Ch. 171..175: The Luna and her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 171-175

The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 171

Ethan

At first I thought I was hallucinating. It wasn’t possible that Jane and the pups were here. I assumed I was dreaming, that my imagination was putting their scents in my head – that I’d lost my mind faster than any of us could have expected. However the closer I draw to the door I know it’s real, my wolf is racing around in circles in my mind’s eye.

Overjoyed to see his mate and our pups- happy for the first time since I injured my spine.

No, no, no. I think, even as he dances and howls like a puppy. They can’t be here what are they doing here? Surely they didn’t figure it out surely my beta or Linda didn’t betray my confidence.

I brace myself for the overwhelming emotions of seeing my family, as well as the confrontation I know is inevitable now. After rejecting Jane in the hospital I thought I wouldn’t have the strength to survive doing so twice, but now it’s obvious I don’t have a choice. I can’t very well hide in my apartment while they bang on the door, and the truth is I’m beyond excited to see them.

Being away from Jane and the pups after everything we went through in the Southern Isles has been nearly impossible. I’ve struggled every day not being able to see them and hold them, to feel with my own two hands that they’ re safe. The only way I’ve been able to manage my protective instincts is by telling myself that they’re safer in the Dark Moon pack.

I’m barely breathing as I open the door, and then they’re there in front of me, as if they never left. The pups are beaming and jumping up and down, and Jane is looking as though she’s frightened and determined at once. I can immediately sense she’s as on edge and agitated as I am, and I don’t like her coloring one bit. She seems far too pale, and as though she might have recently been sick.

“Daddy! The pups cry, throwing their small bodies at my legs. I catch them before they can connect with my lower body and feel the metal braces holding me upright, scooping them into my arms.

Sweet Goddess, how have I survived without this for a full month? They’re warm and sweet and every bit as perfect as I remember. I swear my heart swells three sizes just being near them. For once my wolf is perfectly content, and I’m fighting back tears of relief and affection.

“Oh my goodness, what are you doing here?” I ask,

“Let me look at you!” I pull back only far enough to study their young faces – especially Paisley. I love them all, but Paisley will always have a special place in my heart. She’s the one who helped me survive losing Jane. She was the first, the most fragile and the most closely bonded to me. I’m not surprised to see she’s crying even as the others cheer, and horrible guilt consumes me as she sobs into the curve of my neck.

Don’t cry cuddlebug.” I croon, bouncing them gently. I’m so happy to see you, I’ve missed you so much.”

I know I should probably be keeping up my cold act right now, but I can’t help it. I feel like I’ve been drowning in darkness lately, and they’re finally giving me some light at the end of the tunnel. Later I’Il find the strength to fight with Jane, to return to my pretense of cruelty, but right now I’m just letting myself feel this incredible joy and relief.

We missed you too, Daddy!” Parker exclaims. “It feels like it’s been forever and ever.”

I know!” I agree, k!ss each of their precious faces in turn and settling on the couch. What have you been up to? I want to know everything!”

“Daddy, is cold in the Dark Moon pack!'” Paisley shares, pouting and shaking her head glumly.

There’s snows everywhere and my face hurts when I go outside. I don’t like it at all!

“Poor munchkin.” I sympathize, carrying theminside. “Do you still have all your fingers and toes?

Let me see so I can count and be sure.” I occupy myself with kissing all of Paisley’s digits, letting the sounds of her giggles fill me with warmth and repeating the test with the others. Of course the k!sses quickly turn to tickles, and before long I have four pups writhing and laughing uncontrollably in my la*p. The moment is perfect, with one huge, glaring exception.

I can feel Jane in my periphery, looking on in silence, her arms crossed over her ch3st. She hasn’t spoken a single word, seeming to prefer standing on the sidelines and watching me like a hawk, as if she’s afraid I might mistreat the pups as badly as I’ve mistreated hers. I can’t say I blame her.

It’s taking all my willpower not to look at Jane directly. I’m not sure I can survive seeing how badly I’ve hurt her. I know it’s weak of me – not being brave enough to face the consequences of my actions, but if I see her in pain I don’t know if I’ll be able to do what’s necessary to keep her at arm’s length. It was hard enough in the hospital and on the phone, seeing her in person is a torture of another kind.

I hate the person I’ve had to become to protect my family from me, but what other choice do I have? I need her to hate me. Jane deserves better than to spend her best years playing nursemaid to a madman, especially when I’ve already stolen her freedom once before. Besides, she and the pups aren’t safe with me, and not only because I can’t protect them anymore. It’s the people closest to me who will be in the most danger when my mind starts to go – I don’t want to risk hurting them.

My mind is overtaken with images of Jane and the pups cowering in fear when my temper detonates. Of them running away from me, Jane throwing herself in front of the little ones, begging me not to hurt them. I imagine not being able to recognize her amidst my psychosis, of looking down to see my hands covered in b***d when I finally regain my senses, and finding Jane’s lifeless body at my feet.

I’d much rather they remember you as a heartless b*stard than lay a hand on them, and I thought I’d accomplished this – until Jane called.

I never expected her to take the fall for me, and I’m furious with myself for not guessing that she’d protect the pups from the truth rather than throw me under the bus. I have to find a way to make them all give up on me before it’s too late. If I do, they can start over with someone worthy of them. They’ll forget about me and they’ ll move on! They’ ll have a far better life than they would if they stayed.

At the same time, I don’t know if I can bear rejecting Jane again, let alone the pups. She seems to have brought the pups here thinking that I won’t reject them the way I did her – that they’ ll be safe from my mistreatment even if she isn’t. I understand why she thinks this – especially after what Linda said about her expecting abuse, but it makes me so angry to think she would subject herself to such harm. It doesn’t make sense, because I know I would do anything for our children too but love isn’t rational, and I hate the idea of her being hurt even if it’s a sacrifice for our babies.

Worse, Jane doesn’t know the real reason I rejected her. She doesn’t understand that I don’t have choice. I have to push them all away for their own good. I won’t do it in front of the pups unless she doesn’t give me another option, but I have to make them leave – if only I could figure out how to stop hugging and cuddling them right now.

All four kids are chattering away, snuggling into a puppy pile around me as they tell me about everything that’s happened since we last saw each other, and all the while Jane stands by and watches.

When they finally settle enough that they start to drift off to sleep – no doubt long overdue for naps after driving through the night fueled by excitement -I extract myself from their precious forms and rise to my feet.

I take Jane’s arm just above the elbow, relishing this tiny touch and wishing I could pull her into my arms and never let her go. Instead I pull her into the seclusion of my bedroom, taking a few steadying breaths before turning on her. Jane hovers near the door, overflowing with nervous energy. My wolf aches to comfort her, but I have to be stron .

Closing the distance between us, I demand. What the hell are you doing here?”

 

The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 172

Jane

I flinch as Ethan’s harsh words slam into me. For half a second there, I actually hoped things might not be as bad as I was expecting. He seemed so thrilled to see the pups I even wondered if I hadn’t somehow concocted this narrative about our separation in my head. But no, the moment the pups went down for a nap the warm, loving father disappeared.

He’s been replaced by the same heartless bastard who rejected me so brutally, who betrayed every promise he made me on our journey.

You know what I’m doing here.” I rasp a moment later, hating how badly it hurts to be in the same room with him. The Ethan I fell in love with hardly ever kept me out of arm’s reach when we were together. His hands were always on me if I was near, and I always felt safe to reach for him too.

The worst part is that he smells and looks as good as ever, and my pregnancy h0rmones are pulling me towards him like a magnet. My inner omega is responding to his anger and dominance as ever, urging me to submit even though I have to be strong right now. I have to fight for my pups. “The children need you. I was wrong before – when I wanted to take them from you. I realize what a mistake that was.”

I told you neveř to contact me again.” He snarls, positively vibrating with rage. “And so you choose to turn up on my doorstep instead?”

“Are you even listening to me?” I cry, trying to keep my voice low to avoid waking the pups. “Ethan the pups are devastated. They’re traumatized and they miss you like crazy. I know you want to punish me, but please don’t punish them too. They’re innocent – they don’t deserve this.”

I’m listening, Jane.” Ethan bites back. “And would you like to know what I hear?”

He’s prowling towards me again, circling me like the predator he is and making my spine tremble with unease. I’ve rarely seen this kind of feral energy from him – and certainly never directed at me. The closest he ever came to being so aggressive with me was after Eve and Petra’s plot, but then it was all anger and betrayal. This feels different somehow – wilder, almost unhinged. “Please – I begin, feeling truly afraid of my mate for the first time.

I hear a pathetic little omega who thought she could get away with disrespecting and humiliating an Alpha who should never have even given her the time of day. I hear a spoiled schemer who finally got exactly what she deserves and still refuses to take responsibility for her actions. I’m not doing this to the pups, Jane. You did this to the pups.” He hisses, his powerful hands balled into white knuckled fists.

I know!” I cry, trying with all my might not to fall to pieces in front of him. “I know this is my fault, and I’m sorry! I take responsibility – I lied, I faked my death, I planned on stealing Paisley from you!” I hiccup, feeling a breakdown looming very near now.

So much for my vow not to let him get to me, or shed any more tears over him. I’m on the verge of sobbing – but I don’t care. I don’t have any dignity left, there’s no place for pride when it comes to protecting one’s children. But I can’t just stand by and watch them suffer, Ethan! I’ll do anything you want, just please don’t reject them too, I know you love them.”

So what, you want to make me the bad guy?” He rumbles. You want me to take them back knowing full well I can’t possibly take you to0, so that they’ll hate me instead of you?”

No!”I answer desperately. “I just don’t want them to hurt anymore. I want them to be safe, not taking wild risks to get back to you!It has nothing to do with me. They can hate me if they need to, as long as they’re happy.”

“So you would leave them all?” Ethan demands.

You would turn your back on them and walk away for good?”

The suggestions slices through me like the sharpest knife. I can’t leave them, I immediately think. They need me! However the more I consider the question, the more I wonder if it’s true. Ethan’s right, they’ re hurting right now because of me. I don’t think he’s being fair about me deserving this punishment, but if I’d never started a relationship with him again, if I’d listened to my instincts and never let them get to know their father, they wouldn’t be so heartbroken now.

They never would have been kidnapped, they never would have learned how terrible the world can be. Maybe they really would be better off without me. After all, I can’t protect them. My pathetic fight with Anita proved that, just like her scheme proved they’ll forever be targets. If it has to be one parent or the other, they’d certainly be more secure and better provided for with their father.

Ethan is watching me closely, and I know he’s reading every thought as it runs through my head.

His l!p curls in absolute disgust, and I don’t even get a chance to answer him before he gives me a look that makes it clear exactly how vile he finds me.

You would, wouldn’t you? What kind of mother would even contemplate such a thing?” He accuses.

The more time I spend with you, the more selfish I realize you are – do you even want them? Are you just trying to pawn them off on me so you can start over with someone new?”

Oh Goddess, I can’t win. I’m a liar and a traitor for taking them from him, and I’m a monster for considering giving them back. “I’m just trying to help them!” I practically shout. Tears streaming down my cheeks. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Just tell me what you want – just tell me what to do!»

I sink down onto the floor, literally on my knees begging now. I cover my face in my hands, sobbing and rocking back and forth.

“Stop that!” Ethan orders viciously, sounding even angrier now. “I can’t stand to see your weakness.

Don’t you have any backbone at all?”

Of a sudden, I’m reminded of the first time he stood over me this way – that fateful day I learned I was destined to become his pleasure slave. As the memory flashes in my minds eye, I recall my wolf’s advice before we set out – her words about going back to being Ethan’s toy.

I feel a sick sort of fascination with the idea. That would certainly be a punishment I deserve, and it would let me stay here with my pups. When we reunited Ethan insisted degrading me had never been his intention, but now I’m sure he was lying. I have no doubt my demotion to omega slave was well calculated and thought out – not just some miscommunicated house arrest. It would certainly suit his sadistic streak, and the pups wouldn’t have to know. They could have us both, and Ethan could punish me in the way he clearly loves most.

Not to mention it would let you be close to him. My wolf adds slyly. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach when I realize what I’m considering. How broken and fvcked up does a person have to be to think this way? To consider shackling themself to a monster?

It would be for the pups, but that’s not the full story and I know it. My wolf still loves Ethan, the way she always has. She’d let him do anything to her as long as she got to be near him. That’s not the example I want to set for my daughters, and I’m so ashamed of myself for that secret desire. Why did I have to be born an omega? Why can’t I be as strong and powerful as I convinced people I was when I was pretending to be Elise Carrington?

Before I can think better of it, I look up at him through red rimmed eyes. “I’Il do anything.” I say again, l!cking my l!ps and gulping in a deep breath of air. “I’Il pay aný price.”

Ethan narrows his eyes, squatting down and snatching my chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing me to look up at him. I’m sure he’s onto me, he senses the direction of my thoughts, but if my station wasn’t already low enough, he’s not going to just decide on it himself.

He’s going to make me say it. He’s going to make me ask him for it. What are you suggesting?”

“I’m saying… ” I almost can’t get the words out.

I’m saying I’Il be your slave again.”I whisper, knowing I’ve officially reached rock bottom. “Take the pups back, let me stay with them, but punish me however you like. Make me your pleasure slave or chain me in a dungeon… whatever you want. Just take us back.”

 

The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 173

Ethan

I couldn’t be more shocked if Jane had pulled out a knife and stabbed me. I can’t believe what I’m hearing -I can’t believe what I’m saying. My beautiful, intelligent, passionate mate is begging on her knees, offering to become my slave again if I’ll only reconsider rejecting the pups. The irony is unbearable. I rejected her in part to avoid shackling her to a madman, and now she’s suggesting that very same thing – only worse.

As I look down at her, struggling to comprehend that this is really happening, my wolf tries to burst free, only to find himself hobbled and motionless – stuck within the steely confines of my skin. He doesn’t stop, thrashing violently inside me, rattling my bones as he tries to escape. The pain is unbearable, both physical and mental.

Eventually my wolf gives up, receding deep inside me with a tortured howl. He knows we’re paralyzed, but he keeps trying all the same. I think he’s in denial, refusing to believe he’s truly going to be trapped forever. At first seeing Jane calmed him and I thought we might actually get through this meeting without one of these agonizing episodes, but that was before he saw what we’ve done to her.

There could not be stronger proof that I don’t deserve her. Jane should be with someone who worships her, who is so good that they couldn’t hurt her if they tried. I never should have fought Jane when she returned for Paisley. I should have handed over my precious daughter and let them run off into the sunset together. I was selfish, determined to get my mate back and refusing to do what was best for my daughter. And thank goodness Jane did return – if she didn’t I might have ended up screwing up our precious pup just as badly as I did her mother.

My every instinct is to gather Jane into my arms and k!ss away her tears, apologize for being so horrible and promise never to let anything ever harm her again. But that’s not a promise I can keep. I don’t have the strength to protect her anymore and I know the threats will keep coming, including from myself. They can’t stay, but I have to find a way to help get Jane back on her feet before I send her away.

I can’t leave her in this state – so shattered that she’d sell herself to me like some cheap commodity.

At the same time, I can’t show her any sign of weakness.

You should be ashamed of yourself.” I growl, watching the words slam into her with visceral effect. “I left the pups with you because I thought you were a good mother. I thought you were stable enough to care for them. But clearly I was wrong.

Trust me, Ethan.” Jane murmurs hollowly. I’m more ashamed of myself than you could ever be, and I’ve known for a long time now that I’m not a good mother.

My wolf whines pitifully, but I try to retain my composure. “I ll let you and the pups stay through the holidays.” I announce coldly. “Until you can prove you’re a fit mother, and the pups adjust to the idea of living in the Dark Moon Pack. But you’re out of your mind if you think I want you back in my bed – even as a slave.”

Jane clenches her eyes shut, tears spilling over her lashes. She whimpers softly, with relief? Pain? I can’t tell. After a moment she looks back up at me, her green eyes shining with grief. What happened to you?”

“What do you mean?” I respond sharply, paranoia filling me. She can’t know – surely she doesn’t know I mean what happened to that sweet boy who loved me even though I was an omega?” She weeps, shaking her head. “What happened to the man who married me against everyone’s wishes? Who rejected his fated mate for me?

Now that gets my attention. As far as I know Jane never learned about my meeting with Nina. “How do you know about that?”

“You don’t remember do you? She asks, a note of irony in her thick voice. (You were too drunk, but you told me about meeting her – about not having the tiniest interest in her because you already had me.

“Yes well, if I’d been smarter I would have taken her when I had the chance.”I lie. I have no doubt she would never debase herself this way – even for her pups welfare. I should have listened when people warned me about omegas.

Jane trembles, but doesn’t acknowledge my harsh words. You’ll really let us stay?

I don’t exactly have a choice.” I declare. “If you’re willing to sell yourself to me, who knows what else you might be willing to do. For all I know you’ll be out on the street offering your body to any alpha who will take you in.”

That isn’t fair!” Jane objects, showing a flare of anger for the first time. Good, I’d much rather have her anger than her sadness. I’m a successful business woman and I’m only here because you’re the pups’ father. This isn’t about money or protection.”

Well it wasn’t fair when you stole my pups from me and hid their existence either.” I rumble. Why do you believe you deserve a luxury you didn’t grant to me?”

“Because despite my crimes, I gave you four beautiful pups who worship the ground you walk on.” She reminds me. “Is that worth nothing to you?”

You’re worth nothing to me.” I correct her viciously. “How many ways do I have to say it before you understand?”

Jane yanks her body away from me then, backing away even as she glares at me. I can tell she wants to yell at me, to attack me even, but I’m sure she’s afraid of saying the wrong thing, of making me change my mind about letting the pups stay. “You don’t have to say any more.” She growls, moving towards the door. “I understand perfectly.”

She turns on her heel and runs out of the room, and though she waits until she’s down the hall and has closed herself in one of the guest bedrooms, the distance doesn’t do anything to prevent me from hearing the sounds of her sobs.

Suddenly my fury and outrage over my situation surges out of me in a great torrent, and I find myself sweeping all the items from my desk. I wish I could roar and shout, but if I can hear Jane, I’m sure she can hear me. Making a mess of my office doesn’t help ease my temper. I take no pleasure as papers, books, and technology go flying onto the floor – not even the visceral crash as they land can satisfy my rage.

My beta, Matthew, appears a few moments later, entering through the side door and looking over the mess with solemn understanding.

“Don’t.” I bark. “I don’t want your pity.”

“I’m not going to offer you pity.” He answers simply. “l actually thought I might be able to give you a little hope.”

What hope, there is no hope for me, Matthew. How many times do I have to tell you?” I hiss, glaring at my loyal Beta.

“Your wolf is calmer with your mate nearby.” He assesses coolly. I know things just went badly, but if Jane is around you’ll have more time, you might be able to hold on long enough for the doctors to find a cure,

“You know the chances of a cure are all but nonexistent.” I reply, slumping into my desk chair.

Continuing to bring it up is simply cruel.”

But Ethan, it is possible.

The doctors said so.”

Matthew reminds me.

“Lot’s of things are possible.” I counter. “Flying to the moon is possible, but the chances of me doing it are zero. I have to be realistic here. If I hang my hopes on a long shot then we won’t be prepared. The most likely outcome is madness and death, we have to assume that is going to happen, we have to be pragmatic and ensure everything is in place for that eventuality.”

“I understand that. But being realistic doesn’t mean giving up completely. You’re not even trying to fight, Ethan!” Matthew accuses. “You’re just giving up – that isn’t you!”

What am I supposed to fight for?” I demand. “I don’t have anything left! The best I can hope for is a few more months of misery. I don’t want to extend my life if it’s going to be like this.”

‘For them!” He shouts, pointing to the door Jane just exited. “For your family! Don’t do this, Ethan.

It’s not too late. The pups still love you, Jane still loves you!”

And look at what I’ve done to her!” I command, I don’t deserve her, and the pups deserve better too.

Maybe so.” Matthew agrees. “But you’re the one they want.” I stare at the solid wooden panel, wishing there was some way out of this mess. I despise myself, and I want to make this better for my family at any cost. Jane will understand if you tell her the truth.”

I can’t do that.’I insist. If she finds out she’ll never leave me. That isn’t the goal – I’m no good for her even when I’m sane. I think we’ve already proven that much.”

“For the pups then. If you get better you can still be in their lives.” Matthew argues. You won’t be a danger to them. They need their father.”

I know he’s right.I know if there’s a chance, I should fight for it. I just don’t know if I could survive getting my hopes up only to have them dashed again. Then again, if I’m going to die anyway, it won’t matter if I can survive it.

“Alright.” I agree. “I won’t give up yet – for them.”

 

The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 174

Ethan

Christmas carols fill the air as I watch Riley, Ryder, Paisley and Parker zoom around the skating rink, giggling and laughing as they play tag and stage races. Fairy lights and boughs of holly have been strewn around the edges of the rink, and the scent of apples and cinnamon waft through the falling snow from a nearby hot cider booth.

My first afternoon back with the pups is the best day I’ve had since they were kidnapped – and certainly since I was paralyzed. It’s true that I’m heartbroken over Jane, but being with my children again at long last is pure joy. Ice skating has always been Paisley’s favorite Christmas pastime, but I’ve never seen her share the experience with anyone but me. It’s magical to see her playing with the others, so carefree. In the old days I had to hold her hand the whole time, she was never healthy enough to get rambunctious on the ice. Now she has no problem keeping up, and I couldn’t be prouder.

That said, every few minutes she comes racing over to the sidelines to beg me to come onto the ice with her. She doesn’t understand why I’m not out there with her like I always have been in the past.

Unfortunately my mechanized braces are great for pretending to walk, but there’s no way they can handle ice skating – the movement is too smooth, and the balance too precarious.

“Daddy please!””Paisley begs, giving me huge puppy dog eyes. “We came all this way to sees you and you’re not even skating!

“Daddy’s still recovering from his surgery.” I lie.

You remember how careful you have to be when you’re healing.”

But how much longer is it gonna take? She inquires. “I wanna play with you.”

I want to play with you too, angel. And I will- I’m just not up to skating.” I sigh. Besides you don’t need me anymore, you have your brothers and sister.”

Is not the same.” Paisley frowns. I never had to worry ’bout falling before. You were always there to catch me! What if I falls?”

“Sweetheart, you’re healthy enough to fall now.

That’s a good thing. I promise, making my tone as gentłe as possible as I continue. You can’t go through your whole life holding Daddy’s hand. You have to branch out on your own take risks. It’s what growing up is all about.”

The truth is I’d be thrilled to let Paisley keep holding my hand as long as she wants to after all, those years when pups want to be that close with their parents are so fleeting. However if I’m going to let them stay here it can’t just be for Jane, I have to take the opportunity to get my pups used to the idea of living without me. I have to teach her these lessons while I still have the chance. After talking with Matthew I’m actually grateful that Jane did return.

It’s giving me the opportunity to do things right – to make sure she and the pups are really going to be okay after I’m gone. In hindsight, I should have done this from the beginning, but I didn’t have the braces then, I didn’t know I’d be able to pull it off.

Although Paisley doesn’t really seem to be buying my story. “Daddy what are you talking about?” She demands. “I don’ wanna grow ups if it means I haves to stop holding your hand.”

I know, little one.” I confess. “None of us ever want to grow up. But it happens anyway.”

She narrows her eyes. “Daddy, you’re being weird.”

I chuckle. “I know, I’m sorry, munchkin.”

You and Mommy are both being weirds.” Paisley continues. “Is somefing going on you’re not tellings us?”

of course, I think wryly. The pups have always been too smart for their own good. That’s Jane’s doing- her genes were clearly stronger than mine when it came to passing down her brilliant mind. Usually I think it’s a blessing they’re so bright. But times like this make it very inconvenient.

I’m searching for some way to answer her without giving up the game. Then, right on queue, Riley, Parker and Ryder skid to a stop beside her. “Come on Paisley!” Riley urges. “We wanna make a skating chain.”

Paisley continues watching me for a long moment, but eventually she turns to her sister. “Wha’s a skating chain?” She asks, crinkling her nose.

Is when you hold hands and can’t let go even if other peoples are coming towards you!” Parker answers excitedly.

“You have to weave and dodge and try to stay together as longs as possible!” Ryder adds.

Okay!” Paisley agrees excitedly, forgetting her earlier mistrust.

As they skate away I look back to the benches lining the rink, finding Jane watching me with a drawn expression. She hasn’t spoken a word to me since we fought this morning, and her eyes are still red from crying. She’s trailed behind the pups and I throughout this outing, her arms wrapped protectively around herself as if she’s waiting to receive some sort of blow.

I go to sit next to her, pulling my mouth into a hard line. “They know something is up. You need to pull yourself together.”

“Can you just give it a rest, Ethan.” She answers, glaring at me. “I’m trying, alright? I’m trying to do what’s right, I’m trying to shield them as best I can.

And I’d have an easier time keeping myself together if you stopped hovering over me this way.”

Goddess, if only I could. I think bitterly. It’s one thing to keep up my horrible act to ensure she’ll hate me, but it’s another entirely to walk away from her when she’s so raw and fragile. Part of me wants to feel hopeful like my Beta suggested, to leave a window open for myself in case I get better and get a second chance with Jane. But I meant what I said –

I’m no good for her. She’s in this state because of me. Even if I do get better, I need to let her go. She deserves to find a better mate than me, I just have to make sure she’s not so broken that she runs from him when he finds her.

Look, it’s going to make them more suspicious if there’s too much distance between us.” I argue.

They might not know how close we got when they were kidnapped, but they know how things were before.

“I’m surprised you care.” She bites. “You didn’t give a da*mn about their feelings when you rejected us.

Now all of a sudden you want to make sure they don’t find out we hate each other? I swear, it’s like you have multiple personalities.”

“Jane I admit I let my temper get the better of me in the Southern Isles. I was so angry with you I didn’t think about the pups’ nearly enough – and I haven’t since.” I growl. “But they’re here now, and I don’t want them to end up like you. So if that means putting on an act while you’re in town, I’m willing tò try.”

You’re such a hypocrite.” Jane snaps, clearly more angry or more confident than she was this morning.

Now that she see’s I’m not going to send them packing, she no doubt feels brave enough to fight back a bit. “You see that I’m a mess and you don’t want the pups to end up damaged, but you don’t acknowledge that the reason I am in this state is entirely your fault!”

Don’t blame me for your mistakes, Jane.” I scold.

And whatever happened before, we have to find a way to move forward. We can’t keep lingering on the past.

Well if you think I’m going to go back to letting you paw me and be all over me when you’re calling me a pathetic whore behind closed doors, you are out of your mind.” Jane hisses. “How can you even suggest such a thing?”

“I’m not talking about that kind of act.” I insist, though if I thought there was a way to do it without further tormenting Jane – I would. I merely mean we have to try and be civil. Kids pick up on so much more than we think – especially ours. If we keep going the way we are, they’re all going to end up with complexes.”

Jane buries her face in her hands. “So let me get this straight,'” She begins, forcing the words out through gritted teeth. “I told you all this from the start, I begged you and tried to convince you not to leave them for exactly these reasons, and now you’re going to come to me and pretend like it was your realization and your idea?”

If that’s the way you want to view it, go right ahead.” I mutter, knowing how bipolar I must seem to her. In truth I feel a bit bipolar too – then again, the kind of trauma we’ve been through can jumble even the stablest person’s mind. Now do we have a deal, or not?”

Before she can reply, I hear a tumble and a sharp cry in the direction of my pups, I whip my head around, expecting to see Paisley sprawled on the ice.

However it isn’t Paisley writhing on the ice in pain, it’s Parker – and he’s bleeding.

 

The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 175

Ethan

Jane and I are both on our feet the moment we see our pup injured. My instincts send me flying onto the ice, but my braces keep me from moving the way I normally would. I barely beat Jane to Parker’s side, biting back a growl of pain when the braces wrench my legs into painful contortions. I can’t feel anything below the waist, but the sharp metal still digs into my abdomen, and the powerful pinch as they try to adjust to the precarious surface beneath my feet is nearly excruciating.

I drop to my knees beside Parker, scanning his precious form for the source of the injury. Almost at once I see a bleeding gash on his forearm, and though I’m relieved to see the wound isn’t grave, I still feel a pang of sympathy for the child. “Are you okay, buddy?”

Parker looks up at me, his dark eyes welling with tears as his face grimaces in pain. He’s clutching his arm, clearly trying to put up a strong front but obviously struggling. Daddy, it hurts.”

Jane is already on the ground beside him, stroking back his hair. “Let Mommy see, sweetheart.” She encourages gently, reaching for his arm.

I watch her examine him, praising him for being so brave as she deftly studies the injury. The sight of his crimson b***d staining the ice makes me feel sick to my stomach, despite the fact that I’m no stranger to b***d and gore. It’s always been the same with Paisley, seeing her injured can cut me to the core while I barely blink at dead enemies on a battlefield.

What happened?” I press, my wolf anxious to confirm it was simply a skating accident and that there’s no greater threat.

He lost his balance.” Riley answers for her brother, “but when he felled his arm hit Ryder’s skate.”

Tsk, poor darling.” Jane croons, “Let’s get you off the ice, I bet there’s a first aid kit here somewhere.”

I scoop up Parker before she can object, needing to feel him safe in my arms. The others follow us off the ice, and Jane disappears to find medical supplies.

My wolf wants to follow her, not wanting to let her out of his sight. Unfortunately there’s no way around this, so instead I find a bench and settle with Parker in my lap while his brothers and sisters gather around us.

Where’d Mommy go?” He sniffles, looking around anxiously.

“She’ll be right back.” I assure him. She just went to find some bandaids.”

He’s sniffling louder now, and I realize we’re about to have a full on breakdown. I want Mommy.”

Parker m0ans, letting his tears fall freely now.

Apparently the pain hadn’t been bad enough to send him over the edge on its own, but Jane’s absence on top of the discomfort was too much for the poor pup.

“Is okay, Parker.” Paisley consoles her brother.

Look, here Mommy comes now.”

Jane seems surprised to find Parker crying and reaching for her when she returns, but she takes him into her arms as easily as breathing. “Poor darling.”

She croons, stroking his hair as he presses his tear stained face into her neck. “It’s okay, I’m here.

Mommy’s got you.”

There’s something almost serene about watching Jane comfort our son, the way only a mother can. If only all problerms could be fixed as easily as they can when we’re little, and the only medicine that will do is a hug from Mom. It’s an important reminder of why I have to help repair Jane’s relationship with the pups. Not only because she’ll never recover if they continue to shun her, but because she’s the only parent they can rely on now. They have to trust her implicitly.

Jane is still cuddling and kissing Parker as she sits down, passing me the first aid kit. Luckily all of their attention is focused on Parker as I kneel down, unsteady and graceless in the braces. As I begin cleaning the wound, pleased to see it’s shallow and straight, the other children press closer, looking over my shoulder as I work.

Eww,” Riley exclaims, sounding more intrigued than grossed out. “It’s all gushy.”

That looks bad, Parker.” Ryder adds solemnly.

“Does it hurt lots and lots?” Paisley asks in a hushed whisper.

Parker sniffles and shakes his head, downplaying the ache. “Not really.

That’s my brave boy.” Jane praises him as I unpack more supplies.

Parker shoots he ra disgruntled look, “Mommy you’re ‘barrassing me.” Despite his words, he doesn’t attempt to move a single inch from her arms, instead cuddling closer and leaning his head back against her shoulder.

I find myself chuckling. Next to Riley, Parker is the most independent and proud of our pups. His sister has a truly wild spirit, but he wears the weight of being the oldest and strongest. I know that he, and not Ryder, is my natural heir. And though he’s still very young, he’s clearly already feeling the pressure to hide his vulnerable side. That’s another thing I’ll have to do. I think, beginning a list in my head of all the tasks I need to accomplish before I say goodbye to my family for good. Help Jane find her strength again, heal her relationship with the pups, teach my boys that being strong doesn’t mean destroying their soft sides.

There’s nothing embarrassing about loving and being loved.” I tell Parker, seeing Jane’s eyes widen in surprise over his head. Your Mommy just wants you to know how proud she is. And she’s right, you’re being very brave.”

“But Daddy -” Parker begins, only to be cut off when I continue.

No buts. How would you feel if you told one of your siblings you loved them and they told you to stop because they didn’t want anyone to hear?” I ask, giving him a searching look.

Parker frowns, “I’d feel bad, like there’s something wrong with me.

Exactly.” I nod. “It’s okay to feel embarrassed sometimes, but you should never feel ashamed of showing affection especially not from your family.

Your Mommy loves you more than anything.”

Parker looks up at Jane, as if for confirmation, and I feel a bitter twinge. A few weeks ago they never would have doubted her, now they need to hear it from me to believe it – and it’s all my fault in the first place. “It’s true.” She agrees solemnly. “I love you four more than I love myself.”

All four pups lean closer now, and Parker’s lower !ip quivers. “Sorry Mommy.”

“It’s okay munchkin.” She promises, smiling sadly.

I’m going to embarrass you more and more as you get older,!”

‘Nu-uh.” Paisley argues, “we’ll never be embarrassed of you agains, Mommy.”

Thank you, sweetheart.’ Jane reaches out an arm to squeeze our youngest daughter. She looks as though she might want to thank me too, but she can’t seem to look me in the eye, instead she peeks up from beneath her lashes, bringing her brilliant green irises up to my chin. At the last moment she chickens out, lowering her gaze back to Parker without a word. I hate seeing her so diminished: and I can’t imagine a greater shame than seeing those you’ re meant to protect cower from you in fear.

Later, after the pups are asleep in bed, I find Jane standing àt their door, watching Parker anxiously.

Her gaze is loving and hawkish at once, and she’s wearing the same expression I’ve seen in the mirror a thousand times when I think about my family being hurt. She’s barely let him out of her sight since the incident at the rink, though it was a minor injury.

“He’s fine Jane, it was just a little cut.” I tell her softly, realizing the children’s kidnapping must still be plaguing her – bad memories and past trauma playing on her emotions.

“I know that.” She murmurs, still not taking her eyes off him. “I just want to make sure they go down without any nightmares…

She’s mentioned this a few times before, the way the pups can’t seem to sleep through the night anymore, the way they wake crying for me. “Why don’t you let me do this.” I suggest, wondering if Jane has been sleeping herself, or if she’s been staying up all night to watch over the pups. “You go get some sleep.”

Jane shakes her head. “No, I don’tmind.” She insists, but I see a flicker of darker emotion in her eyes. It’s as if she doesn’t like the idea of sleeping one bit, but I can’t tell if her fear is for leaving the pups unguarded, or for herself.

“Have you been having nightmares too?” I question, watching her closely.

A flash of anger crosses her beautiful creatures.

What do you care? she bites coldly.

“You’re sleep deprived.” I cut sharply. “It’s no wonder you’re such a mess when you’re exhausting yourself this way. Now if it’s because of worry for the pups then I’m telling you I will look after them while you rest, but if it’s about your own dreams that’s another matter entirely.”

Jane looks at me for the first time all day. Why?

Even if I have them, it’s not like you can fix them.”

You never have nightmares when you sleep with me.” I remind her sternly.

Jane reels back, looking shocked. “Are you saying… you want me to sleep with you?”