Ch. 181..185: The Luna and her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 181-185

The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 181

Ethan

I can’t hide my frown. I’m touched that Paisley wants to stay with me, even over than being with Jane and her siblings, but it’s impossible. First, because I meant it when I said I want her to enjoy just being a kid, especially after all her medical problems. Second, because it’s simply not safe.

The doctor’s warnings are still ringing in my head, and though Paisley might not be at risk for attacks from potential Alphas hoping to eliminate their competition like Parker and Ryder are, the episode in the Southern Isles prove that she can be targeted in other ways.

Moreover, if I can’t heal myself, I won’t only be unable to protect my precious girl, I might be a threat to her myself. Yes, I made Matthew agree to put me down before I go truly insane, but what if he’s not fast enough? What if he doesn’t realize how far gone I am until I hurt Paisley?

“Paisley I wish you could stay with me, but it’s not possible. I sigh, rubbing her back and breathing in her familiar scent.

But then who will take care of you?” She argues, narrowing her eyes at me. Her energy is dangerously close to tantrum territory, and though she’s never been very prone to throwing fits, when she does have a meltdown she doesn’t hold back.

Doctors and nurses and other people I hire.” I answer, using the most soothing tone of voice I can muster.

But tha’s not the same!” She objects. “You need someone who loves you. Doctors and nurses aren’t going to hug and k**s you when you needs them.”

They might, if I ask nicely enough – or if I pay them lots and lots of money. I joke.

“Daddy be serious.” Paisley admonishes, glaring at me. This isn’ a funny business.”

I think you mean a laughing matter.” I correct gently, wondering why I’m bothering when l love hearing her childish misappropriation of words and phrases. Because it’s your job to teach her. My wolf reminds me bitterly. Just like it’s your job to protect and care for her.

You know, you choose the worst times to be reasonable, I complain, internally groaning. My wolf is the one who most often pushes me to be emotional rather than logical, but he can often surprise me when it comes to things like this. He wants Paisley and our family here too, but his protective instincts are stronger than that desire.

Turning my attention back to the disgruntled bundle in my arms, I continue, “And I know you want to help me, but stress isn’t good for little girls. I don’t want you worrying about me.”

But I’m gonna worries about you no matter what.” Paisley insists. An’ I’ll worries less if I’m here. Besides, you keep saying I’m growing ups. I won’t be little for much longer.”

Which is exactly why you have to enjoy it while it lasts.” I explain.

Daddy you tooked care of me all that time I was sick. Paisley reasons. “Now is my turn!”

“Lovey, I’m supposed to take care of you, that’s what being a parent is all about. It’s not your job to take care of me.” I share. If I lived to a grand old age the tables might eventually turn in precisely the way she’s suggesting, but she’s still just a pup, and I’m probably not going to live to be an old man – even if I get better. Alpha’s don’t have terribly long life spans.

But Daddy -” Paisley tries to insist.

No, Paisley.” I say, using what she calls my Daddy voice. “I love you, but this isn’t up for discussion. You can’t stay with me, as much as I want you to – it isn’t safe, and it isn’t right. You belong with your Mommy and your siblings. And that’s final. “

A few hours later the pups are fed, bathed, and refusing to go to bed. They’re determined to wait up for Santa, but Jane is well practiced at wrangling puppies at bedtime.

Well you know, Santa won’t come if you stay up.” She sighs, feigning regret. “He only visits pups that are sleeping. And the sooner you go to sleep, the sooner he’ll be here.”

The pups exchange meaningful glances, already in their pajamas and trying to hide yawns of exhaustion. They obviously don’t want to risk Santa skipping the penthouse, but they’re not entirely convinced – not yet at least. But okay if you’re really determined, ” Jane continues throwing up her hands. “I guess Santa can always come next year.”

“Okay, okay!” They exclaim in unison. We’ll sleep, we’ll sleep!”

The pups immediately clamber into their beds, actually taking their proper places in the four bunks rather than creating the puppy pile in which they normally rest. “Good night, little ones.” I smile, dropping k!sses on their foreheads. “When you wake up, it will be Christmas.”

“Goodnight Daddy,” they each say in turn, returning my k!sses. Paisley sounds a bit somber as she tells me she loves me, but I know there’s nothing to be done for it. I step from the room as Jane moves forward to wish the pups goodnight, but something stops me from going too far.

Instead I hover just beyond the doorway, listening as my mate takes a seat on one of the beds.

Listen kids, I know you were just trying to have fun tonight, but you can’t put up mistletoe and try to trick me and Daddy that way.” She says evenly. I can tell she’s trying to keep her tone light, but there’s layers of emotion buried underneath.

“But Mommy, we’ve seen you and Daddy k!ss afore, and we know it makes you happy.” Parker replies.

You’ve been so sad ever since we went home.

Riley adds, sounding less confident than usual now.

“You and Daddy should be together.” Ryder concludes.

(You all know I’ve been sad?” Jane murmurs, sounding both guilty and surprised.

‘Mommy, why else do you think we’ve been trying to get you back togethers?” Parker asks, and I can hear an eye roll in his tone.

“I thought you wanted to go back to Daddy because you miss him.” She replies softly, sounding so haunted it breaks my heart.

Well we do!” Paisley exclaims, but that’s not the only reason we wanted Daddy back.”

We’ve never seen you happier than you were with Daddy.” Riley continues, and I can hear slight movements, pups leaving their beds to gather around their mother.

“We want our family to be whole.” Ryder concludes.

I peek around the edge of the door, seeing all four of our little ones snuggled up to Jane. She’s seated next to Riley, but Parker, Paisley and Ryder are halfway in her lap, their little pajama covered feet dangling in the air. “You all have stop worrying about me. She instructs. “I’ll be happy as long as I have you. But your Daddy and I aren’t going to get back together. I’m very sorry to tell you that, but it’s the truth.

But why not?” Parker inquires, leaning his head against Jane’s br3ast. “We know you loves each other “

It’s not about love.” Jane replies, and though she doesn’t know it, she’s telling them a lie. This is all about love. If I didn’t love Jane and the pups so much, I wouldn’t sacrifice my own happiness for them this way. If I didn’t love them so much, I wouldn’t let them go. One day maybe I’Il be able to explain better, in a way you can understand, but right now all you need to know is that we both love you, and we’re doing the best we can.”

Mommy?” Paisley asks shyly.

Yes, angel?”

Is this all happening cuz we tried to follow you that night? And got ourselves pup-napped?” She questions, sounding as though she’s very afraid of the answer. “You and Daddy seemed different afore we were taken.”

Listen to me very carefully.” Jane replies, her voice tight. “Because I mean what I’m saying.

None of this, is your fault. Your Daddy and I split up a very long time ago, for some reasons you know, and others you don’t. We were never going to end up together, and that has nothing to do with anything that’s happened these last few months.”

Another lie. If I’d had my way, we all would have lived happily ever after following the rescue, but that was before. Before my injury, before my insanity, before everything changed.

“And that’s why you can’t play tricks like that again.” Jane forges on. “It only makes things harder, and as hard as it is to hear – it won’t change anything.”

“We’re sorry, Mommy.” Riley apologizes, nuzzling Jane’s shoulder. We didn’ mean to upset you.

“I know, my darling.” Jane sighs, kissing Riley’s brow. “Unfortunately that’s one lesson you’ll learn more and more the older you get. What you intend, and what actually happens don’t always agree. You have to be very thoughtful about your actions, even when you mean well.

That’s confusing.” Parker sighs.

I know, but it’s also not something you have to worry about tonight.” Jane smiles sadly. “All you need to worry about is going to sleep and waiting to see what tomorrow will bring. I promise it will be a better day than today.”

“We love you, Mommy.” Ryder professes, giving Jane a k!ss on the cheek.

I love you too.

 

The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 182

Jane

When the pups are finally asleep, I slip out of their room, closing the door at my back and leaning against it. My knees feel weak and shaky, and I’m thankful for the solid wood at my back keeping me upright. I clench my eyes shut, trying to take deep breaths and calm down.

That was one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had as a mother. Not because it was particularly contentious or fraught, but simply because it upsets me to no end to think my pups have been taking the responsibility for my sadness onto themselves. I haven’t been doing my job. I’ve been so caught up in my own grief that I didn’t even realize I was hurting my babies, making them stressed and anxious. Instead of taking care of them, they’ve been trying to take care of me.

When I finally open my eyes again, I realize that Ethan is standing in the hallway, watching me. My heart sinks – as if he needed more reasons to think I’m an unfit mother – I’m sure he overheard our entire conversation.

“Please don’t.” I beg, whispering so I don’t wake the pups. “I feel badly enough already.”

He doesn’t say a word, his dark eyes boring into me with piercing intensity. Pushing myself away from the door, I stiffly stride into my bedroom, going to my closet to retrieve the gifts I have hidden for the children. I gather the boxes, bags, wrapping paper and stocking stuffers, before reemerging and heading for the living room.

The stockings are already hanging over the fireplace, and a plate of cookies and milk a resting on the hearth. I start by laying out the wrapping paper on the floor, pulling out scissors and tape so I can begin working, but then a pair of very large, very familiar feet appear beside me. “I can do this.” Ethan tells me, pointedly eyeing my stomach. “You need to rest.”

“I’ve always set up Christmas morning for the pups.” I insist, feeling both defiant and near tears.

You might not want my company but I’m not going to let you take this away from me.” I almost add the word “too” at the end of my sentence, but stop myself just in time.

“You’re under to0 much stress and you’re clearly upset.” He remarks distantly, “it isn’t good for the baby.”

“What do you care, about the baby?” I demand hotly. “You barely even blinked when I told you.”

“It’s still my child,” Ethan reminds me severely, and if you’re unwell you can’t care for any of them.”

“Ethan, I got through newborn triplets all on my own, I think I can get through a little morning sickness and fatigue.” I insist, beginning to wrap the box in front of me.

“I know that, and soon you are going to have to do it alone, but you don’t right now. Let me help while you’re here. It’s why I agreed to this in the first place, so everything wouldn’t fall on your shoulders and you’d have some space to breathe.”

Ethan reasons.

“But I want to do this part.” I argue, feeling my throat tighten.

He watches me closely, and for a second I think he’s going to refuse me again, but after a few moments of contemplation, he simply kneels down beside me and reaches for one of the bags beside me. “I’ll stuff stockings, you wrap.”

When he starts to purr, I find the sound so jarring that I visibly start. “Don’t do that, you don’t get to do that anymore.” I object, even as the soothing sound washes over me, unwinding my nerves despite my upset. Why am I protesting? I wonder.

Wasn’t I just thinking I’d give anything for him to care about me again.

Because this isn’t caring. I answer my own question as my wolf whines in the background. It’s pity, and condescension.

“I’m sorry.” Ethan sighs. “I was only trying to help.”

“Has it occurred to you that I wouldn’t need help if you hadn’t hurt me in the first place?” I snap.

“Yes.” Ethan says obliquely. “It has.”

I stare at him, searching his face and wondering if he’ll say any more. However he simply turns his gaze from me and focuses on his work, letting the words hang in the air. We work the rest of the evening in a silence so heavy I feel the weight of it bearing down on me from above, like an anvil sitting on my shoulders. It feels smothering, crushing, and I wonder how much longer I can make it before I collapse beneath the burden.

Eventually we finish, and Ethan ushers me to bed with a promise to try and keep the pups out of my room in the moring so I can sleep in. I want to tell him not to bother, but the truth is I’m beyond exhausted, so I go without complaint. I collapse into the bedding, asleep before my head even hits the pillow.

Christmas morning dawns bright and early, but I’m not sure I’ve ever been less happy to celebrate my favorite holiday than I am today. For the first time I’m not mourning Paisley’s absence, but having my children together doesn’t seem like enough anymore. I want Ethan. I want our family to be whole again.

Before we returned to the Nightfang pack I might have been ashamed of pining for someone who clearly doesn’t want me, but I don’t think I have any pride left to spare. When Ethan made me his prisoner I retreated inside myself, and when I finally left I hardened my heart against him and any other man that might come near me, but now I’m as raw and fragile as I can ever remember being. I suppose that’s what happens when someone tears down your walls before shattering you.. and yet I still want him. I still crave his touch, and wish for the impossible.

So when the pups climb into my bed on Christmas morning, I have to hide the fact that I was already awake and crying. Instead I feign sleep, playing the same game we always play when the pups are particularly excited about something. They clamber around me excitedly, half snuggling, half nudging me awake. “Mommy,” they whisper, poking me.

I don’t respond, feigning a loud snore and sinking deeper into my covers. “Mommy!” They whisper again, shaking my arm, trying to pry open one of my eyes. “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!”

I sigh, mumbling sleepy nonsense and refusing to open my eyes. I roll over, slinging my arm out over the pups and trapping at least one wriggling little body beneath me. “Mommy, wake up!” They exclaim, giggling delightedly. “It’s Christmas…

I mutter a bit more, groggily cracking one eyelid. “

Wha’s happening?”

“Mommy, it’s Christmas!” They cry again.

“Christmas?” I repeat, sitting up now and stretching. “Are you sure, wasn’t that yesterday?”

“No! Is today!” Parker announces, pulling on my hands as if he might drag me from bed. I’m surprised when he single handedly manages to budge me, pulling me a few feet over the mattress.

He’s still so young, but his Alpha genes are strong, and I’ve always been small – even for an omega. In a few years I won’t stand a chance, he’ll be able to throw me around as easily as his father does. “

Come on! We have to see what Santa brought!”

“Santa?” I repeat. “Well in that case, I suppose I can get up.”

The pups take my hands in theirs, two on either side, and lead me from the room. When we reach the living room Ethan is already awake and cooking breakfast. I smell coffee brewing, wishing I could have a cup but knowing the caffeine is bad for the baby. He looks up when the pups and I enter, frowning when he takes in the dark bags under my eyes and my splotchy skin. “Kids, I told you to let Mommy sleep in.” He admonishes.

“But Daddy, is Christmas!” To them, apparently, there can be no better argument for any manner of misbehavior.

“It’s okay.” I assure him, not wanting him to scold the pups just for being excited. “After all, it would be unfair to make them wait just because I’m being a lazy bones.” I finish in a silly voice that makes the children laugh, but now that I’m up their attention is solely devoted to opening presents.

They’re tearing into their stockings when Ethan sneaks out of the room and comes back with a box riddled with large air holes, and I big red bow holding it closed. Four little heads perk up, ears and noses twitching as the pups scent a new animal in the room. They climb to their feet and scamper over to their father, who holds the box out of their reach. “Daddy is that for us?” Paisley asks excitedly.

“Actually Santa gave it to me.” Ethan says thoughtfully, rubbing his chin.

“But.. for good.. or just to babysit until we were awakes?” Riley questions slyly.

“Well he said it was to babysit, but I don’t know, I think I might want to keep it now.”

Four jaws drop. “Daddy, you can’t! Santa gave it to us!”

“Are you sure you want it, you don’t even know what it is yet.,Ethan teases, still playing keep away with the gift.

The pups are jumping up and down now, “Come on Daddy, stop playing!” Small sounds are coming from the box, scratching and snuffling, and then – a hop.

“Alright, alright” Ethan laughs, handing them the gift, “but be very careful.”

The pups gather around the box on the floor, “It’s a bunny, it has to be! Ryder exclaims.

“of course it’s a bunny, can’t you smell it!” Riley chastises him.

“Well I dunno, I’ve never met any bunnies in the wild.” Ryder shrugs

“I don’t think is a wild bunny.” Parker surmises.

“Well I think we should wait and ask it rather than just jumping to ‘clusions.” Paisley remarks, tilting her chin up.

Ethan sidles over to me while the pups debate the bunny’s origins, making his voice so low that only I can hear. “I think we should tell the pups about the baby.”

 

The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 183

Ella

I’m gaping at Ethan, wondering where on earth this came from.I already explained to him why I haven’t shared our baby news with the pups yet, and I can’t believe he would dismiss those concerns so quickly.

What am I saying? I think grimly. Of course I can believe it. This isn’t the same Ethan who lowed you, remember?

“No, it’s too soon.” I object, feeling furious that he chose this moment to have this conversation, when I should be enjoying watching the children unwrap their new pet.

On the floor in front of us, the pups are carefully unwinding the ribbon from the box containing their new bunny, positively quaking with excitement. They’re wearing identical expressions of utmost focus, brows furrows and lips pursed in concentration. No sooner have they freed the ribbon and carefully lifted the flaps of the box, that a little white blur comes bursting out, hopping right out of the box as the pups squeal with surprise and excitement.

“It is a bunny!” Paisley exclaims, “I knew it!”

“Wait, where are you going!” Riley directs her words at the bunny itself, which is enthusiastically exploring the penthouse and seems completely unbothered by the fact that four puppies are in hot pursuit, eager to catch and cuddle it.

“That bunny has nerves of steal.” I observe dryly .”Oh I tested every bunny at the pet store.” Ethan whispers, standing much too close for my liking. “I knew we would need a brave one to survive the pups.”

I can’t help but smile as I watch my children giggle and beam, following the bunny around and asking it questions. Is it from the wild? Does it have a name? Is it a boy or a girl? Is it white because it came from the North Pole? They don’t seem to mind that the bunny isn’t answering any of their questions.

When the bunny hops onto Ethan’s foot, I begin to wonder if this bunny is brave or just stupid. I know it was raised around wolves, but surely it recognizes a predator as dangerous as my ex- husband? Shouldn’t it be more afraid of being gobbled up? Ethan scoops up the furball in one large hand. “Let’s see, little bunny, what’s your story?”

Ethan lifts the rabbit to his ear, pretending to listen intently then nodding along as if the bunny is speaking to him. “He says he’s a boy, and he calls himself Mr. Fluff though you can give him a nickname if you like, and yes, he is white because he comes from the arctic, though he’s only ever visited the north pole itself.”

“Daddy ask him if he’s wild!” Paisley chirps excitedly.

“Mr Fluff, are you wild?” Ethan presses, speaking very solemnly to the little fuzzball resting in his palm. He holds the bunny to his ear again. “Ah, he says he was wild once but he got tired of living in all that snow and hopping around so much just to find his dinner, so he went to Santa and asked him to find him a nice family that would give him a home, and lots of treats so he can get very fat.”

The pups giggle, and my stomach drops. Of all the challenges I’ve encountered coming back to the NightFang pack, seeing Ethan be silly with the pups again is near the top of the list. It drives me mad that he can be so fun and loving with him, when I know he plans on phasing himself out of their lives. It makes everything feel so very insincere. What’s worse than my outrage for my pups, however, is my own disappointment that he’s not putting on the same sort of act for me.

Couldn’t he pretend to be nice until we go home?

Couldn’t he show me a fraction of this warmth, even if he plans on taking it away again?

Ethan kneels before the pups. “Do you want to hold him? He told me he loves cuddles but only if you don’t squeeze him too tight.”

The pups extend their little paws with reverence, as if they’ve been assigned a very solemn duty indeed. Parker takes the bunny first, cuddling him to his chest and stroking one finger down his pink, twitching nose. “We promise not to squeeze you,

“We’ll give you a nice home and feed you whenever you want.” Riley adds, hesitantly reaching out to stroke the soft white fur. “Ooh, he’s so fuzzy!”

“Daddy I didn’t know you could speak bunny language!” Paisley looks up at Ethan in awe. “Can you teach me?”

“It’s really just about listening with your heart.

Clear your own mind and let him do the talking.”

Ethan advises. “Do you want to try?”

Paisley nods vigorously, and Parker gently lifts the white creature to his sister’s ear. Her sweet face lights up like fireworks, and she grins up at us. “He says his favorite food is marshmallows, and he’s happy to meet us.’

“There, see.” Ethan smiles proudly. “You’re a natural.”

Despite my sadness over Ethan’s two-faced behavior, I’m glad that this game has distracted him from thoughts of telling the pups about the baby, at least for now. Of course, almost as soon as I think this, he finds a way to prove me wrong. The pups sit in a circle and release Mr Fluff onto the floor, letting him bounce around between them and taking turns holding him. As soon as it’s obvious they’re settled, Ethan pulls me aside.

“It will be better if we can tell them about the baby while we’re together, so we can both answer their questions.” He says quietly.

“But what if… what if something goes wrong?”I whisper, hating speaking this particular fear aloud.

For a moment, I think I see a flicker of emotion in his eyes, but it disappears as quickly as it surfaced. “If something does go wrong and the pups know, then you won’t have to go through it alone.” Ethan answers, his voice low and steady.

I look back at my pups, clenching my jaw, “They’re already worrying about me and I can’t stand it. I’m not going to put that on them too.”

“But Jane, they were worried without you saying a word about your feelings. It’s probably more stressful for them to know you’re upset but not understand why, then to have you talk things through with them. Besides, if you share your feelings with them, they’ll learn to share theirs when they grow up.” Ethan advises.

Damn it, he’s right. I realize. If I bottle things up and hide them from my children, they’ll learn to do the same. It goes against my every instinct, but when Ethan continues, I know I have to agree.

You won’t be placing a burden on them, you’ll just be teaching them it’s okay to be sad sometimes.

Trying to cover it up only makes them think it’s wrong or shameful. And we don’t even know if that will happen.”

“Fine,” I reply, wrapping my arms around myself protectively, and wishing they were his. “Let’s tell them.”

“Kids,” Ethan states warmly, “Mr. Fluff isn’t the only one joining the family.”

All four pups look up in wide eyed confusion. “He’s not?” Riley asks, crinkling her nose in confusion.

“Did we get another bunny?” Paisley asks eagerly.

“No angel.” I answer, chuckling softly and reflexively moving my hand to my belly, “We’re going to have a baby. Mommy’s pregnant, and in a few months you’ll have a new sibling.”

At first, I’m not sure they’ve heard me, cuz their faces are blank. I know they understand the basics of pregnancy – mother’s carrying babies in their tummies, but beyond that they have only the most rudimentary concept of how babies come about, and I have a sneaking suspicion we’re about to enter a conversation I’ve been dreading for years.

“So there’s a baby inside you right now?” Parker asks quizzically.

“Yes.” I reply simply.

“But how did it get in there?” Ryder follows up.

“Your Daddy planted a tiny seed in my belly, and now it’s growing into a baby.” I reply, hoping this will satisfy them.

“Planted, like in a garden?” Riley reasons, perking up. “Mommy is there a garden in your tummy?”

“No sweetheart.” Ethan smiles, “But Mommies have a special place inside them for growing babies, and so Daddies can give them seeds to grow when they want a new baby.”

“But why did you want a new baby?” Paisley asks, suddenly looking worried. “Aren’t we enoughs for you?”

“Of course you’re enough.” I profess, sitting next to her on the floor. “But the magical thing about Mommies is that they have infinite love to give – do you know what that means?”

“No.” The pups admit, looking back and forth between one another.

“It means never ending, with no limit. So having another baby doesn’t mean I have less love to give to you all, it just means that I have so much love to give that I want as many babies as I can to cuddle and spoil. And just think about how much you all love each other, isn’t it exciting to think you’ll have a new brother or sister to love and play with?”

Riley, Parker and Ryder are smiling now, looking as though they like this idea very much. Paisley on the other hand, is studying Ethan and I with that look that always reminds me she’s lived a much different, and harder life than her siblings. “Does this mean we get to stay with Daddy?”

The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 184

Jane

My heart sinks when I hear Paisley’s question, and I realize that Ethan was right about telling them together – not only for the sake of setting a good example for them, but because I didn’t anticipate this particular question. It will be easier to break the bad news with him beside me, so that all the blame doesn’t fall on my shoulders this time.

It breaks my heart that they’re still asking this, though it’s not surprising. They might be growing up fast, but they’re still so little. It’s going to take a very long time and lots of repetition for them to understand – as much as any child can understand being separated from their parents.

“No sweetheart.” Ethan murmurs gently. “In the new year you’re going to go home with your Mommy, just like we planned.”

I watch their faces as they absorb this news, hating inflicting pain on them but knowing there’s no other way around it. Riley, Ryder and Parker drop their gazes to their laps, hiding their disappointment from us. Paisley, on the other hand, is staring at Ethan with utter determination.

She stands up, slow and deliberate, her young face very serious as she turns her attention to me. “I wanna stay with Daddy.” She says firmly. “I wanna go back to the way things were afore.”

I feel my knees begin to buckle, and catch myself on the back of the couch. Ive forgotten how to breathe, and even as the room begins spinning I’m fighting to controI my expression, not to show her how deeply her words cut me. That hurt. That really hurt. Ethan’s strong hands catch me just above the elbows, and he eases me down onto the couch, “Easy now.” He murmurs, “Are you okay?”

I nod, choking back my emotions. The room is still spinning, and I’m afraid I’m going to be sick. “

Mommy, wha’s wrong!” The pups gather around me anxiously, their faces scrunched up in concern. I try to draw in a few breaths of air, but it isn’t easy at all. I clench my eyes shut against the room whirling around me in a sickening blur, trying to gauge whether or not I’m going to be sick and whether I’m steady enough to reach a restroom if that is the case.

I’d been afraid that the pups would never stop asking for Ethan- that I’d never be enough for them again – but the reality is worse. Paisley doesn’t want me at all. And what if Ethan says yes?

If he was willing to take Paisley back, could I possibly let him? Is it truly in her best interest to stay with me, or is that my own selfish desire to have my daughter near? Would she be happier with Ethan?

’I’m sorry, Mommy.” Paisley says, tears in her eyes as she cuddles close to my side. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s not your fault cuddlbug,” Ethan explains, kneeling down beside her. “Growing babies takes a lot of energy.” Ethan explains, “It makes Mommies very sleepy and upsets their tummies. You’ve got to be very gentle with your Mommy while she’s pregnant, okay?”

Their eyes go wide, and they nod, looking at me with worried expressions. “I’m okay angels, just a bit dizzy.”

“And Paisley, we talked about this.” Ethan answers in an incredibly gentle voice. Wait, he knew? She’s already requested this?He knew and he didn’t tell me. “You belong with your Mommy and your brothers and sister.”

“I promised I wouldn’t ever leave you again, remember?” I prompt, wanting to reach for her but still uncertain of my own wellness.

“I know,” Paisley frowns, tears sliding down her cheeks. “But I didn’ know keeping you meant losing Daddy.”

“I’m sorry, lovey.” I sigh, “that isn’t what I want, but my life is in the Dark Moon pack, and Daddy’s is here.”

“I know it’s all very strange and different, but I promise you’ll grew to love it, Paisley.” Ethan adds softly. Paisley is glaring at him now, her lips quivering as if she wants to make an outburst and is holding herself back for some reason. His voice grows stern, “You promised me, Paisley.”

“Paisley you can’t stay behind.” The other children encourage, and I’m amazed to see our conversation last night and the prospect of a new sibling has allowed them to accept this change. I have a feeling it’s only temporary, and also suspicious that they’re still plotting things, but right now I’m not going to question this. “We haves to be together.”

She looks back at the other pups, looking suddenly uncertain. “Besides your Mommy’s going to need as much help as she can get with the new baby.”

Ethan continues, “You’re all going to have to take on more responsibilities as big brothers and sisters. These are very important jobs.”

“And Mr. Fluff needs you too!” Riley adds, gesturing to the forgotten bunny, who is currently scampering towards the kitchen, no doubt following his nose. Paisley follows the direction of her sister’s finger, and when she looks back at us, I realize she’s not angry with me. She’s angry with Ethan for not letting her stay. I’m beginning to wonder if she knows that he’s the reason none of us can stay. Before this trip she was equally upset with me, but now she throws another furious look at her father and climbs up onto the couch next to me, crawling halfway into my lap. She nudges her head under my arm and continues throwing sullen glances at Ethan. “Fine,” She mutters. “I’ll go with Mommy.”

I use my free hand to stroke her cheek, dropping k!sses to her hair. “There now, no more arguing.” I croon. “It’s still Christmas, and there are more presents to open.”

Ryder, Riley, and Parker bound over to the Christmas tree, excitedly sorting through the boxes and bags, then delivering them to the person assigned to each gift. Paisley stays tucked under my arm, and her familiar weight against my side relieves some of my dizziness, I continue cuddling her, catching Ethan turn away out of the corner of my eye. HIs head is bowed, his shoulders and stiff, and his hands clenched into fists.

What is that about? I wonder. Is he angry at me? At her? For doing what he wants?

However When Parker brings Ethan a gift box covered in too many bows to have been wrapped by anyone but a four-year-old, He turns back with a smile, looking completely unbothered. He accepts the present, playfully shaking the box and earning himself a scolding from Ryder, “Daddy be careful!”

“I’m sorry.” He replies sheepishly, carefully ripping the paper off. Inside there is a set of four candles, each of which bears one of the pup’s names. Ethan pulls out the first one, lifting the Riley jar to his nose and blinking in astonishment. “Goddess, it smells exactly like you.” He says to the pup in question. It only takes a moment before he looks up to me. “How -?”

“Creating scents is what I do, remember?” I remind him. “And the pups wanted you to have something to remember them by.” At my words, Paisley cuddles closer with a little whimper, and I deposit another k!ss on her sweetsmelling hair, rubbing her arm in long, soothing strokes. Ethan however, is staring at me as if I’ve given him the moon. His eyes are shining, and I realize just how badly it’s hurting him to give up the pups. A spark of rage courses through me despite the emotion he’s clearly trying to hide, visibly blinking tears from his eyes.

It didn’t have to be this way. I want to roar. You’re the one hurting yourself, not me.

“Thank you, pups.” He tells them gratefully. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

I’m so busy trying to contain my anger with Ethan that I barely notice when Parker and Ryder deposit a large box in my own lap. Lifting the tag I read: To Jane, To Make Up for All the Moments You Missed.

I don’t understand the meaning of the card until I lift the boxes’ lid, finding a baby pink scrapbook inside. Paisley’s Firsts is written across the cover, and I’m crying before I can even open the book.

Linda knows that I keep scrapbooks like this for all my kids, highlighting all their important first moments: First steps, first words, first smiles. Of course I was never able to create one for Paisley, because I wasn’t around for her firsts.

“Mommy, why are you crying?” Paisley inquires, reaching up to try and pull my hands from my face.

“Because it’s you!” I hiccup, “It’s all the things I dreamed about being there for but never could!”

I flip open the front cover, raking my gaze over the pages with awe. Everything is there, from the day she was born, to right up until I arrived in the NightFang territory this summer. “How did Linda even get these photos?” I ask aloud, looking at Ethan. A wall comes down over his expression when my gaze reaches his face, and I catch only the quickest flash of indistinguishable emotion before his features become completely drawn and blank.

He shrugs. “She asked me to send them, I didn’t know why.”

The scrapbook is only half full, and on the last printed page, another message awaits, For all the photos yet to come.

 

The Luna And Her Quadruplet Pups Chapter 185

Jane

“I’m worried about Paisley.” I murmur, glancing at Ethan before returning my eyes to where the pups are running along in front of us. It’s boxing day and we’ve taken a family shopping outing. At the moment Paisley is hand in hand with her siblings, but her moods have been almost as variable as my own since yesterday morning.

After receiving Linda’s gift, I’d dissolved into sobs and Ethan pulled the pups away to give me some Space, making more explanations about pregnancy hormones and wild emotions. However when he tried to remove Paisley from my arms, she clung to me like velcro, refusing to budge. “It’s okay, Ethan.” I insisted, wrapping both arms around Paisley and pulling her the rest of the way into my lap, “let her stay.”

My mind resurrected the memory of the night Paisley came to me in the bath, asking if I left her behind because I didn’t want her. I remembered the way she cried then, and yesterday felt as though we’d switched places. After she begged to stay with Ethan I needed to hold her and cry with her, to know she still wanted me, to know I hadn’t ruined everything.

The difference is that I calmed down after a while, but Paisley continued swinging back and forth between tears, anger and confusion. She would lash out at Ethan and run to me and the other pups for comfort, only to change her mind and beg for Daddy to hold her.

“You’ve been worried about all of them for weeks.”

Ethan dismisses me, but I can see a twitch in his jaw.

“Don’t act like you don’t care.” I snap. “Hating me doesn’t mean you have to be a complete as*s about the kids”

A low growl sounds in his throat, and though I tremble in response, I’m proud of myself. This time last week I wouldn’t have been able to talk back to Ethan at all. I feel so much stronger than I did before, and I’m not sure if that comes down to the pressure being off with the pups, or simply having the time to process everything that’s happened to us.

“She’l adjust.” He says, sounding unsure, “it will be easier after you leave and we’re not pulling her both ways anymore. She’s just overwhelmed.”

“I wouldn’t write off her feelings that easily.” I caution. “It’s not like with Ryder, Riley and Parker, you’re all she’s ever known. She’s never going to stop wanting you, Ethan”

“She’s four -“

“She’ll be five in two weeks.”I remind him stiffly.

“My point is that she’s very young. How much do you remember before the age of five?” Ethan inquires. “I don’t recall anything from that age.

“And that’s really what you want? You want her to target you or repress the memories of you so that she’s not mourning the loss the rest of her life? Is that really better than having you as a long- distance coparent?” I challenge.

“Who are you really requesting this for?” Ethan replies coldly, “Paisley, or yourself?”

I stop dead in my tracks, turning on him. “Don’t you dare accuse me of being selfish about our children when you’re the one abandoning them!” I hiss, trying to keep my voice low.

Ethan looks as though he might explode, his wolf suddenly glowing in his eyes – however before he can say a word, a new voice interrupts us. “Ethan? Jane?”

We both break off our conversation, whirling to face the person addressing us. The man is almost as tall as Ethan, with dark cocoa skin and long, curly black hair. His eyes are a striking, metallic silver, and his face could easily grace the cover of a magazine. It’s all angles and edges, almost too pretty – missing a rugged edge like Ethan’s. Still I recognize him instantly, and so does my former mate, “Devon?” We say in unison.

“I can’t believe it!” He exclaims, stretching his arms out to hug Ethan, then me. “How long has it been?”

“I don’t know, 8 years, 10?” I guess. Devon grew up with Ethan and I. He’s a beta who used to run with Ethan and Matthew, but when it became clear that Matthew would become Ethan’s second in command, he left for greener pastures. The last I remember seeing him was at my father-in-law’s funeral and I honestly haven’t thought about him in years. Suddenly I feel guilty, we were all such close friends once. “Are you here visiting family for the holidays?”

“Yeah, and you?” He presses, looking between us then down at the children. “I saw all the news about the kidnapping, you must be so relieved to have the pups back. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.”

“Mommy, who is this man?” ParkeI asks curiously, looking up at Devon…..Devon laughs, bending down and introducing himself. “I’m Devon, I’ve known your Daddy since we were your age, and your Mommy almost as long.” He shares,

“You knew Daddy when he was little?” Paisley asks, astonished.

“That’s right, I could tell you some wild stories about him too.” Devon whispers conspiratorially.

Now you must be Paisley,” He guesses, taking in her smaller stature and the way she’s hiding behind Ethan’s legs. “Which makes you Riley,” He guesses, shaking hands with my other daughter.

But I’m going to need some help telling the boys apart,”

“This is Parker and this is Ryder,” I clarify, feeling even more guilty now. He’s clearly been keeping up with us, but I don’t have any idea what he’s been up to over the last decade, or even where he lives. “How long are you in town? I’d love to catch up.”

“Just through the new year.” He answers, smiling ruefully. “But we should get coffee or dinner one night.”

Ethan is smiling, but it doesn’t seem to meet his eyes. He’s looking at Devon with a strange light in his eyes, as if suddenly inspired, but also unhappy to have whatever idea is floating around in his head. “Why don’t you and Jane go for coffee now?

I’ll keep shopping with the pups, and you two can catch up.”

“You don’t want to join us?” Devon frowns. “I want to hear all your news.”

“Jane can tell you.” Ethan answers mysteriously.

She knows it all.”

“Ethan “I start to say, baffled by his strange behavior.

“Go on now, you deserve a break.” He continues, apparently pretending to be concerned for me now that we have an audience.

Hey, that’s not fair. My wolf interrupts, he was concerned for you before too.

He was concerned for the baby. I correct her, feeling terribly bitter. And speaking of which –

“Ethan, I can’t drink coffee.” I remind him sulkily, wrapping my arms around myself.

“Then have a hot chocolate, the drink doesn’t matter.” Before I can figure out what’s happening, he’s sweeping the pups away and leaving me with Devon, who is doing his best not to show how awkward this is.

“I..”I stammer, looking at him with a helpless shrug. “I guess, do you want to get some coffee?”

“Sure,” Devon agrees warmly, guiding me forward with a hand at the small of my back. “Do I want to know what that was all about?” He asks as we walk.

“Ethan and I are separated.” I confess, gesturing between us. “But I’m afraid I don’t have any explanation for this.”

“I’m sorry,” Devon professes, sounding genuinely remorseful. “I heard you’d been back in the Dark Moon Pack, but I didn’t quite believe it. You and Ethan were always such a great couple.”

“We weren’t” I correct him, unable to keep the sharp edge from my voice. “And if it seemed that way in the beginning it was just because our relationship had never really been tested. We fell apart at the first stumbling block.”

Devon’s handsome face, so familiar, yet so different from the boy I knew, pulls into a grimace.

“Then that’s a tragedy, you two always gave me hope, I always dreamed I could win the mate lottery like Ethan.” There’s something new in his eyes now, an admiration I haven’t noticed before.

“I’d hardly call falling for a weak omega winning the lottery.”I scoff, disbelieving.

“Well I beg to differ.” Devon grins. “I think so now and I did then too. Why else do you think Ethan chose Matthew for his beta? He couldn’t very well pick a wolf who was in love with the future Luna.”

This stops me dead in my tracks. “What?”

“He never told you?” Devon asks, looking shocked.

“Are you saying… what I think you’re saying?”I choke.

“Jane you had to know, I never tried to hide it.”

Devon says, taken aback now.

“You were in love with me?” I gape.

“Yes.” He confirms softly.

“And that’s why you left, that’s why you never became beta?” I can’t wrap my head around this at all.

Yes.” Devon answers, in the same, even tone.

Suddenly the street is spinning again. This is too much. This is all too much. “I think I’m going to faint.”