Ch. 436..440: The Werewolf's Vampire Mate Chapter 436-440

Chapter 436: Unpretty

Alanis

This is stupid.

"Come on, what you are waiting for ’’Darrien shouts through the door. After tossing me into the bathroom, he closed the door and stayed outside. I really don’t know what he wants me to do. I have seen myself naked so many times, he is just trying to make me feel worse than I already do.

"Are you naked?’’ he shouts again from the door.

I take a deep breath before answering "No, this is stupid,’’ I tell him my mind. Right now, I feel stupid for even entertaining the idea. I have all these insecurities because I have to humans inside my body. It is normal for me to look at my side and not like the way I look. I am a man for god’s sake. This is not supposed to happen to me.

"You have to do this, or I will tell Beau how you are feeling,’’ Dar opens the door and peers his head inside the bathroom. "I bet he would like to hear that you don’t want him to see you naked, huh?" he smiles an evil smile, that I wish I could just smack him straight in the face.

"You are stupid,’’ I roll my eyes and shove the door closed. I hear his rumbled laughter through the door but I keep my eyes on the mirror. My reflection, daunting to me.

I look. My hair is a mess and I look like a hobo. My eyes are red and tired looking, all the pain I have felt for the past week is visible right now. The pain I still feel right now, my eyes are still glowing brightly, and my fangs are still out. I don’t think there is any way this will go until they are born. I look down and see my stomach.

"I hate this,’’ I mutter. The gaunt look my body has taken. It is not just my stomach, but my thighs, arms and everything in between. The more I look, the more the pain gets to me. I feel like I could just cry and cry.

"Are you naked?’’ Darrien shouts from the door.

"No.’’

"Well get on with it,’’ he urges me impatiently.

I look back up to the mirror and slowly reach for the hem of my shirt. I pull it over my head and drop it to the ground. I can’t look at myself, I just can’t.

"I can’t do this,’’ I mutter to myself. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I don’t know why Darrien is making me do this. I already know how I look, I don’t need this sort of validation.

My eyes dart to the bruise that is still a purple shade. It is still tender to touch. It has been about five days since I left the infirmary, and this hasn’t healed. This is the first time I have ever felt human in a long time. The pain, the bruise, the hearts beating inside of me. He wants me to appreciate myself for everything that is happening and I do. Being pregnant is the best thing that I have felt in a long time and I can’t wait to hold my babies in my arms but I also have to be realistic right now.

I am not beautiful, I hate that he wouldn’t see this as beautiful, because it is the normal reaction. He might act like he doesn’t feel that way just to spare my feelings, but I will know the truth.

"Come on dude, how do you feel now?’’ he asks loudly. I shake my head because this is not working. I hate myself even more right now.

"Alanis,’’ he calls my name when I don’t answer him.

"I feel great, I am beautiful,’’ I lie because there is no point in having this conversation with him. He wouldn’t understand this. He is not in my shoes, he doesn’t have to deal with this, so he can’t help me feel better.

"You know you are lying?’’ he walks into the bathroom and I grab my shirt from the floor hurriedly.

He is quick to grab it from my grasp and I frown already getting angsty with the whole thing. The pain I feel is not helping matters "Give it back,’’ I reach for my shirt but he shakes his head.

"When did you become this superficial?’’ he asks me.

"I am not superficial, this is a normal reaction. I looked monstrous,’’ I gesture to my body and he looks at me for the first time with furrowed brows.

"You look weird because this is weird but you don’t look monstrous.’’

He says calmly.

I grunt in frustration and try to grab my shirt again but he is quicker than me. He steps back and crosses his arms over his chest, he is not about to let me have my way.

"You are being ridiculous,’’ I tell him.

"I am not doing this anymore.’’

He sighs "Just look at yourself for a damn minute. Just sixty seconds and I will stop this.’’

I let out a sigh of defeat "Fine.’’

I know he is not going to let this go. So it’s best I just give in to his demands.

He smiles and I stand in front of the mirror again. I look into the mirror and sigh.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?’’ I ask him. Not that I know what I am supposed to see.

"You are supposed to be looking at yourself,’’ he says patiently.

I roll my eyes at him because we have been over this.

"I know I am supposed to look at myself, but I don’t know what you want me to see.’’ I run my hands through my hair.

"See the miracle, see the beauty of what is happening,’’ he says and then walks out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I keep my eyes on the mirror and clasp my hands together. I try to see the beauty but all I see is a mess. A mess that I am tired of looking at.

I grab the hem of my shirt again and yank it over my head. I turn to the door and walk out of it. There is no way he can make me feel good about the way I look.

I just can’t right now.

Chapter 437: Ice cream and a confession

Beau

"You should talk to your man,’’ Darrien tells me as he leaves the house. I look at him with a raised brow because I know he spent the day with him. Which makes me think the worst. I have had issues with leaving him alone these days. I just worry when I am not with him and I have had a lot on my plate lately.

"Is he okay?’’ I ask him.

He raises his hands in the air "I can’t be the one to tell you this. Maybe just sit down with him and really have a conversation.’’ he tells me as I watch him leave. I don’t even get a chance to thank him for spending the day with him. Lanis is the easiest person to be with. He is not demanding.

I walk back to our room with a bag in my grip. I had to go to town to get this for Lanis. I just want to help in the small ways I can.

I open the door with my free hand and walk into the room with the bag in my grip. Lanis is on the bed with his eyes closed, with his arms underneath his pillow. His chest rising and falling with each breath he takes I stand there for a while just watching him. I know he is most likely taking a nap but I want to just look at him.

I walk over to the bed and gently place the bag on the bed. I place my hand on his bareback and he lets out a sigh. His body is so warm. He is always warm lately.

"Hi,’’ he smiles and I smile back.

"I brought you something,’’ I tell him as I sit on the bed next to him.

He moves and sits up next to me with the blanket covering his stomach but there is excitement on his face as a smile spreads across his face. He grabs the bag from me and opens it up with a smile still on his face. I know that he is still in pain but somehow it is like he has acclimated to the pain and that is one thing I don’t like about the whole situation. His eyes open wide as he pulls out the tub of ice cream.

"Would it be gluttonous if I start eating it without a spoon?" He smiles as he opens the tub and takes a lick with his finger. This is not a big deal but the way he is acting right now is making it seem like I have done more than I actually have.

"Let me get a spoon for you,’’ I stand up from the bed and he nods as I place a soft kiss on his forehead. I walk out of the room and rush in the direction of the kitchen. I keep thinking about what Darrien said and it makes me feel like there is something that he hasn’t told me that Darrien knows. I know he is going through things that he doesn’t want to talk about but I wish he would just talk to me.

I get back to the rooms and he looks up from the ice cream, still smiling "Hurry up, it is melting,’’ he tells me as I hand him the spoon. I sit next to him and he leans in for a kiss. I oblige and we kiss. His lips are so soft and cold from the ice cream that it makes me smile.

"Thank you,’’ he tells me as I sit back on the bed. I watch him eat the ice cream and it is almost cute how he licks the spoon and makes a mess. He is enjoying this treat that I got for him. He hasn’t smiled this much in a while.

"I saw Darrien on the way out,’’ I tell him wanting to talk to him about whatever is going on with him. I know it won’t be easy, I mean, I can’t just tell him that Darrien told me that something is bothering him.

"And?’’ he looks up at me with a spoon full of ice cream.

"Nothing much, how was the visit?’’ I ask him, sliding closer to him. I have been contemplating on what to do with Fallon for the last week and the only persons’ opinion that matters to me is Lanis but I also know that this is not the time to talk about the pack drama. I just want him to get through this pregnancy. I don’t want him stressing about anything.

"As annoying as Darrien can be,’’ he shrugs like it is not a big deal.

"I know he can be a handful,’’ I tell him.

He nods in agreement but doesn’t say anything after that. I lie down next to him because I want to feel close to him and with everything that is happening, this is the only way I can feel close to him.

I wrap my arms around him and he drops the ice cream on the table next to his side of the bed.

He puts his arm around me and nuzzles his face on the crook of my neck. "Do you still find me attractive?" he says suddenly after a couple of minutes.

I look at him with a raised brow and I don’t even know why he is asking me this question.

"I mean, do you still find me attractive?’’ he repeats the question

I look at him and I still don’t understand why he is asking me this. I mean, I get the reason why he is going through a lot of things and maybe the hormones are messing with his head but I didn’t even think he would feel this way.

Thinking about it now, the past week has been weird. He has been so distant from me and I have been trying to figure out why.

"You are the most beautiful person I know. I still find you attractive,’’ I tell him and I wrap my arm around him.

Maybe this is what Darrien meant.

Maybe this is what has been bothering him.

Chapter 438: See me

Alanis

He is looking at me like I am being ridiculous right now but I think this is a valid emotion. He must see me, I mean, even with my clothes, I look terrible. I am not the person I was a couple of weeks ago and I know that he sees it. There is no way he can tell me right now that I look okay. There is no way he can tell me that I am beautiful right now, I just want to know if, with everything that has happened to my body, he is still attracted to me.

"Why would you even ask that kind of question?’’ he reaches for me and rests his hand on my cheek softly. I close my eyes because his touch is everything to me right now. Through the pain and all the insecurities, his warmth makes it all better.

"I just want to know, I have been feeling so shitty this past week and I need to know,’’ I cry out loud for the first time and he looks at me in disbelief. Almost like he can’t believe the words coming out of my mouth.

"Of course, I still find you attractive, the things that have happened to your body make you even more attractive to me. I know you might think that I am just saying this to make you feel better but that is how I genuinely feel,’’ He leans forward slowly until his lips are very close to mine. He pulls away slightly and I sense the tension in his body.

"How are you feeling?’’ He asks me suddenly and I look at him because I am sure he wants to know what is going on in my head. This should be easy to tell him. I should be able to talk to Beau and tell him anything and I can, but right now, I don’t want to show out my insecurities.

"A little weird." I pause and then a sigh escapes my lips. It is long and heavy; it feels like I have been keeping it inside me for a week. Since this sudden growth.

"I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to do. I just want to kiss you and hold you close but I don’t know if I can. I don’t want you to think that I am saying this because I feel bad for you, I just want you to know that I am here and that I love you so much. I think you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen. Even now, I just want to kiss you. I just want to show you how beautiful I think you are."

He tells me and then the distance between our lips is closed. I feel his warm lips against mine and it is so gentle and caring. It is like he is telling me that he wants to make me feel good, that he wants to make me know that I am beautiful and that he still loves me with all my flaws. I moan into this kiss and he takes his mouth away from mine quickly, staring at me intently.

Did that hurt?" he asks me and then I shake my head. I know he is thinking about all the pain I am. For the first time this week, I haven’t even thought about the pain. All I can think about is his beautiful eyes and the way he is looking at me like I am the most beautiful person in the world. I have been so stupid all along. I have been so stuck in my mind, so insecure, when all I should have done was love him with all my heart.

"I don’t know why that feels so good but it does,’’ I tell him as he kisses me again and this time, I kiss him back. Our lips are moving together and I feel his hands on my cheeks, moving slowly down my neck. I close my eyes and try to feel every single moment of this. I don’t want to miss a single thing. I hear him moan softly and I open my eyes to look at him. He stiffens and I think he realizes that he is getting carried away.

"Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be--scratch that, I knew keeping my hands off you was going to be hard and I have been trying my fucking best to do it." he looks at me and I am smiling. This is like music to my ears, knowing that he wants me right now, with all the bruises and stretching.

"Stop smiling, it only makes you cuter,’’ he points at me, trying to shift away from me but I grab his hand in mine, pulling him closer to me. My stomach is still covered with the bed cover as I lean even closer to him, wanting a whiff of his scent.

"But I like seeing you smile,’’ he whispers in addition as his lips are brushing against mine. I don’t want to stop smiling, I want to smile because I know that my insecurities were stupid and I know that I have nothing to be insecure about. Beau is everything I could ever want in a man and he loves me no matter what. He is not going anywhere and I know that now.

His hand rests on my shoulder as I bite his bottom lip gently. I feel a smile sprawl on his face, he knows I am teasing him and for once, I want more.

I want him to see me naked again. I want him inside me. I want all the things that I had before all the insecurities swarmed in.

"We can’t do this right now,’’ he tells me as I reach for his shirt and pull it up. I want to touch him; I want to know that he is still here for me. I want to know that I am still attractive to him and all I want is to feel him.

"Why not?’’ I ask him.

"You’re still in pain,’’ he reminds me, the pain obvious in his voice.

"I don’t care.’’ I deter, wanting to be stubborn right now.

I pull away from him slowly and get on my knees on the bed. "I want to feel something other the pain and you have to help me,’’ the covers slide off me as I sit up on the bed and his eyes dart to my bare stomach. This is the first time all week that he has seen my stomach and for the first time, I don’t care.

I want him to see me.

All of me.

Chapter 439: Lose control

Alanis

I am watching him as he watches me and his eyes are wide open. For the first time in my life, I don’t know what he is thinking. I can’t read his mind. Right now, he can either make or break me at this moment. I am naked in front of him, the most vulnerable I have ever been and he is just watching me with wide unreadable eyes.

"Say something,’’ I plead with him after a couple of silent seconds. I know I am being extra sensitive but I need him to respond to this.

"Uh...Lanis,’’ he calls my name without moving his eyes. I look at his hands and they are squeezing the sheets of the bed.

"Say something,’’ I say again, "anything.’’

He looks at me and then down "I don’t think this is a good idea right now, you being this beautiful in front of me. Please put your clothes back on,’’ he tells me calmly, even though I can hear the anxiety in his voice.

"I don’t want to,’’ I move closer to him and he jolts up from the bed so fast "Please put your clothes back on,’’ he begs me again still watching me.

I have no clue on what is happening right now, I don’t know if he is grossed out or if it is something else. This is my way of telling him that I want him to have me. Even with the pain, the pregnancy, I want to feel him and he is telling me to put my clothes back on.

I watch him as he runs his fingers through his hair and his eyes are dazed but he hasn’t stopped watching me. He is still staring even though he doesn’t want me to touch him.

"Do you think I am gross right now?’’ I ask him in a low voice because I am terrified of the answer, he is going to give me.

His eyes widen in a different view "What? Hell no, Why would I think you are gross? You are fucking beautiful.’’ he shouts so loud that his voice catches me off guard. His words are assuring but I don’t just want words right now.

I want to be irresistible in his eyes, I want him to take me on this bed right now and all he is doing is running away from me.

"You’re not acting like you think I am. Why won’t you touch me?’’ I ask him, slowly standing up from the bed and walking to him. He doesn’t run away this time as I stop in front of him.

He looks at me with his eyes glassy and I can see that he is scared. I just don’t know what he is afraid of right now.

"Touch me, Beau, please,’’ I beg him with a desperation that I didn’t even know I had in me. His eyes look at me from head to toe, I see the sparkle in them.

"I don’t want to hurt you. You are in so much pain right now. It doesn’t seem like a good idea and I have been controlling myself for a fucking week. You don’t know how hard it has been,’’ he covers his face with his hands as he whispers those words.

I move closer to him, ignoring the pain that I am feeling right now and I put my hands on his hands. "I don’t want you to control yourself anymore. I am strong enough to handle this. I know you won’t hurt me,’’ I tell him.

He looks at me with eyes that look like they are begging me to back away but I don’t. "You know my wolf is not as gentle as I would want him to be, he has been starved. I don’t want to lose control and hurt you,’’ he confesses.

I smile because this is the most adorable, I have ever seen Beau. The macho Alpha werewolf. Biggest of all, he is afraid that he will hurt me when I know that he cannot hurt me. Beau would always think of my safety before his, he can’t hurt me.

I lean closer to his face and my lips rest on his softly "Help me feel something,’’ I whisper into his lips softly.

He closes and I hear a sigh, trapped inside his mouth. His hands are still beside him but his lips move to mine as I slide my tongue into his mouth. A smile sprawls to my face as my tongue dances to a rhythm that I have missed. I deepen the kiss as I move even closer to him. He is still trying to have self-control but I want to break him and I know I will. I grab his hands in mine and he squeezes them gently.

I can feel that he is holding back as I move my hand to his hair and I touch it softly. He is still trying to stay in control but I can feel that he is rapidly losing it. He slowly let go of my hands and moves them to my waist. I pull away from him and his eyes are wide and dark.

Yes, this is what I wanted from him.

more.

"Fuck Lanis,’’ he groans in a low voice "Why do you have to be so beautiful? I don’t know if I can control myself with you.’’

"Please Beau,’’ I beg him, "I need you right now.’’

"I don’t know if I can stop once I start Lanis,’’ he growls lowly.

"I trust you,’’ I tell him as I put my hand over his shorts. He is hard, he wants me. Yes!

"Lanis,’’ he growls in a low tone "please.’’

He kisses me this time, a lot more passionately than before. His hands are still on my waist but I feel like he is slowly letting go of his control. I want him to let go; I want him to lose control.

I want him to take me.

"You have to tell me if anything hurts. even pleasurable pain,’’ he growls watching me.

I nod as he pushes into me again.

Chapter 440: Whatever you want me to do

Beau

Lanis will be the death of me.

Even when I am trying to stay strong and resist him, he always wins.

He thought I wasn’t attracted to him because of the pregnancy, because of his stomach and how big it has gotten. I look at him and nothing has changed. My dick, my body, and my heart still respond to him the same way it always had but I blame myself.

I made him get into his head.

I noticed that he wasn’t being himself around me, I noticed that he didn’t want to change in front of me, he didn’t want to have showers or baths together anymore but I just thought he was in so much pain, I just assumed he needed some space to get used to the pregnancy.

I have been walking on eggshells around him because of this pregnancy. I wish I could do more to help him and I don’t want to be the cause of any harm to him. Sex with Lanis is always magic. I have thought about it all week, I wake up and see him next to me sleeping and I want to wake him up with my dick in his ass. I want to fuck him when he is awake when he is in the shower. I want to do all the things we always used to do but I have to be mature, I have had to have self-control and now, the one thing I thought I was doing right was so wrong.

I have been obsessing over him, I can’t stop thinking about him and in turn, I made him feel insecure and unattractive.

"More,’’ he moans into my lips. His eyes are closed as I lay my hand on the back of his neck and hold him close to me.

The smell of the air is nothing like I remember it being. It is a sweeter smell, a smell that makes me think of him in a way that I haven’t for a week. I put him on the bed and his belly protrudes, my babies are inside him. I am so in my head right now because I don’t know how to do this. I look at him because I don’t want to hurt our babies.

I am so deep in my head that I don’t hear him say my name again until he puts his hand on my cheek and shakes me from my thoughts.

"I know you’re having doubts Beau but I’m fine. I want this with you. I want to be one with you. You are not going to hurt them,’’ he breathes out, lying down on his side.

I take my pants off and get under the covers. I don’t know what to do with my hands as I lay next to the man I have been thinking about all week. He has been on my mind so much that I am having a hard time focusing. He takes my hand and puts it on his dick. "My body wants this, don’t fight it,’’ he shows me and I feel him, my heart racing.

I move my hand down to his belly and he stops me. "Beau, don’t. We’re not going to do anything that will put them in danger,’’ he says, his way of telling me not to worry about anything and I trust him. I completely trust him with my whole heart.

I pull my hand away and place it at his side, kissing his neck as I trail all the way to his most sensitive spot. The part of him that aches for me. It starts with one finger; I know I have to be gentle and that is what I do as I push into him slowly. He arches his back into me as I slide another finger into him. Getting his body used to my touch. it has been too long; I have missed this so much.

"Tell me if it hurts,’’ I breathe out heavily as he nods and pushes his hips against my hand. "I know you won’t hurt them. I trust you,’’ he tells me and I smile as I open my eyes and look at his face.

I keep pushing into him as he moans against me, I give him the pleasure that he wants but it is not enough. He needs me inside him and I want to be inside him.

"More,’’ he cries against my touch. I push in another finger and he bucks his hips, pushing against me. I smile as I smile and know it is time. I pull my fingers out of him and he whines at the loss. I want to give him what he wants so bad but I also want to make sure that he is ready for me. "You’re ready, aren’t you?’’ I ask him and he nods.

Lanis is staring at me, his eyes locked on mine as he pulls my face to his and kisses me. The kiss is deep and passionate as he holds my face in his hands. I can feel the heat radiating off of him as I kiss him. He is so warm and it is not just his body. He is radiating something that I can’t describe but I know that I am about to find out.

"Are you ready?’’ I ask him and he nods.

"I want you, Beau,’’ he tells me and I smile. I kiss him again and I feel his arms go around my neck. I pull my hand away from him as I spread his cheeks apart, getting ready for the heaven I am about to enter. The world where it is just me and him. The world I like to escape into.

"Yes," he breathes out heavily as I push into him gently at first. I will not lose myself; I will love him up without endangering our babies.

"More,’’ he claws unto my arms begging, so I give him more.

I will give him everything he asks for.

I want to show him that he means the world to me. I love him and I will prove that to him.

I will do whatever he needs me to.