his thumb. "There's no going back after this," he murmured. "Are you sure you want to hear it?"

Visions of men with guns, men suffocating, men fighting and hurting and bones snapping, swam before her eyes. But then Sasha blinked, and found Zev, his brow furrowed, his bright eyes fixed on hers… fear in them.

Not of those men, but of what she might say.

The look in his eyes answered the call in her heart and she sagged.

"I'm in, Zev," she said without another hesitation.. "Tell me."

 

Chapter 30

Zev had thought about telling her countless times. Planned it. And now the moment was here and he discovered he was nothing but a ball-less pussy.

Sasha watched, confused, as he let go of her hand, turned the key so the car roared back to life, then put it in gear and they jerked forward, towards the road.

He gripped the steering wheel so hard his forearms began to knot.

"When I was born, our creators… they celebrated," he said quietly.

"Why?"

"Because with me they achieved something they hadn't before."

She waited and he swallowed, praying she couldn't tell that he was paling. He could feel his shoulders knotting because he was so afraid of how she would react.

"Before me," he said carefully, keeping his voice low and deep, "the problem was always how to create more Chimera. By that time their goal was to use us to improve the human stock. Humanity was degenerating—getting worse, not better. They said we were designed to… refresh the gene pool. Make everybody stronger, healthier. But when we couldn't reproduce with each other it was too time-consuming and expensive to keep making us. They didn't have all the technology back then, so everything was… mechanical. It would take too long and there weren't enough of us. They'd never change the world that way. But when they unlocked our ability to reproduce, there were other… limitations."

"What are those?"

He gave a half grin because he knew she'd like this part. "The Chimera mate for life. Doesn't matter which species, when they have sex, they form the matebond, and from that moment forward they're devoted to each other. Which is great when both in a pair are healthy and… alive. But about thirty years ago they discovered that if they split a pair, both became very unhealthy. And if they stayed apart, they would die. No matter what the reason, if one died, it was only a matter of time for their mate."

She put a hand to her chest. "That's so sad, but so beautiful."

He nodded and took a deep breath. "They'd been trying to break that whole cycle because even apart from our work, Chimera live very full lives. Injuries and death are a natural consequence of being so… physical. But they were losing Chimera at a rate faster than they could make them. So they kept making us and changing things. And then… then I was made."

Her brows pinched together a little. "And?"

He swallowed. "And in me they finally succeeded in building a Chimera that could mate—could have sex—without forming the bond. So if my mate died, I wouldn't. At least, that's the theory," he added softly.

"Okay," she said. "Why do you look so nervous about telling me that? I'm human. We can have sex with multiple people without bonding or dying, or whatever. I'm not going to judge you, Zev."

"That's good. I mean, thank you," he said, clenching and unclenching his hands on the wheel. "That's not the part I was scared about though," he said.

She swallowed and her fingers tensed on her thighs. "So… what is it?"

"I need you to understand, Sash, that I was young when all of this happened. Less experienced in life and still learning about the people who made me. I trusted them too much. But when they told me… I believed them."

"When they told you what?"

"They told me that my purpose was to be a… kind of like a King, I guess. A father to a nation, was the way they put it. It sounded really grand when I was fifteen, and even eighteen. Now… now I just want to laugh. But back then… it made me feel like I was important."

"Okay."

Zev took a deep breath. "They told me it was my job to build the Chimera race. They made me a stud."

There was a hesitation, then Sasha snorted, grinning. "I mean, I know. But that's hardly—"

"No, Sash, I mean… they use me as a breeder."

She stared for a long second then, just as he'd feared, she sat back, pulling away from him as much as she could in the small confines of the Jeep.

She'd clasped her hands in her lap and was rubbing her thumbs together as she stared out the window of the car.

"They took you away from me to… breed?"

Fuck he hated that little crack in her voice. "Yes," he said. "But it was never… it wasn't like with us, Sash. I mean that. Being with you… that was something so unique for me. What you and I had wasn't breeding at all. It was…"

"Love," she whispered.

He nodded and risked another look at her. She'd leaned her elbow on the ledge of the door, and her chin on her fist. She was frowning out into the night. As they approached the first street light that meant they'd be on the highway in a minute, the yellow light rolled over her face. She was so fucking beautiful it made him ache.

"So, when you told me five years ago that you wanted to tell me something… were you going to tell me about this?"

"Sort of. I was going to show you my wolf. But… I mean, I hadn't started this stuff at that point. There were a few before you, I told you that. But they were just tests. It was when… when you and I got close… they got nervous. They thought I was forming the bond with you. The only reason they let it go on was because we weren't sleeping together. That's why I was so careful with you. They were afraid if we got any closer—if we had sex—that I would bond with you and then I'd die if they took me away from you. So I promised I would never sleep with you. But it was so hard, Sasha, I loved you so much and… And you surprised me that day. I didn't know that's what you had planned and I just… I hoped… I hoped I would bond with you, because then maybe they'd leave us alone! But we didn't and…"

Her hands clenched in her lap. "Go on."

She wasn't looking at him. As Zev pulled into the on-ramp for the highway he almost reached for her hand again, but he was afraid she'd deny him like she had earlier, and he wasn't sure he could take it.. But he took a deep breath and plowed on.