Ch. 181..190

Chapter 181

Henry glared at Leon as he injected the antidote for ether into Ella’s arm. He was angry with the therapist, but he was also furious with himself for letting the hypnotic state continue for so long. He should have put his foot down the first time, when Ella first began screaming. Listening to her suffering had been horrible beyond belief. She’d started out by explaining the events that happened, but before long she disappeared into the memory, feeling everything that she described so that her story was interrupted by bouts of screaming and crying. She was reliving it all in front of them, and Henry despised himself for helping Leon torment her this way.

It took a moment for the antidote to kick in, but Ella finally went quiet as she was transported back to them. When her lashes parted to reveal bl00dshot eyes, her tearstained skin turned grey, and in the next moment she lurched over the side of the couch and was vomiting onto the floor.

Henry pulled her hair back and ran a comforting hand up and down her back, crooning words of comfort to the poor child. “It’s okay, dear one …You’re safe, it’s over.”

Once her stomach was empty and she Was reduced to dry heaving, Henry guided her to lie down again. Leon appeared at her side with a we.t rag and a glass of water, and Henry gently cleaned her face and helped her drink. “Im sorry.” Ella m0aned, fresh tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Nonsense.” Henry assured her. “If anyone has a right to be sick, it’s you. You should have seen some of the messes I cleaned up when my boys were little. This is nothing.”

Ella’s hands went to her belly, her face twisted in guilt and pain. “He’s upset.” Ella whimpered, clearly referring to the baby “I frightened him.. the screaming..”

“Do you want me to call for the doctor?” Henry offered, “Just to be safe?”

Ella’s gold eyes widened then clamped shut, and Henry remembered the things she’d confessed in her dream state. Hints about doctors abusing her, things that made his wolf apoplectic with rage.

“Will you stay with me if he comes?” Ella asked in a small voice, worried enough about her unborn child to agree, but not wanting to face an examination alone.

“of course.” Henry promised, not looking at Leon as he gave the orders to the guards hovering in the doorway. They’d crashed into the room when Ella started screaming, and watched in horror as she recounted the priests binding her wolf, cutting her off from her inner animal. In their world such an act was an atrocity, a crime that should not have been possible, and a violation a shifter should not be able to survive. The man nearest the door took off at a run, and Henry turned back to his daughter- in-law. “What can we do for you, Ella? What do you need?”

“We should talk through what just happened.”

Leon interjected in his therapist voice. “She needs to process this.”

“Not today she doesn’t.” Henry snapped back, “And not without her mate. We never should have attempted this without Dominic.”

“Her mate can’t change the past.” Leon answered sternly. “This was always going to be terrible.”

Henry growled wordlessly, and Ella curled in on herself a little. “I want my nest.”

“Of course,” Henry agreed, pulling her into his lap and wheeling her out of the sitting room and into the bedroom. He helped her climb into her pillowy sanctuary, purring and stroking her hair as she silently wept.

After a while, Ella blinked at him, seeming to realize what he was doing only after it began to work.”I thought wolves only purred for their mates?”- Her voice was still raspy from all the strain of the session,

a mềre shadow of its usual velvet tone.

“No.” Henry corrected her with a sad smile. “We also purr for our children, and you’re one of mine now.

Ella’s lower l!p quivered violently, and she reached for Henry’s hand, holding it tightly. “Thank you.”

The palace doctor arrived before Henry could tell Ella that she never needed to thank him for taking care of her. The physician checked on the pup and administered a sedative for Ella, advising no more hypnosis for at least a week. After he left, Ella was already teetering on the edge of a drug-induced sleep, but she managed to pin her father in law with a hollow eyed gaze that made his heart ache. “

Why did they do that to me?”

He knew she was talking about the priests who came to the orphanage, and he wished he had an answer for her. “I don’t know.” He confessed sorrowfully. “Before today, I didn’t even know such a thing was possible.”

“I always thought…” A wide yawn interrupted her, and she closed her eyes as she drowsily continued, “I always thought I lost my strength because they broke me… the doctor and the matron… I believed they broke my spirit. But it was the priests.” She shuddered, tears seeping out beneath her closed lashes. “They stole it.”

Henry frowned, still petting her hair. “They took your wolf, Ella, but they never broke you. You survived despite everything. You took care of your sister and made a life for yourself. You might have been missing part of yourself, but the woman my son fell in love with – the woman we all fell in love with Was never weak”

To his surprise, the corner of her l!p twitched up in a bittersweet tilt, somewhere between a grimace and a smile. “Because Dominic brought her back to me. She started waking up when we met. If you’d

known me before him..” Her shoulders trembled and any sense of sweetness disappeared, “I h-hate them for doing that to me.” She murmured, pure anguish heavy on her tongue.

“I do too.” Henry shared. “We’re going to get to the bottom of this, okay? You have my word.” He vowed, overflowing with conviction. “For now, just sleep little mother. When you wake, Domninic will be waiting for your call and you can face it together.”

As soon as Ella slipped into unconsciousness, Henry wheeled back into the sitting room. He didn’t want to go too far in case she had bad dreams, though the doctor had promised the sedative would send her into such a deep sleep that dreaming would be impossible. He pulled out his phone and dialed his youngest, cold fury coursing through him.

Sinclair answered on the fourth ring, his deep voice filling Henry’s ear. “Hi Dad, this isn’t really a good time, we’re about to reach the FrostFang capital.”

“You need to make the time.” Henry growled, “Ella just had her first hypnotherapy session and it did not go well.”

Sinclair’s voice went sharp as a knife, “Put her on.”

“She’s sedated.” Henry explained, unable to quell the hardness in his tone even though it wasn’t meant for his son. “But you need to know what happened and you need to be prepared to drop everything for her when she wakes.”

“What happened?” Sinclair inquired, concern making his voice every bit as gruff as his father’s.

Henry shared the tale in starts and stops, pausing to entertain his son’s growls and curses. When the story was finished, Henry added. “She was frightened from the beginning and didn’t want to do it, and we made her.” He recalled, guilt tying his insides into knots. “She forced herself to dô itbecause she

didn’t want to disappoint you, and we didn’t know how bad.. we had no idea what she’d been through, Dominic. But I have to think you did.”

“I knew about the a.buse.” Sinclair confirmed, his voice raw and thick with emotion. “I had no idea about her wolf. We knew that something like that must have happened to keep it dormant, but I assumed it was when she was an infant – before she was left with the humans. I never would have asked her to do this without me if I’d believed -“

“You shouldn’t have asked her to do it without you at all.” Henry corrected firmly. “She needed her mate today and I was a sorry subst!tute.”

“She chose you because she felt safe with you.”

Sinclair replied, wanting to deny his father’s negligence even as he grappled with his guilt. “But you’re right. I should have been there.” He paused, breathing heavily. “But I should be here too, and I should be back in Moon Valley fighting Damon don’t know how to do it all, Dad. I can’t be there for Ella without failing the pack, and I can’t be there for the pack without failing my mate.”

“But why now, why was digging into her past urgent enough to risk this in the first place?”

Henry asked, sympathetic for his son, sharing his pain, but also frustrated.

“Don’t you think it’s connected?” Sinclair inquired.”

I mean, think about what you just told me. Those priests had to have been servants of the Goddess, and they told her she was being hidden, that she couldn’t join the shifter world until the time was right. Then someone inseminates her with my s.perm just before the election, and her wolf wakes just before the war. Call me crazy but that sounds pretty prophetic from where I stand.”

If Henry had still possessed the ability to stand, he would have needed to sit down. He even considered climbing out of his wheelchair and lying down, so unsteady did he feel. He’d been so busy comforting Ella and so aghast by the assault she endured that he hadn’t put the pieces together yet. “I think you’re right.” He gulped, glancing back to the door where his daughter-in-law slept. “I think we’re seeing the Goddess’s plans in action.”

Sinclair agreed with somber gravity. “And they’re all about Ella.”

 

Chapter 182

I sleep through the night and well into the next day.

My mind is foggy when I wake, and it takes a moment for everything to come rushing back to me. I wince as the memories of my hypnosis session take hold, and my first thought is of Rafe. I tap into our bond. The tiny being is asleep, but I can feel the lingering stress and fear clinging to his consciousness. I cradle my belly in my arms, feeling a new depth of sorrow for causing my child pain – beyond regret, sadness or guilt.

The force and scale takes me by surprise, and I know I have to work on controlling the feelings I send through our bond. Suddenly I understand only too well why Sinclair holds bad feelings back from me, and though I don’t like being kept in the dark, I don’t think he’s wrong either. In fact, I’m glad my mate is far enough away that he couldn’t feel my fear and pain yesterday too.

It would have affected him so much more than it did Henry, and he has more than enough to worry about as it is.

I take a bubble bath, and as I rest in the steaming water my pup stirs, fluttering in my womb and emitting a pulse of cautious energy…

He’s still wary, still confused and upset by what he heard and felt during my trance. “Hello sweet pup.” I hum, stroking my navel and wishing I could rock him in my arms already. “It’s okay, everything is okay.” I send all the affection, solace and calm I can summon down to him, and he relaxes, his miniscule fingers clutching at the wall of my uterus as if he’s reaching for me. I rest my hand on the opposite side of his, singing a soft lullaby and wishing I had a male’s ability to purr.

I think Rafe feels the same way, because a moment later he sends a fuzzy, half formed memory to me – of large, protective hands and a deep rumbling sound, the thing that comforts us both more than

anything else. A tug of longing accompanies the hazy thought, and I realize he misses Sinclair.

I know, my love. I miss him too.” I share, pausing my singing for a moment as I struggle to hold back my own pining. I want nothing more than to feel Sinciair’s touch, to hear his beloved voice murmuring comfort in my ear – even from hundreds of miles away. At the same-time, I can’t bring myself to call him. If I do, I know he’ll sense that something is wrong, and I’m not going to distract him from the war effort by making him worry I can’t handle a few memories. After all – I lived through these things, if I was able to survive them then surely I can survive remembering them.

So I pull myself out of my bath and get dressed, switching to a flowing maxi dress when I realize my maternity jeans are too tight now to fit over my h!ps and belly.Are you having a growth spurt, munchkin?” I ask my pup, excited and pleased that he’s getting bigger and stronger.

Just remember that Mommy is a lot smaller than Daddy, so don’t go getting too big, okay?” I add, remembering the birthing class where they told us to expect twelve pound babies. I wonder if I would have grown into a taller, larger woman if my wolf hadn’t been bound, but I suppose there’s no way to know now.

When I walk out of my room, intending to take my growling stomach down to the kitchens for a snack, my guards straighten up and puff their c.hests out, as if they want to look as large and powerful as possible. It’s a bit odd, but I don’t think anything of their behavior until I get downstairs and feel all the eyes following me through the palace, and all the hushed murmurs circling in my wake. I catch a few snippets of the whispers, my heart sinking when I hear the words, priests… her wolf was bound…so many years,”

Apparently everyone knows what happened during my hypnosis, and as much as I want to curl in on myself to hide from the scrutiny of so many strangers, I notch my chin up and ignore them. It isn’t until I hear another snatch of speech nearer the kitchens that I realize their tones aren’t pitying or condescending, but reverent. “How did she survive?…Chosen by the Goddess… blessed.”

If I thought things would be better once I reached the service level of the palace, I was sorely mistaken. If anything I draw more attention, and when I walk into the kitchens I cause quite the commotion. At once I’m being guided into a chair and plate upon plate of food is being set in front of me, eager cooks and maids murmuring their admiration and asking me to name any dish or delicacy, promising to wh!p up whatever I desire. I smile and thank them, insisting I don’t need anything special. still, the head Chef, an older woman with a no nonsense att!tude, refuses to let me leave until I’ve told her my favorite meal, promising to cook it for supper this evening, I oblige, then quickly retreat to the orphan’s wing. If there’s anyone I can count on not to treat me differently – whether with awe or pity – it’s Isabel.

She doesn’t disappoint, as I enter she arches a sardonic brow. “Well if it isn’t Saint Ella.”

I smile, feeling a rush of fondness for the prickly woman. This is why I like her. She gives me no judgment, no pity and no fawning. She sees me exactly the same way she did yesterday, and I need that when I hardly recognize myself anymore. “Good afternoon, Isabel.’” I greet warmly. There’s a baby wrapped in a sling against her c.hest, and I move forward to admire the child. Sadie stares up at us with wide blue eyes, and I stroke a finger over her cheek. How’s she doing?”

She’s getting spoiled rotten.” Isabel remarks dryly, her tone masking the deep affection I know she feels for the infant. “She always wants to be held and wails like a little banshee if she’s put down even for a moment.”

“What a lucky girl that you’re here to serve her every whim.” I tease, strolling around to check on the other pups. Even with the children we’ve been able to foster with local families, the planes keep bringing more, and the nursery is growing to be too large for one woman to wrangle alone.

We’ve had a few more volunteers from the city express interest in helping here. If you had more hands on deck, you could take turns with Miss Spoily there.” I offer, nodding towards Sadie and watching Isabel’s expression closely. Her eyes narrow and I add, “or they could free you up so you can devote your time to the pups who need the most attention.”

Isabel wraps a protective arm around Sadie’s back, and I know I’ve read her correctly. She’s clearly attached to the pup. (I’m not going to let just anyone come in here.” She counters stiffly.

I would have to interview them.”

“That can be arranged.” I promise, grinning at a toddler who’s just woken from his nap and is now standing at the bars of his crib, begging to be picked up. I pull him into my arms, k!ssing his chubby cheeks. “Well hello there, handsome. Did you have a nice nap?”

He giggles as I bounce him in my arms, but his laughter dies away quickly, as if he’s remembering something unpleasant. “I don’ like naps.” He whispers sulkily.

Really?” I ask, making my voice sound shocked.

I love naps. Naps are the best.”

He looks at me curiously. “You take naps?”

“Of course I do, whenever I can.” I share, studying his small face as his features settle into a frown.

“Mommy naps too.” He tells me a minute later, looking grim but hopeful. Is she here?”

“No angel.” I sigh, cuddling him a bit closer. He leans his cheek against my shoulder, sniffling softly. “Did you used to nàp with your Mommy?”

I ask. Do you not like them anymore because she isn’t here to snuggle with you?”

He nods pitifully, and I rub his back. I catch Isabel watching us with a look of abject despair, but she covers it quickly, turning away. Well I’I tell you what. I know I’m not as good as your Mommy, but I’ll nap with you if you want?”

He nods again, and I give him a squeeze, trying to pour all the love in my heart into his small body. I feel a tug on my dress, and I look down to find another pup hovering at my side. This one is a little girl around four, and she’s looking up at me like she’s not sure if I’m real. “Can I naps with you too?” She asks shyly, “I have bad dreams when I sleeps alone.”

“Of course.” I promise, soon met with a chorus of, “Me too? What about me? Can I?” I look around at the other pups and realize they’ve been listening all along, and they’ re all wearing similarly hopeful expressions. “Il tell you what, why don’t we make a nice big blanket fort, and every afternoon when I take my nap, anyone who wants to come cuddle will be welcome? How does that sound?”

A chorus of approval meets my ears, and I send the guards at the door to gather extra blankets and pillows, and the little girl clutching my skirt says, “My big sister says you’re a Princess, and the Goddess sent you to us. Is she right? Is it really true?

Isabel snorts at my surprised expression.

Rumors reach the nursery just as fast as they do the rest of the palace. Did you really think they wouldn’t know?”)

“I am no Princess,” I tell the child. And I don’t know the Goddess’s plans any more than you do little one.”

She will be better than a Princess.” Isabel interjected, gentling her tone for the child.

When her mate leads his army back home and overthrows the tyrant, she will be Queen.” I’m taken aback by the firm conviction in her voice, as if she is looking forward to this future. Her icy gaze meets mine, and I see it is more than mere conviction, it’s closer to a demand. I realize she believes in Sinclair and me, we’ve given her hope when she wanted none, and now she’s going to hold us to it. She won’t stand for being let down, and that is the last thing I want to do.

If there are more secrets waiting in my past, I have to continue searching for them. I need answers if I am to do right by Isabel and these pups, by all the shifters and humans suffering in this war. I am not eager to try hypnosis and ether again, but I can be b.rave for them – if not for myself.

 

Chapter 183

My wolf is half-mad with guilt and worry. I’ve been waiting for Ella’s call all day, but when the clock strikes four and I still haven’t heard a peep from my mate, I call my father. The line rings for what feels like ages, but then Dad’s familiar face appears on my screen. “Is she still asleep?” I inquire, before he even has a chance to greet me.

“I haven’t seen her.”‘ Dad replies, his brow crinkling in the video. The image is jostling slightly, his background shifting and changing as he wheels himself forward with one hand. But I’ve been at the airfield all day. I’m just getting back to the palace now. I’ll check on her now.”

I gnash my teeth impatiently, not really wanting to talk about anything until I know how my mate is doing. Still, I ask, “How was it today?”

More of the same, I’m afraid.” Dad reveals sadly.

The average number of refugees making the trip each day hasn’t increased, but it hasn’t decreased either.”

What about their conditions?” I ask, weary to the bone amidst so much misfortune. “Are there more injuries? More unaccompanied pups?”

“Everything seems stable.” Dad reports, but I can tell he doesn’t consider this any victory. “How did it go with the FrostFang Alpha?”)

“Well, I think.” I answer, looking out the windows of my suite in the FrostFang pack’s headquarters. A mountain range spreads out on the horizon, the majestic towers of volcanic rock covered in verdant peat moss. It’s green and glorious, but there are almost no trees. I feel a deep pang as I think about the dense forests back home, wondering how these wolves can be so content without any woodlands.

Gabriel said Alpha Aiden would be an easy sell, and so far he’s been very supportive. He hasn’t officially pledged his alliance, but I think we can count him among our friends at the summit.

“And you? How are you holding up?” My father inquires, a knowing timbre in his rich voice.

“It’s cold up here, more like back home.” I muse aloud, my train of thought momentarily derailed by my wolf’s agitated energy. If Ella’s still out I may let my wolf out for a run, he’s been bl00dy stir crazy with all the travel and the situation with Ella isn’t helping. He’s on edge and I’m not going to be able to keep a handle on him much longer.”

(You might consider doing that even if she is awake – before you two talk.” Dad advises, but despite his wisdom I’m tracking the interiors of Gabriel’s palace as he moves through the halls, measuring the distance between him and my mate. “Depending on how she’s doing, seeing her might push you over the edge.”)

I know you’re right.” I concede, “But I don’t think I can stand it. It’s one thing if she’s still resting. it’s another if she’s trying to work through this alone.”

Well the word around the palace is that she’s a gift from the Goddess, sent to see us through the war.”

Dad shares, his mouth twisting with wry humor. “It seems the guards who oversaw her hypnosis couldn’t quite keep it to themselves. I promise you she’ll have lots of support when she comes to.”

He pushes into our suite, and I hold my breath, c0cking my ears for sounds of movement or tears.

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Dad pauses in the doorway of the bedroom, looking bemused. “Well she isn’t here.” He announces after a moment. He looks around, backtracking into the sitting room and switching the camera view so I

can see his perspective. He lifts a cell phone from the coffee table, pressing the power b.utton but only finding a black screen. “Her phone is here and dead.”

My heart beats louder in my c.hest, and I smother a growl. “Okay, check with the guards – then try the kitchens, the nursery, Cora’s rooms and the camp – in that order.”

It only takes ten minutes to find my mate, but I’d be lying if I said I bore the wait well. My mind races with the unknown. Why didn’t she call me the moment she woke? Is she alright? Maybe I should have called Phill!pe – he won’t have left her side.

Of course when my father wheels into the nursery, Isabel meets us at the door, her arms crossed over her c.hest. “Where have you been?” She demands.

That mate of yours has insured my pups will be up half the night! I tried to tell her they’d already napped but no, she couldn’t resist.”

A moment later I understand, because the video draws nearer and nearer to a masterful blanket fort as Dad crosses the room. And then she’s there on my screen, curled up at the center of a puppy pile.

They surround her on all sides, arms and legs splayed over her body as she cuddles a little boy to her b.reast, lost in the tangle of limbs. My heart melts, and suddenly I don’t care why she didn’t call me. It’s one of the sweetest scenes I’ve ever seen, and the last thing I want to do is disturb their slumber.

Unfortunately my mate seems to sense my virtual presence, because she blinks her gorgeous gold eyes a moment later and stretches like a sleepy kitten.

Her gaze lands on my face before she even looks at Dad, as if her instincts drew her to the phone in his hand like a magnet. Raw vulnerability transforms her features from sleep, as if she wasn’t prepared to see me so soon, or face the feelings I naturally provoke. “Hello trouble.” I greet huskily, “Did I interrupt your cuddle party?”

She peeks up at me from beneath her lashes, untangling herself from the pups enough to sit up glance warily at the other adults in the room. A I can see a hundred emotions fl!ckering in the bottomless pools of her eyes before she pulls a curtain over her expression, erasing any hint of her true feelings.

She doesn’t say a word, so I continue. How are you doing, little mate?” I inquire tenderly, “I’ve been worried about you.”

Ella’s eyes widen imperceptibly, and then she slumps back down against the piled pillows, “They told you.” She m0ans, frustration and just a little resentment lacing her silken voice.

As I watch, I see her eyes jump somewhere above the screen, and I can imagine my father gesturing a warning to her. A wordless rumble rises in my c.hest,

“Should I take that to mean you planned on keeping it to yourself?” I inquire ominously.

Ella shivers at my dominant tone, “That isn’t what I meant. )

(Dad, we need a moment alone.” I state, “Can you please clear the room?”

Ella’s eyes leap to the sleeping pups, clearly worried about waking them. “No – she object, at the same moment Isabel growls, “Absolutely not.”

lll go upstairs and call you from my phone.” Ella offers, clearly not realizing the device is dead. When I tell her as much she responds that she’ll sit beside the charger. I watch as she k!sses the dozing children and extracts herself from the pile, then clambers up and disappears out the door.

I hang up with Dad, and a few minutes later my phone rings and Ella’s face appears on the screen, beautiful and haunted. “Start talking, baby.”I instruct, needing to know what she’s thinking.

Ella reclines in her nest, the curtained walls casting her features in shadows. “I have too many questions to count.” She admits, clearly deciding to skip over the difficult parts and avoid evoking the painful memories. “Who were those Priests? How did they know about me? Why did they say I needed to stay hidden? I don’t understand any of it – the only thing that makes sense now is why everything changed. I was living without a critical piece of my soul for years, and the entire world became duller and emptier because of it.”

I purr sympathetically. “I have those same questions,” I relate, wishing I could touch her. “But right now I’m more concerned with how you’re feeling, Ella.”

She shrugs non committally, “Okay. I’ve been better.” She mutters, “But I’ve also been worse.”

“That isn’t a real answer and you know it.” I admonish, working to keep my voice soft and even “

Is that why you didn’t call me? Why you wanted to keep it from me?”

“I didn’t want to worry you.” Ella replies thickly,

And you don’t get to be mad about that because you do the same thing with me all the time,” Her tone is petulant, but I can hear the tears in her voice even if I can’t see them in the low light.

“How worried should I be, little wolf?” I rumble, ” because I have to tell you, you seem awfully upset for someone claiming to be okay.”

“I’m not upset.” She insists, hiccuping and proving her words false. I’m just… ” She trails off, her l!p quivering.

“Just what, Ella?” I prompt, instinctively sensing that this is the true reason she avoided reaching out.

She can fake it with everyone else, but she can’t fake it with me. I can read her like a book, and she knows it.

I scared Rafe.” She admits miserably. “He’s still not at ease, and I don’t understand… ” She sniffles, swiping at her cheeks. “If someone knew I was there .. if they knew I was suffering, then why did they leave me there? I could have been hidden anywhere … but those priests must have known the kind of place the orphanage was.” Her shining eyes glow up at the phone screen. “They said they were there to protect me… they were obviously wolves, why would they let the humans hurt me that way?”

I don’t know, sweetheart, ” I croon, sending my purrs over the line. “But I promise we’ll find out.

 

Chapter 184

Cora’s first week working with the doctors at the airfield was both overwhelming and fascinating. She felt like she was lightyears behind the Vanaran physicians in medical expertise and technological know- how, but they were welcoming and patient with her deficiencies. She threw herself into the work, accepting the fact that she’d have to start as a glorified scrub nurse until she learned enough to start doing major procedures and seeing patients on her own.

Cora felt as she had in the early days of medical school, as if her brain was a sodden sponge already oversaturated with new information but still trying to soak up more. The work was fascinating, but it was also devastating and draining. This wasn’t like being in school and practicing on her fellow students or cadavers – her patients were real people and they were suffering so much more than injury or disease. They were grappling with grief and loss – for the lives and homeland they cherished if nothing else.

By the end of her fourth day on the job, Cora was ready to collapse. She looked around at the other doctors and wondered how on earth they found the strength to keep up this work. She was tempted to ask, but instead she gritted her teeth and pushed through the last hour of her shift. About half an hour before they were set to finish for the day, Cora found herself with a rare moment of quiet, There was only one patient left, and the head surgeon already had too many helping hands for her to pitch in.

Cora began to clean her work station, disinfecting!. everything she’d touched and wiping down every surface in sight, before neatly stowing her supplies, She was intently serubbing her hands when a familiar voice sounded over her shoulder. “Do you have time for one last patient?”

She looked up to find her new colleague, May, standing behind her with a kind expression, Cora looked around, both searching for the patient in question and a subst!tute for the sick bay she’d just packed up. Her eyes landed on the other woman’s, which seemed viable. “Can I use your workstation?”

“Sure.” May agreed, “it’s sanitized but haven’t put everything up yet.”

“Who’s the patient?” Cora asked, pulling on a fresh pair of gloves.

“He requested you by name,” May shrugged. “I think he’s part of your own delegation.”

Cora’s traitorous heart skipped a beat, and a moment later Roger appeared, cradling his left hand. Cora narrowed her eyes, determined not to let the b.utterflies causing chaos in her tummy sway her judgment. He stood in the doorway, all masculine charm and Alpha dominance – and as usual, his full attention was glued to her blushing face.

“You know there’s an in-house physician at the Palace.” She stated coolly. I’m sure his team can handle whatever ailment plaguing you.}

“But the palace is so far away, and you don’t have any other patients, right?” Roger inquired, a devious glint in his eyes.

Just because I don’t now, doesn’t mean an emergency might not come in at any moment.”

Cora countered, her hands on her h!ps. “And if my hands are tied with you, then who will help them?

still unphased, the clever wolf pursed his l!ps. “One of the other physicians packing away their stations?” He suggests, nodding to the Vanaran doctors around them.

Cora huffed, “what’s wrong with you anyway?”

Roger presented his hand, which had a large but certainly non-urgent splinter of wood embedded in his palm. “I think I’m dying.”

Cora glowered, the leash on her temper snapping taught. It took a lot of built up frustration for her to let loose at someone, but she’d been tormented by this wolf for more than a week now. True, he hadn’t made a move since that confusing night at dinner, but his presence was impossible to escape. She

could always feel when he was near, and half the time she wasn’t quick enough to flee before he entered a room and found her with those dark eyes.

She was constantly trying not to squim under his searing gaze, forever trying to block out his husky voice so it wouldn’t make her pulse race. Things had gotten to the point that Cora was practically looking around corners to make sure he wasn’t lying in wait to surprise and tempt her with his rugged features and mysterious allure.

Thus, when faced with this latest outrage, Cora threw her well-honed sk!lls for self-preservation out the window. “Are you fvcking kidding me, Roger? You do realize that people are actually dying here, don’t you?” She didn’t wait for him to answer furiously ripping off her gloves. “This isn’t cute, you know. Do you have any idea what my day has been like?”

His roguish expression softened, and he replied, From the looks of it, it’s been the sort that means you’re in dire need of a laugh.” Roger assessed, mouth quirking. “And a stiff drink – perhaps with a friend who’s good at listening.”

“And that’s supposed to be you?” She snorted derisively. “If that’s your example of your humor, then I’m not interested in hearing more, and I don’t drink.”

I’ve seen you drink more than once, Cora. Roger corrected her, a note of warning entering his voice.

I should have said that I don’t drink with you.”

She amended in a biting tone.

“oh?” He answered with a smirk. “Why not?

You’re not scared are you?

Cora scowled, notching her chin up. I can’t be baited that easily either, but I assure you fear isn’t the problem.”

(Then what is?” Roger pressed, moving forward so that he loomed over the curvy human. You’ve said you have no interest in me, so what’s the problem?

You get to relax and vent a little and enjoy a night off from all this stress – is that so terrible.

(I don’t want to humanize you.” She countered fiercely. “If I do, I might forget what a j.erk you are.”

Roger chuckled, sidling closer. “Should I take that to mean I’m growing on you?” He questioned slyly.

I knew the ice cream would work.”

«The ice cream was a dirty trick and you know it.”

Cora insisted stubbornly, trying not to let him see how much she’d enjoyed it. In truth it had been the best ice cream she’d ever tasted, and though she’d only meant to take a single bite before smashing it in the wolf’s smug face, she’d ended up devouring it all in a single sitting. “You need to learn how to take no for an answer.

Roger emitted a wordless rumble. “Now I have to think that a brilliant doctor who spent as many years working among wolves as you did, must know better than to challenge an Alpha.”

“You see, this is the problem with you wolves.”

Cora seethed. A no isn’t a challenge, it’s not a provocation, it’s simply an answer to a basic question.”

Roger purred, but it was not a gentle sound, it was more like a murmur somewhere between a hum and a growl. His eyes began to glow amber as he looked down at Cora. And the problem with you humans, is that you fail to realize how much you say with body language and pheromones. I take your no as a

challenge because it’s meant as one, and I pursue you despite your protests because I can smell your attraction to me,)

(I’ve been attracted to plenty of people I had no intention of taking to bed. Attraction is a reflex, not proof or justification of actual interest.” Cora hissed defensively. “I don’t do this. I don’t get involved with men who want more from me than I can give – it’s a recipe for disaster.”

“And what do you give?” Roger questioned, settling his hands on her h!ps and scalding her through her clothes. Some hurried one night stand with a stranger you meet in a bar and won’t ever see again?”

Cora’s chocolate eyes went wide. “How did you know that?”

“An educated guess.” Roger flashed his fangs.

Which you just confirmed.” His powerful fingers ran up her side, and he relished the sound of her heart pounding against her ribcage at a mile a minute.

But for the record, I knew because I’ve been the same way ever since Lydia left me. It’s not a pattern you begin because it’s what you truly want – you do it because it’s safer than risking your heart.” He searched her lovely face, “Of course, we know why I chose that path – why did you, Cora?”

“Stop it.” Cora ordered sharply. “Stop talking to me this way, stop touching me.” Her lower l!p quivered dangerously, and Roger sighed, accepting that he wasn’t going to get any further with the human on this day.

He released her slowly, “I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk, whether it’s about your work here, or us.” He offered. “Anything you have to say, I always want to listen.” He reached over to her medical tools and plucked a pair of tweezers from the tray, quickly extracting the splinter from his hand and retreating.

Cora was left staring after him in surprise and confusion, feeling – for the first time – as if she was way out of her depth with this wolf.

She didn’t like it- not one bit.

 

Chapter 185

Darkness, terror, pain – my wolf being torn away.

Blinding light, loss… emptiness.

I wake screaming, for the sixth day in a row. It’s been a week since Leon uncovered the memory of having my wolf bound, and every night has passed in the same exhausting pattern. I stay awake as long as possible, until I can no longer keep my eyes open, and then there is no time to consider calling my mate. The demons descend the moment I relax my defenses, and I’m helpless to keep them at bay.

Phil!ppe rushes in, a familiar look of worry on his face. His eyes go straight to me rather than scanning the room for threats, because by now he’s learned that the greatest threats are in my head. “Are you okay?” He asks, frowning.

I nod, sitting up in my nest and pushing the blankets away, “It’s just more of the same.”

My phone rings at my bedside, and I take a deep breath before answering Sinclair’s call. “Good morning, mate.”

“Good morning, trouble.” He rumbles warmly, “You missed another dream date:”

“I know,” I say regretfully. “Im sorry, I’ve just been so exhausted that I fall asleep before I can think about dreams.” In truth the nightmares claim me before I can hear my mate’s calls, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to admit that to the overprotective Alpha.

Phil!ppe scowls disapprovingly, crossing his arms over his c.hest in obvious admonition for my lie. I shoot him a warning glare to keep his mouth shut, and he offers me one final glower before retreating from the room so we can finish our call in private.

“Turn on your camera, baby.” Sinclair instructs, “I want to see you.

I do as he asks, hoping I don’t have dark circles beneath my eyes. “Where are you now?” I ask, leaning back against my pillows.

His handsome face appears on the screen, deep green eyes drinking me in like a blind man who’s only just regained his sight. Sinclair is still abed as well, and I can see a hint of his bare c.hest at the bottom of the feed, his muscles flexing and relaxing as he gets comfortable. “The White Claw territory.” Sinclair answers, sounding drowsy still. “

This Alpha is a tricky one – very cunning and difficult to read. He’s unpredictable too, and I’m not sure how to best approach him.”

“His past politics don’t give any hint?” I ask, feeling more awake than my mate seemns. “His voting record?”

“It’s all over the board.” Sinclair explains, “And he’s not one for deals and alliances. He votes based on what’s best for his pack, but it isn’t clear how he decides his priorities.”

“You can always play the Damon will set his sights on Vanara once he conquers the continent’ card, or point out the resource strain of accepting sO many refugees.” I suggest, rubbing my belly.

Once again, Rafe had been startled and upset by my nightmares, but hearing his father’s voice always Works wonders – possibly because it calms me every bit as much as it does him.

“Both good ideas.” Sinclair murmurs, “But I don’t really want to talk strategy right now, baby.”

“Oh, what do you want to talk about?” I inquire slyly, “summit plans? The refugee camp? What color dress I should get for the ball?”

Sinclair chuckles, “Imp. How about we discuss why on earth you’re wearing clothes in my bed?”

“Hey this is my nest.” I correct him saucily. “And besides, you’re not here. Just because you want me n.aked all the time

“I’d certainly like to see you n.aked now.” Sinclair interjects, his voice low and husky. His arm is moving just out of frame, and from the hungry glint in his eye, I can tell he’s stroking himself.

“Hmm, I don’t know.” I tease, fiddling with the strap on my nightdress. “I seem to remember a certain bossy wolf telling me that my pleasure belongs to him. and forbidding me from touching myself because it’s his responsibility as my màte.”I pull down the fabric to expose one of my b.reasts, cupping the sensitive mound in my hand as I admire my mate. “I think if I were n.aked and I had the sight of such a gorgeous, virile Alpha in front of me like this … I would be very tempted to misbehave.”

“Is that so?” Sinclair inquires darkly, his wolf eyes flashing.

I bite my lower l!p and nod. “I can’t help myself.” I confess, revealing my other b.reast and shimmying out of my nightgown. I lift the phone so he can see my fingers training down over my belly and between my legs. “It’s been so long since I felt your touch, Dominic.” I might be doing this for show, but it’s only too true. My wolf has been going crazy without affection from her mate, and I wasn’t far from taking matters into my own hands as it was. I gently circle my swollen cl!t with my fingertips, my eyes falling closed with delight.

Sinclair growls, sending a delicious shiver down my spine, “Naughty mate.” He croons, “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were trying to earn yourself a spanking. But I’l forgive this much because I’m away, just as long as you don’t go any further.”

On cue, I sink ny fingerS into my soaked channel, gasping and m0aning at the sensation, even as I wish it were his hands on my body, his hardness filling me. “Oh you’re really in for it now.” Sinclair warns me, all grumbly and foreboding. My pulse races and my l.ust spikes as his own movements become more pronounced. He watches me like a starving man as he rubs his hard member, making

me feel beautiful and powerful at once. “What are you thinking about, trouble? Hmm, what’s got you so worked up that you’re willing to risk provoking my wolf this way?”

“You.” I confess, wishing I had both hands free so I could give some attention to my aching b.reasts.

I’m thinking about all the wicked things you’re going to do to me when you get back.”

“Tell me.” Sinclair orders seductively, shifting his own phone so that I can see down below his wa!st.

Licking my l!ps, I find myself getting distracted by the heat building inside of me, so much so that my mate has to call my attention back to him with a soft purr. “You’ll start slow,” I finally answer, my voice little more than a whisper. “You’ll k!ss me until my knees go weak… and then you’ll str!p off my clothes and explore evèry inch of my body with your mouth and hands, discovering the ways my shape has changed and teasing me until I’m writhing underneath you.. and then… and then, ohh.” My sheath clenches around my fingers, and my h!ps rock up into my hand.

I can’t continue, so my mate takes over. “And then I won’t be able to wait any longer.” Sinclair tells me sensually. “It’s been too long, and I’ll be nearly desperate to be inside you. After all this is only the first time of many, so I won’t worry about pacing myself or letting you off easy for all of your mischief while I’ve been away. I’ll drive myself into your tight little pvssy in a single thrust and rut you so hard that you see stars.”

The phone is shaking in my hand, and I’m fighting to smother my whimpers as I near the edge. “Don’t you dare drop that phone, little wolf.” Sinclair rumbles, sounding as if he’s barely hanging onto his control. “And don’t you dare come yet, because I’m not done telling you my plans.” I whine needily, and he only purrs with satisfaction. “Do you like being watched this way, Ella? Do you like touching yourself on camera for me?” nod, barely containing a sob. “Please, Dominic.

I’m so close.”

“Not yet, baby. I’m enjoying seeing what a dirty girl you are.” He declares.

I shake my head, not sure whether I’m trying to deny his words or hold off the wave of rapture swelling above me. Sinclair chuckles knowingly,

No? I’m wrong?” He croons, “you’re not loving putting on this show for me, little exhibitionist?”

“Only for you.” I gasp, biting down on my l!p so hard I draw bl00d. “No one else.”

“Damned straight.” Sinclair replies, his voice like gravel. “Goddess, I can’t wait to be inside you again. I’ll make you beg, just like this. I’ll hold my power back from you until you’re finally gushing all over my c0ck, and then I’m going to give you everything I have. I’m going to-“

I can’t bear anymore, I detonate then and there, crying out into the empty room. I catch a look of triumph from my mate, even as the sight of my defiant ecstasy sends Sinclair over the edge himself and his l.usty growls fill my ears as he finds his release in his hand. Afterwards he purrs, scolding me and praising me in equal measure, and I belatedly realize he wanted to make me lose control all along – just so he has an excuse to inflict more sensual torments on me later. I float in the heady afterglow, soaking up his sweet nothings and fighting to stay awake.

“Go back to sleep, sweetheart.” He encourages after a while, seeing my valiant struggle.

“No, I wanted to talk to you about my next hypnosis session.” I say, forcing my eyes open.

It’s been a week. The doctor said I could try again after a week.”

“Ella, we decided the next session would have to wait until I’m back.” Sinclair reminds me, recalling the conversation we’d had when I mentioned my interest in going back to Leon earlier this week.

“No, you decided.” I sigh, “we need answers, Dominic.”

“Answers that can wait until you have the support you need to uncover them.” He insists.

“I have Henry, and he might not be able to calm me the way you do, but you know it’s less painful for him than it is for you.” I argue.

“Im not worried about my pain, I’m worried about your and Rafe’s wellbeing.” Sinclair states firmly.

“But the damage is already done.” I claim fiercely.”

There can’t be anything worse than having my wolf taken from me.”

“We don’t know that.” Sinclair grimaces, “and I’d hate to find out the hard way.”

“Dominic, plea-“

“No, Ella.” He cuts me off, raw authority in his deep voice. “We do it together, or not at all. Is that clear?”

I swallow my protests and try to quell the rebellion churning in my bl00d. “Crystal.”

 

Chapter 186

I gather Henry, Phil!ppe and Gabriel just after lunch, careful not to hint about my motives for this meeting. Instead I ask them to come to my suite for a chat before returning to their regular daily tasks. Naturally, as my personal guard Phil!ppe would have been here anyway, but when Henry and Gabriel arrive and realize that this is a group discussion rather than a private audience, they automatically sense that something is up – and they’re right.

“What’s on your mind, Ella?” Henry inquires, wheeling over to take a place beside me.

“I have to ask a favor of you all.” I begin hesitantly, knowing that my next request isn’t going to go over well at all. “And while I know this puts you in a very difficult position, I’d like to ask that this conversation remain between the four of us – whether you agree to help me or not.”

Phil!ppe stiffens, and Gabriel’s sharp eyes search my face. “You’re asking us not to tell Dominic?”

“Yes, but I swear that I have good reason.”I insist, the words spilling out of me in a rush. “You all know what happened in my hypnosis session and how many questions it raised about my past. You know how unprecedented all of this is, and that the events I recalled suggest powerful forces at work.” I take a steadying breath to try to stop my voice from shaking. “You must also realize the implications of all this, and how seriously the people are taking these rumors.”

The men exchange wary glances. They may be among the few shifters in the palace not treating me like some sort of divine savior, but they’d have to be blind and deaf not to hear the whispers, or notice the worshipful gazes and gifts raining down on me from the pack. “This is so much bigger than finding out who my parents were or why I was given up.” I continue fervently. “If that were all it was then I wouldn’t mind waiting -I didn’t want to do this in the first place.” I pause to laugh at the sheer irony of this – how quickly the tables have turned.

“What exactly are you asking, Ella?” Gabriel inquires, sounding genuinely curious rather than cautious.

“Dominic doesn’t want me to do any more sessions without him, with good reason. The baby and I will cope better if he’s present, and he’ll be here to take care of me if things get difficult again.” I acknowledge. “But it will also be more stress on him – far more than it is or any of you, because we aren’t bonded. The bottom line is that Dominic can’t protect me from my past, and he’s already got enough to worry about without his wolf going berserk because I have a bad memory and he can’t fix it.”

“That may be true, but I can tell you right now that this argument isn’t going to hold water with us, Ella.” Gabriel replies, even though there’s a softness in Henry’s eyes which I understand only too well. “You are Dominic’s Luna, and interfering with any wolves’ mate -let alone an Alpha’s – is forbidden except in cases of a.buse. What’s more, none of us would do or feel differently if it was our own mate in your shoes. I understand you have a tender heart and you’re trying to protect him from unnecessary pain, but that would be a disservice to his wolf. It’s the Alpha’s duty to bear the brunt of the stress and pain for his people, because he has the strength to take it. He’ll feel far worse if you do this and he wasn’t here for you, than he will if you wait and let him support you through the process.”

I glance between the wolves in front of me, who sit with their arms crossed over their c.hests and wear identical brooding expressions. I decide to change tracks. “Fine, we won’t make it about Dominic.”I amend. “Perhaps I should have started by saying that we can’t afford to wait, regardless of any of our wishes. If the people are right.. if things truly are the way they appear and the Goddess’s servants hid me and bound my wolf to fulfill some prophecy in this war, then there isn’t any time to waste. We need answers to these questions before we start planning a large-scale invasion, maybe before we even strike the alliance.

“Depending on what we find out, the secrets in my past might change the way we view our opponents. It may alter our entire strategy for the war. It would be folly to move forward with our plans when we know we’re missing major pieces of the puzzle. We owe it to our people to do everything we can to bring Damon down, and if I’m part of that then there is no justification for putting this off.” I shrug.

“Dominic isn’t the only one with a duty to put the people above his own needs or desires. If I’m truly to be their Luna, I have to do the same.

The men look more uncertain now, exchanging resigned glances which give me hope I’ve finally gotten through to them. They know I’m right, even though they don’t like it.

“What about the pup?” Henry questions, throwing out one final impediment to my plans.

“This baby survived my first shift- hours of terror and agony that certainly should have k!lled him.

He got through the memory of having my wolf bound.”I remind him, running my palm over my round belly. “I hate upsetting him more than any of you ever could, but he’s his father’s son. He’s strong and healthy, and frankly I don’t believe there can be anything worse than what he’s already overcome.”

“And you?” Phil!ppe questions, piercing me with a knowing gaze. “Your stress is the worst thing for the baby, don’t you think it’s worth waiting until you can do this under the best possible circ.umstances?” My stomach fl!ps. Phil!ppe worried me more than Gabriel or Henry from the start, because he knows exactly how tormented I’ve been by the memories of my first session.

However he’s also the one who I absolutely cannot do this without – since he’s glued to my side nearly 24/7. In truth, I sought Gabriel and Henry’s help to give Phil!ppe permission to defy Sinclair, more than I did tò bring them on board themselves.

I silently beg my guard not to reveal my nightmares to the others, šaying, “Do you think it’s less stressful for me to be floundering in the dark?

Unsure of whether I might hold something in my memories that can change the course of the war?

Unsure of whether some new demon I didn’t even know about is lurking somewhere in my consciousness?”I retort.”Yes, reliving painful things without my mate here is difficult, but it’s not nearly

as difficult as thinking I might ruin our chances to win this war.”

I look down at my belly, wincing, “I love Rafe more than anything, but we’re talking about the lives of millions of people. Millions of other children whose parents love them every bit as much as I love my son. Don’t you think they’re worth our risk?”

Phil!ppe narrows his eyes, and I can see him digging in his heels. Henry and Gabriel, on the other hand, look grave and pensive. “We’ll need to think about it, Ella.” Gabriel sighs. “And whatever we decide, I don’t think we should keep it from Dominic.”

“He’ll put a stop to it before it can even begin.”

Henry interjects, surprising me. “She’s right about that. When he makes up his mind there’s no changing it.. and it’s partly my fault that he’s so set against this. I wasn’t easy on him about how it went down the first time…. But that was before I understood what we’re dealing with.” He sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Im not saying I like it. I agree that it’s in all of our interests to pursue this sooner rather than later but I certainly don’t approve of sneaking around behind my son’s back to make it happen.”

Thoroughly scolded, I drop my eyes to my lap. “It’s not that I don’t believe it’s wrong. I do. I know how sh!tty it is for me to even suggest, but I’m willing to pay the price to my mate. He’ll be furious with me, but if it helps the pack then it will be worth it.

The stakes are just too high.” I murmur, “Besides, this is my life we’re talking about- I have a right to find out where I came from and that isn’t anything anyone else can dictate, not even Dominic”

Before they can say another word, the door swings open and Roger strides in, looking grave. Isabel trails behind him, baby Sadie in her arms. “We’ve got a problem.” Roger announces. “The daily shuttle from the continent never arrived. there’s a chance Damon has compromised our refugee operation.”

 

Chapter 187

I look back and forth between Roger and Isabel, noting her pallid skin tone and his quiet concern. “

How long overdue is the plane?” I inquire, checking the time on my phone.

“It was supposed to get in five hours ago. James has never been late before.” Isabel pipes up, bouncing Sadie in her arms and visibly trying to control the tremors of fear wracking her body. I rise from my chair and attempt to put an arm around her, but she j.erks away from my touch like a skittish horse. Sighing, I drop my hand.

“Is it possible there weren’t any refugees needing to make the journey today?” Henry asks, logical as ever.

“We haven’t had a single day without a new batch.” Gabriel answers grimly, “the wait list back on the continent is a mile long. If he didn’t come today, then something has gone wrong.”

“Is the news out of the continent still blacked out?” I question, even though I already know the answer. Damon shut such a tight lid on the media that the only information available to us anymore is brouğht by refugees and spies.

“Yes.” Gabriel replies, with the same dark expression. “I’ll see if I can tap into our spy network. I have a few people stationed around the egress points on the coast. But to be frank the fact that they haven’t reported in either doesn’t bode well.”

“What do we do?” Isabel frets aloud, looking hopefully at the King. “Can you stage a rescue mission?”

“We can’t go in blind.” Phil!ppe declares evenly.

We need to know what we’re dealing with before we send relief troops or more aircraft.”

“But if the camps on the coast are under attack then they need your help now.” Isabel argues, swinging her frantic gaze to me, “Ella, do something!”

“We will.” I promise, resisting the urge to reach for her again. “We’re not going to just leave our people to fend for themselves, but Phil!ppe is right, if we charge in blind then not only do we risk failure, but we risk losing even more people than were already in danger.”

“But there’s no time!” Isabel insists. “They could be dead already.” Even though she says they, I can hear the secret fear she won’t allow herself to voice. She means he could be dead already. He James, the soldier who rescued Sadie and delivered frightened orphans to the safety of Isabel’s nursery every day, who comforted the aloof she-wolf despite her ferocious protests. I’d known she was becoming attached to him, but I hadn’t realized quite how far she’s already fallen. I say a silent prayer to the Goddess for the man’s safety, to spare my cranky friend more pain if nothing else.

“I know.” I tell her gently, “but we don’t have many options here, Isabel.”

“Don’t look at me that way!” She snaps, cuddling Sadie closer. “Like I’m some hysterical woman who can’t see reason. I’m not fragile and I don’t need your pity.”

I cross my arms over my c.hest, an instinctive growl bubbling to life in my c.hest. Isabel jolts, her wolf reflexively quivering in the face of my warning, “That’s not what I’m doing, and lashing out at me isn’t going to bring him home any faster.” I state calmly.

Her eyes widen slightly, and then she deflates, submitting to my dominance. “I know, I’m sorry…I just…”

“I know.” I assure her, finally sliding my arm around her shoulder and leading her from the room. “We’ll get through it, whatever happens.”

We’re only halfway back to the nursery when Roger comes racing up behind us, “We just got word, James’s plane is about to land.”

Isabel j.erks her head up, “what?”

“We don’t know what happened, but he just called in clearance to land.” Roger explains, Henry, Gabriel and Phil!ppe joining us as we change direction. We all pile into the King’s car and speed towards the airfield. Isabel is shaking with relief beside me, and I try to lean against her for comfort without letting her realize what I’m doing. She glares at me but leans into my warmth despite her thorny demeanor.

We arrive just as James’s plane is taxiing down the runway, and when the cargo bay opens, a rush of refugees pour forth, more numerous than any arrival to date. I immediately sense that something has gone terribly wrong back home – worse even than before. There are too many people, and the looks on their faces break my heart. These aren’t the panicked but hopeful expressions of relief at a long journey’s end, but the hollow-eyed numbness of those that have seen too many horrors to feel anything anymore.

James is the last off the plane, and though Isabel runs half the distance to him, she seems to stop when she realizes what she was doing. Luckily he isn’t shy about his affection, and he pulls Isabel and Sadie into his arms as soon as they’re in reach. Sadie cuddles him happily, but Isabel pushes at his c.hest with a look of sullen detachment on her pretty features. “Where were you? What took so long?” She demands, her tone more harsh for all the hurt and fear she’s trying to mask.

James growls and tugs her closer, burying his head in her neck. She allows him this much, though she still has the sulky energy of a she-wolf who is determined not to be mollified. James purrs, and she finally relents, melting into his arms. I look away, knowing she wouldn’t want her private moment observed.

I turn my attention to the refugees, who ebb forward as if in a trance. The triage tent separates the injured from the unharmed, individuals from families and unaccompanied children from temporary guardians. I go to a.ssist with the intake process, trying to offer what comfort I can.

I lead a couple with minor injuries to the medical tent, and Cora meets me in the doorway with wide eyes. “What’s happened?”

“I don’t know.” I sigh, “but it isn’t good.”

“The Usurper…” The she-wolf beside me mutterS, searching my face for understanding. “Damon, he broke the pact.”

Cora and I exchange confused glances. “What pact?” I’m glad that my sister asks, because as Luna I should probably know about the major treaties and agreements governing shifter society.

“The secrecy pact.” Her mate explains gruffly, though this doesn’t actually clear things up for us.

I don’t know if he grew too ambitious and lost control, or if this was part of his plan all along… but it’s done now… the entire continent is on fire… the revolution is in shambles… nothing will ever be the same.”

His words strike fear into my heart, but I still don’t understand them. I don’t know about any secrecy pact, but I don’t want to force these weary wolves to explain things when they need to be focused on healing. “It’s okay.” I mumur, “go with Cora here and she’ll get you cleaned up, there will be plenty of time to talk later.”

I return to the triage tent, but when I see Gabriel and Henry huddled with James near his plane, I can’t stay away. I return to their side, noting that while Isabel is taking charge of unaccompanied pups, her eyes are locked on the pilot. I approach behind them, just in time to hear James saying, his army

breached the borders in broad daylight – fully shifted, and set upon the humans. It seems Damon is done with shadow tactics that can be explained away by weapons or natural disasters.”

“You think it was intentional?” Gabriel demands, sounding as serious as I’ve ever heard him. “Not some sort of military exercise gone terribly wrong?

An attempt to work with rogues who betrayed him?”

“From what I can tell it was a calculated assault.”

James confirms, “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“What’s happening?” I finally interrupt, pushing into the circle. “Someone mentioned a secrecy pact, and you’re saying Damon attacked the humans?”

“Yes,” James accedes, glancing anxiously towards Isabel and Sadie.

“The secrecy pact is what bound shifter society from coming oùt in the open in the lands we share with humans.” Henry explains, squeezing my hand. “It’s a treaty the united peaks formed in the earliest days of our existence, to preserve the safety of our people and preserve the cultures of both worlds.”

Understanding clicks into place, and my mouth drops open. “You’re saying that all the humans back home just found out that werewolves are real? Because Damon was too stupid or too greedy to maintain the pact?”

“Exactly.” Gabriel nods, “Our two worlds just collided- with violent and devastating impact. My guess is that Damon seeks to enslave the humans as a lesser class of being, that he means to make them serve shifters in his empire.”

“But it’s not just our continent affected.” Henry shares bleakly. “Damon just opened a can of worms for every country on the planet. People all around the world are waking up to discover that creatures from their worst nightmares are real and living among them- that they have more money, power and influence than any humans. The fallout is going to be unimaginable.”

“It’s already utter chaos.” James reports gravely.”

Everyone, both shifters and humans are in a fault on panic, and there’s no controlling it. That’s why I was so late, I was trying to lead people to the coast but every ten feet we’d have to stop and hid from roving war parties belonging to both sides, and then more people would turn up begging to join us.

I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“I can’t believe this” I breathe, feeling my knees go weak.

“Believe it.” Gabriel said, without ire. “This changes everything. And I think you were right, Ella.” The King is looking at me with determined calm. “We can’t afford to waste a single moment in this war. If there are things in your past that can give us answers… we need to find them as soon as possible.”

 

Chapter 188

I lean over the back of the sofa in my quest suite, my hands closed in white- knuckled fists around the frame. My phone is lit up on the table in front of me, Gabriel’s name glowing on the screen. Hugo and the Black Alder Alpha, Callahan, stand beside me, looking on with somber expressions. “Talk to me. What do we know?”

“It’s bad, Dom.” The Vanaran King reports. “My spies say that all signs point to utter ruin. Civilians are fleeing the territories in droves, and the governments they’re leaving behind are scrambling. The packs have all fallen to Damon, and the human regimes are considering extreme action to hold off the invasion.”

“Do they not realize what they’re up against?” I demand. “After all, the upper echelons of government have always known the secret, they know h0w far ahead our SOcieties are.”

“And they’ve been planning contingencies.” My father interjects. “Sovereigns from other continents are offering their aid, there’s been talk of employing weapons of mass destruction… of secret laboratories working for decades on projects inventing next-gen arms capable of combatting our own. They’ve been preparing for this sort of eventuality since day one.”

“And what have they come up with? Any weapon deadly to shifters will also be lethal to humans.” I remind them.

“From what we can tell, even the best of their labs haven’t come close to matching the sophistication of our technology.” Phil!ppe reveals. “They’re at least fifty years behind. But that’s less important than the likelihood that they’ll deploy them anyway. Some we can stop and neutralize- others we shield against, but there are others still that we cannot defend against once they’ve been deployed, only try to mitigate the damage.”

“Im afraid things are reaching the point where the humans may very well decide to abandon their own people left under Damon’s rule, for the sake of taking him out once and for all.” Gabriel cautions, answering the second part of my question. “They see them as lost causes, collateral damage.”

“That’s ũnconscionable.” I snarl. “What kind of leader would contemplate k!lling their subjects so indiscriminately, as if they’re nothing more than pawns in some larger game?”

“It’s containment.” Ella chimes in, her sweet voice clashing with the harsh words. “They’re panicking and they want to fight fire with fire. Damon isn’t holding back no matter the impact on the shifters under his rule, and the humans are being faced with the choice between losing some of their populations, or having the entirety enslaved.”

“As we said.” Roger sighs, “things are worse than we ever could have feared.”

“Are the pathways out of the continent still open?”

I inquire, trying to quell my wolf’s rabid energy.

Are we still able to bring refugees to Vanara?”

“We need more planes.” Dad replies. “One trip a day isn’t enough anymore, and we need to allocate more funding to supporting them once they arrive.”

“Authorize it.” I order, knowing my voice sounds harsh and biting, but unable to help it. “Has there been any word from packs on the other continents? What of the rebellion?”

“Dom, our spies are reporting all the same intel that Gabriel’s are.” Roger shares, “the rebellion is all but in shambles after this… there’s a strong undercurrent of anger and hope among our allies back home… they’re eager to fight, but right now our biggest concern is making sure they live to fight another day.”

“We’ve had word from the Veran King.” Gabriel adds, referring to the continent west of Vanara.

He’s eager to speak with you. Things haven’t devolved to violence there or in Sevka, but the human s are in an uproar around the world. They’re anxious about our future.. they’re willing to offer any help they can to get this under control.”

“Thank the Goddess for that.” I breathe, even though I don’t have the first idea how to do such a thìng. The only thing that comes to mind is inventing a time machine and going back to kit Damon before he ever got a chance to put any of his diabolical plans in motion. If I hadn’t been such a noble a.ss we could have avoided all this.

“What are your orders, Alpha?” Phil!ppe inquires, his voice full of belief that I will have some sort of answer. I’m grateful for him, but also at a loss.

“Ella?” I ask, wishing I could see her. “You know the ways of humans far better than we do. Do you have any thoughts?”

There’s a short pause, and then her silken voice floats up from the device. “People are afraid, and right now they see us as their enemies… as monsters from horror films who are all cut from the same cloth as Damon. I think the best thing we can do is show them that they aren’t suffering alone. Show them that Damon does not reflect all shifters, and that our people don’t want him in power any more than they do.” Another pause, and I can imagine my mate’s beautiful face scrunched up in deep thought. “I think we should extend our rescue operations to include human civilians.

Reach out to every state and local government you can to offer aid, whether it’s money or resourcès, and publicize it. We need shifter allies, but I think human allies might be even more urgent now.”

“Well put.” Dad praises, “we need to combine PR with diplomacy and hard line action. This isn’t just our fight anymore.”

“Do it.” I agree. “I trust you all, authorize whatever funds and resources we can, and put out feelers to contacts throughout the continent. Forward me any correspondence for approval before sending it out, and have our spies start spreading the word on the ground. Half of Damon’s strategy is propaganda and fear mongering, we can counter it with a whisper campaign of our own. Don’t let people lose hope, don’t let Damon convince them we’re enemies. Print up flyers supporting the rebellion if we need to, whatever it takes.”

There are a few mumbled agreements, and when a hush falls I turn my attention to the person I want to speak with most. “Can I have a minute alone with my mate please?” I request, though it’s actually an order. I listen as the men on Ella’s end of the line shuffle out, and wait for the Black Alder Alpha and Hugo to leave as well.

When we’re finally alone, I ask. “How are you holding up, trouble?”

“I’m a little overwhelmed.” She admits in a soft voice, “I never imagined thĩs could happen.”

“I don’t think any of us believed Damon would be so reckless.” I share, feeling more at ease now that we can speak one on one. “I always knew it would be a disaster if he came to power, but I have to confess this is so much worse than I feared.” I don’t add that I hate not being able to fix it, because she already knows. “I need to see you tonight.”

“I’ll try my best.” Ella promises with true longing, as though she wants nothing more herself. “I’ve just been so tired with all the summon it planning and the refugees. I’m out the second my head hits the pillow.”

“I know baby.” I sigh, feeling guilty even though I know a dream date would comfort us both. “I suppose I shouldn’t keep you half awake in dreams all night anyway… I just miss you.”

“I miss you too, so does Rafe.” Ella relates, “He asks for you- in his own way – about ten times a day.”

“Maybe I can record some purrs for you both, so it can feel like I’m there even when I’m not.” I suggest.

Ella’s breath catches, and I wonder if she’s been struggling even more than she admits. “I’d love that.”

“Then it’s done. As soon as we’re off the phone.” I vow, wanting nothing more than to spend the rest of our call talking about each other and our pup, but knowing there’s still some business left to cover. “How are plans for the summit going?”

“Well, for the most part.” Ella reports. “Everyone’s looking forward to the ball and Roger is helping me plan some especially sneaky events to win over the reluctant Alphas. Though we’re going to have to reevaluate a few things now.” She pauses, sounding wistful. “And the Black Alder pack?”

“Alpha Callahan was reluctant to join us this morning.” I say ruefully, “but it seems he’s had a change of heart, what with the pact being broken expect the Alphas here are going to be much more motivated to help us now, as shifters living among humans are probably going to be looking for an escape – and what better place than the hidden territories?” I glance at the door, recalling the tense conversation I’d shared with the Black Alder Alpha Over breakfast. “Vanara is the last place on earth shifters Can exist in secret now, and for the first time in the history of the hidden territories, their own society is at risk because of events in the rest of the world. It’s an important wake-up call.”

“Then maybe some good can come out of all this pain.” Ella assesses sorrowfully.

“I hope so.” I agree, wishing I could wrap my arms around her, breathe in her wonderful scent.”But for now we just have to wait and see. This is a new world we’re living in, and if we can save it then it will be up to us to build a new, hybrid society unlike anything before seen in history.”

“And if we can’t?” My precious mate squeaks.

“Im not going to let that happen, Ella.” I remark firmly. “Il die first.”

 

Chapter 189

After hanging up with Sinclair, I return the King’s cell phone and look around at the gathered men.”

When does Leon arrive?”I inquire, forcing down a shiver.

“Within the hour.” Gabriel replies, solemn-faced.

Though they’d all agreed that the developments back home warranted accelerating my hypnosis sessions, none of them are happy about keeping them secret. I’m not happy about it either, but I’m also dreading another traumatizing visit to my past.

“Before he arrives I think we should take some bl00d samples from you, Ella.” Henry suggests. “I know the doctors in Moon Valley didn’t find any genetic matches for you, but there’s a chance that we can trace your ancestry by looking at genetic traits which have historically been doc.umented in certain bl00dlines. It won’t help us if the inherited genes aren’t expressed through ancestral phenotypes, but certain markers in your DNA might still allow us to draw important connections”

“But surely that would only work if my ancestors come from a bl00dline deemed worth doc.umenting.” I object uncertainly. “I mean if I come from a long line of nobodies then there won’t be anything to find.”

Phil!ppe, Henry, Gabriel and Roger exchange meaningful glances. They appear to have a full on silent conversation, trading shrugs and expressions as if batting the responsibility of answering back and forth between one another. “

What?” I finally prompt them, feeling exasperated.

“It’s just, Ella,” Roger sighs, “it’s highly unlikely that you come from random nobodies. It’s not impossible, but the fact that you survived having your wolf bound and have proven yourself a match for Dominic… that indicated a level of power that has to be passed down over centuries, getting stronger

with every generation. It would explain why the Goddess chose you.. she blessed certain wolves with more magic than others from the beginning.”

I look between them curiously. “Does that mean that all of you have the same sort of lineage?” I inquire, “Given that you’re among the most powerful Alphas alive today?

“That’s exactly what it means.” Henry confirms, not sounding the least bit boastful. “The Sinclairs, Gabriel’s bl00dline, even Phil!ppes, they’re all incredibly distinguished and can be traced back to the first wolves.”

I cross my arms over my c.hest. “That hardly seems then what, you’re doomed to be poor and powerless?”

“That isn’t how it works.” Gabriel chuckles. “Plenty of other traits prove more useful than brute strength, which is why some other bl00dlines have died out because so-called weaker wolves outsmarted them. And the fact remains that fair or not, this might hold some clues to your past, so isn’t this worth exploring.”

Suddenly the little girl who asked me if I’m a princess pops into my head, and I grapple with the discomfort of this idea. “I guess, though I don’t think I like the idea of being part of a long line of snobby elites.”

“Oh come on,” Roger jokes, “we’re not all that bad.”

I manage a small smile for his joke, but I grumble the entire way through the bl00d draw. When the doctor departs I try to sneak in a power nap before Leon arrives, much good that it does me. I end up lying awake and staring at the ceiling, dreading the session about to come. I tried to tell myself it would be okay, but I knew better… and I was right.

Half an hour later I’m in the familiar drug-induced stupor of the ether, the world swirling around me in a hallucinogenic haze. Henry’s hands are warm around mine, and I try to focus on the good feelings, rather than the walls coming down in my mind.

“All right Ella, last time we were here you recalled being visited by a couple of priests when you were a girl. I understand that was a somewhat traumatic memory for you.” Leon begins gently.

“That’s putting it mildly.” Henry mutters under his breath, and I squeeze his hand to let him know I’m okay.

“Yes.” I answer, delighting in the starbursts dancing across my dark eyelids.

“I want to ask you if you ever saw or spoke with those men again?” Leon inquires. “Can you recall meeting other men or women in similar clothing, who spoke about things you didn’t understand?”

I breathe deeply and try to focus, recalling their wrinkled faces while trying to hold off the feelings evoked by that particular memory. I’d been ready to say no, but the more I focus on the details of their robes and the timbres of their voices, I realize that isn’t true. “Yes.” I say, even as I realize it. “I did see them again.”

“When?” Leon inquires, as nonchalantly as if we’re talking about the weather.

“I…. I don’t know.” I stammer, not really wanting to move deeper into the possibility – after all, if my first incident with them resulted in the binding of my wolf, I’m not eager to find out what might have come next.

“Don’t resist the ether, Ella.” Leon advises. “Just let it carry you. I know it’s not easy, but we need to know this. This is all to help the pack, remember?”

I squeak my a.ssent, trying to refocus myself as he continues, “try to picture the setting. Where were they when you saw them again, what were they doing?”

Flashes of a dark forest burst into my thoughts, followed by the sound of my feet crashing through the undergrowth, my heart pounding in my ears as adrenaline floods my veins. I have to get away. I think frantically. I can’t let them catch me! Just keep going, don’t stop.

“There’s someone chasing me.” I gasp, understanding setting in as my breath comes in pants. There is no light in the woods save the moon, and as I race away from the monster at my back, I see the priests standing amidst the towering trees… watching… making no move to help me.

“Try going further back, Ella. Who is chasing you?

Why did you start running?” Leon prompts, in the same calm tone.

As soon as he says it, I’m transported to a dim alleyway a few miles from the orphanage. I’m thirteen, and it’s the first summer that Cora and I attempted to live on the streets. After fleeing the orphanage and the Doctor’s a.buse, we’d lasted two whole months picking pockets and hustling to keep our bellies full. We’d slowly learned the tricks of the trade – how to stay hidden from the authorities and enterprising gangs who might recruit us; how to hide our shelters out of sight and stay warm on the cooler nights; even how to navigate some of the city’s secret closes and corridors to get around.

Everything was fine until this night, when we’d been on our way back to our current home base after breaking into the public bath houses for some stolen showers. Our hair was we.t and dripping, and we were giggling up a storm, still riding high on the excitement of our scheme. “I think we should do this at least once a week – their security is so weak I doubt they’ll ever notice.” I laugh.

“Every week, how about every day!” Cora suggests, her cheeks clean and rosy for the first time in too many days.

“Now that’s playing with fire.” A deep voice sounded behind us.

We both wh!pped around, our eyes going wide as we took in the sight of two h.uge men towering over our slight bodies. “You take risks too often and you’re just asking to get caught.” The second man agreed, a hungry glint in his eyes.

Cora and I began backing away, both sensing that whatever these men wanted, it wasn’t good. My mind was fighting to stay in the present, immediately consumed with the doctor’s last attack… the pain, violation and shame of having him on top of me.

“Ella!” Cora shook me back to the present, and the first man offered up a sickly smile. “What a pretty name. Don’t be scared, honey, we just want to have a bit of fun.”

My first thought was to find some way to lure them away from Cora, and I turned and hissed in her ear, “Run. Run and hide, I’ll lead them away.”

“Ella no!” She gasped, “I can’t -“

“I won’t let them catch me, you know how fast I am.” I promised. “Now go.” Looking uncertain, Cora turned on her heel and darted away. The second man started to go after her, but I reached out a hand to block him. “Wait, you don’t need her. Leave her be and I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Is that so?” The first man asked, smirking. “Do you have any idea what we want, beautiful?”

“I can guess. ” I replied, trying to make my voice steady while silently counting how many seconds had passed since Cora ran.

“What do you think?” The second man asked.

“Well she’ll certainly bring the hirer price, and you know the customers prefer a willing slut.” He glanced in the direction Cora had run. “She’s gone anyway.” He assessed, turning back to me. “Alright girly, why

don’t you prove yourself to us, otherwise we start looking for your little friend.”

I had to hope that Cora had enough time to escape, and I hadn’t missed their comment about me fetching a higher price. “Sure,”I grinned, “You’ll just have to catch me first.”

 

Chapter 190

I turn on my heel and run away as fast as my feet will carry me.

My would-be kidnappers curse and soon their footsteps are pounding into the pavement behind me. I fly through the sleeping city, careful to make sure I travel in the opposite direction Cora ran. I hadn’t been sure they’d both follow me when another target was still within reach, but it seems their outrage over being duped by a little girl was strong enough to make them focus on me.

I know I need to find some place to hide, or some way to lose them. I’m small and fast, but my pursuers have longer legs and are probably in much better shape than I am. I can’t remember the last time I ate, let alone the last time I exercised for any reason other than survival. I turn towards the park in the center of the valley – the trees are dense and there’s little to no light, plus I’ve always had a talent for seeing in the darkness… at least I used to.

My adrenaline pushes me to sprint away from the men, even though my head is telling me to pace myself. I don’t risk looking over my shoulder, I simply run until my lungs are burning and my sides are splitting with cramps. Still, I don’t let myself slow down. I push through the pain and exhaustion, forcing myself to take longer strides, to move faster still.

I feel a slight flash of relief, when I reach the forest, bounding into the cover of the trees and veering away from the path. I leap over fallen logs and plow through the thick undergrowth, wondering if I should keep running or attempt to climb a tree.

An angry shout sounds behind me, and I realize my pursuers are closer than I knew. My heart stutters with raw panic, but I keep going, panting with the effort of drawing air.

Blood rushes in my ears, and though I can feel b.ranches and thorns scraping my legs, I don’t feel any pain. My frantic brain hallucinates the sound of a wolf howling in the distance, then two more join the

cry and my eyes flit around the woods, searching for unseen predators. We’re deep in the forest now, and all at once I realize this was the worst possible place I could have chosen to flee.

I’ve always felt safe in the forest, but it seems my eyesight is not as sharp as I remember amidst this pitch blackness, and I’ve led my attackers away from the bustling city – from any witnesses or bystanders that might step in to help me.

I’m slowing down, no matter how hard I try to carry on. I was running on fumes to begin with, and my adrenaline can only do so much. No! I think frantically, keep going! If they catch you it’s all over. They’ll sell you to a brothel or to some monster like the Doctor. Nọ one will be left to protect Cora. You have to fight!

A final burst of energy gives me a fleeting sense of hope. I pick up speed once more, but in doing so I move too fast to adequately take in my surroundings. My foot catches on a protruding rock, and I tumble to the ground, rolling and crashing through the undergrowth. I finally come to a stop, sprawled on my back and gasping for air.

I’m bruised and bleeding, and I feel as if I’ve been punched in the stomach, my lungs temporarily frozen in shock.

My attackers loom above me then, panting for breath but looking down at me with sickening smiles. “Now look at what you’ve done, you stupid girl.” The first remarks, “How are we supposed to get a good price for you when you’re all marked up this way? Hmm?”

His partner smirks, “At this rate it will be a week before we can take her to auction, so there’s really no reason to be delicate with her. We might as well test the merchandise.”

“I agree.” The first leers, “The little b!tch was asking for it, besides I doubt a pretty thing like this is still pure anyw ay. You remember how she offered herself up for her friend. The little hussy is just gagging for it.”

“Then let’s not disappoint her.” The second declares, reaching for his belt. “Don’t worry slut, we’ll make this good for you – as long as you don’t fight.”

Tears burn in my eyes. I know what happens next

..I know I can survive it, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to be hurt that way again, and their cruel words fill me with a well of humiliation deeper than I can fathom. It’s not my fault I’m not pure, it’s not my fault I look this way.. it isn’t fair. What have I done to deserve this? Haven’t I suffered enough in my short life?

I choke back a sob, I don’t know what to do. if I fight them they’ll hurt me worse, and if I don’t they’ll insist that I like it. I look around the forest, searching for some escape, some last ditch rescue.

I freeze when I see two robed figures a dozen meters away, illuminated in a shaft of moonlight between the trees. I don’t recognize the men, and yet they seem strangely familiar. They stand there motionless, their hands clasped as they watch the scene with my kidnappers unfold. Their wrinkled faces are drawn in frowns, but they don’t make a sound. They don’t move to help me, or acknowledge my terror… they simply watch.

“What is she looking at?” The first man grumbles, sounding annoyed that my full attention isn’t on them.

“I don’t know, there’s nothing there.” The second mutters in frustration. I can’t focus enough to comprehend that they can’t see the strange men, I’m still staring at the pair with desperation, silently begging them to help me but still too afraid to scream. I know they see me. They’re looking right at me – so why aren’t they acting?

Surely they don’t think I’m here willingly. I hear a whoosh of air, and then a sickening crack as pain explodes across my cheekbone. I hear myself cry out, even though I hate giving them the satisfaction. My vision goes black for a moment, then fills with stars as I blink up at the men in confusion. Any hope I’d kept alive dies as I accept the fact that no rescue is in store for me. They’re going to r.ape me, and then they’re going to sell me to be a.bused over and over again.. possibly for the rest of my life.

The gravity, the reality of that future slams into me, and suddenly my stomach is rising into my throat. I vomit onto the ground beside me, and the men leap back in disgust. “You idiot, you hit her too hard”

“Just drag her over here, I don’t want to get it on me.” The other orders.

Someone lifts my feet, and then I’m being wrenched across the cold, hard earth like a ragdoll.

I blink up at the sky, wishing to leave my body, to be knocked unconscious so that if I must be violated, I won’t have to remember it. Then something glints in my periphery, like silver and starlight. It’s just a flash, buried among the leaf litter and course woody debris of the forest floor.

My focus locks onto it, and the closer I look, I recognize the hilt of a dagger. The weapon is unlike anything I’ve ever seen – not the simple blades included in multipurpose tools or even the jagged knives used by hunters. This looks like something out of a museum. Jewels are imbedded in the hilt, and though I can’t see the blade, I instinctively sense that it’s sharp enough to slice through steel.

I reach for it, trying not to telegraph my movements as the first man wrenches my legs apart and rips at my clothes. My fingers close around the cold metal, and I act before I can even think. My body is in survival mode – I’ve tried flight, and now all that’s left is fight. After all, it’s not like I have anything to lose. I slash the dagger across the first man’s throat, watching his flesh rip open with detached horror. It took more strength than I expected, but I managed, and now his hot, crimson bl00d is gushing out as he gurgles and claws at his neck.

The second man j.erks around in shock, wide eyed.

“What – Steven!” He leans down to try to apply pressure to his friend’s wound, clearly more concerned with saving the man than identifying the threat which caused this damage. “What… how

As soon as his eyes slide to me I strike again, burying the blade in the side of his neck until the tip protrudes from the other side of his throat. I rip it free and stab again, before scrambling back on my hands and feet. The second man collapses atop the first, though he still reaches for me, “you little b!tch.”

“Are those really the words you want for your last?”

I manage to spit, drawing strength from some unknown source. He opens his mouth again, but nothing comes out. I watch as the light drains from their eyes, before finally looking back to the robed men. They nod their approval, and the first sets a bundle of cloth on a log by his feet. They turn on their heels and stride back through the trees, disappearing from sight.

My limbs are trembling violently, and when I look back to the dead men, I discover that the knife has disappeared. I’m alone in the forest with two dead bodies, covered in bl00d and my own vomit. But I’m alive, and other than some bruises, I’m unharmed.

I shakily rise to my feet, though it takes a few tries.

I move forward in a trance, investigating the bundle the robed man left behind. It’s a fresh change of clothes and a bottle of water. Moving on autopilot I wash away as much of the gore as I can and change, knowing that if I return home to Cora this way, she’ll be traumatized. After, I walk out of the forest as if nothing happened, and the strangest part of all is that the closer I come to the edge, the less I remember.

By the time I emerge I can’t recall anything at all, and when my sister asks I can only answer that I lost our attackers… and as far as I know, it’s the truth.