Ch. 186..190: The Werewolf's Vampire Mate Chapter 186-190

Chapter 186: Mine Mine Mine

Rex.

Freida drags him away from me.

She is really taking a liking to him.

One that I wish she wouldn’t.

"You really brought a guy as a plus one,’’ Devon mutters evilly.

He loves to be a bully. I don’t really understand how a nerd would like to mock and bring his kind down. He is not cool. He has his own fair share of tormentors at school but somehow it is his mission to make my life miserable.

Not that I give a shit.

He has the mouth but that is all he has.

I am not scared of him.

"He is a friend. Not that you would know what that is.’’ I give him back the same energy he has been giving me since I got here.

A couple of people around us chuckle. I look around, this scene is not my idea of a party. This is the most boring party I have ever come to. I don’t think we will stay here for more than an hour. I mean, Freida did drag me here, so I am sure she wouldn’t mind.

My eyes shift back to them, not interested in the conversation going on in the crowd I chose to stay in. Gyles is watching me. he looks a little bit weird. I can’t put my finger on it but it seems like something is bothering him. I watch them until Freida comes over to me, he is still watching me as she grabs my arm and squeals into my ear "God he is perfect,’’ she giggles "can I have him?’’

She asks me like I have a say in who gets him. Gyles shouldn’t be with anyone right now. He has a lot to get used to. I know he probably doesn’t care about her. he has been staring at me all this while. That must mean something.

You know you have been the one staring.

My wolf shouts to me. It seems to be louder when I am near Gyles. What is that about? I am going to ignore him right now because I don’t want to admit that yet. Yes, I cant take my eyes off him. He is a beautiful specimen that I am stuck with.

You know you pushed him to come with you.

My wolf accuses me again.

"Shut up,’’ I forget that I am around people and they all look at me from the shock. Suddenly I don’t want to be here. I want to be home, in my bed. I don’t want to have to worry about how I feel about Gyles. I haven’t even been able to think about my kiss with Blue all day.

Fuck.

Frieda comes back with two cups in her grip. I watch her as she gives him one. I watch her as she giggles and pats his chest playfully. The jealousy I feel is insane. I don’t even need my wolf to tell me. I invited him here, why the fuck is she hogging him to herself.

Gyles leans forward and I can’t get my eyes off him as he touches her face.

The confusion sprawls on my face because I don’t even understand what is going on. Does he actually like her? I can’t see Freida but I am pretty sure she is blushing. Did I just set them up or something?

I tear my eyes away from them and back to my crowd. They are talking about some competition. I am not in the STEM club. So, I don’t even care for their conversation. A couple of minutes later, I see Gyles walk away from her. the expression on his face before he disappears scares me.

Beau said I should watch him closely. He might not react well to the crowd. There isn’t actually a crowd here but I still need to make sure he is okay.

Freida walks over to me with a smile "Bathroom,’’ she explains even though I didn’t ask.

"Why have you not told me about him before?’’

I shrug "I just met him,’’ I tell her honestly.

The only reason why she is so interested in him is because of how attractive he is. It is not like she knows anything about him.

Like you.

My wolf accuses me sternly.

Get to know him. He is mine, mine, mine.

What the fuck is going on inside me. he is claiming Gyles. My wolf is never territorial. He is calm and not over the top. This is the most I have ever heard from him.

Gyles is doing this to him.

"Can you put in a good word for me. he seems very quiet.’’ She tells me.

I don’t want to put in a good word because I don’t want her to have him. I want him for myself—fuck, did I just admit this?

Think about Blue.

Blue is the right one for you.

He is the only one.

Both of them. Mine, mine, mine.

"Sure,’’ I tell her, ignoring him completely. It makes no sense that he will claim two people at the same time. This is the greediest shit I have ever encountered.

"I’ll be right back,’’ I tell her wanting to find him. He has been gone for a while. I can’t help but worry about him. I check all the bathrooms but they are all empty. Walking around the house, scouting for him to no avail until I see the door in the kitchen slightly ajar.

Fear kicks in, what if he ran away.

Beau will kill me.

Once outside, the fear within me dissipates as I see him staring at a tree. His back to me. I go down one step "Hey,’’ I call out to him. He turns around immediately and I see it. His eyes are a bright yellow. Shining under the moonlight. It doesn’t seem like he has noticed or is even doing this on purpose. "Too much,’’ I decide to ignore it for now. It is just the two of us, no one Is here to notice this.

He nods his head immediately and suddenly I have regrets. I shouldn’t have brought him here. I didn’t do this for him. I wanted to spend time with him. This was for my own selfish reasons.

I walk closer to him and his eyes follow my footsteps "Do you want to leave?’’ I ask him, truthfully, I don’t even want to be here anymore. I guess I want to use him as an excuse to leave.

He shakes his head immediately. guess he doesn’t want to. "do you?’’ he asks. Suddenly the ball is in my court again.

"Makes no difference."

I want him to see me as a cool guy. Someone that can handle a crowd. Someone that is social. The exact opposite of me. "Freida seems to like you,’’ I want to know how he feels about her. my wolf is winning in this battle.

I look at his face, the gold still in his pupils "I don’t like her."

His admittance does something to me. something that I don’t want to show right now. He doesn’t like her. which means there is a chance.

Do I even want a chance?

Yes, you do.

My wolf screams.

I flinch internally.

This is a lot for me.

"Oh,’’ I decide to feign indifference. I watch him as he moves closer, I am unsure of what he wants to do but I don’t pull away from him. I am a fucking coward.

"I like you,’’ he mutters. I didn’t expect that. Fuck, what do I say to this? "I should not feel this way, should I?’’ he adds in question.

I don’t know what the hell to say to that.

"Your eyes are golden,’’ I blurt trying to change the topic. I don’t know if I want to talk about feelings and mates and shit right now. I don’t want to admit to him that I feel the same way. That there is a pull, that just back the fuck off.

He closes his eyes immediately and turns away from me "shit, I have been feeling weird all night.’’

I walk over to him so I can see him "How? Why didn’t you tell me,’’ I reach for his face suddenly? My hand rests on his cheek and the shine in his eyes brightens. "I am not doing anything, I swear."

I believe him.

"Are you hungry?’’ I ask him.

He knows what I am talking about.

"A little,’’ he confesses. My hand is still on his face. The chills and butterflies are attacking but my wolf won’t let me move away. The urge to do more than touch him eats at my fucking soul. This is like a drug that you know is bad for you but still crave. He is suddenly my Heroin. The cocaine that makes you go bonkers.

He grabs my hand which is still on his face. I don’t push him away. I let it happen. "You like me too." He whispers into the night.

How do I deny that when my wolf is screaming.

Yes.

Chapter 187: Will you think about him if I kiss you?

Rex.

He basically called me out on that.

He knows I have been staring. He knows that I have been having thoughts that are not so innocent. Okay, maybe he doesn’t know that but at least he can sense that something is going on inside of me. he knows and I don’t even know if I am ready to admit those words out loud.

I don’t even know how I feel.

"You don’t have to say anything. I know this doesn’t make any sense to you. Hell, it is confusing to me.’’

What is happening right now?

I just wanted to make sure he was okay. That Is why I came out here. Why does it seem like he is pouring out his heart to me?

I remain quiet. I don’t know what to say. he reaches for me and I watch him as he caresses my face gently. The gold in his eyes brightens, almost to the point that they look like they are sparkling. He closes his eyes immediately, almost like touching me is affecting him gravely.

"What is going on?’’ he mumbles almost like he doesn’t want me to hear him. I reach for his hand on my face and he opens his eyes immediately. my hand stays on his. We are in the middle of the backyard just staring at each other. I want him to kiss me. I want to feel his lips so badly but I also know I will never get the courage to do that on my own. I hold my breath as he grabs my hand over his and squeezes it gently. At the same time pulling me closer. I look up at him through the mist of my glasses from all the heavy breaths I have taken since I came outside.

"Are you sure he is your link—" he corrects himself "mate?’’

He is talking about Blue and now remembering him, I feel fucking guilty. I shouldn’t be doing this without talking to him about it.

This might be your only chance to know for sure.

My wolf growls at me. he wants this to happen. He is desperate about this kiss. Somehow Gyles is a piece of meat that he must have. My wolf is the stronger part of me. he is in control now—especially with all these lustful thoughts running around my head.

I can’t. what if this is a mistake?

I ask him. I am having a conversation in my head with the primal part of me. this is his time to shine. He has been searching for a mate for so long. Longing for that feeling and now, I have the same feelings for two people at the same time.

Does that even make sense?

Kiss him. Find out if he is the one.

It is more like a command. Almost like he is telling me to do what he demands or else. It is not like I will lose anything from kissing him. I want to kiss Gyles as much as my wolf wants me to. My eyes dart to his mouth. His plump lips. This man is sexy. So sexy and he could be all mine.

Yes, he is.

It feels like Gyles woke my wolf up. He has been silent all this while and now he won’t just shut up.

"Are you,’’ he asks again and I realize that I didn’t answer him.

My mind is in a fog.

"I don’t know.’’

That is a lie. I know he is my mate. I feel it but I also feel like Gyles could be my mate. If I tell him that I am sure. He might now kiss me again.

"I don’t know much about mates. I lived with vampires all my life,’’ he gives me an insight to his life. "I and Rogers were brought up by vampires. I really wished him to be my Link. That was the plan.’’

Now we are talking about Cassius.

Fucking bastard.

"What if you are wrong about that guy,’’ he asks about Blue.

I am not wrong.

Even at this moment, my heart still yearns for him. I miss him, even though I just saw him. I gave Blue the green light to pursue me. he will be back after the weekend and he will do just that. I don’t know how he will feel If I tell him that I am also craving someone else.

Will he give up on me?

"You are thinking about him,’’ Gyles echoes, the disappointment evident in his expression. I look away from him from the embarrassment of being caught. How do I juggle two guys at the same time?

"Yes." I don’t deny it. I don’t want to lie to him. I need him to know that Blue is in my heart. I don’t even know if he is there too. Everything is happening too fast. All I want now is a kiss.

"Would you push me away if I kissed you? Even though you are thinking about--,’’ he pauses and looks at me "What’s his name?’’ he asks.

"Blue.’’

He smiles, pulling me even closer. U focus on his face, I want to remember this man, even after everything. I don’t know if he will eventually settle in our pack. Beau is still trying to convince him. Maybe he will stay for me.

How many people do I want to ask to stay?

What the fuck is wrong with me.

"Would you push me off if I kiss you?’’ he repeats.

My heart is racing against my chest, I can feel the pounding of his too. He can’t even hide it or deny it. we are too close to ignore this.

Kiss him.

My wolf demands. I feel the hunger and need inside me.

I lean forward, our heads are now pressed to each other. There is still a smile on his face, his eyes are still shining brightly. If they do not dim when we go back in, it could be a problem for us.

Right now, I can’t think of that. We are about to kiss. The anticipation of this kiss tormented me all night and now it might just happen.

I feel his hot breath on my lips. This makes me close my eyes. It is finally happening. I am going to kiss Gyles.

"T-rex,’’ I hear Freida’s voice from inside the house.

Fucking hell.

Not now.

I open my eyes and Gyles’s eyes are open. He must have heard her too. Having super hearing doesn’t help right now. I wish I could ignore her because we were finally about to kiss.

"Your friend,’’ he tells me.

I groan which gets a laugh out of him. He lets go of my waist. I wince internally because I like it when he holds me "Your eyes are still glowing,’’ I remind him. He closes them immediately, at the same time Freida walks out the steps of the backyard.

"There you guys are,’’ she exclaims, skipping down the stairs. I have always been fond of Freida but at this moment. I hate her cockblocking ass.

"Is he okay,’’ she stops in front of me. Gyles’s back is turned to us.

"he has a headache. I think we are going to call it a night,’’ I tell her. I need him away from this crowd. Whatever is happening with him is out of his control.

I think this is enough for one night.

"Oh,’’ she tries to go over me but I stop her.

"Do you need a ride home? I could drop you off,’’ I suggest. She should take a hint and leave him alone. He is not interested in her. she is my friend and I am embarrassed for her.

"Oh, no need. I will just call a car,’’ she brushes it off.

I get Gyles away from the party and back to my car. He smiles once we are seated. "That was close,’’ his eyes are still golden.

We ride all the way back to the community in silence. The fact that the moment went the minute Freida interrupted us, kills me. my wolf is disappointed. He had so much expectation and it was crushed in a second.

We get to the community and he gets down from the car.

His eyes are still gold. "Why isn’t it dimming down?’’ I ask him as we walk side by side into the house.

He shrugs his shoulders "Maybe I want to kiss you so badly,’’ he suggests.

My heart thuds. I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t want to think about this too much and then have it crushed when it doesn’t happen.

"You’re joking again right?’’

He chuckles "Yeah. Thanks for tonight Rex, it felt good to go out again. Haven’t done that in a long time.’’

We are in front of my room now, I don’t want to say goodnight to him. I want to keep talking to him. I want to get to know him.

I am pathetic.

"no problem. We can try the movies next time, what do you say?’’

He smiles "I’d like that,’’ he whispers painfully. "Goodnight Rex,’’ he hesitates as I open my door.

I don’t want to leave him but I do the opposite of what I want. I go into my room and I close the door. Regretting how the night turned out. Resting my back on the door, i slide down till I am seated on the cold floor.

"Fuck,’’ I run my hands through my curly hair.

After a couple of minutes, a knock gets me up on my feet and opening the door again. "Is something—" he pushes into my room and grabs me again before I get a chance to complete my sentence.

Our lips meet and, at that moment, I jump for joy.

Chapter 188: Explore me as much as you want

Gyles.

Something has been pushing me towards him. I tried my best to stay back. No matter how much self-control I thought I had, at that moment there was no choice.

He welcomed me into his room with open arms. He didn’t fight it. He didn’t push me. It feels really great to have this opportunity to feel all that I am feeling again. I thought all my emotions had died with Roger. I didn’t expect to feel this again so soon.

It feels amazing.

Rex grabs the collar of my shirt, clutching unto it tightly. Our lips are still pressed together. This kiss is unlike any I have ever experienced.

More.

Something shouts to me in my head. It is like a voice, that only I can hear. There is an echo in my mind. It feels like my consciousness. I can’t even explain it. With the encouragement from the voice, I push him against the wall and he moans out as I press into him. My hands rummage all around his body. He is driving me crazy and I don’t think he even knows it. Does he know that his lips on mine, makes me feel like I am on cloud nine? Does he feel the same way? Does my touch give him chills, like the electricity that is surging through my body from his? Is he losing his mind as much as I am in this moment?

Rex slides his hand inside my shirt, still kissing me and I let out a soft growl. I feel like I am vibrating. The craving inside me intensifying. The more he kisses me, the more emotions I feel. Something comes over me as I feel his skin on mine. a rush of shivers. My eyes are still closed but at this moment all I see is a future. One that involves him, the life I have always wanted. A life that seems possible. With that vision—or whatever I can call it. I lose control. I grab him by his waist and lift him up in one easy swig. A gasp escapes from his lips as I pull apart from him for a second. Carrying him to his bed. I don’t know what the hell I am doing, I just know that I want this with him.

Whatever this is.

The other guy—blue, springs up in my mind. Almost like his face pops up and my heart thuds in my chest. I don’t know why I just thought about him but the thought is gone as quick as it came. Rex holds unto to me steadily as I place him on the bed. The mattress is soft, so he bounces softly. I climb in between his legs. Now, his eyes are open. he is staring at me lustfully. I never imagined that I would see this expression on his face but I have to say, I like it a lot. His cheeks are red—flushed, there are trickles of sweat on his forehead.

"Is this just a kiss too?’’ I breathe out heavily—not even recognizing the sound of my own voice. I sound insane.

I like it a lot.

"Uh.’’ he manages in a stutter. He is nervous, maybe a little shy but there is a dreamy expression on his face that tells me he liked the kiss just as much as I did.

"Can I kiss you again?" I ask him, wanting to be a hundred percent sure. He reaches for me and brushes his finger right underneath my eye "It is not glowing anymore,’’ he points out.

I can’t even tell. As I said, this feels completely out of my control. I feel something inside of me that is making me do all the things I am doing. I don’t have any regrets and I probably would do this even without that voice in my head.

"I guess it was kissing you after all.’’

He chuckles, still touching me. I grab his hand gently. He squeezes mine softly. His eyes are still boring into mine. Sending chills down my spine. It feels great to feel this way. I thought I never would again and now I don’t want to lose this.

"What does this mean?’’ he asks.

He seems like the kind of person that overthinks about everything.

"Does it have to mean anything?’’ I ask him and maybe that statement is a mistake because his face falls and the dreamy expression that I have come to love on his face is replaced with a sad one.

Shit, I just made him sad.

I don’t want that.

"My wolf is calling out to you,’’ he tells me. "I know you might not have that inner wolf inside you. Beau said you are a Lycan. He said he felt it. So maybe deep down, your wolf is doing the same.’’

I sigh.

I don’t know about all that. Wolves and claims. I don’t feel anything like that. Maybe this is all new to me. it has just been a week since I lost Roger and I don’t think I am ready for a new relationship. My heart is still on the pathway to mending. I can’t rush into this because I don’t want to hurt him—maybe I will just end up hurting him no matter what.

"I don’t feel any wolf in me. I just know that I like being around you,’’ I lean forward and kiss his lips softly. He raises his head forward to deepen the kiss but I pull back from it with a smile "Do you want to get to know me?’’ I ask him, silently praying he says yes. I didn’t have any reasons to stay here. Beau has been very hospitable but with everything that has happened in this pack. Being here will always be a reminder of Roger. They might say that they are all over it and I won’t be treated differently but I know how these things work. They will judge me even before getting to know me. They will hate me, even though I haven’t done anything and I will always remember him and the things he did in my absence. All the good that he has done will be clouded and I only want to remember him for the good.

Suddenly with Rex in the picture. I don’t want to leave him. I want to stay with him. Know what makes his smile. The things he doesn’t like, the things he does like. It seems impossible but my heart is leaning towards him and I don’t want to fight it.

I watch him curiously as I wait for his response. He nods his head slightly. I can sense the uncertainty around him. He said the guy he kissed—Blue, was just a kiss but I don’t think so. There is more to him and Blue and I will like to find out. Did he feel the same way when he kissed him? Is his wolf calling Blue to him just like me?

Am I different?

I don’t know what I want exactly. I don’t know if getting into a relationship with someone else so soon is the best thing for me. I don’t even know what the hell happened to me in that community. I remember most of the things that happened but they are foggy memories that Roger pulled out of my head. I want to know what happened when my whole family was killed. I want to know why everyone seems to think I am a fucking wolf when I don’t even feel like one.

It is impossible that I would have a wolf inside me and not even know.

"What about your just a kiss?’’ I ask him. His cheeks redden even more than earlier. "You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.’’

I am not pressuring him into anything. Yes, we kissed. Yes, I want to do it again and so much more but if he has any worries or doubts, I will back off instantly. I won’t pressure him to do anything he is unsure of.

"Have you ever heard of anyone that has two links?’’ he asks.

I furrow my brow in confusion. I wasn’t a vampire for a long time. Most of the life that I remember was spent as a human. The man I loved, I loved as a human. I and Roger were not fated, we made our own history. I don’t know much about Links and mates. I don’t know how this works but I sure as hell don’t think that is possible.

"Isn’t that a bit farfetched?’’

He sighs and then covers his face with his hands. I smile at how cute he is. He thinks he has two mates. Is he conflicted between me and Blue? That doesn’t make any sense but I won’t bring him down and let him think I am judging.

I grab his hands and pull them away from his face, his eyes are closed "Look at me Rex,’’ I call out to him. He opens his eyes immediately, shaking his head "That was stupid. Can you forget I said that?’’

I shake my head "Nothing you say is stupid. If you are unsure. It is fine. There is no pressure to do or feel anything. I want you to take your time. Explore your feelings. I will help,’’ I lean forward again and this time our kiss is longer. He moans into my mouth and I love the reaction I get every time I kiss him.

After a couple of minutes, I pull back from him "Would you like me to stay in the community?’’

I guess I have to stay. See how things will turn out with him. I don’t even want to leave anymore. Maybe things could actually turn around for the better for me.

Chapter 189: Wrong answer

Blue.

I have been thinking about him since we kissed.

It feels great to know that he feels the same way and this is not just in my head. The fact that he responded to me so well, makes me feel ecstatic. I wish he was here with me on this getaway. I didn’t really want to go but Jules dragged me along with him, the same way he dragged me along to the moonlight Pack. Yeah, our lives were at risk but I ended up meeting Rex and I have to say, it made it all worth it.

The next day, after the welcome ceremony. Walker Fields organizes a lunch between both packs. Jules has been pestering me to keep my eyes open. In case I find my mate. Well, I haven’t told him that I know who my mate is. Maybe I just want to keep it to myself for a while. My heart still throbs anytime I even think of him. His beautiful brown eyes, underneath his glasses. My wolf is completely in awe of him.

"Make sure you look around. There might be a girl to your fancy here,’’ Jules slaps my back encouragingly.

I don’t need a girl. I have someone already. I know I should tell him but I don’t know how he will take it. I don’t really have a relationship with the man. I never knew him growing up. I took this year as the time to get to know him. That is why I have been following him around. I have come to know that Jules is very lonely. He is always on his own and he might act like he is content with that but I see right through him. He has gotten so used to having me around that I don’t know how he will react when he finds out that I don’t want to leave the Moonlight community. Deciding to stay is my only way to get to know Rex. My wolf wants to rush and take things to the mating level but I want to get to know everything about him. I want to know his favourite foods, his pet peeves, what he likes in a man and if I fit into the criteria. I don’t just want to do this thing with him, half-assed. I want to take him out on a date, buy him gifts. I want to be his only source of happiness.

"What are you daydreaming about?’’ Jules interrupts my thoughts.

"Nothing,’’ I look up at him. He is rummaging through his clothes. We are supposed to be getting ready for lunch. I have been thinking of calling Rex because I haven’t heard from him since the kiss. Would that make me clingy? Maybe I should just send him a text.

Hey.

I decide on a casual message. Nothing too serious.

"Jules,’’ I call him.

He drops the t-shirt on the bed and looks at me "Yes son.’’

Hearing him call me son is still weird to me. I haven’t gotten used to it. Born in a coven of witches. I have lived with women all my life. When I found out about him, it was too late. I had already grown up. All the questions that I had as a kid were answered when he came into my life. I haven’t spoken to mom ever since I found out. That is how angry I was.

"When do you plan on leaving?’’

He mentioned that coming to the community was going to be temporary. So now that they don’t need him anymore. I am sure he will go back home. I don’t even feel at home in his house. Maybe I was meant to find out about him being my father just so I could meet Rex. At the end of it all, it is fate; which I strongly believe in.

"Next week, why?’’

I sigh. I guess I have to tell him that I intend on staying. Nothing is going to make me leave so soon. I have to stay with him. I need him.

"I was thinking of staying for a little while,’’ I breathe out the words heavily.

He furrows his brows "Why?’’ he is curious. I know anyone would be. There is no reason whatsoever why I should stay.

My phone beeps, it is probably a message from Rex. I look away from my father and straight to my messages. The message is simple. Nothing special but it brings a smile to my face.

Rex: Hi, Blue.

The same as the one I sent but it sends me over the moon. Fuck, I have it bad.

"Who are you texting?’’ Jules asks curiously.

He is suspicious. I guess I am acting suspicious "No one."

I know he doesn’t believe me but he changes the topic back to our previous conversation "Why do you want to stay?’’

I shrug. I can’t tell him about Rex yet because I don’t want this thing to be rushed. As I said, I want to take my time. I want to take things slow because I want this to be natural. I want to fall in love with him on my own. Not because the deities said so.

"No reason in particular."

He raises a brow. I don’t even sound the least bit believable but I hope he doesn’t question my decision "You are supposed to be getting to know me,’’ he reminds me of the reason why I am with him in the first place.

I nod my head "I know. Just a couple of weeks. I want to figure somethings out. Stay with a pack. Know how that feels. Can I?’’

I know I am guilt-tripping him. Reminding him that he doesn’t have a pack of his own. That he is all alone but this is part of the reason why I even went to live with him. He has taught me all I need to know about being a werewolf but I need more than just him. I need Rex now.

"Is there any other reason besides that?"

I shake my head. As I said, I am not letting him know about this yet. I want to take my time. I want to do this slowly.

"Alright. You can stay for two weeks but I need you back with me after that. Is that doable?"

I nod immediately. Two weeks is not enough time but I will just keep elongating it when he is not around. It is not like he would drag me away from the pack forcefully.

I look away from him and back to my phone. Quickly sending a message.

I miss you.

If anyone had told me that I would be a cheesy motherfucker, I would have scoffed in disbelief but here I am, sending cheesy messages to him and not even feeling stupid.

He replies instantly.

Rex: I miss you too. The weekend never felt longer.

The fact that he misses me too makes this all worth it. The lies, the secrets. All the shebang. I plan on basking this feeling for as long as I can. I want to be in this bubble with him for a long time.

***********************

"Your dad said you plan on staying for a while," Beau asks. It doesn’t seem like he is opposed to it. Somehow, he seems happy about it.

The lunch goes by quickly. I am beside Beau and Jules. So I am forced to have a conversation with the two of them. Usually, I like to keep to myself. I like to do things on my own but now I have to interact with people.

"Yeah,’’ I respond.

He smiles "You know, it will be great if this could be a permanent thing. The pack could do with your skills.’’

Yeah, I am sure but that is not the reason why I am staying. I don’t tell him that because like I said. "Yeah, I want to learn a thing or two from you." I lower my voice, shifting closer to him "I wouldn’t mind staying permanently."

That is the plan. I want to make a home with him. I want to have a life with Rex. It is like the only thing I am looking forward to and I just found out yesterday.

"Because of Rex?’’

My eyes shoot up to his face. It seems like I have been caught. I didn’t want anyone to know yet. So much for keeping things low key.

"What are you talking about?’’

He chuckles "I know when someone has found their mate. I could tell from the beginning. You don’t have to hide it from me."

I sigh "Can you just keep this a secret for now?’’

He nods "Your secret is safe with me." he winks. I am certain he is glad to be the first to know. When I think about the Alpha of a pact. I think of strict and unfriendly but Beau is the opposite. He is easy to talk to.

I reach for my phone. It has been a while since I heard from him. "I’ll be back in a second.’’

I walk out of the dining room until I am outside. The cool air hits me. I dial Rex’s number and it rings immediately. Hearing his voice will even be better than texting.

"Hello,’’

I freeze at the voice that answers. It is unrecognizable to me.

"Who is this?’’

Chapter 190: The universe

Rex.

I feel like shit.

I have felt like shit all day.

Blue has been communicating with me and I have loved every second of it but every time I think of him, or I am smiling because of something he did or said, I think about Gyles too. I am smiling or rather should I say I am happy because of both of them.

They are coming back tomorrow. I don’t know how I am supposed to act now that I have kissed them both and asked them to stay because of me. Is it selfish of me? Am I supposed to just pick one of them? Even if I am given the option of picking one person, I literally can’t. does it even make sense that I like them both equally? I want them both, equally. I have been avoiding Gyles since last night. I don’t know how to handle all that happened. It didn’t seem like he wanted anything serious with me. He mentioned taking things slow. Exploring each other.

I don’t mind the exploring part. I live to find out more about him but Blue is in the picture and I want to explore him too. I want to get to know him too. I want him to kiss me, hold me, and touch me.

God, this is so hard.

A knock on my door makes me jump off my bed and drop my phone in the process. There is only one person that would be knocking. The community is empty. There is literally no one around, thanks to the Green springs pack. I look at my clothes. I am dressed in a pair of faded grey shorts and a beige color tank top. Do I want Gyles to see me like this? Messy and kinds unkempt? My hair is uncombed, my glasses are off and I am pretty sure my eyes are puffy from all the sleep I have been having. This weekend has sort of been a break from everything. A break from my duties, a break from school, a break from the pack.

Maybe it won’t be such a bad thing if he sees me like this. He did talk about exploring each other and our feelings. This is a real part of me, the part that I like to hide. "Come in,’’ I sit up on the bed as he walks in through the door. There is a smile on his face. Unlike me, he looks like he has had a shower "Hi,’’ he greets me warmly. He is wearing Beau’s clothes again. They fit him so well. Damn, he is sexy. His shorts hug him in all the right places.

Whenever I see Gyles, all I can think of are the things we could be doing together and they are all not innocent.

"Hey,’’ he stops in front of my bed. Suddenly I notice the nervousness on his face. He is just as affected as I am. He might act more composed but at this moment. I see it. "You can sit...if you want.’’

He smiles and sits down on the edge of the bed. The last time we were on a bed, we did some things. Now all I want to do are those things again. In that moment of silence. We watch each other. His scent is strong and calling. I don’t know who initiates it but in a second he is in my arms. His lips are on mine. We are making out like we have been starved like we were not together just yesterday. I never thought I would be one of those people but here I am in his arms, wanting to rip his clothes off. I grab the collar of his shirt and he grunts into my mouth, his breath hot and heavy. My eyes are closed, so I can’t see him but I feel him, all of him and it is amazing against my fingers.

He is faster than me in taking my shirt off. My wolf is dancing inside me, begging me to have him. If I have sex with Gyles it will ruin things if he is in fact, my mate. I feel the pull, the one that came when I kissed Blue. It is the same. Still freaking me out. Makes me confused and I am the kind of person that hates being confused. Not knowing what to do, who to choose. I hate the conflict. "What is happening,’’ he moans out at the same time getting my shirt off.

I tug at his shirt because I don’t have the answer to his question. I don’t know why this is happening to me. Why I have to be so fucking attracted to two men. He is probably just thinking about me. He is not even talking about Blue. He only wants me. At least that is how it seems. I feel terrible. "You taste delicious,’’ he breathes out, licking my lower lip.

I smile.

He kisses me again "Why am I so addicted to you? I couldn’t stop thinking about you all night.’’

I open my eyes as those words escape his lips. I feel the same way, the cravings, and the need. I feel it too but I don’t know how to express those feelings in words. I don’t know how to tell him that I am also addicted to him too. No matter how much I want to control myself. Respect Blue who is completely unaware of everything. To him, I am the only one but that is not the same thing with me.

We continue kissing until he reaches for the ropes of my shorts. His hand slides inside, which makes me pull back from his lips "Wait,’’ I tell him, interrupting the steamy session. He opens his eyes, confusion sprawled on his face. His eyes are dark, he looks hungry. Hungry for me.

"Is something wrong?’’

I shake my head. He gets off from me and is not back to that uncomfortable position he was in before he kissed me. he looks disappointed and that makes me feel sad. I hate disappointing him.

"We can’t have sex,’’ I tell him.

"Why?’’

I can’t believe I am talking about having sex with someone. A month ago, I didn’t even think about that and now I have to control myself from it.

"What if you’re my mate? We can’t have sex if you are my mate.’’

He sighs and then runs his hands through his hair. The frustration is evident on his face. Like I said before, I don’t think he wants me to be his mate. He is thinking of this as a short-term thing. Not something that is supposed to last forever. I don’t know how I feel about that part. Blue is already so sure about this. He wants me-every part of me.

"Do you actually think I am your mate?’’ he asks.

I nod "Yes I do. I feel it,’’ I place my hand on my chest "Here,’’ I tell him.

He smiles. For a second I think he is going to agree with me "I don’t think that is what this is. There is an attraction between us. It is very strong but I don’t think we can actually call it that.’’

He is in denial of this. I understand. I mean, he just lost the love of his life. A week ago, he was crying over his death and now he is on top of me, wanting to have sex. He doesn’t want to accept this because he probably feels guilty but I am so sure that he is my mate. I feel the connection and it is too strong to be a fluke.

"Okay.’’ I agree with him.

At this point, I still need to figure this out. I need to talk to Alby about this. Know his stance on the whole situation. I don’t want to ruin the chances of mating with him by falling into his trap. I have to hold off on sex until I know for sure that he is my mate. He shifts closer to my bed until he is next to me again.

"You have been good to me. I don’t need the deities controlling how I feel, or choosing who I love. I make those choices on my own. I choose you at the moment." He tells me. Pulling me close to him again. He grabs me by my waist until I am on top of him again. I don’t know what to say or how to respond to him right now.

He is so sure that this is not the work of the deities. That he is feeling all this on his own but if I chose, I wouldn’t choose him. I didn’t even think of him when I was longing for Blue. This thing happening is solely the work of the deities. They are the reason why I am lingering to him. They are the reason why I am here with him, even though I am so sure that Blue is my mate.

I will just leave things as they are. I will do my own investigations and let him explore his feelings. Eventually, he will have to see that this is more than us. This is the universe that brought us together.