Ch. 171..180

Chapter 171

When Sinclair left, all my wolf wanted to do was climb up to the highest tower of the Prince’s palace and howl into the sky, to cry out for our mate until our combined voices went hoarse. Instead I allowed myself a single hour of wallowing – I climbed into a bubble bath, turned on the saddest song I could find and cried until my tears ran dry. Afterwards I pulled myself together and got dressed, even though I could feel Sinclair slipping further and further away with every minute that passed.

We’ve never been this far apart since my wolf woke, and I’m amazed by how keenly I can feel his absence. As he drove away, Sinclair’s beloved voice continued to sound in my mind, I love you, Ella. I love you, Rafe. But it faded in perfect synchrony with the widening gulf between our hearts, and eventually it went completely silent. Now the only way we’ll be able to communicate through our bond is in dreams, otherwise we’re stuck with the technologies I knew as a human: cell phones and emails.

I know the best thing for my agitated wolf is to keep busy, so I start my day by meeting Cora and Gabriel in the King’s study, to begin planning the political summit Sinclair suggested. My sister is still half-asleep and sulking about the fact that Sinclair left Roger behind as added protection for us, but she offers me a sympathetic squeeze all the same. “How are you doing?” She murmurs, her arms locked around my back.

“Well I mate it out of bed and I’m not crying anymore… so better than expected.” I confess, burying my face in her neck.

“Tsk, poor thing.” Cora replies, rubbing my back. A note of humor enters her voice then, “My intrepid wolf sister, brought to her knees by a boy. I never thought I’d see the day.” She teases, even though this isn’t truly a fair assessment.

Sometimes I think my big sister is blinded by the relationship we had as children, because though she’s remarkably perceptive about my personality in many ways, there are other facets that go over her head completely. She sees the protector, the martyr who suffered without complaint and then shut out all the pain for so many years. She doesn’t see the love-starved girl so desperate for affection that she settled for scraps from a scoundrel. No, in fact if there’s one of us who avoids attachments at all costs- it’s her. Even as I think it, two new scents enter the room, as if they heard my inner musings and appeared to prove me right.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t let Dominic hear you call him a ‘boy’.” Roger’s husky voice has Cora pulling abruptly away from me, a scowl on her pretty face. He and Henry are framed in the doorway, though my sister doesn’t seem to notice my father-in-law at all. Her full focus is on Roger.

“What are you doing here?” Cora inquires rudely.

I give her a little pinch on her arm, and she yelps and pinches me back,” Hey!”

“Play nice.” I instruct in a low mutter, even though I know the men can hear us perfectly well.

“TelI him.” Cora snipes, crossing her arms over her chest and refusing to look at the wolf now grinning at her like the cat who caught the canary.

I shoot Roger a withering look, and he has the decency to wipe the smirk from his face. “Alright.” Gabriel chuckles, taking the opportunity to steer us back to the matter at hand. “Let’s talk about the summit, we’ve got a lot of work to do and not much time to make it happen.”

“What exactly are we expecting?” I inquire, trying to recall the details Sinclair had shared with me in between sessions of our marathon lovemaking.

“Well, if all the Alpha’s turn up we’ll be looking at about twenty pack leaders with their mates, betas and guards.” The King explains. “We have gatherings of this sort a couple of times a year, so luckily my

staff is well versed in housing, feeding and entertaining the lot – that isn’t anything we have to worry about.”

This is some relief, but my mind is lingering on all the refugees sleeping on rough cots in the camp near the air field. “What exactly is the palace’s full capacity? In terms of the number of shifters it can house?”

“We can support a few hundred people – not all at the same level of luxury of course. The guards and lower ranked members of each delegation will join my own in more modest quarters. Alphas will have suites similar to yours and Dominic’s, and betas somewhere in between.” Gabriel answers thoughtfully. “Why?”

“Well I know it’s not what we’re here to discuss right now, but I’ve been thinking about finding better lodging for the refugees from the continent. I hate leaving them in such stark conditions.” I frown. “I was wondering if we might be able to put them up here, though I know that’s a huge imposition.”

Gabriel offers me a gentle smile. “It wouldn’t be, but I’m not sure that’s the best option. We could feed them and put a roof over their heads, they could be near their leaders,” he acknowledges, nodding to me. “But in my experience coming into the lap of luxury when you’ve just lost everything you own can be a cruel reminder, and the palace isn’t exactly the warmest environment. I would suggest finding local families willing to offer their guest rooms so that the refugees can have a sort of home stay. Between us, we could find a way to supplement incomes to support the extra mouths being fed, and the shifters from the continent would be welcomed into the arms of a real family and a real home.”

“I like that idea.” I agree, “and it would also help them integrate into the community here, to feel accepted. If there’s resistance to their presence among your own pack, this would also be an important way to build support. It would be especially good for the orphans.” I add, my mind returning to the children. “Maybe we could even place some of the parents who lost pups with the unaccompanied minors.”

Henry smiles, “Brilliant. Though you’ll have a time convincing Isabel to give them up.”

He has a point. The she-wolf I place in charge of the orphans has taken the job to heart, becoming a fierce protector and loving guardian for each of the parentless pups. The orphan tent has become something of a sanctuary under her leadership, and I doubt she’ll want to relinquish her new babies to other families. “I’ll talk to her.” I vow, “besides it’s good to have someone like Isabel in charge of placing the children anyway, she’ll ensure the foster families are top notch.”

“Ella’s right.” Cora pipes up, sending me a meaningful glance full of understanding, appreciation and bitter memory. ‘You can’t be too careful with children in these circumstances. And we could move her and the unplaced pups here in the meantime.”

“Agreed.” Gabriel nods, “And your point about public sentiment here is well taken. That is going to be one of our challenges with the pack leaders at the summer. If Damon continues to expel people at these rates, we’re

going to need to expand homestay placements outside of the capital. No shifter would begrudge the wolves fleeing his violence, but some of the leaders will be worried about the strain on their resources. I can think of a few particularly stingy Alphas who will require significant funding before agreeing to such a thing.”

“Sinclair has plenty of money to spare, even with the war effort.” Henry assures Gabriel, and I belatedly realize I don’t know the first thing about my mate’s finances. I know he’s a billionaire, but I don’t truly understand the extent of his wealth or liquidity – especially after fleeing the continent. My father-in-law turns to me now, ‘You two might have to make some hard decisions between winning the war and saving enough to rebuild afterwards, but I think that’s a ways down the road. For now I can work with you to appropriate funds to support the refugee efforts.”

“Thank you.” I profess, squeezing his hand before turning back to the King.” And the rest of the summit? What do we need to worry about most?”

‘Well, by the time they arrive, most of the Alpha’s will have already made up their minds about whether or not they’ll offer an alliance. One or two might withhold judgement to see which way the others vote – to follow the popular tide as it were.” Gabriel explains. “Still, I think I can fairly predict who will be for and against you. It will be our job to focus on the latter.

There are four or five Alphas whose minds you’ll have to change, and we need to structure the events around the summit so you can do that, Ella.”

At first, I assumed he was speaking to all of us as a team, but when Gabriel calls me out by name, I blink in surprise. “Me?” I utter dumbly.

“Who else?” The King laughs.

“But I’m not… they don’t even… why? How?” I stammer, sounding painfully uncertain of myself.

“Because Dominic will have demonstrated his strength and leadership and made all the logical arguments.” Gabriel answers easily, “Where logic cannot sway, there is only emotion, and if anyone can soften their hearts to the cause, it’s you. And as for the how? All you have to do is be yourself.”

I can’t quite believe my ears. I thought that my usefulness to Sinclair was strongest in terms of supporting him, not in the actual politics. “If that’s true, then why didn’t Dominic take me with him?” I question. “I mean I know he was worried but, if I can actually help…” I trail off, doubting my mate’s explanations for the first time.

“Because we don’t want to give them too much time to think about it.” Gabriel shares slyly. The logic will be weighing on them for weeks, and the emotional impact will move them in the moment, but it will

likely wear off after a few days. That’s why Dominic decided to do it this way. You can stay safe here with us while he travels and plants seeds in the minds of the leaders, then we bring them here – and you make them bloom.”

My wolf swells with pride, but at the same time I have to wonder. “I don’t get it. If this was the plan all along, why didn’t he tell me?”

“Because,” Henry smiles gently. ‘You wouldn’t talk to him.”

I flush scarlet. “Right.” I owe my mate a big apology.

My dear readers, Thank you for stopping by and reading this story. I hope you enjoyed it. I’m trying my best to update assp. I’ll appreciate it if you explore my other stories as well. Please follow my f******k page Caroline above story and group Caroline above story if you wanna chat or keep updated on my writing schedule. Yours, Caroline above story

 

Chapter 172

After concluding our three hour summit meeting, where the King, my hybrid family and I decided on a few special events, we kicked off preparations for a welcome banquet, refugee camp visit, an open forum for debate, and a grand ball.

I’m still brainstorming different ideas for other ways to engage the reluctant Alphas, while grappling with the idea that I could play a pivotal role in convincing them to join our cause and wondering how I can make up for my coldness to my mate.

Still I have plenty of time to sort out those issues — now my full focus is on the refugees.

I arrive at the airfield just as a flight full of new exiles from the continent lands, and I watch in horror and heartache as they disembark the plane.

From the looks of it, this is the largest group to arrive so far, and they're mostly women and children.

We're losing more and more male wolves to this war, the ones who stay behind to fight or die protecting their families.

I help the Vanaran volunteers usher the group into the camp, taking a screaming infant from one of the guards who led the group out of Damon’s brutal empire.

"Her parents died just a hundred yards from freedom." He shares bleakly, gently transferring the pup into my arms.

"I promised them I’d get her here, so that it wouldn't be in vain."

Tears well in my eyes as I rock the babe gently from side to side.I haven’t welcomed my own baby yet, but my perspective on children has already changed so much.I’ve always loved them, always

connected to and felt protective of them, but now that I'm learning the depth of a parent’s love, I can never look at a child the same way again.

I’m painfully aware of how much this precious girl must have meant to her mother and father, and I know how much it would have meant to them that this man kept his promise.

"you did very well." I praise him.

"Her parents can rest in peace now, and one day she’ll come to understand what you did for her.She has a future now — because of you."

His face is still downfallen, and there’s a haunted look in his eyes which I recognize all too well.

"Would you like to come with me to the orphan’s tent? So you can see where she'll be in case you want to visit?"

He stiffens slightly, but there’s an flash of longing in his eyes.

"I doubt I'll have much chance.I’ve got to go back this evening."

"If you keep making these runs you ought to get to know some friendly faces here."

I suggest, even though I know the face he’ll likely encounter before he can actually see the orphans is anything but friendly.

"I think it’s important you come and visit, so you remember what an incredible difference you’re making.If you try to stay disconnected then you might stop yourself from seeing how much good you're actually doing."

He still looks uncertain, so I make the decision for him.

"Come on."

I order, putting some of my newfound authority into my voice.I turn and carry the whimpering pup towards the orphan’s tent, and a glance over my shoulder confirms the big man is trailing reluctantly after me.

Sure enough, Isabel appears almost as soon as we enter.

She shoots the guard a suspicious look, but is immediately drawn to the baby in my arms.She moves beside me with solemn focus.

We're hardly friends, but she seems to trust me now.

Isabel peers down at the squalling pup, clucking sympathetically as she traces a finger down her red cheek.

"Poor darling."

She murmurs, glancing at me for my professional opinion.

"About eight months?"

"Thereabouts." I assess, still rocking the distraught pup.

"She’s had a rough time of it."

"Do we know her name?" Isabel asks, clearing her throat to disguise the thick emotion in her voice.

"Sadie."

The guard pipes up from behind me, his deep voice low and gravelly.

Isabel’s attention swings towards the rugged wolf, and her eyes narrow in suspicion.

At once I'm struck by how many of the women in my life have this response to strange men — of fear and mistrust learned through terrible experiences.My heart wrenches with the sting of her pain, but I know this man doesn’t deserve her suspicion.

"Isabel, this is..."

I trail off, realizing I don’t even know this man's name.

"James."

He offers gruffly, his eyes still on the baby.

"This is James."

I finish gently.

"He’s one of the guardians getting families off the continent.He rescued Sadie here."

Isabel’s accusatory glare turns suddenly wary, and I can see her rethinking her first impression of James.

She gives him an acknowledging nod that would seem very reserved for most people, but which I know is a mark of great respect from Isabel.

"Thank you." She says softly.

James’ eyes lift to Isabel’s face, and his dark eyes widen almost imperceptibly.

Suddenly he’s looking at her so intently that I feel as if I’m intruding somehow.

Isabel turns her head away, but I see the slightest flush of pink on her cheeks.

Interesting.

I think, with a flutter of excitement.I relinquish Sadie to Isabel so that she can get to know her newest charge, "Hello little one."

She greets her, and something in her voice makes me wonder if the child Isabel lost was a daughter… perhaps one around this age.

"It’s okay.You're safe now."

As she carries her deeper into the tent, no doubt bound for a bath and a change of clothes that isn’t flecked with her parents’ blood, James and I follow.

He remains silent, but I broach the subject I know I must.

"Isabel, I’ve been talking with the King.We want to move you and the orphans to the palace so you’ll be more comfortable.There will be lots of amenities and extra hands to help."

Isabel listens quietly, not responding immediately.

Instead I’m surprised to hear James inquire, "You mean, they won’t be here much longer?"

"You'll be welcome to visit even after we move them.The palace isn’t so far." I answer, earning myself a reproachful look from Isabel.

"Who will receive them here if we move?" She asks stiffly, clearly not liking the idea of change.

"Perhaps James could deliver any unaccompanied pups directly to the palace." I suggest slyly.

"That way you won't have to worry about them landing in anyone else’s care, and he'll be confident he’s delivered them into the safest possible hands." novelebook Isabel pauses, going very still as if she’s waiting to hear the Guardian’s thoughts on the matter before making her decision.

"I could do that." He agrees promptly.

"I mean, I’d like to, if it’s alright with you."

Isabel nods without looking at him, and even though I know I'm dealing with two people who are hurting deeply, the hopeless romantic in me gets a thrill of excitement.

"Then it’s settled." I decide, before either one of them can rethink it.

"Though there’s something else." I add, pursing my lips.

Hearing my hesitance, Isabel turns her guarded features to me, clearly sensing bad news is coming.

"We don’t want to keep anyone in these awful camps. We want to bring them into the city and are going to be asking for volunteers to host different families." Isabel's eyes narrow again, and I know she sees where this is heading.

"I grew up as an orphan, Isabel." I state abruptly, changing tactics.

"I was in a group home with a lot of problems. But even before things got bad, I can tell you that I spent my entire childhood wishing for a family of my own. These pups need someone like you to care for and look out for them, but there are a lot of families with love to give, alot of parents who have lost their own children. I think the best thing we can do for them is to place them with fosters."

She opens her mouth to object, and I hold up my hand.

"I would work with you to make sure only the best, most well-intentioned families are actually given pups, and that a system is in place to check in on their welfare. It wouldn’t all be at once either. As long as the war goes on, there will always be new pups coming in - as terrible as that is."

I shift a bit closer to her, speaking in a very soft voice.

"And if there’s anyone that you are interested in fostering yourself… we can arrange that."

Isabel’s eyes widen, and she clutches Sadie a bit tighter.

"You make a good point." She concedes stiffly.

"But I don’t like it."

"I understand."

I concede, reaching out to stroke Sadie’s soft hair.

"But parenthood is doing the right thing for your pups, even when it hurts.I know you understand that better than anyone. thuy And I’ll be here with you every step of the way."

Isabel glances at James again, and I almost wonder if she’s shy to speak in front of him, or if she might take some comfort in his steady presence.

"I won’t give them to just anyone." She finally agrees.

"And I won’t settle for anything but the best procedures."

"I wouldn’t expect otherwise." I assure her, feeling my victory within reach.

"When do we move?" Isabel inquires, with solemn resignation.

"James, how would you feel about making your first trip to the palace this afternoon?" I ask, smiling at the big wolf.

"I know you've had a long day already but-"

"No," He interrupts, his eyes locked on Isabel.

"Of course I'll do it." Isabel nods, still not meeting his gaze, "I’ll get the pups ready."

 

Chapter 173

It takes me a while to drag myself away from the orphans once they're settled in the palace.I know I have about a thousand things to do, but seeing so many little ones in need of love and care is simply too much for me to resist.I stay for a few hours to help Isabel and James set up, glancing furtively in their direction every now and then to see how things are going.

Isabel is as standoffish with James as she is with me, but he’s gentle and steady, not seeming to mind her cold demeanor.

Every now and then I find the she-wolf returning my glances, but there’s a distinct tinge of jealousy in her observation.I can't blame her — in her shoes I’d probably hate me for being so happy too.

After a while she marches over to me, interrupting me as I make up cots for the pups.

"You should let us finish this.You must have more important things to do." I shrug.

"Actually this is about the time I’d usually be taking a nap."

I share, wondering if it was a mistake to reference my pregnancy or point out the easy comfort of my life, then hating the fact that it feels necessary to overanalyze my words this way.I’ve been through enough traumas to know that people walking on eggshells around you only makes things worse.

"Then go nap."

Isabel instructs brusquely, gesturing towards my middle.

"You need your rest and you won’t have the luxury in a few months."

There's a strange undercurrent in her words, and I have the sense that she would give anything to go back to the sleepless nights and overwhelming days of being a new parent.

"Wf it’s alright with you, I'd like to stay." I reply simply, fluffing a pillow before tucking it under the soft blankets of my current cot.

"I was thinking the pups might like to make this space their own.We could build a fort or —"

"They aren't your practice dolls." Isabel cuts in, her hands on her hips.

"They’re real pups who are hurting badly, they need comfort and safety right now.Getting attached to another adult who’s just going to disappear as soon as she has her own pup to cuddle, isn’t going to help them."

Taking a deep breath, I carefully consider my next words before speaking.

"I don’t need practice, Isabel.I've been raising babies since I was one myself — children who, like these pups, have lost everything and need all the support they can get.Now I can’t promise that I’1l always have time to give — whether it's because of the war or physical distance or whatever else might happen.But I can tell you that my son’s arrival isn’t going to make me forget about these children, I’m here because I care and I want to help."I pause, studying the other woman closely.

"And I might not be a mother yet, but that doesn’t mean I have no wisdom to share."Isabel's mouth twitches, dangerously close to a quiver.

"Well you are wrong about one thing."

She answers stiffly, turning her nose up.

"You’re already a mother...more of one than I am, at least."

I want to hug her so badly that it takes all my strength to hold back, but I know she won’t welcome it.

Isabel has so many walls up at the moment she’d probably bite me just for trying.She starts to turn away, but I raise my voice, imbuing it with some of my newfound alpha female authority.

"Once a mother, always a mother.Your love for your child doesn’t end with their life, Isabel."

She freezes, stopping dead in her tracks.She doesn't turn back or say a word, but I see her shoulders cave and her head hang.

Isabel retreats into the bedroom we arranged for her, and a minute later I hear her muffled sobs floating through the door.

James appears at my side, with the helpless expression of an alpha faced with a crying she-wolf.

"What happened?"

There's a note of accusation in his voice, and I realize just how quickly he’s bonded with the grieving mother.

"She'll tell you her story when she's ready."

I answer, the palpable anguish of her cries making me want to weep myself.

"She’s a stubborn one, and she’s hurting.You’ll need to give her time."

James looks at me sharply, and I can sense his wolf’s agitation.

"This isn’t something I can fix, is it?"

I almost want to smile, but I’m still aching for the other woman.

"No."

I murmur gently, "nothing can ever fix this.

But if you can get past her teeth and claws, you might be able to give her a shoulder to cry on."He looks at me uncertainly.

"You don’t think it’s too soon?" I shake my head.

"It’s never too soon for a hug when someone is suffering."

James sets his shoulder with the expression of a warrior going into battle, then marches determinedly towards Isabel's room.

The door closes behind him, but I can still hear Isabel’s outraged snarls and a small scuffle before James rumbles a dominant growl.

Then there’s stillness, and a piteous moan.

Isabel’s keening grows louder then, no longer dampened by her efforts to hold in the pain or muffled by prideful attempts to stay quiet.

Her sobs are soon joined by purrs, and suddenly I’m so glad that I stayed here with our people that it’s staggering.

It was a very small thing, I know, but I can’t help but feel as if this is right.

These orphans, the refugees, need someone to look out for them, and I can help but think I’m the person for the job.

Suddenly I remember what Sinclair told me about Lunas being the heart of a pack, and then Henry’s explanation about my role inspiring the Alphas at the summit.

A torrent of guilt rains down on my senses as I realize just how badly I messed up with Sinclair.

Not only was he right about me staying behind in the capital, but we never even got to discuss all the reasons why it's important, because I shut him out.

I’m so ashamed of myself A little while later I find Roger in the palace kitchens.

"What are you doing here?"

I ask, good naturedly, taking a seat beside him at one of the work tables.

"I’m scheming."

He reports slyly.

"Cora ran off the other day before she was able to eat the ice cream she ordered, so the pastry chef is going to help me by making some fresh."

He looks so pleased with himself that I have to laugh despite my gloomy mood.

"Oh she's going to be furious."

"Bad idea?"

Roger asks, apparently having second thoughts now.

"No, good idea.That’s why she’s going to be pissed." I explain.

"She loves ice cream and if she finds the strength to resist she'll be grumpy because she won’t get to enjoy it, and if she gives in she’ll resent you for making her happy."

Roger chuckles darkly.

"Excellent."

He smirks, looking at me curiously.

"You don't mind? My interest in her, I mean?"

"No," I share honestly.

"Actually I think you two might be good together, but you’ve got your work cut out for you."

"Don’t I know it."

Roger agrees, not sounding the least bit bothered by this prospect.

"Of course, if you hurt her I'll rip your arms off and beat you with them until you’re dead from blood loss or blunt force trauma." novelebook I add smoothly, in a perfectly serious tone.

"I would expect nothing less."

He nods, solemnly adding.

‘But I have no intention of hurting her, Ella."

"Good." I reply shortly, my eyes exploring the room for food options.

"And you?" Roger inquires, watching my curious exploration.

" Afternoon snack? Pregnancy craving?"

"Actually I got busy and skipped lunch." I confess, my stomach growling right on cue.

"Ooh, I’m gonna tell on you."

Roger teases, sounding like a child on a playground.

"Dominic would not approve."

My jaw drops, "hey, I just gave you my blessing to date my sister and this is how you repay my kindness?"

I object, narrowing my eyes when he continues to grin.

"You're gonna be in so much trouble!" He jibes, not letting up.

"You are such a tattletale!" I accuse, swatting his arm.

‘"‘Haven’t you ever heard that snitches get stitches?"

"Yeah but somehow I don’t think you’re the type to stab a man for ratting you out."

He assesses, pinching my cheek.

"You're too sweet."

I shove his hand away, my shame and guilt rising to the surface as his words sink in.

"I’m not."

I sigh forlornly.

"I can be a real brat."

"Why do you say that?"

Roger inquires, ceasing his teasing in light of my dour mood.

"Oh, I’ve just been a really shitty mate to Dominic lately." I confess.

"I made his job a lot harder because I didn’t get my way, and I've done some really hypocritical things too.I’m currently working up the courage to call him and apologize."

"Well the good news is that you don’t need much courage.You know he’ll always forgive you."

Roger tells me confidently.

"I mean, yes, the logical adult part of my brain knows that."

I agree, "but the scared little orphan in me still associates admitting difficult truths or bad behavior with danger.She expects one wrong word to flip a switch and make him stop loving me."

"Well you tell that orphan to shut up, because that’s not your life anymore, Ella." Roger instructs me firmly.

"She doesn’t know what she's talking about.My brother loves you more than anything."

"Thank you." I answer, shaking my head.

"This has been a really odd time for me.I really thought I understood all the ways my baggage messes with my head, but it’s like facing the bad things in my past created all these new ways for them to manifest."

"I get that." Roger expresses.

"When I finally acknowledged that Dominic wasn’t the monster I’d made him out to be, I thought I would turn over a whole new leaf and everything would be easier.I thought it was the end, instead it was the beginning.Facing the truth of what happened isn’t the hard part, it’s all the fallout afterwards."

"I’m learning exactly that." thuy I confirm, "and now I have to go deal with it."

Roger squeezes my hand.

"Good luck."

 

Chapter 174

After my snack, I meet with the chefs to talk about menus for the summit, then ask to have dinner sent up to my rooms.I’m feeling too pensive and tired to be social tonight.

I’m still reeling from discovering how badly I handled my troubles with Sinclair, and I’m both dreading and eager to make amends.I know I won’t feel better until I do, but the prospect is more than a little daunting.I’m too much of a chicken to call him on the phone, and I don’t know where he is or what he’s doing right now anyway.So I decide to wait for our dreams, where I’ll be able to feel his touch and let my wolf take over if things get too hard.I know Sinclair probably won't be asleep for hours, but it was a long, emotionally draining day.

So as much as I want to put off our meeting I take a quick shower and climb into my nest.

It smells like Sinclair, and that blessed comfort is enough to whisk me off into my dreams.

When I arrive in the dream forest I have nothing but time to kill, and I spend it thinking about what I want to say to Sinclair when he appears.

Of course, the more I think about my mistakes, the worse I feel, and soon I’m fighting the urge to cry.

When my mate finally takes shape in the distant trees, I feel a deep pang in my chest.I can’t bring myself to look at him.I kneel at the foot of the bed, my hands resting on either side of my belly as I stare at my lap.I can perfectly picture his handsome face, rugged lines and bronze skin practically glowing in the light of the moon, his blazing wolf eyes piercing me through the darkness.

"Hello trouble."

Sinclair’s deep voice wraps around me like a warm embrace, and I can see his black-clad legs just in front of me.

Strong fingers catch my chin, and then he’s tilting my face up to his.He searches my features with lethal intensity, and his voice is husky when he speaks.

"What, no smile?" He asks, running his thumb over my lower lip, his longer fingers splayed across my cheek and delving into my hair.

"If I didn’t know any better I'd think you weren’t happy to see me."

I can feel his wolf prodding at our bond, trying to tempt my own inner animal to rise to the surface.

"What is it, little wolf? Talk to me."

"I owe you an apology." I admit, wide eyed and trying to stop my voice from quavering.

"Already?" He inquires, the corner of his lip twitching upward.

"I’ve only been gone a day, how much mischief could you possibly have made? Other than skipping lunch of course."My jaw drops, and in my surprise and outrage, I forget some of my shyness.

"He actually told you?! That rat!" Sinclair chuckles, stroking my hair back from my face.

"You missed our bedtime call, so I checked with Roger. He explained that you’d had along day and probably went to bed early."

A new stab of guilt assails me.

"I forgot."

I bury my face in my hands, "I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.I just didn’t get a chance to nap and I was sleepy and the nest smelled like you and —"

"Ella," Sinclair pulls my hands away from my face, his brow furrowed with concern now.

"Baby, it’s okay."

"No it’s not." I insist, furious with myself now.

"I keep letting you down, you’re always there for me and every time you need me to be there for you, I fuck it up."

My words are met with a deep growl, and I know Sinclair is warning me to stop this, but I can’t help myself.

I forge on, my voice thick, "I’ve been such a horrible brat to you.

You’ve got the whole world on your plate and you were still thinking of me every step of the way — figuring out how to best use my talents while also looking out for the pack and keeping us safe.

All I did was give you a hard time for being stressed and then run away when things got hard!"

I’m on my feet now, pacing back and forth while the huge Alpha patiently waits out the storm, watching me with the bearing of a wolf about to pounce, his hands in fists at his sides as he glowers down at me.

"When we started out I gave you so much flack about communicating with me, but when you tried I refused to listen because I didn’t like what you were saying.I wasted our time together and whined and complained — and even now I can tell you’re pissed that I'm being hard on myself and you’re getting ready to comfort me and tell me I’m wrong and I won't have it, Dominic!" I command, pointing my index finger at him sharply.

"I deserve your anger, I deserve to be held accountable and I’m not going to let you smooth this over because I’m breeding or new to being a wolf! Yell at me, or walk out on me, tell me I'm a spoiled hypocrite — anything!"

I’m breathing hard and near tears, my emotions swirling out of control.I’m prepared for the worst, and I even welcome it, anything to ease my guilt.

However Sinclair simply crosses his arms over his chest, his expression dark and foreboding.

For a minute I don’t think he’s going to speak to me, but then he rumbles, "Get on the bed, Ella."

I blink, taken aback by his stark command.

"Why?"

My mate arches a menacing brow, one which has me scampering onto the plush blankets.

When I’m kneeling in front of him again, he steps forward, and I don’t need to tap into our bond to feel his disapproval.It rolls off him in waves.

"Who is in charge here, mate?"

I shudder at the pure dominance in his voice.

He lets his alpha power flow out of him freely, and maybe for the first time, I feel the full force of his strength.

I’m confronted with the reality of exactly how much magic courses through his veins, the reason why all the other wolves on the continent were prepared to bow down to him.

I’ve always known he was strong and fierce, I’ve always understood that he’s clever and kind, but before now I never quite realized how much more raw power he possesses than everyone else.

I’m also astounded to realize how much control he must employ every second of every day in order to keep it in check, to stop it from coming out this way and terrifying everyone he meets.

A moment ago I might have challenged him, but now I have no option but to submit.

"You are." I answer meekly.

He nods, not showing me any mercy.

"And who decides how I feel? Who gets to choose whether or not I’m angry?"

"you do?" I squeak, my wolf squirming with the desperation to cease the onslaught of his power.

She’s on her back, belly up with her tail between her legs, but still Sinclair does not relent.His clenched jaw twitches dangerously.

"And who gets to tell me how to deal with my mate?"

"Well technically your wo—- no one!"

I cut off my defiant response when Sinclair unleashes yet another wall of power, disproving my earlier assumption that I was feeling all of it.

"That's right, little wolf."

Sinclair affirms, finally uncrossing his arms so he can grip my nape.

"On all counts."

He growls wordlessly, and I shiver in his hands.

"You may be feeling guilty, and if you ask me nicely, I can help you work through those feelings.But you do not get to tell me how to feel about you or our relationship."

"I'm sorry." I sniffle.

"This was all supposed to be an apology, I just got so upset when I realized I -missed our call."

"You don't say?"

Sinclair intones sardonically, his thumb brushing up and down on the side of my neck.

"Now, would you like to try your apology over?"

I nod, amazed when I realize how much steadier I feel now that he’s taken me in hand.

"I’m sorry that I didn’t talk with you, especially after making such a big deal about communication. novelebook I'm sorry that I ran away, and that I’ve been self-involved and unsupportive. I'm sorry for lashing out when I knew your heart was in the right place."

"And?" Sinclair prompts me ominously.

"And I’m sorry that I lost my temper and yelled at you and tried to tell you how to feel and how to treat me."

"And?" He says again, still radiating with an overwhelming amount of strength.

I rack my brain, trying to figure cut what I’m forgetting.

Sensing my confusion, his wolf’s voice sounds in my head.

Food and rest, sweet mate.

"I’m sorry I didn’t take care of myself today."

I add at last, feeling a huge weight fall from my shoulders now that everything is out in the open.

"Good girl."

Sinclair praises, and my wolf preens happily.

"Now I’m going to tell you some things you're not going te like, but you're just going to have to deal with it." He warns, pulling back on his overwhelming power at last, and I’m surprised to find I miss it.

"You haven’t let me down, Ella And I’m not angry.

We're in an unimaginable situation here, and despite what you may think, you have supported me and comforted and inspired me ina hundred different ways since we arrived, and that is not up for debate." I nod, understanding that he needs me to accept this without complaint.

Sinclair sends a rush of genuine emotion through the bond, reassuring me that he’s not only saying these things to placate me, thuy but that he actually feels them.

"Now, if you don’t mind, today was the longest fucking day of my life, and I haven’t even gotten to kiss you yet."

Feeling a bit more centered and brave now, I peek up at him from beneath my lashes.

"And if I do mind?"

Sinclair chuckles, flashing his fangs, as he leans in anyway.

The moment before his mouth crashes into mine and heat explodes through every inch of my body, I hear his sensual purr.

"Too damn bad."

 

Chapter 175

"It’s all right, Ella."

The first priest says, approaching me as one might a skittish horse — with slow, measured movements and hands exposed to show he holds no weapon.

"We only want to protect you."

"Protect me from what?" I question shakily, my back flush against the locked door.

"You have a very powerful magic inside you, and if it's allowed to come out you’ll be exposed.We can’t let that happen." He explains, using a tone much too gentle to be trustworthy.

It’s as though he’s trying to trick me, to convince me he’s kind when he truly intends malice.

"I don’t have any magic." I insist, wishing that I did.

Maybe if I was magic I might be able to put a stop to the things happening here — to protect the others without bringing harm to myself.I was so preoccupied with this statement that I almost missed the second piece of information.

"Exposed to what?"

"You do, it just hasn't shown itself yet."

The second priest sighs, keeping his distance but watching me with sharp eyes.

"At least not in ways you understand.Tell me, have you never noticed how much stronger you are than your peers? That you can hear and smell things from much greater distances? That you can run faster, jump higher, suffer greater injuries with less pain?"

He inquires, his hawkish gaze searing into me, "do they not follow you? Gravitate to your side and obey you as a leader?"

My head spins, making me dizzy with the possibilities.He guesses correctly, but that can’t be because I have some sort of special power.It's just the way things are...isn’t it? "And exposed to a world you cannot yet join."

The first man adds.

"It must happen when the time is right - but that time is a very long way off."

"I don’t understand."

I squeak, a sense of pure dread settling in the pit of my stomach.

"We know, Ella."

The second man proclaims, "And I’m sorry that this must happen, it will not be pleasant, but it is necessary for the future of our people."I shake my head, fighting back tears.

Their words are triggering every alarm bell in my young mind.I know what men do to little girls under the guise of necessity, the pretense of helping or protecting.

And I know exactly how unpleasant things can get.

My blood runs cold, and my pulse races, triggering a strange new energy deep in my bones.

It pulses through me like a bolt of electricity, a wild thing writhes just beneath my skin, feral and rabid — begging to be free.

"No, go away!" I hiss, my body shuddering with these new sensations.

The men look at each other with grim determination.

"Her timing was spot on — another week and we’d be too late."

"I’m sorry, child."

The first priest professes gravely, closing the distance between us.

"We would not do this if there was another way."

Raw terror, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before, takes over my senses.

My instincts are screaming at me to run, to get away at any cost.

They tell me that whatever these men intend will be far worse than anything the doctor or dormitory matron have ever inflicted on me.

But there isn’t anywhere to run.

I’ve got a bolted door at my back and two attackers far larger and stronger than I am bearing down on me.I try to scream, but the second priest clamps his hand over my mouth before the sound can escape.

I sink my teeth into his palm, but he doesn’t even flinch.

He simply wrenches me away from the door, propelling me further into the room.

The first man grabs my legs, and I’m lifted off the ground.

I thrash violently against their hold, my screams muffled and garbled as the priest continues to smother me.

His blood seeps into my mouth, the metallic tang fanning the flames in my already sour stomach.

My gorge rises, and I’m gagging, fighting for air and struggling to focus on my escape.

I don’t know what to do or how to fight them — I’m powerless in their strong grips, and they seem completely unaffected by my attacks.

I might as well be a feather swaying in the wind for all the effort they expend to contain me.

A distant keening pierces the air, sounding very far away.

The cries are deeper than my own, thick with grief and pain more complex than the sheer fright in my own panicked screams.

"Leon," A deep voice, tinged with concern, joins the terrible sounds.

"It’s too much."

"Just a little more."

A second voice, floating above me, replies.

"We're so close."

I have no idea where these sounds are coming from, and the priests don’t seem to hear them at all.

They continue with their task with single-minded focus, and i’m nothing more than a pawn in their game — tiny and helpless to stop them.

I’m thrust onto the floor and pinned down.

The first priest restrains my wrists while the other sits on my kicking legs, pulling his tool bag to his side.

He extracts a shimmering silk cloth, it’s pearlescent sheen glimmering like moonlight, glowing in the darkness.

It looks soft and airy, but when they begin wrapping it around my body, it tightens around me with the unyielding force of steel.

They enclose me in the fabric, winding it round and round like a glittering cocoon.

Once my arms are locked against my sides and my legs tightly shut, I’m completely immobile.

I can’t move a muscle in the fabric’s punishing grip, and soon they’re wrapping my head, as if they intend to mummify me alive.

Just before the silk falls over my mouth, the priest finally removes his hand from my mouth.

A half second of my scream escapes before the moonlight closes over my gaping lips, locking my face into the contours of a silent scream.

I’m able to breathe, though I don’t understand how.

It's one of my nightmares come to life - my mind is awake but I’m trapped in my own body, unable to move or speak.

I can only lie there motionless, my brain screaming at my nerve endings and muscles to move, to do something - anything! But nothing happens because this isn’t a dream from which I can wake, this is real, and it’s only the beginning.

I can hear the priests rummaging around outside the walls of my silken prison, and I strain to identify the sounds: the clink of glass? The jostling of beads? novelebook A bottle uncorking? For all the fabric’s strength, it does not stop me from feeling or smelling.

My nose is filled with some pungent, herbaceous fragrance a moment before drops of moisture seep through the silk and onto my skin.

Light objects are laid over my body, stones or crystals placed in deliberate patterns on my head, chest, arms and legs.

I’m still desperately trying to fight the cocoon, that foreign electricity in my veins warning me that I won't be able to fight much longer.

Somehow, I know I’m running out of time, but I refuse to give up hope for escape.

The priests begin to chant then, speaking a language I do not recognize.

There words swirl around the small room, carrying arcane power older than the world itself.

There was only darkness a moment ago, but now blinding light explodes in my vision, blinding me - but I can’t close my eyes against it.

The light is so searing that pain stabs in my head, and I’m sure I'll never see again.

Soon I realize that the light is the least of my worries.

Fire is traveling along the inside of the fabric — but the silk does not burn, only I do.

It blazes so hot that I’m sure any tears lingering on my cheeks will evaporate on the spot, I can feel my skin blistering, bursting until the flames can move on to charring my flesh and muscles.

I’m dying...

I’m sure of it.

I’m dying and I’m not going to escape.

There won't be anyone left to protect Cora and the other children, they’ll be alone and defenseless.

That same wild energy surges forward, and the priests lose their rhythm momentarily, thuy their chant stuttering before regaining it’s droning force.

I try to send another surge, but something is tearing inside of me, more painful even than the flames.

"Leon, I’m serious now, bring her out."

The man is angry now, furious.

And the woman is still screaming, her voice hoarse with the effort.

"We know what they did, it’s time to stop.

She can’t take any more."

"Pll get the antidote."

The second voice agrees.

I’m breaking, unraveling, and with a violent wrench my soul is ripped in two.

The pain disappears, the light goes dim, but my chest feels hollow.

There is no more power pulsing through my veins, and only now that it’s gone can I recognize that it was there in the first place.

I’ve lost something sacred and integral to my being, though I don't know what.I simply know I am no longer whole.

The priests speak softly as they unwrap me, "She was stronger than I expected...remarkable really."

My face is uncovered, and though I was certain I’d been burnt to a crisp, I feel cold air against my tearstained skin, though I no longer have the will to cry.

I stare blankly at the ceiling above me, until one of the withered faces moves into my line of sight.

"It’s all over now."

The priest assures me, sounding regretful.

"We'll take away the memory too.You won't have to remember this, little one."

His face blurs as a needle pinches my arm, and I return to the present.

 

Chapter 176

“I don't want to wake up .” I complain, still snuggled beneath the covers of my dream bed with Sinclair.

“I know, but the sooner we do and get back to work, the sooner we can be reunited.” Sinclair replies, sounding every bit as reluctant as I feel.

“Meet me again tonight?” I request, wondering how I'll ever force myself to untangle my limbs from his.

True to his promise, my mate had freed me of my guilt and helped me forgive myself, just not in the way I expected. I got to give him plenty of pleasure, but unleashing all of his Alpha power was like experiencing his wolf on steroids. He was so wild and feral, practically rabid with lust, and my wolf responded like a complete wanton. I imagine it’s what being in heat will feel like after the baby comes, and the entire night passed in a blurry haze. My body is sore and aching from my mate's dominant treatment, but my heart is light and my conscience is clear.

“wild horses couldn’t stop me.” Sinclair promises, still bathing me in the glow of his astounding magic.

“We'll of course not.” I joke, “your wolf is the size of a bloody horse already and he’s got built in knives on his fingers and toes.”

Sinclair laughs, petting my hip. “Fine, an army of vampires couldn’t stop me.” He amends.

I pause, “wait, are vampires real too?”

“No.” Sinclair smiles, without judgment. He pauses then, seeming to be listening for something. “I think I’m waking up. Be good today, little mate. No skipped meals or forgotten naps.”

“I'll be good as long as you stay safe.” I agree, thinking I might cry and then feeling ridiculous for being so emotional over such a short time apart.

Sinclair rumbles wordlessly, but he seems to sense my words came from a place of vulnerability, so he doesn’t chastise me. no.vel.ebook Instead he waits for me to look up at him again, “and please talk to Gabriel about investigating your past, the longer we put it off the more you'll dread it, sweetheart.”

I nod in reluctant confirmation, “I'll make some time.”

Sinclair simply kisses me, pouring all his love through our bond, and then he’s gone.

I wake up a short time later, the wonderful, airy emotions from my dream turned bittersweet by my mate’s absence. I scarf down my breakfast and throw myself into making arrangements for the summit, before visiting the orphans and departing for the refugee arrivals camp. When I arrive, I’m surprised to discover that my sister is already present, anxiously looking on as the Vanaran doctors treat injured shifters. She’s so consumed in the events in the medical tent that she doesn’t even notice me approaching beside her. When I place a gentle hand on her arm she leaps a foot into the air, yelping in surprise.

“Ella, you scared me.” She breathes, pressing her hand to her breast.

“Dm sorry.” I profess, giving her an apologetic squeeze. I follow her gaze to a surgeon setting a broken bone, placing the injured arm into a strange machine, which automatically projects a light image of the woman's skeleton, like a portable x-ray which requires no radiation. As we watch, the machine carefully bends and shifts the limb until the bones are lined up properly, and the shifter only emits a low hiss, making me think it must be a relatively pain-free process. “Admiring the Vanaran technology?”

I inquire, feeling amazed myself.

“It’s so far ahead of anything we have back home, even in the shifter community.” She shares, shaking her head. “These packs have a lot they could be teaching the rest of the world — a lot of good they might be doing. Instead they keep it to themselves.”

“I can’t blame them for hiding.” I reply, “you know how humans are with people they don't know or understand.no.vel.ebook If they found out about wolves we'd have a witch trial reboot on our hands.”

“But wolves aren’t some marginalized group.” Cora answers, “ they are the ones holding the power. Yes, humans would be afraid and all the bigots in the world would probably demonize them the way they do with everyone who’s different, but they’d be punching up. Shifters are the Goliath to their David, not the other way around.”

“Humans outnumber wolves four to one.” I remind her. “Yes, we might have strength and technology on our side, but I think it's a mistake to forget how much damage humans can do when they set their minds to it.”

Cora looks at me with an unreadable expression now, and I’m surprised to find a gulf between us. Our relationship didn’t change when we found out I'm a shifter, but in this discussion we’re suddenly separated by our identities. “On our side?” She repeats, her brow furrowing. “You mean your side. Have you forgotten, sister, that I’m one of the hateful humans you’ re talking about?”

“I didn’t mean it that way.” I sigh, replaying my words in my mind and realizing how cold they must have sounded.

“You were a human for thirty years Ella, and you've been a wolf for less than a month. I thought your allegiance was stronger than that.” Cora remarks, “You’re so concerned for all these displaced shifters, for your pack.. have you even thought about how this war is affecting the humans on the continent? They’re suffering the same violence and instability, but unlike us, they don't have any idea why it's

happening or where it’s coming from. It must just seem as though the world’s gone mad.” thuy Her chocolate eyes shine in the fluorescent lights.

“And they don’t have anywhere to run, there is no magical continent to offer them refuge.”

My heart sinks as I realize she’s right. I’ve been concerned for everyone left behind, but until this moment I hadn’t given any specific thought to the humans. The shame I so recently banished comes back to strike at me full force. Where are all the humans I once knew? The children I nannied? Are they even alive?

“I'm sorry.” I choke, “You’re right. I’ve gotten so caught up in my own life these last couple of weeks... in trying to figure out where I came from, that I forgot the people who took me in when the shifters abandoned me.”

“Well, if anyone has an excuse to be a bit self absorbed right now, it's you.” Cora appeases begrudgingly. “And I’m probably just taking out my frustration on you, which isn’t fair.”

“No, you were right.” I insist. “I have to think about the humans too, Sinclair might already be monitoring the situation or planning things, but if he isn’t, I'll make sure we start.” I decide, thinking aloud. Almost as an afterthought, I add, “Frustration with what?”

It’s possible she was referring to Roger's advances, but then it’s also possible that I’ve been an even more negligent sister than I realized.

“Ella, my whole world got blown up too.” Cora scoffs, sounding annoyed. “My job, my home, everything I knew is gone. And now I’m here like some sort of third wheel to you and the refugees — an interloper with no rightful place or role. I can’t even practice medicine here because they’ re living in the fucking space age.”

My eyes fall shut, a heap of guilt joining my shame. “Cora, I should have realized. I’m really sorry, and I know I keep saying that but it’s the truth. I feel terrible.” I take her hand in mine, half afraid she’ll reject it.

“We'll find you a role. Maybe it can be helping with the efforts to support humans back home, or maybe you can help here.” I suggest, gesturing to the medical tent.

“You were just saying how much we have to learn from the Vanarans. Well, this is a chance. Just because you don’t know this technology yet doesn’t Mean you can’t be trained. You have all the medical knowledge, this is just new methodology right?”

“Well yes and no, because they probably understand things about disease and physiology that we haven't figured out yet, but... I would love to learn.” Cora shares wistfully. “The science nerd in me is geeking out already and I don’t even know the tip of the iceberg. Do you really think I could find an apprenticeship or something here?”

“If they try to say no I'll just sick Dominic on them.” I promise, proud and pleased to see my sister so excited. “We'll make it happen.”

She hugs me tightly, and slips a little bit closer to the procedure happening in the medical tent. I retreat gradually feeling anew weight on my overburdened shoulders. “Something on your mind?” Gabriel inquires, entering the room for his own daily visit to the camp.

“You know when you think you have a handle on your to-do list, and then 8 thousand new things pop up that you should have already accounted for but didn't because you were too stressed or too preoccupied with your other tasks?” thuy I ask, exhaling with exhaustion.

“yes.” He chuckles. “Anything I can help with?”

I set my hands on my hips, working up my courage. “Well, I’d probably prefer to have your help on some of the things I was just talking about with my sister, but I know I should really be asking about DNA and hypnotists.”

He nods in understanding, looping an arm around my shoulder. “ I'll tell you what, why don't we go back to the palace and get my royal physician to run some tests for you. I’ll call in the hypnotherapist, and in the meantime, we can talk about the things you'd rather focus on.”

I hang my head, really not wanting to do this. “Deal.”

 

Chapter 178

“Hello Ella, I’m Leon.” I’m staring skeptically at the strange man, not trusting this one bit. He doesn’t bat an eye and only continues as if i’m not watching him like a wary rabbit preparing to bolt.”

King Gabriel tells me you’re in the market for a hypno-therapist.”

I don’t respond, still sizing him up. I’ve never liked doctors and with good reason, but after learning that the OBGYN who prompted me to go to the s.perm bank turned out to be a fraud, I find myself even more suspicious of anyone in the field than usual. Frankly, the idea of laying back and closing my eyes while some stranger delves into my deepest, darkest memories makes me feel sick to my stomach. If my mate were here it might be different, he would provide me with the sense of safety I need to let my guard down, but he isn’t here and my wolf is very on edge. A low growl slips out of my mouth, and I feel my l!ps curling back to bare my fangs.

Leon shoots a nervous glance at Gabriel, who seems entirely unphased. He gestures for the therapist to continue, so Leon forges on, “I understand that hypnosis can seem very daunting.” Leon acknowledges, “we’re searching understand that hypnosis can seem very daunting.” Leon acknowledges, “we’re searching for things your mind has hidden from you for your own protectiòn, but I assure you that I’ve been doing this for a very long time and you’re in good hands. I will help you through every step of the process, and I’ll be able to pull you out of the dream state if it becomes overwhelming. You can have someone stay with you through the process if you like, but you need to make sure it’s someone with whom you are comfortable sharing these memories.”

“Like you?” I scoff, knowing I’m being unnecessarily rude but not caring. “A random man off the street who has done nothing to earn my trust but expects me to lay myself emotionally bare at your whim?”

Gabriel opens his mouth to speak, but Leon holds up a staying hand to the King. “It’s okay, she’s exactly right. Normally we would be doing this as part of a much broader therapy regimen where we

would have the space and time to form a bond of trust. I would be concerned if you didn’t feel anxious about this, Ella, but I also know that time is a luxury we don’t have.”

“How about I go get Cora? I’m sure she’d be happy to stay with you.” Gabriel suggests, intentionally making his voice low and soothing.

“I want Dominic.” I answer sharply, my arms wrapped defensively around my body.

Gabriel sighs, “I know, but he isn’t here, Ella. You’re going to have to pick someone else.”

My l!p quivers dangerously, and for a second I’m furious with Sinclair for leaving me to do this alone. A moment later I’m kicking myself for being so selfish, and tears well in my eyes. I blink them away, hating my weakness. We could just attack him. My wolf suggests slyly. He doesn’t look so tough, I bet we could take him. There can’t be hypnosis without a hypnotist.

You make a good point. I answer, truly liking her idea and marveling at my own bl00dl.ust. I never contemplated attacking anyone before all this started, and now I’m practically salivating at the idea of pouncing on the unsuspecting therapist. Of course, a moment later I imagine having to tell Sinclair that I bit the hypnotist Gabriel generously vetted for us, and I put the idea to bed. We can’t. I tell her reluctantly. Dominic would be disappointed.

Fine. She grumbles, but I can still feel her violent inclinations pulsing through my bl00d, sparking my adrenaline and making my heart race. “Ella?”

Gabriel prompts, a note of warning in his tone.I think he can sense the direction of my thoughts, but I send him a withering glare.

“Henry.”I decide, “If he’s free and willing.” The King had been right in assuming that I would feel the most comfortable with Cora if I can’t have my mate, but I’m painfully aware of the possibility that this session might bring up horrors from our childhood that I don’t want her to have to hear or relive.

Gabriel doesn’t move. “If I leave you alone here, are you going to try to harm Leon?”

Now there’s a thought. My wolf pipes up. If Gabriel isn’t here then we could get rid of him before King Nosey gets back, and then there wouldn’t be anything to tattle to Dominic about. Nobody, no crime.

I don’t know.”I answer, turning my nose up. “Why don’t you try and find out.”

“l send a guard.” The King chooses wisely, giving me a scolding stare.

“Why don’t you have a seat, Ella.” Leon advises, seeming entirely unfazed by my aggression. Then again, I suppose he’s used to shifters’ battling their wolves’ base instincts.

A little while later, I’m stretched out on the couch with one hand on my belly and the other clasped in Henry’s large hand. “Don’t worry, Ella. I’ve got you.” He tells me warmly. “If he puts one foot out of line I’ll sick my guards on him.”

“Thank you.” I reply, squeezing his hand. “Will you wake me if you do? I want to watch.”

“Of course.” Henry chuckles, reminding me so much of Sinclair that my heart aches. My mate might not let me lash out at an innocent man unprovoked, but he would certainly take equal pleasure in vanquishing one who crossed me.

“You two are being ridiculous.” Gabriel mutters under his breath.

“Hey, I’m pregnant!” I remind him, thoroughly affronted.

“And I’m disabled.”‘ Henry adds, in an equally offended tone that has me smothering a giggle.

“Neither one of those conditions excuse you from being irrational.” Gabriel declares. “Leon is here to help.”

Henry and I exchange a mutinous glance, silently agreeing to have the guards take out the King as well, should Leon cross a line. I can practically hear Gabriel rolling his eyes, but Leon quickly takes control. “Okay, so what I’m hearing is a lot of anxiety about this process, and that’s okay.” He announces inanely. “Ella, I’m going to tell you how this works so you know what to expect. First I’m going to give you a very small injection of a drug called Ether. It’s going to help you relax and open your mind, breaking down the barriers of thought that often lock certain memories or sensations away from your consciousness. It’s completely safe – you can compare it to human psychedelic-guided therapies if you like.”

I can hear him opening plastic packaging, and my fear spirals a bit. No one said anything about an injection. I’m fine with needles, but my distrust of this man makes my wolf recoil at the thought of him putting something unknown into my body.

Maybe I should have asked for Cora after all, since she has medical knowledge I don’t. “It’s okay Ella.”

Henry says softly, clearly reading my resurgence of anxiety. “It’s a common drug in Vanara people use it recreationally too and there’s no danger.”

“Exactly.” Leon confirms. “I’ll check in with you continuously as it kicks in, and then we’re just going to talk. I’ll ask you about your earliest memories, to tell me about your life growing up. I won’t be controlling you or manipulating you in any way, just guiding you through your memories with the help of the Ether. If it gets to be too much, I have another injection that can counteract the first. Otherwise, we’ll let the drug takes its course.

Afterwards, we’ll talk about everything that happened and talk about any tools to help you process your feelings. We’ll go over things we didn’t get to, challenges, things to focus on next time.” He concludes as I watch him finish preparing the shot out of the corner of my eye.

We’ll be working together the whole way. Henry will be taking care of you and also helping me gauge your reactions and mental state since he knows you better. How does that sound?”

Terrible. Not Fun. Bad. Stop this! I think miserably.

This quack doesn’t understand what remembering my life growing up will be like. He doesn’t realize that even simple questions are painful or difficult for me to answer because of how fvcked up things were. But I promised my mate, and we need to know where I came from. Still, with all the horrible things I do remember, I don’t even want to imagine how bad something would have had to be for me to repress it. “Is there a chance that we won’t find anything? That there isn’t anything I’ve blocked out?” I inquire, even though I know myself well enough to realize there probably are. I shut out all the bad memories for two decades, so I probably shut out memories too.

“There is.” Leon confirms, “But in my experience, you always learn something new about yourself through this process. Your brain connects the dots of things you already knew in new ways, or allows you to drill down on realizations about your life or experiences. Therapy is always a journey, so I can’t predict what we’ll find, but I can tell you that you will be changed by the end of it.”

I draw in a shaky gulp of air, and I can almost hear Sinclair’s voice in my mind. You can do this.

You’re stronger than you know, little wolf.

Clamping my eyes shut, I nod to Gabriel, prompting him and the guards to leave us alone. “

 

Chapter 179

I’ve never really done drugs. I experimented in college like most people, and I’ve partaken at a few parties over the years, but nothing in my limited experience prepared me for the ether. As soon as Leon injects it, I immediately feel it taking control.

The room around me becomes sharper and more blurred, the walls seeming to vibrate with energy. I close my eyes against the strange visual stimuli, and a kaleidoscope of color explodes to life against my eyelids, filling the black void with light. I feel lighter than air, oddly euphoric, and my already sharp wolf senses become even more vivid. In some ways my body feels very far away, yet in others, I can’t help but revel in the feeling of the sofa’s cloth against my skin, or the new notes I detect in the distant chime of bells in the city.

“How are you feeling, Ella?” Leon inquires, and even his voice sounds different, deeper and more complex.

“High.” I admit honestly, peeking my eyes open again and marveling at the way the painting on the wall in front of me seems to be moving.

“That’s normal.” Leon says, nodding. “Is it a relaxed high or an overwhelming one?”

I pause before answering, feeling as though my brain is on a delay. “It’s a little overwhelming.” I admit, checking in on the corner of my mind inhabited by my wolf. She’s sprawling peacefully, free of the aggression and anxiety that consumed her a few minutes ago. Instead her tongue rolls from her mouth as she stretches and enjoys the sensations flowing through us, even rolling over and rubbing herself against the ground.

I don’t need any explanation for my wolf’s behavior, because I feel the same languid comfort and ease. My thoughts are quiet, but my body is buzzing with sensation. I snuggle deeper into the cushions,

wishing I was in my nest. I consider asking to move – everything there is so much softer and nicer – but somewhere in the back of my head I’m aware that this wondrous state of mind is probably going to be undone by the therapy ahead. I don’t want to ruin my safe space by letting something bad happen there. Still, I’m so busy thinking about my lovely nest that I forget I was supposed to be answering a question.

Wracking my brain to recall what Leon had asked, I say, “But I feel a lot calmer than I did a minute ago.”

“Good. Let’s go ahead and get started.” Leon proposes, leaning back in his seat. “Think back for me Ella, what’s the first thing you can remember of your life?”

“I don’t remember a lot.” I confess, preoccupying myself by running my hand over my baby bump.

Not distinctly at least. My childhood is kind of a blur, small flashes and an understanding of things that happened, but few scenes that I can recreate in my head, you know?”

The words come forth much more easily than I can ever remember happening in the past. Normally talking about my childhood is like pulling teeth, dragging the thoughts out of my mind to form stilted words and incomplete sentences. I don’t mention that the scenesI do recall in high definition are the ones I want to remember least, the things that scarred me so badly a single sound smell can take me right back to that place. “The earliest thing was probably hunger. My sister crying because of how badly her stomach and head hurt, and me trying to sneak into the kitchens in the middle of the night to find something for her to eat.”

“How old were you then?” Leon inquires curiously.

“Maybe four?” I guess, “old enough to have figured out how to sneak out of our dorm, but young enough that I hadn’t figured out picking locks yet.

When I got to the kitchen my plan fell apart because it was locked, and then I was caught by the custodian.”

“What happened when you were caught?” Leon presses, taking me deeper into the memory.

My high transcends to a new realm then, and it feels as though a door is opening in my mind. I’m not sure I like it – strange feelings rush in, embodying themselves throughout my body in a way that I don’t understand. I’m not used to feeling emotions – normally I just think them, aware that/they exist, but unable to manifest them completely. It’s almost as if they’re trapped in a glass display case.. or they were. Now the glass is shattered around my feet and a lifetime of wants and hurts come teetering out. I try to clench my hands into fists, but I only succeed with one, the other squeezes Henry’s hand in a death grip. He moves his free hand to envelop mine from both sides, reminding me that I’m not alone without saying a word.

I s.uck in a deep breath, and the tightness in my c.hest eases slightly. I was about to say that I don’t remember, but I realize that isn’t true. For the first time, I’m able to follow this memory past being caught. “He reported me, and the next day I was put in the punishment box.”

“What is the punishment box?” Leon asks, sounding concerned.

“That’s just what we called it as kids.” I sigh. “It was where they put young children who misbehaved: this tiny room in the bas.ement, with no lights and no windows. They’d lock us inside and leave us in the cramped darkness for hours and hours. There was no food or water, no contact to the outside world. The longest I ever spent there was two days.”

“Did anyone outside of the orphanage know?”

Henry questions, sounding suspiciously like his son had when I shared the a.buse I suffered with him – like a man determined to find the people responsible and destroy them.

“The children weren’t ever really allowed to interact with people from the outside. Sometimes parents would come to see if there were children they wanted to adopt, but we were always told to be on our best behavior- to be seen and not heard.

Cora and I always hid when they came though. We were afraid of being separated.” I explain, thinking deeply.

“So you never met anyone from the outside world?”

Leon poses, and thoughI can tell he’s trying to keep the emotion from his voice, I sense a hint of disappointment, as if this fact means we’re headed towards a dead end.

“We did later.”I inform him, “After we ran away.

And there was once.. ” I trail off, feeling as though there’s an image hovering on the edge of my consciousness, just out of reach. It reminds me of trying to remember a name or word that’s on the tip of your tongue, only this time it’s a piece of my own history.

“Are you remembering something, Ella?” Leon says, full of patience.

“I don’t… I can’t reach it.” I huff in frustration.

“Don’t try to force it. The harder you work at it the harder it will become.” Leon coaches. “Just take some deep breaths for me and let the memory come to you. You were saying that you rarely met outsiders, and you hid when they came. So let me ask you this, if you did meet someone, why was it possible? When did it happen and why didn’t you hide?”

“Because they weren’t parents.” I answer, without even trying. “And they were there for me.” I continue, the bluury image becoming clearer in my mind. “I was eleven. It was two men in long robes, and they

smelled so strange.” I recall. “They were tall and powerful, they gave off this energy that I didn’t understand but which frightened me. When I saw them, something inside of me kind of crumpled.”

“Keep going Ella. How did you know they were there for you?” Leon encourages.

“Cora and I were getting ready for bed.” I answer, not sure where this information is coming from.

It’s almost like I’m bringing it to life only after the words are out. As soon as I say it, I can see it in my mind’s eye. “The head of the orphanage came into the dorm and everyone scattered. They thought it was he, that she’d come early… ” I’m so lost in the memory that I don’t pause to explain, “I was the only one who stayed out and the headmaster just smiled. He told me that I must have known I had visitors. They took me out and I was terrified. I knew what happened when people came in the night and took you away. I naturally assumed they wanted to hurt me like the others… and they did, just not in the way I expected.”

Henry’s hands tighten reflexively on mine, but I can’t bring myself to look at him, to see the pity in his eyes. “The headmaster left me alone with the men – he seemed very strange, as if in a trance.

The men sat me down and told me they were priests of a very sacred order. They said… they said I had magic in me and they needed to suppress it so I could stay hidden.” My eyes slam open as the memory comes back to me fully. “I think… I think they took my wolf.”

 

Chapter 180

“It’s all right, Ella” The first priest says, approaching me as one might a skittish horse with slow, measured movements and hands exposed to show he holds no weapon. “We only want to protect you.”

“Protect me from what?” I question shakily, my back flush against the locked door.

“You have a very powerful magic inside you, and if it’s allowed to come out you’ll be exposed. We can’t let that happen.” He explains, using a tone much too gentle to be trustworthy. It’s as though he’s trying to trick me, to convince me he’s kind when he truly intends malice.

“I don’t have any magic.” I insist, wishing that I did.

Maybe if I was magic I might be able to put a stop to the things happening here – to protect the others without bringing harm to myself. I was so preoccupied with this statement thatI almost missed the second piece of information. “Exposed to what?”

“You do, it just hasn’t shown itself yet.” The second priest sighs, keeping his distance but watching me with sharp eyes. “At least not in ways you understand. Tell me, have you never noticed how much stronger you are than your peers? That you can hear and smell things from much greater distances? That you can run faster, jump higher,- suffer greater injuries with less pain?” He inquires, his hawkish gaze searing into me, “do they not follow you? Gravitate to your side and obey you as a leader?”

My head spins, making me dizzy with the possibilities. He guesses correctly, but that can’t be because I have some sort of special power. It’s just the way things are. isn’t it?

“And exposed to a world you cannot yet join.” The first man adds. “It must happen when the time is right- but that time is a very long way off.”

I don’t understand.”I squeak, a sense of pure dread settling in the pit of my stomach

“We know, Ella” The second man proclaims, “And I’m sorry that this must happen, it will not be pleasant, but it is necessary for the future of our people…

I shake my head, fighting back tears. Their words are triggering every alarm bell in my young mind I know what men do to little girls under the guise of necessity, the pretense of helping or protecting.

And I know exactly how unpleasant things can get. My bl00d runs cold, and my pulse races, triggering a strange new energy deep in my bones. It pulses through me like a bolt of electricity, a wild thing writhes just beneath my skin, feral and rabid – begging to be free. “No, go away!” I hiss, my body shuddering with these new sensations.

The men look at each other with grim determination. “Her timing was sp0t on – another week and we’d be too late.”

“Im sorry, child.” The first priest professes gravely, closing the distance between us. “We would not do this if there was another way.”

Raw terror, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before, takes over my senses. My instincts are screaming at me to run, to get away at any cost.

They tell me that whatever these men intend will be far worse than anything the doctor or dormitory matron have ever inflicted on me. But there isn’t anywhere to run. I’ve got a bolted door at my back and two attackers far larger and stronger than I am bearing down on me. I try to scream, but the second priest clamps his hand over my mouth before the sound can escape. I sink my teeth into his palm, but he doesn’t even flinch. He simpły wrenches me away from the door, propelling me further into the room.

The first man grabs my legs, and I’m lifted off the ground. I thrash violently against their hold, my screams muffled and garbled as the priest continues to smother me. His bl00d seeps into my mouth, the metallic tang fanning the flames in my already sour stomach. My gorge rises, and I’m gagging,

fighting for air and struggling to focus on my escape. I don’t know what to do or how to fight them – I’m powerless in their strong grips, and they seem completely unaffected by my attacks. I might as well be a feather swaying in the wind for all the effort they expend to contain me.

A distant keening pierces the air, sounding very far away. The cries are deeper than my own, thick with grief and pain more complex than the sheer fright in my own panicked screams.

“Leon,” A deep voice, tinged with concern, joins the terrible sounds. “It’s too much.”

“Just a litle more.” A second voice, floating above me, replies. “We’re so close.”

I have no idea where these sounds are coming from, and the priests don’t seem to hear them at all. They continue with their task with single- minded focus, and i’m nothing more than a pawn in their game – tiny and helpless to stop them.

I’m thrust onto the floor and pinned down. The first priest restrains my wrists while the other sits on my kicking legs, pulling his tool bag to his side.

He extracts a shimmering silk cloth, it’s pearlescent sheen glimmering like moonlight, glowing in the darkness. It looks soft and airy, but when they begin wrapping it around my body, it tightens around me with the unyielding force of steel. They enclose me in the fabric, winding it round and round like a glittering cocoon.

Once my arms are locked against my sides and my legs tightly shut, Im completely immobile. I can’t move a muscle in the fabric’s punishing grip, and soon they’re wrapping my head, as if they intend to mummify me alive. Just before the silk falls over my mouth, the priest finally removes his hand from my mouth. A half second of my scream escapes before the moonlight closes over my gaping l!ps, locking my face into the contours of a silent scream. I’m able to breathe, though I don’t understand how.

It’s one of my nightmares come to life – my mind is awake but I’m trapped in my own body, unable to move or speak. I can only lie there motionless, my brain screaming at my nerve endings and muscles to move, to do something – anything! But nothing happens because this isn’t a dream from which I can wake, this is real, and it’s only the beginning.

I can hear the priests rummaging around outside the walls of my silken prison, and I strain to identify the sounds: the clink of glass? The jostling of beads? A bottle unc0rking? FoI all the fabric’s strength, it does not stop me from feeling or smelling. My nose is filled with some pungent, herbaceous fragrance a moment before drops of moisture seep through the silk and onto my skin.

Light objects are laid over my body, stones or crystals placed in deliberate patterns on my head, c.hest, arms and legs. I’m still desperately trying to fight the cocoon, that foreign electricity in my veins warning me that I won’t be able to fight much longer. Somehow, I know I’m running out of time, but I refuse to give up hope for escape.

The priests begin to chant then, speaking a language I do not recognize. There words swirl around the small room, carrying arcane power older than the world itself. There was only darkness a moment ago, but now blinding light explodes in my vision, blinding me – but I can’t close my eyes against it. The light is so searing that pain stabs in my head, and I’m sure I’ll never see again.

Soon I realize that the light is the least of my worries. Fire is traveling along the inside of the fabric – but the silk does not burn, only I do. It blazes so hot that I’m sure any tears lingering on my cheeks will evaporate on the sp0t, I can feel my skin blistering, bursting until the flames can move on to charring my flesh and muscles. I’m dying…

I’m sure of it. I’m dying and I’m not going to escape. There Won’t be anyone left to protect Cora and the other children, they’ll be alone and defenseless.

That same wild energy surges forward, and the priests lose their rhythm momentarily, their chant stuttering before regaining it’s droning force. I try to send another surge, but something is tearing inside of me, more painful even than the flames.

“Leon, I’m serious now, bring her out.” The man is angry now, furious. And the woman is still screamning, he Voice hoarse with the effort. “We know what they did, it’s time to stop. She can’t take any more.”

“Il get the antidote.” The second voice agrees.

I’m breaking, unraveling, and with a violent wrench, my soul is ripped in two. The pain disappears, the light goes dim, but my c.hest feels hollow. There is no more power pulsing through my veins, and only now that it’s gone can I recognize that it was there in the first place. I’ve lost something sacred and integral to my being, though I don’t know what. I simply know I am no longer whole.

The priests speak softly as they unwrap me, “She was stronger than I expected… remarkable really.”

My face is uncovered, and though I was certain I’d been burnt to a crisp, I feel cold air against my tearstained skin, though I no longer have the will to cry. I stare blankly at the ceiling above me, until one of the withered faces moves into my line of sight. “It’s all over now.” The priest assures me, sounding regretful, “We’ll take away the memory too. You won’t have to remember this, little one”

His face blurs as a needle pinches my arm, and I return to the present.