Ch. 136..140: I Will Never Be Yours Chapter 136-140
Chapter 136
Kian POV:
Looking at my little mate when she takes the bottle of water and an apple and gets out under my arm before she opens a portal and vanishes right in front of us with no other word than it’s fine!
“Now do you believe me? What have you done to her!” I hear Emma shouts from the side before she breaks down in a sob and Cannon walks over to be by her side.
I haven’t seen her for weeks because I have been too busy trying to get the situation under control, I hardly have any minute over and don’t want to disturb her when she needs to rest. I had hoped this would settle down quickly and we could have a talk but the days have gone right into the next one.
It wasn’t until today when Emma burst inside my office and screamed at me we are about to lose her for good that it had me to realize how long it has been since I saw her. I came at her hard that day in my office and my anger where outside my body, couldn’t contain it.
She had overstepped my trust by miles and it took me more than a week to start calming down, I know she wanted to protect her pack but the way she did it where reckless.
“I told you this before Kian when you had the argument in your office! You were a bit too hard on her even if what she did was irresponsible she hasn’t had anyone to guide her on the way! All she wanted to do where trying to keep her pack members alive and you have done nothing to her than punish her these weeks!” my father says and I know he is right but at the same time, she broke her promise to me more than once.
“I know!” is all I can say and drag a hand through my hair, I could have handled it better than distancing myself and getting all up in the work and doing everything to keep them safe. I have missed all of this!
“She never told anyone else about the pregnancy I knew before anyone and it was I who told the others, she only wanted to make sure what I said was the truth before telling you. I told you this before and if you are going to be angry at anyone it’s me!” I hear Emma say and I know it to
“Michael called me that’s why I forced myself in here even though you don’t allow anyone inside! He is afraid she is using the gift to put up a barrier to all her feelings and it cuts her off from the mate bond, he is afraid she will get stuck, and then you will never have her back!” Emma says and I snap my head in her direction
“What?” I say to her in response, did I hear it right?
“Her new gift can cut her off from any feelings and the mate bond. If she doesn’t stop using it like a shield against her pain she will be lost! Do you think it’s good for your children if she has no feelings? How do you think it will affect them?” Emma says and my stomach drops at her words.
Walking closer to the counter I have to place my hands on top of it and take a minute to wrap my head around her words.
“Do you even know she doesn’t sleep inside your room any longer? Cannon walked here when we arrived tonight in his wolf and found her alone inside a guest room. Where do you sleep?” she says and I turn my head to look at her.
“Every night I am outside and patrolling the borders, if the vampires will attack you can be sure it’s going down at the night and I have to keep her and our children. safe so I only sleep a few hours in the morning in my office! Don’t want to disturb her when I get back!” I tell her what I have been doing. Seeing her shake her head in response.
“She thinks you hate her and there is no point in trying! She only used her word fine for everything! It might even be too late!” Emma says and I push off the counter and start walking around in the room. I have been too occupied to notice in what way this has gone, I should have noticed before.
Turning around I head out of the kitchen and take quick steps up the stairs, pushing the door open once I reach my chambers and walk inside. Emma is right!
She hasn’t been in here for a long time, her scent is almost gone even if I can smell a faint trace of her.
Walking around in the room there is nothing left of her belongings inside, turning around I start to walk down the hallway and follow where I can find her trace.
Stopping outside a guest room I open the door and her intoxic scent hit me like at wall once the door is opened, I have to take a large inhale of it!
Realizing how much I have missed her these weeks!
Hearing some footsteps behind me they stop when they have reached to where I stand.
“How could you not have known this? Didn’t you get your clothes or shower inside your room?” Emma asks and I have had a maid bring me most of my clothes down to another guest room at the bottom floor, I have been using the shower when I got home in the early mornings and dressed there before heading over to my office and sleep on the couch for a couple of hours.
I have missed it all!
“No, I used a guest room and a maid brought me my clothes!” I tell to her.
Turning around I look at Emma where she stands with Cannon’s arm around her waist, she is in deep thought and it takes a moment before she lifts her eyes and meets mine.
“What do you want me to do Emma?”
Chapter 137
Selena POV:
I’m done for the day and head out of Michael’s house before I’m ready to head back, I have a new book in my hand and I would have loved to take a seat outside this evening and read by myself.
“Now go back and take a rest, don’t take a detour! It will only get you in trouble!” Michael shouts from the window and I roll my eyes at him, could I get in worse trouble than I already am?
“Yes, I will!” I say and sigh before opening a portal and walking out right outside the castle, now I’m here, and would it hurt anyone if I stay outside for a bit?
My stomach starts to rumble and there have been several hours since I ate something, these days it doesn’t seem to be any stop in the amount of food my body craves.
I sigh and decide to walk inside instead and grab myself something from the kitchen before heading up to the room.
Walking up the stairs to the front door I push it open and head inside, the hallway is empty and I like it that way. Hoping I won’t bump into anyone on the way as I did this morning!
When I start to get closer to the kitchen I get this sniff of food and it smells delicious, my mouth starts to water up at the smell and there is no stopping on my feet when I quickly arrive at the kitchen.
Hearing some voices I stop in my track when my eyes land on Emma and Kian cooking dinner while Cannon is setting the table.
The kitchen is just as crowded as this morning and I can come down later when they are done and grab myself something to eat.
Turning around I start to walk back out of there, I won’t do this again! I already bumped into them all this morning.
“Selena wait! we are making some dinner and thought it would be nice to have it together!” I hear Emma say and stop in my track for a moment. The food smells delicious but I’m not up to sitting here at a table with him.
“No, it’s fine! I will grab something later!” I say and start to walk again.
“Selena stops!” I hear his voice boom out and it sends a chill down my spine, I have missed his voice more than I thought I had.
Hearing his steps walking closer to where I am when I feel him being close to my back.
“You need to eat!” he says and before he gets a chance to touch me I take a step to the side and turn around.
“I can take something later!” I say and keep my eyes on the ground when I hear him take a step closer to where I am.
My feet move on instinct and I take a step back when I see his feet stop in front of me.
“Stay! You need it!” he says and tries to reach his hand to me when I take a step to the side.
“Alright I won’t touch you but take a seat at the table!” he says and I hear him take a step back when there are some more moving in the room.
“I have made you your favorite dish! Come” I hear Emma say and I thought I recognized the smell when I walked inside the kitchen. Lifting my eyes from the floor I see her standing by the table and the food is placed in the middle, my stomach instantly starts to rumble.
“I’m not going to take a no! You are hungry!” I hear her say when she walks over and grabs my arm before she starts to pull me with her over to the table and have me to take a seat at a chair.
Placing my book down in my lap when she walks over to the other side of the table and takes a seat, I see Cannon walk over and sit beside her when I hear Kian walk closer to where I am before he sits down beside me.
I feel the warmth coming out from his body when his arm almost touches mine, he reaches over to my plate and I see him place food on my plate before putting it back down in front of me.
Looking at the delicious food in front of me I don’t hesitate to start digging in, it has been my favorite food and I don’t mind if it’s a little bit spicy. I hope it won’t cause me a problem to eat while I’m pregnant. Taking my first mouth of the food it’s the same taste but not anywhere near being as spicy as it usually is.
“I didn’t make it as spicy as I usually do, I don’t think it would be good with your pregnancy. Would probably cause you heartburn!” Emma says what I’m thinking and I raise my eyes and look at her, she has food on her plate but she hasn’t touched it yet.
“I think it’s good!” I say and see her get a smile on her lips before I turn my attention back to the food and start wolfing it down. I where hungrier than I thought or my body simply can’t get enough food into its system.
My plate is empty in a short moment and I place my fork down beside it when Kian reaches over and takes my plate to fill it up a bit more.
He places it back down in front of me and that is way too much food, I won’t be able to eat it all.
“You need more food! You’re eating for more than one!” Kian says next to my ear and it’s the first time he has acknowledged me being pregnant since that day in the doctor’s office. It hits right in my heart
and I feel vulnerable, didn’t think it would affect me the way it does.
Taking a deep breath I push my walls tighter up against my feelings to cut them off before I take up my fork and start to eat again in silence.
Emptying my plate I feel beyond full and have to sit back in my seat to take a breath, there hardly isn’t enough room in my body to let me fill up my lungs with how full I feel.
Lifting my eyes I see the others still eating and I guess I hardly took any breaths before emptying my plate.
His hand comes to my thigh where he places it and it almost feels like it burns through the fabric of my pants, I can’t think of anything else than his hand on my thigh when my bladder needs to be emptied like a savior for me to get out of here.
Taking my book I rise from my seat and pick up my plate to walk over to the sink.
“Thanks for the food, I have to go!” I say and head over to place it down in the sink.
“Leave it I will take care of it! Don’t you want some dessert?” Emma says when I turn around to rush up to the bathroom.
“No thank you! Need to use the bathroom!” I say and rush out of the kitchen without hearing if she said anything else.
Making my way down the hallway I push the door open and quickly rush over to the bathroom before there will be an accident on the floor.
Taking a breath of relief, I made it there in time when I empty my bladder, once I’m done I take off my clothes and place them on the sink before I turn around and head over to the shower. I better take a
shower now I got this feeling I will fall asleep early tonight and if I lay down on the bed for only a moment, I know I won’t have any energy to get up again tonight.
Turning on the shower I wait for the water to get warm enough before stepping under the water, still the best time of the day when I’m showering.
Washing up before I let the warm water run down my body like a warm hug, I could stay in here for hours at the time but my exhaustion reminds me I have to lie down instead.
Turning off the water I get out and start to dry my body on a towel before taking it up to dry my hair, looking at my reflection in the mirror I stop in my track when my eyes land on my small baby bump. Today it seems to have grown quite a bit and turn right in front of the mirror I place my hand on my stomach before I look down at it, our babies are growing at a steady pace.
Caressing my bump with my hand I can’t explain the love I feel for my children when there is some movement to my side and I turn my head that way only to find. Kian standing in the doorway with his eyes looking down on my baby bump. My breath hitches in my body at the sight of him when I see him slowly trace his eyes up my body until they meet my eyes.
His beautiful amber eyes look right at me and I forget where I am for a moment when my heart takes one extra beat in my chest. I’m lost in looking at him for a long moment.
Chapter 138
Selena POV:
I have to blink several times before I’m able to come back to my senses when I see him take a step closer to where I am. I hurry and wrap the towel around my body and take a step back.
I hear him walk closer to where I stand when I try to step to the side, there isn’t enough room in the bathroom for me to get away from him and soon I see him stop right in front of me.
Holding the towel tighter around my body when I see him lift his hand to touch my stomach.
Taking a small step back my back hits, the wall and I have nowhere else to go!
“Don’t!” I say to him when he takes a step closer to me. He doesn’t move from his spot and I take my chance to push beside him and walk out of the bathroom in a rush, coming outside to the bedroom I head over to the closet and start to take out a large shirt and some pajama pants with some underwear. Closing the door, I turn around only to halt in my track when he stands right behind me!
As of now, I don’t want him close to me, it’s harder to keep my walls up when he is near me. Seeing him take a step closer I have nowhere to go but back up against the door when he is right in front of me.
Lifting my head, I look at his chest when I see him raise his hand to touch my cheek, I turn my head to the side by instinct and try to get away from his hand
“Don’t touch me!” I say in a low voice, not sure if my voice will hold if I speak up louder. He doesn’t stop and when his palm touches my skin, I have to close my eyes and take a deep breath from how good it feels with his touch. Small tingles play under his palm but they are no way near as strong as before.
Pushing down all my feelings I know is best to keep them locked down, I have something good going on, and now is not the time to feel the heartache from missing him.
I can’t have the feeling back when I thought my heart where about to broke into tiny pieces, this is the way for me now and I have to keep focusing on keeping my babies safe!
He turns my head up to look at him and when I open my eyes they fall right on his,
it’s hard with him this close after all these days and nights apart! All my longing I had to push down to keep getting up from the bed and move on with what I had to do.
Seeing him look all over my face while his hand caresses my cheek.
“Why aren’t you sleeping in my chambers!” he says and I have to keep my feelings at bay.
“I won’t stay in that room and yearn after something I can’t have and constantly get reminded every second of it!” I say and see him snap his eyes right to mine.
“What can’t you have!” he says and I hold my eyes on his.
“You!” I say and keep my lips in a tight line when I see his eyes flicker for a moment. He takes a deep breath before his other hand comes up and holds my head in a fast grip before he leans his forehead against mine.
“My love what have I done to you!” he says and I almost burst and break down in a sob when I close my eyes and breath while I push my feelings back. I will not let my walls fall and crumble to dust, I will not get off this path I’m pushing myself forward on.
Pushing him from me I get out under his arm and walk over to the bed before placing my clothes down, holding my towel tight around my body when there is a knock on the door, and head over to open it.
Seeing Cannon standing on the other side I open it and hold the door to the side when Cannon takes a step inside..
“Kian your meeting is here and waiting for you downstairs!” I hear him say when Kian walks closer to where I stand.
“They have to wait! I have something more important here to take care of!” he says. and I see Cannon give him a nod before he turns around and walk out of the room. I feel Kian’s intense gaze on me the whole time and try to avoid looking at him for the longest moment but when he doesn’t do anything I have to raise my eyes to meet his.
He stands there and looks at me for a bit before he closes the distance between us and pulls me close to him, I almost drop my grip on my towel from the fast movement.
His hand comes under my jaw before he leans down and captures my lips with his, I don’t answer the kiss back and keep my emotions locked up hard.
“I’m sorry love I never intended for this to happen, I have been too busy to notice what I have done to you!” he says and pulls me closer when he presses his warm plump lips hard against mine.
I have missed his touch more than anything, I want to crawl under his skin and stay there but I can’t do this.
Pushing him off me it takes some of my strength to get him away from me and out of his grip.
“You did what was right and what I deserved! Your meeting is waiting for you!” I say and take a step closer to the door and place my hand on the handle.
He stands right in front of me in his place for a long moment before he walks closer and hooks a finger under my jaw before he tilts my head up to look at him.
“I was angry and came at you too hard! I’m sorry for doing this to you, but this is not the end of this discussion! I will be back!” he says and pecks my lips before he turns around and walks out of the room.
I stand there for a moment and try to get my feet to move from my spot, I want him back!
My body needs his touch just like it needs the air that I breathe, but I don’t dare to let my walls down, this is the only way I know how to keep my children safe until the threat is gone!
Chapter 139
Selena POV:
Closing the door I walk over to the bed and start to take my clothes on, pulling the shirt over my head before grabbing my pants and trying to get them to be comfortable over my stomach but they feel too tight.
I have to place them under my growing belly, I will have to buy myself new ones.
Taking the towel, I walk over to the bathroom and hang it up before getting back to the bed and starting up my computer, there are some emails I have to go over when there is a knock on the door.
Seeing the door slightly open I hear Emma’s voice.
“Can I come in?” she asks and wait for me to answer, when did she ever wait for me to invite her in? She always just walks right inside!
“Yes, you can come in!” I say when she pushes the door open and walks inside. Looking at her she gets right over to the bed and takes a seat on the other side.
“What are you doing?” she asks when I’m in the middle of answering a mail.
“I’m working!” I say and continue to look at the screen, she moves closer to the middle of the bed and looks at the laptop.
“Have you gone back to your work?” she says and I have to stop answering the email, can’t focus on both things.
“I quit my job and started my own business, have started to take only a few clients until I have it all up and running properly. Couldn’t go back there after everything that happened, only need to go there one day and get my belongings!” I tell her and try to get back to my response on the mail.
She places her hand on mine and stops me from continuing.
“You have done what?” she says and I turn my head to look at her.
“I need a job to be able and provide for me and the children beside the pack, this job I know better than anything else, and why not work for myself instead!” I say when she turns her head and looks at me.
“You’re telling me you are coming back to the pack as the alpha?” she says and I can see a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
“He didn’t take the pack from me or stripped me from being an Alpha, he took over the lead as of now and I believe it’s for the best at the moment. I have to focus on myself and my children for the threat that is out there and make sure to be prepared. Once it’s over I will come back and need to have the finance in order!” I tell her when she gives me a big smile before she wraps her arms around my shoulders.
“I thought you had given up on the pack! You have no idea how happy you are making me!” she says to my shoulder, leaning my head at hers I have missed her these weeks.
“Does Kian know about this?” she asks after a little while.
“He doesn’t know a thing, today is the first time he spoke to me in all these weeks!” I say and lift my head to get back to what I was doing.
“You know he said he would provide the pack with everything we need! I believe he attends to do it” she says when I look up from the screen.
“After everything that happened, I don’t want to rely on anyone else, I need to have full control of everything that’s going on around me and I will not run a pack with the good grace of someone else!” I say to her and mean every word.
This lesson has thought me that I have to have control over every little thing and a plan for how to make it work.
I will come back strong once I have it all figured out and a plan for how to move on with the pack, without Jacob as the gamma I have to choose someone else and I’m not sure what to do with Jessie. All that has to wait until the threat is gone and I need to focus on my training for now, the pack is in good hands with Kian and his men.
“You know what happened wasn’t your fault!” she says and I sigh. I have come to terms with what happened, every fault on the way that lead to this disaster I have had a long time to think over, I know where I failed and I also know what needs to change.
This is a lesson I could have lived without having to go through but I believe it will change me for the better.
“I know my part in what happened and what I need to change, but the fact that they went against my orders lies on them. I have hoped for another outcome but we have to move forward from this!” I state and she falls silent for a long moment and I know she has something else on her mind.
“What is it?” I say and turn to look at her.
“We are worried about you! Michael called and told me you are using your gift as a shield to your feelings, I don’t want you this off and get trapped this way!” she says and I can hear how worried she is.
“I have noticed many things about my new gift, both good and bad! It is attached to my feelings, if I’m angry it tries to become stronger by pulling strength from someone else’s energy, in that state I easily get engulfed in that feeling and I can’t get enough!” I say and see she is thinking hard
“It’s like a drug I can’t get enough of and when I was heartbroken after all that happened it took over and shielded me from breaking into pieces. For the first time I can block every attempt Michael does to try and take strength from me, I can pull on his without letting it consume me! I’m afraid if I put it down I won’t be able to put it up again, I didn’t do this on purpose and I have no idea how to do it!” I tell her all that happened, it helped me when I was devastated and I’m grateful for it I don’t know how I would have survived these weeks otherwise.
“The way it is now I can protect my babies but what happens if I let it down and I can’t pull it up when I need it? For them, I have to keep going this way until we are safe!” I say when she wraps her arms around my shoulders.
“I understand why but if you’re not careful you will be cut off from your feelings completely and nothing good will come out of it! I can’t let it happen” she says and I have heard it several times from Michael these weeks, I feel like I have it under control and I’m not worried about it.
“It will be alright!” I say when there is a knock on the door and she releases me and gets up to open the door, on the other side is Cannon and I hear them talking for a moment but focus back on my work.
“I have to go Selena, but I want to see you tomorrow again!” she says and I lift my head from the screen and look at her.
“Alright!” I say when she gives me a smile before she turns around and walks out of the room she closes the door after her and I take another hour and go through my work before closing my laptop and putting it away.
I have to go to the toilet again and my pants aren’t doing it better for me when they place another pressure against my bladder.
Heading over to the bathroom I take off my pants when I’m on the toilette, it will be better without them and maybe I can wait until tomorrow morning before I need to go again.
Washing up I take my pants with me and walk back out to the room, making sure to lock the door properly before getting in bed.
I’m exhausted and I’m not sure my head had hit the pillow before I already was asleep.
Wake up early in the morning from the bed dipping behind me and I instantly try to sit up and find what’s going on when his arm wraps around me.
“Calm down it’s just me!” I hear his voice before his face comes down to my shoulder when I hear him take a large inhale.
“I have missed you!” he says and presses his lips to my shoulder, I have to close my eyes when he stirs up feelings in my body from his touch.
He places kisses up my neck and small tingles play under his touch when he places one arm under my head and pulls me back flat against him.
“Let me just hold you for a couple of hours!” he says next to my ear when I take a deep breath and let his scent fill up my lungs and I instantly get calm, his warm body being pressed against mine when his arm comes around my chest and hold me tight. I want to say something when he places his nose on my neck.
“Sleep love! I’ll be here when you wake up again!”
Chapter 140
Selena POV:
I Feeling a hand caressing my baby bump when I wake up I keep my eyes closed and try to keep my emotions under control, he is making it hard for me!
I doubted I would ever feel his hand on my growing belly after the mess I did, I betrayed his trust and he shut me out of his life completely.
Feeling how a tear slipped down my cheek I wasn’t able to contain it when his hand comes and turn me on my back when I feel his and wipe away my tear.
Opening my eyes, I come to stare right into his eyes when he looks down at me.
“What’s wrong?” he says and I try to turn away when he pulls my head back to look at him.
I have to take a moment before answering him to make sure my voice will hold.
“I never thought I would feel your hand on my belly!” I say when my heart squeezes in my chest, I can’t describe how much I have missed him. Closing my eyes for a moment to breathe through the pain in my chest when I feel his lips being pressed to mine.
“I was angry but I would never leave you!” he says and capture my lips again, I can’t resist answering it back when my bladder reminds me it needs to be emptied right now. Breaking the kiss I try to get away from him when he won’t budge.
“What is it?” he says when I push the quilt off me.
“I need to use the bathroom right now!” I say when he lets me go and I instantly turn and get out of the bed, placing my feet on the ground and rising from the bed my head starts to spin violently and I have to hold on to the bedpost to steady myself when I feel his arms around me.
“What’s wrong?” he says and I hear he is worried.
“I just got up to quickly and got dizzy!” I say and try to drop my grip on the bedpost when his arms come under my body and he lifts me before he starts to walk over to the bathroom, I let him carry me when he places me down on the toilet and stays beside me.
“Can I have some privacy?” I say and look at him when he takes a step back.
“I’ll be right outside if you need me!” he says before walking out and closing the door after him. Standing up I push my panties down before I empty my bladder and take a breath of relief, it’s ridiculous how small my bladder is these days!
When I’m done I wash up and brush my teeth before going out of the room, seeing him sitting on the bed with one of my books in his hands. He lifts his head when I walk by him and over to the closet to take out some clothes, starting to take on my pants I have a hard time getting them to fit over my belly and have to place them under instead, now it will be harder to find a shirt that can cover it all up completely.
When did my stomach grow this big that fast? Sighing I take off my shirt and put on my bra before trying to find a shirt that can fit when I feel his body being pressed to my back before he pulls a shirt from him over my head.
Trying to protest against it he turns me around.
“I can’t walk around in your shirts!” I say and try to get it over my head when his arms come to mine and stop me from taking it off.
“Why not?” he asks and pulls me closer to him. I turn my head away from him and don’t know how to answer him when his hand comes to my cheek and he turns my head up to look at him.
“I will break down every wall you have put up! You are my mate and I will never let you continue this way! Our children need you to be well!” he says and trace my bottom lip with his thumb before he lets go and pulls my arms inside his shirt and lets it fall over my stomach.
His hand comes to my stomach and he caresses it before he let go and turns around to put on a pair of pants, I’m frozen to my spot and just look at him. We have gone from not seeing each other for weeks to this in just a day, what happened?
guess he feels my gaze on him when he turns around with a smile on his lips. before he walks over to where I am and places a hand on my lower back, he starts to pull me with him out of the room.
“Where are we going?” I ask him when he walks with me down the hall.
“You need some food!” he says and pulls me closer to him when we start to walk down the stairs and over to his office. He opens the door and pulls me inside when he lets go and heads over to a bunch of clothes that hang on a hanger beside his couch, I guess he has been sleeping inside here the whole time instead of coming up to his room.
I understood he slept in another room instead of coming up to me, but the hard couch in his office is better than having to be in the same room as me!
“Hey, where did your thoughts go!” I hear him say when he walks over to where I am while he put on a shirt, he stops right in front of me and hooks a finger under my jaw.
“I don’t like the feeling you sent out, tell me!” he says and looks at me, I didn’t even know I did it.
“Only that you rather sleep on the couch than be in the same bed as me!” I say when he looks close to me before he takes the other arm and pulls me closer to him.
“I stayed in here to not have to disturb you when I come back in the mornings but by the look off it has to do the opposite instead, now I will take every chance I get to disturb my little mate!” he says before he captures my lips in a hungry kiss that’s make me weak in my knees.
He bites down on my bottom lip and when I gasp he pushes his tongue inside my mouth, I feel how my resistance to keep my walls up start to crumble down when he holds me even closer and deepens the kiss.
My lips start to move of their own free will, following his movement when a moan escapes my lips.