Ch. 246..250: The Werewolf's Vampire Mate Chapter 246-250

Chapter 246: Midnight friend

Gyles.

"Tell me this is the wrong thing to do,’’ I say those words out loud but I am talking to my wolf. I know he can hear me. Rex is panicking because he doesn’t think that this is a good idea. Going to look for him but I don’t know what else to do.

It feels like I am dying.

I don’t want to die without Blue forgiving me.

You are not dying.

My wolf replies to my thoughts and not my question. He is the one that convinced me to do this, so I know this will be something we will do together. I don’t even know how I will find him because I don’t even know anything about him but I plan on trying. I will look for him, no matter what.

"What are you doing Gyles?’’ Rex walks into the room with a confused expression on his face. I know Rex and he always likes to play it safe. He doesn’t take risks and he won’t do this with me.

"I need to find him,’’ I rummage through the little clothes I have and start to put them in a bag that Beau gave me. Everything I have is all thanks to Beau, from the clothes on my body to the ones in the drawers. Maybe that is why I still don’t feel like I belong here. I don’t have anything of my own. Maybe when I start to set my roots in this community, I will start to feel at home.

"This is a bad idea Gyles. Blue doesn’t want to see you.’’

I sigh and stop what I am doing, running my hands through my hair. I know he doesn’t want to see me. I know he hates me right now and I told him that I want to make things right. He said I should prove it and this is the only way I know how to. I might be a little selfish at this moment but I really want to see him. I want to talk to him. See him in person—apologize to him until he finally forgives me.

"I have to try something, anything.’’

"How do you plan on finding him?" he raises a brow. It seems like he is challenging me right now. I want him to follow me. I want him to be with me so that at least, his presence will smoothen things between me and Blue. I want so much from him but I know it is hard to expect him to do this. He is in communication with Blue, one thing that I am not and my wolf is getting desperate. The last time I saw him was in the dream and it felt so real when I woke up. I don’t still know if it was all in my head because I thought there was a little progress between us but then he didn’t want to talk to me—so I don’t even know anymore.

I don’t know what to think.

"I don’t know. I want to talk to Beau. I know he will help me,’’ I tell him what I plan to do because I want him to see that this could work.

"I don’t think this is a good idea, you don’t have the means to get there and you can’t even drive,’’ he reminds me of all the things I am incapable of doing. He is not doing it to hurt me but it still hurts.

"That is why I need you with me,’’ I tell him as I grab his hands in mine. He sighs out of frustration and I don’t mean to manipulate him into doing this but I also know that the only reason why he will agree to this is that he finds it hard saying no to me. If he asks me for anything, I won’t be able to say no too. This thing goes both ways.

"I don’t think this is a good idea. He wouldn’t be happy about this.’’

"Please come with me,’’ I beg him one last time even though I already know that he is caving in. He exhales heavily and I watch him patiently as I wait for him to tell me what I already know. it is the look in his eyes, the sign of defeat.

"If he is pissed, it is all on you though.’’

I nod my head incessantly as my smile widens. This means he is coming with me, which just means the possibility of seeing Blue is higher. I can’t wait for a month and I know deep down Rex doesn’t want to wait either "UI think we should tell him about this,’’ he says.

I shake my head "He won’t agree to this if we do.’’

He raises a brow "He won’t be happy about the ambush if we don’t,’’ he points out. I know he might be upset at first but I have some things I need to say to him in person. I need to see him to even feel a shred of happiness. Right now, I am a miserable wreck. I don’t know how long I can stand the distance.

"This is all on you, I am not going to interfere,’’ Rex basically calls me out.

I nod "Find out where he lives. If you can, I will drive us there.’’ He says planting a soft kiss on my cheek and walking out of my room. I close my eyes for a second because it won’t be easy. I have a better relationship with Alanis. We have shared secrets and I feel like he gets me. I could ask him to help me get the information that I need.

Beau is the only one that will know though.

Ask them.

My wolf tells me quietly.

There is no other option and if I don’t do this, Rex will not help me otherwise. I walk out of my room and in the direction of Beau’s room. I bump into Alanis in front of their door as he walks out and he smiles at me. For now, he is the only one I have formed a bond with. I know Beau’s intention of keeping me in the pack was to give me a family and at first, I thought it was impossible, I thought I would never fit in but the people here are friendly and even though a lot of them are still wary of me. No one has said anything hurtful to me. The ones that feel some type of way about me have kept their distance and the ones that are okay with me are friendly.

Like Alanis.

"Hey midnight friend,’’ he smiles warmly.

"I was just coming to you. I need a favour,’’ I go straight to the point because I need to get his address and leave before it gets dark.

"Is there a problem?’’ he asks already going into worry mode.

I know the people in this community are still on edge—after everything that happened, it is expected and I heard that the man that killed Beau’s father is still at large. Not knowing where he is must be making them worried.

"Not really. I actually need to talk to Beau. Is it possible?’’

He sighs "I don’t think Beau is in such a good mood,’’ he confesses and I know he is about to tell me why.

"What happened?’’

He sighs "He kind of found out about everything and I guess the fact that I kept it from him is beating him up." He sighs "What do you need?’’ he adds in question.

"I need Blue’s address. I think his father will know. If I can get it, it will mean the world to me."

"Can’t you ask Blue for it?’’ he asks.

I shake my head "He is not really talking to me right now and I thought I could surprise him,’’ I tell him a half-truth.

"Hmmm....’’

He looks suspicious of me but right now I am desperate and they are the only ones that can help me. I need to do this and I doubt that anything would change my mind.

"Wait a minute, I will talk to him,’’ he tells me before walking back into the room. I take a deep breath because my fate lies in their hands right now.

Chapter 247: Hurtful confessions

Beau.

I hear their conversation outside the door even before Lanis walks back into the room. There is a part of me that is hurt right now. I don’t know if I can show it to him because he is vulnerable right now. Lanis and Gyles have a friendship that just formed recently and I don’t think I like It.

He told him before me.

He knew he was pregnant and he told a stranger before me. I tell him everything and I see the fear inside him. This is new to him—it is new to me. It’s not like I have any knowledge on this and I understand where he is coming from. I can’t really know how he feels because it is not happening to me but I just wish he would understand that we are in this together.

I will always be by his side.

I will protect him through this process.

The door opens and he walks into the room "Gyles is outside." He tells me.

I stand up from the bed and walk over to the door "I know, I heard your conversation clearly.’’ I don’t tell him what I heard but I say it in a way to let him know that I heard everything. I want him to think about it and know that I know. The way I found out was not the way I imagined to find out. I thought he would be excited for this but now I know that he doesn’t actually want this and I don’t know how to feel about it.

I open the door and Gyles looks up from the phone I just gave him "Hey Beau,’’ he manages nervously. He is always nervous around me. I guess he isn’t around Lanis.

Not the time to be jealous.

"I don’t think this is a good idea,’’ I tell him blatantly because I don’t even want to go around it with him. Blue gave me his address. He wanted me to watch out for them. Yeah, he is upset with Gyles and I get that but he still cares about the guy and he wouldn’t want anything to happen to him.

"Please. I need to see him,’’ Gyles walks closer to me, his own attempt at convincing me.

I actually am not too invested in his love story because I have my own to worry about. I can’t force him not to do this and if I don’t give it to him, he will find another way. I don’t think he has realized that the three of them are connected. He can find him if he tries hard enough.

"Whatever, just be careful,’’ I tell him as I walk over to the work table in my room and write it down on a sticky note. I give it to him and he smiles widely.

"Thank you, thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me."

Gyles leaves the room and Lanis tries to walk out of the room. I know he was going to the kitchen earlier. He is not hiding his hunger anymore. So I have seen him eat twice today. It is weird to see his appetite change from blood to actual food. I can’t even believe it myself.

"Wait a minute,’’ I stop him.

He groans and I can see the gap in our relationship. These babies are supposed to bring us closer but it is pulling us apart. I want to handle this is the best way possible but I don’t even know how to do that.

"If it is about Gyles, I am sorry,’’ he goes straight to the point. Lanis is smart and he can read the room. He knows I am upset about this even though I haven’t said anything. I won’t snap at him—I don’t want this to cause any problems. I just want him to trust me.

He trusts you. He just doesn’t want to disappoint you.

"Lanis, I don’t understand this. You wanted this as much as I did.’’ I tell him as I walk closer to him. I am trying to understand him and how he is feeling because he is the most important person in my life. I don’t want him unhappy. This process shouldn’t be one that will make him miserable.

"I didn’t want this. I don’t want this."

I nod. This is good. He is being honest. I want his honesty right now "Okay, I might have thought wrong, do you think this is a mistake?’’

He sighs loudly "It is not normal Beau. Men are not supposed to get pregnant." He exclaims loudly. All the frustrations that he has been trying to hide, finally coming out. Nothing about our relationship is normal and he already knows that. so this is his fear talking.

"You think something will go wrong?’’

He nods "I don’t want this Beau. I don’t want this pregnancy. I don’t want the babies."

My heart aches from his confession because I don’t like this at all. Before this happened, we talked about those babies. We talked about having them and we were excited about it and now that it is real, he is denying it all.

"You can’t say that Lanis, you have seen them," I reach for his hand and he doesn’t push me off him "You felt them too. So I don’t understand why you are condemning them like this.’’

"I am not condemning them, I just don’t accept this. I didn’t choose for this to happen. Why can’t you be the one? Why does it have to happen to me? When did I accept to be the woman in this relationship.’’

His confessions have me shocked because Lanis has always been the rational one in the relationship. He has always been calm about everything and seeing him in this light is surprising. I can’t fault him because I know how he feels. This is scary and new to him.

He wants this but he is just scared.

I watch him, there are tears welling up in his eyes. I don’t want to be the reason why he cries right now. I don’t want to bring him sadness but I don’t know what to do.

"Okay Alanis, what do you want?’’ I want to know what he wants me to do. Does he want to get rid of them? Is that what he is saying right now because it has already happened? He is already pregnant. There is nothing I can do to change that.

"I don’t want this,’’ he doesn’t even hesitate.

I raise a brow, letting go of his hand. I want him to come out right and tell me what he wants. I want him to use his words.

"Say it, Alanis,’’ I breathe out.

He sighs as the tears fall from his eyes and to his cheeks. He has already made up his mind and he knows that I know what he is thinking. I will not accept this because they are mine too. I should have a say in this but right now, it is his body. So it is up to him.

"I want to get rid of it,’’ he says finally and it feels like my heart shatters into a million pieces because no matter how much I love him, I won’t forgive him if he does this,

Chapter 248: The monster I have become

Alanis.

Shit.

What the hell is going on with me?

How can I be this cold towards the man I love?

I see the pain in his eyes as the words escape my lips. This is the worst thing I have ever done to anyone. He doesn’t say anything. He just stares at me in complete shock. I am shocked at myself too. I don’t know why I said this. I don’t know why I can’t be as excited as he is. Everything that is happening is confusing to me.

I said I would handle anything, as long as he was by my side but now I don’t know what I am even thinking. I can’t handle this.

I should change my mind. Take back my words but I don’t want to. It seems like I have already made up my mind and from the way he is looking at me, it seems like he knows.

"Fuck,’’ I watch him as he runs his hands through his hair. I don’t try to reach for him because I know that he is angry. This is not an easy thing to hear. I don’t know if he will ever forgive me for this but I know what I want and I don’t want this. "Fuck,’’ he repeats. His voice sounds strained. I made him this way and I don’t think I can take it back. Make things alright. It is too late and I have dug my own grave.

I remain quiet and for a long time, we stare at each other. After a couple of minutes, he takes a step in the direction of the door. I should stop him and talk about this but what more is there to say. I have no words to make this better. The weight that has been on my shoulders has been lifted off with my confession.

I might seem like a monster right now but eventually, I hope he will see this from my side. You can’t have kids when you are not ready. I am not ready and I don’t want to go through this abnormal process. I wish he understood how I felt. It will probably take a while before he does. I will give him the space he needs.

I will give him time and eventually, hopefully, he will come around and forgive me.

Beau walks out of the door and I am left alone to my thoughts. I don’t want to be alone right now but the only person I can be with doesn’t want to be around me—he probably hates me and I don’t blame him.

This is all my fault.

****************

I wait for him all day, the sun sets and the moon comes out. He doesn’t return to the room and the next day, I look for him everywhere. he is not in the community. I don’t know where he went, no one else seems to know and I don’t blame him, I think he needed space from me.

To him, I am the monster who wants to kill his babies and I don’t blame him.

This decision was not easy. I didn’t just wake up and decide that I didn’t want this. I wanted to be as excited as he was. We talked about this for so long and I didn’t say anything. I silently prayed that it wasn’t real. That they were just dreams that we concocted.

When he talked about them, and talked about getting pregnant, I hoped that it wouldn’t happen. I wanted to want this as much as he did but it didn’t come. Especially after I started to feel the changes in my body. The more things that changed, the more terrified I became and nothing could convince me otherwise—even the love I have for Beau. I know I am selfish but this is the first time I have been selfish.

A knock comes from the door, this is the second night I would be spending without Beau. I hate this a lot more than I hate being pregnant. That should tell me something. I get up from the bed and run to the door. Bells is on the other side of the door and she looks as angry as Beau did before he left. I am sure he told her. They are best friends, so she must see the monster that he did before he left.

"Hey,’’ I manage because this is awkward for me too. I don’t have to explain anything to her but I feel like I need to. I hate that she is judging me.

"I just came to take a couple of Beau’s things,’’ she explains. This is her way of asking for permission.

"Where is he?’’

She raises a brow "I think he would have told you if he wanted you to know.’’

She has a point but I am his mate. I deserve to know where he is and he is not even answering my calls. I knew he wouldn’t. I can’t even connect to him right now. It feels like he blocked me from him with a wall. One that I can’t penetrate.

"I just want to make sure he is okay.’’

She sighs "Alanis, I don’t get you. I know this is none of my business but I don’t understand why you are doing this.’’

I knew she wouldn’t understand. Nobody would understand this. Like Gyles said, this is a blessing, not a curse but I am treating them like they are something bad and I know they aren’t but I just am not ready.

"I am sure Beau told you. You are his friend, so you will take his side.’’

"This isn’t about sides. No one will take your side on this. You are making a mistake,’’ she acts like she knows anything about what is going on.

No one will understand.

"Just get what you need,’’ I open the door wider and she sighs loudly from the frustration of my actions. She is not the person that can even convince me of this. I don’t think anyone can make me change my mind.

Once Bells leaves the room. I go back to bed and crawl under the covers. My heart is breaking right now and I know that the only person that can help put it back together is angry with me.

Chapter 249: Meet him halfway

Beau.

I am so upset.

I have never been this mad at Lanis before. I thought it was impossible to be this mad at him. He broke my heart with his words and he doesn’t seem to care. I just proposed to him. I just told him how much he meant to me and he is not even thinking about me at this second. He is letting fear win. I saw the future. I saw those kids. The way they made him happy.

Now he is acting like they are some kind of punishment.

This is the biggest gift we will ever have and he wants to just throw it away like it means nothing. I don’t know if it is a good idea to give him the space that he so desperately wants. I can’t face him right now because a part of me wants to hurt him as much as he is hurting me.

It has been two days since I saw him—or rather since I left him and I miss him so much. It is hard being away from him but this is the best thing to do in this situation. I will go back home and I will see where he is at. I want to understand why he would rather kill them than just go through the pain of giving birth. We have been through so much together and Lanis has been the strong one. He has been the rational one, the most thoughtful one and now he just wants to think about hi9mself when there are babies involved. This will never be the bad thing that he thinks it is and I want him to come back to his senses before it is too late.

I open the door before Bells even has a chance of knocking "Hey, did you see him?’’ I ask immediately because no matter how angry I am with him, he is still my major concern. He is still the most important person to me.

"Yeah,’’ she walks over to the bed and drops the bag on it. I am in a motel. I left my home to come and crash at a motel all because of him. I miss my bed—especially because he is not here with me. it’s weird that I could be so angry with him but still miss him. The whole thing is messed up and that is why I left the community in the first place. The hunt for Fallon is going on right now with a couple of people helping me. I have the vampires involved. The ones that were with Cassius and that should be my main focus but I can’t think about anything but Lanis and what he is doing to me.

"Being cooped up in here is not the way to solve this. You should be talking some sense into his head. He is scared and that is the main problem.’’ She tells me like I don’t already know all that. Lanis is my mate and the love of my life and this is the first time I have seen him this scared. Even with everything we have been through, I have never gotten this much fear from him. I have to find a way to show him that he doesn’t have to be scared. Assure him that I will be there with him through it all.

"I just need a breather. A couple of days." I go back to the bed and she watches me curiously. My heart has been heavy since he told me.

"Your man is pregnant and miserable and you are here. I don’t think this is right. You don’t know how sensitive he is right now. He needs you and It looks like you just abandoned him. Why are you abandoning him?’’

I don’t know if she is trying to aggravate me but it is working. I sit up on the bed and glare at her angrily "I didn’t abandon him.’’ I tell her.

She rolls her eyes "Do you know how much of a mess he was when I went to get your things. He looked terrible."

She is just making me worry more, I don’t know if that is her plan but if I worry I will go back to him and I need him to think about this properly. I want him to realize that this is not the best decision. He won’t think that way if I go crawling back to him.

"I can’t go to him yet.’’

She sighs "I don’t think this is a good idea. Letting him be on his own when he is so emotional.’’

I release a sigh of frustration "What do you want me to do?’’

I am all out of options. I know leaving him wasn’t the best idea because if the tables were turned Lanis would not leave me. He is not that kind of person. He has stuck by my side even when I didn’t even like myself that much. There were things I have done that I was never proud of and he didn’t push me away. He didn’t judge me.

He just loved me.

"Call your boyfriend. Talk to him, show him that you are there for him.’’

Bell’s walks out of the room and I grab my phone. There are numerous missed calls from him and messages. I have been doing my best to ignore his calls because I didn’t want to say anything that would hurt him but now I think Bells is right. I shouldn’t push him away from me. I should pull him closer to me. So that he can see that he is not alone. I have to try and convince him that I am here to stay. Yeah, we were fated together but I have seen cases where mates end up apart. At the end of it all, we have to fight to be together. It takes a lot more than the deities to make the relationship work and I have to do my own part.

I dial his number and it goes straight to voicemail. I know that just means that he is not with his phone. I drop the phone on the bed next to me and it rings immediately. His name pops up and I smile. He was waiting for me to call. I don’t know what he is thinking right now because I blocked him out. Like completely. I didn’t want him to feel even more guilty and I had a lot of negative thoughts that have somehow vanished.

"Beau,’’ he calls my name immediately I answer.

I close my eyes because the love I have for him is so intense. The sound of his voice drives me crazy and he knows it.

He is my weakness.

The love of my life.

I have to meet him halfway.

I want him to want this as much as I do.

Chapter 250: Selene

Alanis.

"I am sorry,’’ I manage because even having the opportunity to talk to him is a blessing right now. It has just been two days and it feels like he ripped my heart out. I mean it literally. It feels like there is a hole in my chest. The part where my heart was feels empty and this is just because of a fight.

I can’t even call it a fight.

He didn’t argue or try to convince me otherwise. He just left me and I have never felt more alone than I do right now. I feel empty and it is all because of the void that he left behind. I haven’t eaten anything all day and I am hungry. I am trying to deny it all. Another thing I know Beau wouldn’t like.

I grab my phone and see a missed call from him. My eyes open wide because I didn’t expect him to call me. He should still be upset with me. I am upset with myself—I hate the way I feel. I hate that I don’t want this. I wish I could be better for him, I wish I could give him what he wants. Why does it have to be this way? Why do I have to have all these doubts?

I call him back immediately because I miss him so much and I need him to fill this void. Without him in my life, I will not survive. I don’t even want to continue a life where he hates me.

"Beau,’’ I call his name. The other end of the line is quiet but I can hear his steady breaths. This is hard for him. He doesn’t want to say the wrong things and I know he doesn’t know how to handle this situation.

"I am so sorry,’’ I add because that is all I can say. I am actually sincere right now.

"For what?’’ he finally speaks up. I love the sound of his voice. In the storm that is going on in my mind. His voice comes in like the sun, shining brightly on my orbit.

"Everything,’’ I conclude.

He sighs. I can feel him again. Slowly, he is letting me in. I feel his hurt, the pain as it emanates from him. I am causing him so much pain. Why does it have to be so hard? I am the one person that he should always be able to count on and I am breaking his heart.

"You don’t want this. I can’t force you to.’’ he deadpans.

I feel him slipping away and he doesn’t know it yet. There will always be a pull between us. He might be upset with me right now but he loves me but eventually, if we are not happy, that love will die. I don’t want our love to die. I look at my finger. The one that contains the ring. The proposal. The love he has for me. I shouldn’t be scared.

Why the fuck am I so scared?

"Can you come home?’’ I ask him as all the vulnerabilities that I have been hiding pour out of me. I know he can feel me too. He knows how I feel right now. I am shattered and miserable.

"Do you want me to?’’ he breathes into the phone. I look out of the window. The sky is bright, the sun is shining and he is not here. Of course, I want him here but do I deserve him. I don’t think I do.

"Yes, I miss you,’’ I confess, slowly relieving the ache I feel inside me. I want him back home and it might be selfish of me but I don’t know what else to do. I know that I can’t survive with him and I want him to forgive me.

"Okay, I will be home in an hour. I am sorry,’’ he breathes and my heart starts to beat again. The moment he left, it stopped. I felt incomplete and unhappy, now I know there is a chance for forgiveness. I drop the phone as he ends the call. We didn’t talk about anything important. He didn’t mention anything about the babies and I didn’t bring it up. I didn’t want to ignite the fuel. I didn’t want to upset him any further. He hasn’t told me if he is okay with my decision. I don’t know what he is thinking but I just want to see him.

I close my eyes for a second and not long after I drift off....

Opening my eyes, I am not in our room anymore. I am in an open space, the walls are white. It seems like a never-ending room. There are bright lights all around. It feels like I have died and gone to heaven. Maybe I am dead, I mean that is the only explanation for this dream world. I was waiting for Beau, maybe the deities are punishing me for all the wicked thoughts I have in my head.

"You are not dead Alanis,’’ I hear a voice before I see the person. The melodious voice of a woman. It is like music. The kind that makes you feel safe and nurtured. I don’t know who she is even as she appears into view. She is dressed in a white flowing dress. Her hair is black and long over her shoulders. The bluest eyes I have ever seen. In all my life, I have never seen anyone as beautiful as her. I know for a fact that she is not human. There is something great about her that I just can’t point out.

"Who are you?" I blurt out the question in my head.

There is a smile on her fac3e. It is so welcoming, it makes me want to trust her. I want to put all my fate in her—a stranger that I don’t know.

"Someone that knows everything about you, I am here to guide you.’’

This is ridiculous to me. It feels like I was pulled into another world. One in which I don’t exist. This seems more spiritual than anything I have ever witnessed.

"Why am I here?’’

I know this has something to do with the pregnancy. I just don’t know what the correlation between her and my problems are. She is someone that I shouldn’t even mess with.

"I brought you here,’’ she informs me with the smile still on his face.

She is so calm. Makes me want to leave all my worries behind. I take a deep breath as I ask her yet another question "Why?’’

I am just a series of what and why. I don’t even have a clue why this is happening but it seems like she does. "I am Selene, the goddess of the moon,’’ she smiles at me, confusing me even more.

Why did she bring me here?

"I see you are having doubts about the babies?’’ she asks.

i remain quiet because I don’t know what she wants me to say. I don’t even know what this dream is about but I am sure she will tell me. if she really brought me here, then she did it for a reason.

"I want to show you your alternate future. the one you will have without those babies.’’ she walks closer to me and I don’t move as the room starts to spin. I close my eyes because I know that I won’t like whatever she is about to show.