Ch. 241..245: The Werewolf's Vampire Mate Chapter 241-245

Chapter 241: The fear that comes with vacationing

Jabi.

The doors to the hotel room open and I hear his footsteps as he walks into the room. I close my eyes tighter because I need to keep the ruse that I am asleep. I knew when he left the room and I waited for him to come back.

We are in a strange country.

I thought I loved the ocean—okay, maybe I did but the hotel is on top of the water. I look down and I see the fish in the water. This was something that was supposed to excite me. I didn’t know that it would freak me out.

It has been four days since we got here and I have maintained the deceit for this long. He thinks this is the best thing I have ever experienced and I don’t want to show him another cowardly side to me. I love being by the beach. I love the feel of the sand on my toes, I like when the waves crash to shore and pull me in but I don’t like that we are just above the water. There have been scary thoughts running through my head.

What if the building sinks?

What if there is a tsunami?

I didn’t know this would happen and now I can’t tell him.

The sky out is still dark but Darrien rarely sleeps and it is not like he even needs it but most times, he cozy’s up in bed because of me. I feel him as he climbs on the bed, trying to be very quiet. I wait for him because I know what is going to happen next. He is going to wrap my arms around him for me. he will be the big spoon because he knows that I like it.

His hands reach for me as he goes under the covers. I feel his legs as they wrap around mine. this is how we work. I love when he gives in to the closeness that I demand and right now, I have been extra clingy. I am sure he has noticed that I am but he hasn’t said anything about it. The fear for the water has made me want to be around him more. I get scared when he leaves the room, I get scared when I wake up and he is not beside me. I have tried to cover it all up because I know how much this trip means to him. he planned it all just to make me happy and I can’t tell him that I don’t think I am that much of a fan of the water anymore. Maybe I just like the freedom that comes with the beach, but this whole water experience in the Maldives is not for me.

"You’re awake, but the question is why are you pretending?’’ he breathes out, distracting me from the sounds of the waves hitting the wood.

Hearing his voice just makes me feel a million times better. I open my eyes and he is watching me with a wide smile on his face. My mate is the best and I should just tell him the truth but I won’t right now.

"Because I woke up and you weren’t there, I can’t sleep without you next to me,’’ I lie as untangle his legs from mine. his smile widens even further as I climb on top of him. he grabs my waist with his hands and I feel all of him. this trip hasn’t been all bad. We have had a lot of time together. I know a lot more about him, he does the same. We have had a lot of sex and I mean a lot. Like numerous times every day. I know every part of his body and he knows mine too. We are like two peas in a pod and the closeness is all thanks to this trip.

"Do you want to go back to bed, my little spoon,’’ he asks me still smiling. I can already feel him hard against me and I already know what that means. When we first met, or rather, when we realized that we were in love, I was very shy but now. I can walk around naked in front of him and not even blush when he stares hungrily—okay, who am I kidding? My cheeks are always on fire but it is not because I am shy, it just that he does things to me that gets me all hot and bothered. Like he is doing right now.

He knows that I can feel him and with that, his eyes get darker. The kind that makes me want to rip off the only clothes he has on. He is dressed in shorts and a tank top. Minimal clothing but it still feels like a lot right now. I reach for the collar of his singlet and he leans forward. He knows that I want him as much as he does but most times, he likes to make sure that it is what I want before he initiates anything. he is still so gentle with me even though I tell him that I can handle a lot more roughness from him.

He raises a brow in question.

"I am not tired anymore,’’ I tell him before he smashes his lips to mine. my tongue slides into his and he grinds into me, already getting impatient. He always wants to pounce into me. foreplay makes him lose his patience and I want the same things. We both take off our clothes immediately as he moans into my mouth. I remain on top of him as I loosen the ropes of his shorts. in a hot minute, they are off and he is completely naked. At this moment with him, I forget about the water and all my fears. I get lost in him like I usually do. Darrien is my sun; I revolve around him. as long as he is there my orbits will shine. I will be okay. He gets my boxers off and slowly finds the place where he is most conversant. The entrance that he has gotten so used to. I close my eyes as I melt into him. I don’t need to see him; he doesn’t need to see me wither. We feel everything. Our hearts become one as he enters into me slowly. There is no pain. We have been together for so long. All the pain that I use to feel is completely eradicated. All I feel as he plunges into me deeper is a pleasure. The sweet, sweet pleasure that comes with loving the man beneath me. he is usually on top but at this moment, I love the position. He has always made me feel strong. I don’t feel the need to be independent because I love him and I need him.

"I love you,’’ he breaths as he slowly turns me over until he is on top. His eyes open and I do the same. I tug his hair as I try to control all that comes with making love to him.

I would tell him that I love him too but right now, I am on cloud nine.

I am in heaven.

Chapter 242: The truth

Darrien.

I pull him back into my arms and he is trembling. Most times, after sex, he is a mess. I guess those are the things that I do to him. I like the way he reacts to me. it makes me feel like the man I want to be for him.

"Sleepy now?’’ I ask him. we are both covered in sweat. The weather outside is cool, I like the sound of the waves and I am pretty sure he does too. I brought Jabi to the Maldives because I knew he would like it. I do everything to make him happy and I have never seen him happier. We have been here for four days and we have a week left. I plan to show him a world that he never thought he would experience. I want him to know that as long as he is with me, he will have everything he needs.

He doesn’t have to worry about anything.

"Can we just keep talking?’’ he asks with a dreamy expression on his face. I plant a soft kiss on his forehead. Jabi hasn’t been sleeping well. That is the only thing about the trip that I am not really happy about. Maybe it is all the excitement. Do you know what they say about not being able to sleep on a bed that isn’t yours? I don’t know if that is the case because he never really had a place that he could call home until me. so, I assumed he would be able to sleep anywhere. But I have noticed and I know he has been trying to hide it from me but there is something bothering him that he doesn’t want me to know.

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?’’ I caress his hair softly. He closes his eyes and I watch the rise and fall of his chest.

I don’t mind staying here for the rest of my life with him. we could get a house on the island. A small cabin, just like the one he used to live in. Would be just the two of us. That would be a dream come through because all I want is to have a peaceful life with Jabi. I don’t want him to have to worry about anything.

"I don’t know, anything,’’ he opens his eyes and there is a smile on his face.

I tilt my head forward and my lips are on his. He breathes into my mouth, almost like an exhalation and I suck it in completely, loving the heat that comes from him. I love everything about him.

"What do you think about staying here for the rest of our life?’’ I ask him because the idea seems so appealing to me.

He opens his eyes wide from my words and I see it. the fear in them. I don’t know why that idea scares him but somehow, I feel it has to do with him not being able to sleep. Suddenly it seems clear to me. There is something bothering him and I think he is going to tell me.

"Like permanently?’’ he asks shakingly.

I thought he would be excited about it but now I am not so sure. I guess there is something wrong with that idea. "Yeah, I thought we could get a place on the island by the beach. A tiny house—or a big one, whichever you want and we would leave the American life behind?"

The suggestion is everything to me.

I thought it would be to him too, but from the look on his face, it seems like it might not be and now I need to know why.

"I don’t want to leave everyone behind,’’ he pulls apart from me and sits up on the bed, resting his head on the bed frame.

I sit up, so I can look at him. I am very good at reading his expressions. So, I want to see if he is sincere but it seems like he isn’t right now. this is not about the pack and the people we would be leaving behind.

This is about something else.

"We wouldn’t be leaving everyone behind. We will always visit and they can come here too. I don’t think it will be a problem to Beau and the rest.’’

He shakes his head "I like your apartment. I like the home we already have,’’ he dismisses my suggestion and I know I shouldn’t push him any further but I want him to talk to me about what he is feeling. I don’t want him having fears and keeping them from me.

"Something else is bothering you and you need to teel me Jabi,’’ I state because I am not about to beat around the bush with him. We are more than secrets and deceits. I am an open book with him and I need him to be with me.

"I am fine, honestly Dar, I just don’t want to live here.’’

I raise a brow in suspicion "Why? You love the ocean. I thought you would love this too.’’

He sighs and then runs his hands through his hair. He looks cute, even when he is scared and right now, he looks terrified to me. something about staying here is making him scared and I intend to find out.

"I don’t want to be far away from my family,’’ he says finally.

I know that is not the reason. "Seems like you are lying to me, why are you lying to me Jabi?’’ I ask him. "This time, I need the truth and not the one you think I want to hear,’’ I tell him firmly.

He knows when I am serious and right now, I am very serious because I need to know the truth. I watch him as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, the rise and fall of his naked chest distracting me. I try to stay on track as he opens his eyes.

"I am scared, okay,’’ with that, he stands up from the bed and walks away from me and to the bathroom. I jump off from the bed and grab him by his arm because I know he is going to hide but locking the doors. I can’t let him leave until he explains what he means by that.

"Hey, no running away right now,’’ I tell him, pulling him to me.

He tries to hide his face from me but I see the tears welling up in his eyes. "What are you afraid of? Moving so far away from home with me? does that scare you?’’ he opens his eyes immediately as the words escape my lips.

I don’t want to think in that direction because I know how much he loves and trusts me. I don’t want to think that this is about me but he isn’t giving me what I need right now.

"This isn’t about you Dar; you are the only part of this trip I have enjoyed." He confesses and I see the regret in his eyes as the words leave his lips.

"Shoot, that’s not what I meant, I love this trip. I love the water. I love everything,’’ he adds to make me feel better.

"What are you talking about Jabi?’’

He sighs "Nothing, forget what I said. Can we just go back to bed?’’

I shake my head "Tell me what you mean? You hate this place?’’

It seems to me now that this was a bad idea. I was so sure that he would love this place. his obsession with the ocean just made me want to do this for him. the hotel we are in is on top of the water. I wanted him to feel like he was in the ocean. I wanted to give him the feeling that I thought he would enjoy but I guess I went too far, seeing as he hates this place.

I fucked up.

Chapter 243: All is right with the world

Jabi.

I hate hurting him and that is the only reason why I kept the truth from him. I can’t even call this a lie, I just refrained from the truth but now that he is asking me. how do I lie to him? I have already said the worst thing I could say.

He planned a surprise for me.

I have been acting as if I love it. okay, at first when he brought me here. I was excited. We flew in a private jet to the island. It was straight out of a romantic movie. Everything I could possibly want and more. He was the perfect gentleman for the twenty-hour flight. I had never been on a plane and he held me all through. he didn’t mock me or laugh at me. he was the shelter that I needed at that moment and when we landed, he guided me all through. I didn’t even need to lift a finger.

At that moment, I felt like the luckiest guy in the world. he made the journey seamless and when I saw the island. I was excited. I thought it would be everything. I have dreamt so many times of waking up to the sounds of waves. He made my dream come true and I was grateful until the first night of insomnia. I couldn’t sleep,., I was scared and I had a silent panic attack. He was next to me in bed and I saw the joy on his face. I couldn’t tell him the truth because I didn’t have it in me to hurt him.

Darrien is everything to me. his joy is my joy and his pain is my pain and right now, there is pain and regret in his eyes. I messed things up because I am selfish. I didn’t think about him and now he knows how much I hate this place. I didn’t want to tell him because even though I was scared, as long as he was next to me, I didn’t feel as scared. He made everything better—so he didn’t need to know but now he knows.

"You hate this place?’’

I shake my head "I don’t hate it. I love it, Dar,’’ I try to deny it but I know it is already too late/ if there is anybody that knows me, it is the man in front of me. he knows when I lie and when I don’t.

"Is that why you haven’t been able to sleep?’’ he asks me.

I open my eyes wide in shock. I didn’t even know that he noticed that. I thought I was hiding it well. I guess I am really an open book to him.

Finally, I nod my head because there is no point hiding this. he already knows and if I don’t tell him the truth now, it will be lying and I don’t want to lie to him.

"Shit," he lets go of me and I watch him as he starts to pace around the room. I know Darrien and he will beat himself up for this. he will blame himself, hate himself because he will think that he couldn’t please me. I have noticed how he dotes on me. he wants everything to be perfect for me and I am grateful but I also need him to understand that I am happy as long as he is there.

"Hey,’’ I reach for him to stop him from pacing. He looks at me and I hate the expression on his face. I never want to make him sad and that is what I am doing right now. I am ruining the happiness around us by being a whiny bitch. "I don’t hate it, I am just scared,’’ I confess because if he sees that I actually tried, he will know that he didn’t ruin this vacation.

"What do you mean?" he furrows his brows in confusion.

"The water, being above it and seeing all the creatures in it. it has been terrifying,’’ I tell him the truth. I am a coward as usual, no matter how strong I think I am. I will still be scared of the fish in the water, the turbulence on the plane. Everything I do, there is always a sense of fear, trying to crawl out of me.

"Why didn’t you tell me this Jabi, I told you to always tell me how you feel. Fuck.’’ He is already scolding himself—and me.

"I am sorry. Please don’t blame yourself for this.’’

He looks at me for a couple of seconds and before I know what is happening. He walks over to our bags and starts to put our clothes in one of the bags "what are you doing Dar,’’ I ask him because it seems like he is packing our stuff.

He stops for a second and faces me "I am getting us out of here,’’ he tells me before continuing. I sigh because he is being dramatic again. I have survived in this place for four days. It is late at night. Not the best time for this but I don’t think he will even listen to me.

"Baby,’’ I call him because I want him to stop. I don’t want him to think that his plan was not good enough. I don’t want him to blame himself because this was perfect. I walk up to him and grab the bag from him because I want him to calm down.

"This is all my fault; I didn’t think to ask. I should have made sure this is what you wanted."

Yup, I knew he would blame himself. That is all he ever does when things don’t go right. He blames himself even though it is not his fault. "Hey, hey, hey,’’ I try to calm him down. Get him to see that this is not his fault and it is not that big a deal. the only thing we need to know from this is that I don’t want to live here.

"Why didn’t you just tell me?’’ his voice is low. I hate seeing this side of him. It is late at night and I have caused problems between us. I am making him doubt and I don’t like when he has doubts.

"I made a mistake, I should have been honest but I didn’t want to ruin this. I am having a good time. You are here with me and that is really all that matters to me. you are all that matters to me.’’

He sighs "Do you just want to go back home?’’ he asks. All he is thinking about is me. as usual. I guess it is my turn to return the favor.

"I like it here. I like everything about this but maybe we can find another hotel tomorrow, one that isn’t so water-oriented?"’ I manage a smile.

He still looks pained. I hate that I made him this way but I will make this better "You know, this trip was to get to know each other better and you helped me get to know myself. I thought I loved the water and the ocean but now I know that I am not really a fan. I know that I just love being with you,’’ I stand on my toes and press my lips to his. I feel him relax against me as he melts into my mouth.

We will always have new things that we find out about each other. The more time we spend together, the more things we get to know.

I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

He pulls away from me slowly and I rest my head on his forehead "Even swimming?’’ he asks as a faint smile sprawls to his face.

From his question, I know he is over the blame game "Especially swimming,’’ I smile and all is right with the world again.

Chapter 244: Compromise

Darrien.

"He hates it,’’ I breathe into the phone because I still can’t believe how much of a failure this was. The fact that I thought I was setting up the most perfect vacation for us. This was going to be the one we would always remember. It was always going to be OUR spot. I had it all planned out. There is this desperation that comes with wanting to please Jabi.

It is a terrible thing most times because I beat myself up for a lot of things. I get this anger within me when he is not happy. It is not possible for someone to be happy all the time but I try. I try so hard to make him happy all the time.

"He told you that?’’ Alanis mutters quietly.

I needed someone to talk to because this was a lot for me, more than I even thought it would be. I just love the fact that I can read Jabi. I know what he likes and what he wants and finding out that he was terrified of the one place that I thought would become our getaway place broke me. Most times, I act tough but it took a toll on me.

"Yes he did and I freaked out like a pussy,’’ I tell him.

I couldn’t handle it and he had to calm me down. Write now I am looking for another hotel. I went without him which now seems like a bad idea because I think this is something, I should do with him. What if he doesn’t like this one either?

"I am sure he didn’t say it that way,’’ I can already picture him shaking his head is disagreement. Jabi didn’t want to hurt me and that is why he kept things from me but I don’t know how to explain to him that I want to know the truth. If he had said this on the first night, I would have found an alternative. I would have taken him somewhere else.

"He hasn’t been sleeping, Alanis. For almost a week I kept my baby awake."

I hate myself even when thinking about how tormented he has been. "Now you know, why are you still on the island?’’ he asks and I have been thinking that way all day. I know he is right, I should’ve packed our bags and gotten us out of there. He doesn’t want to be here, so why am I still pushing it.

Why did I bring him all the way here, away from his family?

What is the point of it all when he is the only thing that matters? We don’t have to move; we don’t have to leave everyone behind to be happy. I need to make things right. I need to make sure he is happy and right now he is not happy.

"Can you turn around,’’ I tell the driver, who just nods his head and turns the taxi around. "I got to get him off this island,’’ I tell Alanis before hanging up. I get back to the hotel and Jabi is in the room watching tv. This has been his routine since we got here. He will wake up in the morning, eat breakfast and sit in front of the tv. I should have noticed these things. This place diving, snorkelling, swimming, there is so much to do and he always preferred to stay in the room. These are the things that I should notice. maybe I wasn’t paying attention.

It is not your fault.

I remember his words. He doesn’t like it when I blame myself for things but that is how I am with him and even though I am trying. I know it will take a while to get out of that but I will try.

"Hey,’’ he looks away from the tv and to me. There is a smile on his face. I walk over to him and he grabs my hand "How was the hunt?’’ he asks.

I shrug "I didn’t go again,’’ I tell him.

He furrows his brows in confusion "Why not?"

"Cause I think we should go back home?’’ my tone is cam but I know he will think the worse. He might think that I am upset or something. He thinks I am the only one that blames myself. Well, he does the same thing. He worries a lot. Always wants to please me and that is why he didn’t tell me how much he hated this place. Our relationship is still fresh, so I know we will always want to do our best, want things to be perfect but it can’t always be perfect and I guess with time. We will both calm down.

His eyes open wide and the fear that I knew was coming springs up "This is not about feeling guilty. This is about giving you what you want. You are not happy here and I don’t care about this place. I want us to have a holiday together and if you are not happy. There is no point,’’ I stop him before he can say anything.

This is the best thing to do in this situation.

"We can go home, spend the rest of the week in the apartment. We don’t have to be here,’’ I tell him because that is how I feel. The best thing for the two of us.

"You planned this surprise, I feel really bad.’’

I smile, cupping his face with both of my hands. His eyes stay on mine and I can’t seem to look away either. It still shocks me how our attraction never even dims. We have been together for some time now and every time I look at him, it still feels like the first time I saw him in the community. The way my heart called out to him—it still feels that way. I don’t think I will ever stop feeling this way.

I fall in love with him all over again.

"I don’t care about this trip. I only care about you. There is nothing to feel bad about,’’ I assure him. He sighs loudly, closing his eyes to my touch "I want you to be yourself, I want you to sleep well, eat well and have no worries. You can only do that if we go home,’’ I add.

He opens his eyes and leans forward, kissing me softly. His kiss sends butterflies around my tummy. Like it always does. After a couple of seconds, he pulls apart and a smile spreads to his face "You can’t tell anyone we are back,’’ he beams.

"Why not?’’

He shrugs "I want it to feel like a vacation. I want to have you all to myself," his words have me smiling because that is the same way I feel. This man will be the death of me.

Chapter 245: The decision to find him.

Gyles.

I don’t know what to do and how to stop the hurt.

My wolf is crying.

Crying so loud and I don’t know how to stop it. the only way things can get better is if he accepts me. after the dream, I thought things were better. I thought I was finally on his good side but I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to do.

I just wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to talk to him.

Is that too much to ask for?

Well, you deserve this.

I don’t know whose side my wolf is on. We are one. No matter how much he tries to hater me. he will always be a part of me. I get that I was a bitch to him but I have changed. I am trying to be better.

You are still the same selfish person. You keep thinking about yourself.

You will end up alone.

I used to think that I wanted to be alone. I didn’t think it was anything but now, all I want is them. I just want the two of them to love me. I want to see Blue smile at me. I want to make him happy. I want them both.

Selfish.

I close my eyes because this is frustrating.

"What can I do,’’ I shout out to the trees.

I am outside the compound. Going for a run right now seems like a good idea. I walk until I get to the field. I don’t know what I can do to prove to him that I love him, that things will be different this time. I want to make things right but he is not even giving me the chance.

"You know he doesn’t mean to hurt you,’’ I turn around and Rex looks at me with pity. This is all my fault. I had Blue. He wanted me and I fucking blew it. I can’t blame anyone but me but I don’t want his pity right now. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself.

"When is he coming back,’’ I run my hands through my hair.

He releases a heavy sigh and walks up to me till he is in front of me. he reaches for me and I don’t fight him off because I want him. even though I feel an emptiness that is coming from Blue’s absence. I can’t resist Rex. I don’t even know how it works and I don’t think I ever will but I just know that I feel the exact same thing for the two of them. It is shocking but also exciting. There are things that I tried to fight away. I wanted to resist it all and I caused all the problems. We are supposed to be together. we were supposed to be happy but I pushed him away and now he hates me—he doesn’t trust me and I don’t know if he ever will.

"He didn’t leave because of you, stop beating yourself up for this. you need to understand that Blue loves you. he might be playing hard to get right now but he will never let you go.’’ he tries to assure me and I want to believe him but my wolf doesn’t even believe in me anymore.

Do something.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know how to make things right.

I don’t know how to undo the damage that I have caused.

I close my eyes as Rex rests his hand on my shoulder. I am taller than him but at this moment, I feel smaller. I feel weak. This is not supposed to affect me as much as it is. my heart feels heavy. I have been unable to eat or drink. It feels like I am dying. How can one person affect me gravely?

Go and find him.

My wolf is spewing thoughts into my head, thoughts that I shouldn’t be thinking. I don’t even know where he could possibly be right now. I don’t know anything about Blue. I don’t know where he lives.

You can find out. Take Rex and look for him.

I look at Rex and he is watching me. there is sadness in his eyes. He is not happy about it but I can tell he doesn’t know what to say. there is nothing he can say because right now, he has no words to make this better.

"When is he coming back Rex?’’ I ask. my eyes never leave his face. I will know if he is lying and I hope he doesn’t lie to me right now.

"He doesn’t know yet, he said a couple of weeks.’’

My heart stops in my chest. A couple of weeks? How the fuck am I supposed to survive for that long. He is not even talking to me right now. how will I go for a couple of weeks without talking to him?

"I can’t survive for a week, let alone a couple of weeks. You can’t be serious right now.’’

He sighs "It’s not just you Gyles. I miss him too." He doesn’t understand that this is different for me. at least he has the chance to hear his voice. I have to haunt him in his dreams. I can’t handle another day of this.

Go and look for him.

You can’t just sit around and wait for him.

At this point, I think my wolf is right. I need to find him; I need to look for him and make him see that I am serious about everything. I need him to believe that I am sincere and that he can trust me.

"What are you thinking Gyles?’’ Rex is still watching me; it is almost like he can read my mind. Maybe he just knows me a lot more than I know myself.

’’ I am going to find him; I can’t just sit around and wait for him to come back. I am dying here.’’ I tell him honestly.

I feel like before he gets back, I will die of heartbreak. Sitting around just means I have accepted being apart from him.

"That is crazy, Blue will not like that and besides, you don’t know where he lives." He is trying to talk me out of it but suddenly I have already made up my mind.

"I am doing this Rex. I need to do this. please come with me,’’ I want him with me, maybe if Blue sees me, he won’t turn me away. I need to see him. I need him in my arms. I need the two of them in one place together. I want us happy, I don’t want us to have problems. I need to make that happen.

I look at him because I need to know if he is in or out.

i need him in.